Sunday Morning
10:28
Costa Del Sol
The next morning, Cloud sat in his lounge barking orders.
"Wiener, clean the kitchen! Mog, clean the bathroom! Cait Sith, stop eating that plastic plant!"
Cait looked forward dejectedly.
"Well fine, take away my one true pleasure in life."
Soon, the four of them where whirling through the house, dusting shelves, vacuuming floors and shooting trespassers. Soon the house was positively gleaming, and the four stood back and smiled at their handiwork.
"Well" said Cloud. "That should impress the ladies."
"Yeah… … … … it… … … should… … …" said Wiener shyly.
"We gotta work on your being too shy" said Cloud, thoughtfully. "Tell you what, whilst Cait Sith and Mog make the food, I'm going to take you down to the beach, and teach you how to communicate under extreme pressure."
"I'm not making everyone's food" Mog protested.
"I'm not going to the beach with you" Wiener protested.
"I'm not gay" Cait Sith protested.
"I never said you were…" Cloud said, confused. "Anyway, do me this favour and I won't tell Cid it was you who crashed the Highwind into the Gold Saucer."
Cait looked very guilty indeed, and grudgingly agreed.
"So then Wiener, are we ready to go?" asked Cloud smiling.
"I… … … … guess so… … …" Wiener agreed.
Cloud and Wiener walked out into the warm sunshine of the Costa Del Sol, and smiled.
"First" smiled Cloud. "You're going to buy us both an Ice Cream."
"How will that help?" asked Weiner.
"Just by me an Ice Cream" said Cloud viscously, his right eye beginning to twitch as he did so.
"Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" hissed Weiner, shying away.
"So Mog, how are those sandwiches doing?" asked Cait Sith, inexplicably turning into a walrus.
"Oh, there fine" smiled Mog, adding a sprinkle of salt to the Tuna Sandwiches.
"Help me with this casserole" smiled Cait, having now reverted to his usual self.
"I've been meaning to ask…" said Mog suddenly. "How come I'm alive? I mean aren't I just a soft toy, so how is it I move and walk, and think more clearly and precisely than everyone else on this entire maggot-ridden planet?"
Cait shrugged.
"And how is it that you still exist? I mean, why does Reeve still control you when there is absolutely no reason to?"
Cait shrugged.
"And why is Aeris smoking a reef? I thought she was dead."
Cait shrugged. Aeris smiled.
Then, suddenly, because the laws of physics had been so completely and utterly violated to such an extent that it became impossible for the world to still exist, the entire universe collapsed upon itself, then spasmed into life, and took shape over the next twelve billion years until yet again, Cait and Mog were stood in the kitchen, making sandwiches and suddenly metamorphasising into fat lumps of animal hide, when suddenly, a very strange feeling told Mog to shut up.
"Now then" smiled Cloud, licking the last fragments of melted ice cream from around his lips. "You're going to the Bar Del Sol, and you're going to ask the Barmaid to the Gathering tonight."
"I… … … … am… … ?" said Weiner sheepishly.
"Sure" said Cloud. "You're sure to win her over with your boyish good looks!"
"O… … Okay… …" Weiner agreed.
Cloud and Weiner walked inside the bar, and where instantly hit by the burning scent of vomit.
Johnny was sat at the bar looking glum, twelve different coloured bottles of liquid on the bar in front of him.
"Listen, Weiner" said Cloud. "I'm gonna go invite Johnny over. So while I'm gone, why don't you… you know…"
Weiner turned and gazed at the Barmaid, and swelling violin music began. Weiner eyes turned heart shaped, but everyone else's turned towards the machine, to see a man in a leotard smiling widely.
"Get him!" yelled someone, and what happened next was too gory for words…
Eventually, the ruckus died down, the music screeched to a halt, and Bubby inexplicably exploded, splattering blood all over the room.
Except that didn't really happen. Everyone just thought it did, because they where drunk on Absinth.
"… … … … … … some fish are blue…" ventured Weiner, as he found himself before the waitress.
(Oh my God that was stupid) Weiner thought.
"Yes… indeed they are" replied the waitress.
(What an idiot) the Waitress thought.
"… … … … I like dice…" said Weiner, in the most failed attempt at rectifying a stupid comment ever made.
(Oh hell, what am I saying?) Weiner thought.
"Yes… they are… nice"
(What the hell is this guys problem?) the waitress thought.
"… … … … … my mother once sneezed…" said Weiner, wishing deep down that his heart would just stop.
"I'll bet that was exciting…" said the waitress, wishing deep down that Weiner's heart would just stop.
"… … … I have to go now" said Weiner, already planning his suicide.
"…Okay…" said the waitress, already planning his murder.
Authors Notes.
This chapter is dedicated to Mike. Mike fella, I'd have been kicked of the course months ago but for your help. And you, you sorry bastard, you sat there, reading this. YOU should check out Mike's work. He's called "The Worms Revenge" and he kicks ass.
So, what did you capitalist pukes make of this chapter? I thought it was one of the best ever!!! I didn't want to post it so early after chapter two, but I'm fucking stumped on the Party, still, and I gotta write a whole lot of other chapters in between.
The next morning, Cloud sat in his lounge barking orders.
"Wiener, clean the kitchen! Mog, clean the bathroom! Cait Sith, stop eating that plastic plant!"
Cait looked forward dejectedly.
"Well fine, take away my one true pleasure in life."
Soon, the four of them where whirling through the house, dusting shelves, vacuuming floors and shooting trespassers. Soon the house was positively gleaming, and the four stood back and smiled at their handiwork.
"Well" said Cloud. "That should impress the ladies."
"Yeah… … … … it… … … should… … …" said Wiener shyly.
"We gotta work on your being too shy" said Cloud, thoughtfully. "Tell you what, whilst Cait Sith and Mog make the food, I'm going to take you down to the beach, and teach you how to communicate under extreme pressure."
"I'm not making everyone's food" Mog protested.
"I'm not going to the beach with you" Wiener protested.
"I'm not gay" Cait Sith protested.
"I never said you were…" Cloud said, confused. "Anyway, do me this favour and I won't tell Cid it was you who crashed the Highwind into the Gold Saucer."
Cait looked very guilty indeed, and grudgingly agreed.
"So then Wiener, are we ready to go?" asked Cloud smiling.
"I… … … … guess so… … …" Wiener agreed.
Cloud and Wiener walked out into the warm sunshine of the Costa Del Sol, and smiled.
"First" smiled Cloud. "You're going to buy us both an Ice Cream."
"How will that help?" asked Weiner.
"Just by me an Ice Cream" said Cloud viscously, his right eye beginning to twitch as he did so.
"Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" hissed Weiner, shying away.
"So Mog, how are those sandwiches doing?" asked Cait Sith, inexplicably turning into a walrus.
"Oh, there fine" smiled Mog, adding a sprinkle of salt to the Tuna Sandwiches.
"Help me with this casserole" smiled Cait, having now reverted to his usual self.
"I've been meaning to ask…" said Mog suddenly. "How come I'm alive? I mean aren't I just a soft toy, so how is it I move and walk, and think more clearly and precisely than everyone else on this entire maggot-ridden planet?"
Cait shrugged.
"And how is it that you still exist? I mean, why does Reeve still control you when there is absolutely no reason to?"
Cait shrugged.
"And why is Aeris smoking a reef? I thought she was dead."
Cait shrugged. Aeris smiled.
Then, suddenly, because the laws of physics had been so completely and utterly violated to such an extent that it became impossible for the world to still exist, the entire universe collapsed upon itself, then spasmed into life, and took shape over the next twelve billion years until yet again, Cait and Mog were stood in the kitchen, making sandwiches and suddenly metamorphasising into fat lumps of animal hide, when suddenly, a very strange feeling told Mog to shut up.
"Now then" smiled Cloud, licking the last fragments of melted ice cream from around his lips. "You're going to the Bar Del Sol, and you're going to ask the Barmaid to the Gathering tonight."
"I… … … … am… … ?" said Weiner sheepishly.
"Sure" said Cloud. "You're sure to win her over with your boyish good looks!"
"O… … Okay… …" Weiner agreed.
Cloud and Weiner walked inside the bar, and where instantly hit by the burning scent of vomit.
Johnny was sat at the bar looking glum, twelve different coloured bottles of liquid on the bar in front of him.
"Listen, Weiner" said Cloud. "I'm gonna go invite Johnny over. So while I'm gone, why don't you… you know…"
Weiner turned and gazed at the Barmaid, and swelling violin music began. Weiner eyes turned heart shaped, but everyone else's turned towards the machine, to see a man in a leotard smiling widely.
"Get him!" yelled someone, and what happened next was too gory for words…
Eventually, the ruckus died down, the music screeched to a halt, and Bubby inexplicably exploded, splattering blood all over the room.
Except that didn't really happen. Everyone just thought it did, because they where drunk on Absinth.
"… … … … … … some fish are blue…" ventured Weiner, as he found himself before the waitress.
(Oh my God that was stupid) Weiner thought.
"Yes… indeed they are" replied the waitress.
(What an idiot) the Waitress thought.
"… … … … I like dice…" said Weiner, in the most failed attempt at rectifying a stupid comment ever made.
(Oh hell, what am I saying?) Weiner thought.
"Yes… they are… nice"
(What the hell is this guys problem?) the waitress thought.
"… … … … … my mother once sneezed…" said Weiner, wishing deep down that his heart would just stop.
"I'll bet that was exciting…" said the waitress, wishing deep down that Weiner's heart would just stop.
"… … … I have to go now" said Weiner, already planning his suicide.
"…Okay…" said the waitress, already planning his murder.
Authors Notes.
This chapter is dedicated to Mike. Mike fella, I'd have been kicked of the course months ago but for your help. And you, you sorry bastard, you sat there, reading this. YOU should check out Mike's work. He's called "The Worms Revenge" and he kicks ass.
So, what did you capitalist pukes make of this chapter? I thought it was one of the best ever!!! I didn't want to post it so early after chapter two, but I'm fucking stumped on the Party, still, and I gotta write a whole lot of other chapters in between.