The Greatest Stories Ever Told
By Erin Finnlaith
Disclaimer:
N – stands for Nothing, which I have in abundance
O – stands for Other people, who own Harry Potter and Monty Python
T – stands for Trial, which I hope to avoid
M – stands for Money, which I have none of
I – stands for I'm a bum without money
N – stands for Nada, which is what I am getting for writing this story
E – stands for Empty handed, which is what you'll be if you sue me
Summary: Just when you thought the world couldn't get any weirder…this happens. Hogwarts will never be the same…
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Chapter 3: The Value of Not Being Seen.
(Caption on screen: MINISTRY OF MAGIC, PUBLIC SERVICE FILM NO. 316 PARA 6. 'THE VALUE OF NOT BEING SEEN')
Hermione: (voice over) In this film we hope to show the value of not being seen. (Scene: Open Field with Forbidden Forest in back.)This is Mr. Gregory Goyle, a Hogwarts student in Slytherin House. He cannot be seen. Now I am going to ask him to stand up. Mr. Goyle will you stand up please?
(In the distance Goyle stands up. Mysterious Voice: "Avada Kedavra!" There is a loud crash and a flash of green light as Goyle is hit in the stomach. He crumples to the ground. Camera pans to the right to reveal Harry on the ground rolling with laughter and clutching his wand.)
Hermione: This demonstrates the value of not being seen.
(Cut to another location - an empty area of scrubland. Hagrid's hut can be seen off to the side.)
Hermione: In this picture we cannot see Ms. Pansy Parkinson, another Hogwarts student in Slytherin House. Ms. Parkinson will you stand up please?
(To the right of the area Pansy stands up. A shout is heard, a loud crash and a flash of green light are seen, and Ms. Parkinson leaps into the air, and falls to the ground dead. Cut to another area, however this time there is a bush in the middle. Hogwarts Castle can be seen in the background)
Hermione: This is Mr. Crabbe, yet another Hogwarts student in Slytherin House. Mr. Crabbe would you stand up please. (after a pause - nothing happens) Mr. Crabbe has learnt the value of not being seen. However he has chosen a very obvious piece of cover.
(The bush explodes and you hear a muffled scream. Cut to another scene with three bushes. A large lake with a squid swimming around can be seen.)
Hermione: Mr. Draco Malfoy, yet another Hogwarts student in Slytherin House, has presented us with a poser. We do not know which bush he is behind, but we can soon find out. (the left-hand bush explodes, then the right-hand bush explodes, and then the middle bush explodes. There is a muffled scream as Draco is blown up) Yes it was the middle one.
(Cut to a shot outside of a Hogsmeade with a water barrel, a wall, a pile of leaves, a bushy tree, a stack of crates, and lots of bushes in the distance)
Hermione: Mr. Viktor Krum of Durmstrag has concealed himself extremely well. He could be almost anywhere. He could be behind the wall, inside the water barrel, beneath a pile of leaves, up in the tree, squatting down behind the crates, concealed in a hollow, or crouched behind any one of a hundred bushes. However we happen to know he's in the water barrel.
(The water barrel just blows up in a huge explosion. Hermione thinks about what just happened…Hermione: Wait a minute…RON!!! Cut to the outside a dark foreboding manor, a large 'R' is scrawled upon the iron gates.)
Hermione: Mr. Tom Riddle and Mr. Peter Pettigrew, of Upper Middle Essex (AN: I made it up…), chose a very cunning way of not being seen. When we owled their house, and they did not respond, we found that they had gone away on two weeks holiday. They had not left any forwarding address, and they had bolted and barred the house to prevent us from getting in. However one of our spies told us where there were.
(The camera pans around and stops on an obvious looking hut in the middle of the Forbidden Forest, which blows up. Cut to a house with Professor Snape standing out front)
Hermione: And here is the spy (he blows up, leaving just his boots. Cut to a shack in the desert) Here is where he lived (shack blows up - cut to a building) And this is where Cornelius Fudge lived who refused to speak to us (it blows up). So did the gentleman (Lucius Malfoy) who lived here....(shot of a house - it blows up) and was born here.....(another building blows up) and of course his death relatives who are buried here.....(a series of various atom and hydrogen bombs at the moment of impact) There you have it! The value of not being seen!
AN: Yet another chapter turned out for your amusement! ^_^ That's two in one day! Not bad if I do say so myself! Hope You enjoyed it! Don't forget to review with your comments, suggestions, criticism, flames, etc…Stay tuned for the next chapter: Just another day at the Ministry…
^_^v Please leave a contribution in the little review box!