I, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Star Wars Episode 10
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars--unless I get it for my birthday...
Note: This story is based during Episode 1, not the book I, Jedi--sorry if there was any confusion. Another prequel was requested, so here it is! BTW--All these obsessions are actual fetishes of my friends and I-its sad.
"Plaid pants these are. AWESOME THIS IS!" shrieked Yoda, in the middle of the mall, "Have, I must these plaid pants! So awesome I will look at the next Jedi Council meeting. Be jealous of my fashions, the other Jedi will be!" And so Yoda grabbed the red plaid pants and dashed to the cashier. "Great investment these plaid pants are--Target employee discount card, here it is." Taking 15% off of the total purchase of his pants, the cashier rang up Yoda's purchases, and Yoda turned to leave--that is when he found a pair of green polka dotted disco pants. "God, oh my!" he stated, "Groovy these pants are. Have them I must, too."
Darth Sidious stood in front of the computer store. Upon entering he started yelling, "Crap--that is all this is! These Pentium 11s were obsolete 15 minutes ago--I demand a computer with a Pentium 12 processor. Who owns this establishment!?" The Employees of the store stared at Sidious, who was really intimidating. Finally, a rather scared looking guy, probably the newest one who was forced to face Sidious, stuttered, "Um...I think you can talk to the head office in, um...Mos Espa, Tatooine. This...um...is only a branch of um...a bigger establishment..." Darth Sidious grew angrier, and declared, "Morons--you are a bunch of stupid morons! You could not tell the difference between a modem and a monitor. You are such idiotic losers!" and with that, stormed out of the store.
"KFC run!" Qui-Gon shouted down the hall of the Jedi Temple, "What does every one want?" Yoda, wearing his newest orange pants commented, "Left you did, for Chicken Kentucky Fried, just 25 minutes ago. Need more Kentucky Chicken Fried, we do not!" staring at his pants, he added, "Grease spot from chicken I already have on my knee. Buy new orange pants I will have to do." Qui-Gon ignored Yoda, and dashed out of the temple, colliding with his Padawan, Obi-Wan. "Any KFC?" he asked, getting up from the welcome mat, then helping Obi-Wan up. "No, but pick me up some highlighters at Staples," Obi-Wan requested, "I ran my newest yellow one through the laundry."
"This world is over run with morons!" Darth Sidious angrily commented as he entered his Sith Training Center. Darth Maul, hearing Sidious's remarked, "Shut Up! I am listening to the Classical Station's tribute to Vivaldi's 4 Seasons. This won't happen again for 3 more months." Sidious stared at Darth Maul, stating, "You have no respect for your elders. What kind of moron are you?" Ignoring Sidious, and his evil remarks, Darth Maul re-entered his room, just to find the tribute over. "The Humanity," he cursed.
"5 orders of party sized popcorn chicken, 34 Triple Crunch Sandwiches and 13 of your ten piece buckets." A rather bored looking cashier at the only Kentucky Fried Chicken on Coruscant rang Qui-Gon's order, and then stated, "This is your third visit today, Qui-Gon." "What are you implying?" he angrily replied, "I have every right to come to this fast food establishment!" The cashier then remarked, "We don't have an endless supply of chicken you know. You already today ordered 37 buckets, 44 sandwiches and enough popcorn chicken to feed a rancor." Qui-Gon simply replied, "I want my chicken and I want it now!" A couple hours later, his order was filled. Frustrated, Qui-Gon grabbed his food, commenting, "Fast food? That is a joke--Hey! I didn't want any of this Zinger sauce on my Triple Crunch sandwiches!"
While walking in the Target store, looking for Dvork's New World Symphony played by the Max Rebo Band CD, Darth Maul over heard Darth Sidious in the kid's and infant's section. "Where are all you booties? What kind of morons work here?" A rather irate worker, about this close (approximately 2 millimeters) from quitting looked at Sidious. "I am not a moron, you goodness forsaken slime bucket. Freaking crap, what is wrong with you? The booties are right here. Are you blind?" Sidious stared at the employee, not even looking at the baby socks, then yelled, "I am a guest! You are supposed to make me feel welcome--you are not performing all your required tasks. I AM SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL STUPID, not the other way around. Where is your manager?" The employee stared at Sidious, and retorted, "I don't give a freaking crap. Bite me!" and she walked off. "I don't even want booties! Get back here! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME!"
"Orange and purple striped, with golden glitter stars, I want," Yoda replied, to the Hot Topic store cashier. "I am sorry," she replied, "We do not carry those pants in your size." Yoda stared, dumfounded at the cashier. "Kidding, you are, right?" he asked. The cashier shook her head no, and replied, "We only have these pants in size 38. I don't think they will fit." Yoda then exclaimed, "Care, I do not! Buy them I must." Grabbing the last pair of orange and purple striped disco pants, with golden glitter stars; Yoda paid, and ran out of the store.
"Pachelbel's Cannon in D," replied Darth Maul to the Target electronics manager, "I can not find it anywhere." The electronics guy, not knowing anything about Classical Music commented, "Have you checked the Latin section?" Sighing, Darth Maul turned to leave, just to run into Darth Sidious. "Help me find the Pantene Pro-V shampoo," he commanded Darth Maul. Depression turned to frustration as he left the electronics and entered the beauty care section of Target. He asked the first employee he encountered where the shampoo was. That is when the Target employee saw Darth Mauls' companion. "I see you are back. Decided not to get booties? Were they not in your size?" Darth Sidious turned purple with rage. "Why you little--" Darth Maul grabbed Sidious's sleeve before he could attack the sales floor worker, but did not stop his rather colorful complaints against the worker. When he finally shut-up, the worker simply stated, "I know of a good mental home for people like you."
"Here is the Triple Crunch sandwiches," Qui-Gon replied at the Jedi Council meeting, passing out his purchases to the other Jedi, "And who ordered the popcorn chicken?" When no one answered, Qui-Gon commented, "No one? Okay--more for me! Anything for anyone else?" No one responded, especially not since Yoda was still bitter about the chicken grease stain on his new disco pants. When he turned to leave with the rest of his chicken, Obi-Wan asked, "Did you buy my highlighters?"
"Where the HADES are my Cheetos?" Darth Sidious exclaimed, "Who was the evil person who took them?" Humming Vivaldi's "Spring," Darth Maul left the room innocently.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Exclaimed Obi-Wan, "I now have 3,454,654,734 highlighters in my collection. Because of room problems I put them all in your apartment--Is that okay?"
Obsessive Compulsive Star Wars Episode 10
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars--unless I get it for my birthday...
Note: This story is based during Episode 1, not the book I, Jedi--sorry if there was any confusion. Another prequel was requested, so here it is! BTW--All these obsessions are actual fetishes of my friends and I-its sad.
"Plaid pants these are. AWESOME THIS IS!" shrieked Yoda, in the middle of the mall, "Have, I must these plaid pants! So awesome I will look at the next Jedi Council meeting. Be jealous of my fashions, the other Jedi will be!" And so Yoda grabbed the red plaid pants and dashed to the cashier. "Great investment these plaid pants are--Target employee discount card, here it is." Taking 15% off of the total purchase of his pants, the cashier rang up Yoda's purchases, and Yoda turned to leave--that is when he found a pair of green polka dotted disco pants. "God, oh my!" he stated, "Groovy these pants are. Have them I must, too."
Darth Sidious stood in front of the computer store. Upon entering he started yelling, "Crap--that is all this is! These Pentium 11s were obsolete 15 minutes ago--I demand a computer with a Pentium 12 processor. Who owns this establishment!?" The Employees of the store stared at Sidious, who was really intimidating. Finally, a rather scared looking guy, probably the newest one who was forced to face Sidious, stuttered, "Um...I think you can talk to the head office in, um...Mos Espa, Tatooine. This...um...is only a branch of um...a bigger establishment..." Darth Sidious grew angrier, and declared, "Morons--you are a bunch of stupid morons! You could not tell the difference between a modem and a monitor. You are such idiotic losers!" and with that, stormed out of the store.
"KFC run!" Qui-Gon shouted down the hall of the Jedi Temple, "What does every one want?" Yoda, wearing his newest orange pants commented, "Left you did, for Chicken Kentucky Fried, just 25 minutes ago. Need more Kentucky Chicken Fried, we do not!" staring at his pants, he added, "Grease spot from chicken I already have on my knee. Buy new orange pants I will have to do." Qui-Gon ignored Yoda, and dashed out of the temple, colliding with his Padawan, Obi-Wan. "Any KFC?" he asked, getting up from the welcome mat, then helping Obi-Wan up. "No, but pick me up some highlighters at Staples," Obi-Wan requested, "I ran my newest yellow one through the laundry."
"This world is over run with morons!" Darth Sidious angrily commented as he entered his Sith Training Center. Darth Maul, hearing Sidious's remarked, "Shut Up! I am listening to the Classical Station's tribute to Vivaldi's 4 Seasons. This won't happen again for 3 more months." Sidious stared at Darth Maul, stating, "You have no respect for your elders. What kind of moron are you?" Ignoring Sidious, and his evil remarks, Darth Maul re-entered his room, just to find the tribute over. "The Humanity," he cursed.
"5 orders of party sized popcorn chicken, 34 Triple Crunch Sandwiches and 13 of your ten piece buckets." A rather bored looking cashier at the only Kentucky Fried Chicken on Coruscant rang Qui-Gon's order, and then stated, "This is your third visit today, Qui-Gon." "What are you implying?" he angrily replied, "I have every right to come to this fast food establishment!" The cashier then remarked, "We don't have an endless supply of chicken you know. You already today ordered 37 buckets, 44 sandwiches and enough popcorn chicken to feed a rancor." Qui-Gon simply replied, "I want my chicken and I want it now!" A couple hours later, his order was filled. Frustrated, Qui-Gon grabbed his food, commenting, "Fast food? That is a joke--Hey! I didn't want any of this Zinger sauce on my Triple Crunch sandwiches!"
While walking in the Target store, looking for Dvork's New World Symphony played by the Max Rebo Band CD, Darth Maul over heard Darth Sidious in the kid's and infant's section. "Where are all you booties? What kind of morons work here?" A rather irate worker, about this close (approximately 2 millimeters) from quitting looked at Sidious. "I am not a moron, you goodness forsaken slime bucket. Freaking crap, what is wrong with you? The booties are right here. Are you blind?" Sidious stared at the employee, not even looking at the baby socks, then yelled, "I am a guest! You are supposed to make me feel welcome--you are not performing all your required tasks. I AM SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL STUPID, not the other way around. Where is your manager?" The employee stared at Sidious, and retorted, "I don't give a freaking crap. Bite me!" and she walked off. "I don't even want booties! Get back here! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME!"
"Orange and purple striped, with golden glitter stars, I want," Yoda replied, to the Hot Topic store cashier. "I am sorry," she replied, "We do not carry those pants in your size." Yoda stared, dumfounded at the cashier. "Kidding, you are, right?" he asked. The cashier shook her head no, and replied, "We only have these pants in size 38. I don't think they will fit." Yoda then exclaimed, "Care, I do not! Buy them I must." Grabbing the last pair of orange and purple striped disco pants, with golden glitter stars; Yoda paid, and ran out of the store.
"Pachelbel's Cannon in D," replied Darth Maul to the Target electronics manager, "I can not find it anywhere." The electronics guy, not knowing anything about Classical Music commented, "Have you checked the Latin section?" Sighing, Darth Maul turned to leave, just to run into Darth Sidious. "Help me find the Pantene Pro-V shampoo," he commanded Darth Maul. Depression turned to frustration as he left the electronics and entered the beauty care section of Target. He asked the first employee he encountered where the shampoo was. That is when the Target employee saw Darth Mauls' companion. "I see you are back. Decided not to get booties? Were they not in your size?" Darth Sidious turned purple with rage. "Why you little--" Darth Maul grabbed Sidious's sleeve before he could attack the sales floor worker, but did not stop his rather colorful complaints against the worker. When he finally shut-up, the worker simply stated, "I know of a good mental home for people like you."
"Here is the Triple Crunch sandwiches," Qui-Gon replied at the Jedi Council meeting, passing out his purchases to the other Jedi, "And who ordered the popcorn chicken?" When no one answered, Qui-Gon commented, "No one? Okay--more for me! Anything for anyone else?" No one responded, especially not since Yoda was still bitter about the chicken grease stain on his new disco pants. When he turned to leave with the rest of his chicken, Obi-Wan asked, "Did you buy my highlighters?"
"Where the HADES are my Cheetos?" Darth Sidious exclaimed, "Who was the evil person who took them?" Humming Vivaldi's "Spring," Darth Maul left the room innocently.
"Master Qui-Gon!" Exclaimed Obi-Wan, "I now have 3,454,654,734 highlighters in my collection. Because of room problems I put them all in your apartment--Is that okay?"