Cloud and Weiner where walking towards the beach, when a great darkness
fell over the Costa Del Sol. Five approached from the shadows, looks of
dominance, of anger embedded on their faces, there eyes glowing with the
very fires of hell. Upon seeing Cloud, the first one spoke.
"HARRY POTTER IS THE BST BOOK EVER, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM I'LL KILL UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" he said, proving how ridiculously retarded Harry Potter fans are. He smiled, under his semen stained NY cap. His T-Shirt was yellow, a thousand sizes too small. It rested on the ridge of his hairy, beer belly, which protruded in front of him. He wore grey flannel trousers and sandals.
The second one stepped forward, and spoke.
"Harry Potter has brought joy to millions, despite being an poorly written piece of shit which almost exactly replicates Lord Of The Rings, how can that be bad?"
This one was a girl, wearing a blood splattered Toga, and rusty chainsaw resting in her hands.
The third stepped forward, and said with a regal tone.
"U SUK U FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His eyes widened as he said this, and he smiled a toothless smile, to reveal his mouth was filled with the rotting flesh of a diseased cow. He wore the freshly peeled skin of a Priest, and a belt made from a headless Boa Constrictor.
The fourth stepped forward and said simply "HP RULZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He wore nothing, but his body was so badly mutilated you could only tell his gender from his voice.
Finally, the last stepped forward.
"I don't like HP. I'm here for the free booze."
These proved to be her last words, because, like the vermin they are, the HP fans turned on the her. Her head was neatly ripped off, her intestines ripped out through the hole in her neck, and she was quickly consumed. The remaining four turned to face cloud, and laughed.
"Who are they?" asked innocent, carefree Weiner. "Necrophelliacs? Rapists? Child Molesters? Canadians? Those annoying bastards from Sum 41? People that stick frogs in blenders? Jews? Butchers? Suicide bombers? Americans?"
Cloud grimaced.
"No, my friend. They are a thousand times worse than all those evils put together…"
"It… it can't be…" whimpered Weiner. "God himself wiped that evil from the world…"
"Yes… but… they're back… this is the word of the Devil himself" nodded Cloud. "There is no doubt in my mind… they're members of the Harry Potter fan club."
So sickening was this statement that Abdul, the happy-go-lucky green grocer who stood across the street whimpered, and promptly exploded, splattering blood and guts over the street, and over his wheel chair bound, neck braced brother, Mustachio.
Seeing this, Mustachio vomited, his steaming stomach juices filled the brace, and he promptly drowned.
"Cloud" said Weiner grimly. "We must rid the world of this evil forever."
"I agree" said Cloud, and he leapt to the attack.
"HARRY POTTER IS THE BST BOOK EVER, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM I'LL KILL UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" screamed the first one, leaping forward. He drew his weapon, which was simply a gerbil tied to a string, and yelled a war cry.
He was, however, promptly annihilated by a viscous attack courtesy of Cloud's immense weapon.
The eviscerated remains of he fan splatted to the floor, and was instantly set upon by a hungry vulture.
"Harry Potter has brought joy to millions, despite being an poorly written piece of shit which almost exactly replicates Lord Of The Rings, how can that be bad?" said the second, before she too was eviscerated.
The two remaining fans stayed rooted to the spot, hesitant, before the third leapt forward, howling an angered cry of "U SUK U FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was, however, neatly disposed of, when Weiner leapt forward and cut him to fuck with a chainsaw. The bleeding, disembowelled portions of the third fan fell to the floor, joining the vast puddle of remains splattered on the cobbled path. Needless to say, blood and guts splatted everywhere, and over everyone, and then the floor was covered in blood and guts and Cloud said "yay" but Weiner said "blarg."
The final fan leapt forward, but before he could even say "HP RULZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" his head was taken off by Weiners' chainsaw. Needless to say, blood and guts splatted everywhere, and over everyone, and then the floor was covered in blood and guts and Cloud said "yay" but Weiner said "blarg."
But then…
From the depths of hell…
Satan rose…
Using the power of supreme evil…
He caused the puddle of gore…
To ignite…
From the midst of the flame a single creature rose, and bellowed.
It stood at over twelve feet tall. Its body was covered in thick, unwashed hair. Its eyes glowed with evil. It had seven arms, each holding a dreadful weapon of supreme destructive power. It had a long snake like tail, which ingested the body of Mustachio, and smiled supremely.
It only, however, had one leg, and was struggling like fuck to remain balanced.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Then the creature hopped forwards, his movements causing the whole town to rumble and shake.
"It's no good," said Weiner, grimly. "We're gonna have to fight it."
Cloud nodded his approval, smoked a reef, and ran into battle.
The battle proved to be indubitably short, as Cloud summoned Knights Of The Round, and wasted the evil for good.
Authors Notes.
This chapter is dedicated to Gemma. Hang in there, kid.
Please please please note, this chapter is not meant to offend anyone. I don't dislike any one that Weiner dislikes, except for the obvious ones. I like American's. My favorite bands are American, J.D. Salinger was American, Harry Potter was NOT American. All of which are good things.
I also like Canada… except I hat SUM 41. I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!
Jews also rock. Look at Seinfeld.
And as for Necrophelliacs … at least they're putting the dead to good use.
Hehehe…
"HARRY POTTER IS THE BST BOOK EVER, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM I'LL KILL UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" he said, proving how ridiculously retarded Harry Potter fans are. He smiled, under his semen stained NY cap. His T-Shirt was yellow, a thousand sizes too small. It rested on the ridge of his hairy, beer belly, which protruded in front of him. He wore grey flannel trousers and sandals.
The second one stepped forward, and spoke.
"Harry Potter has brought joy to millions, despite being an poorly written piece of shit which almost exactly replicates Lord Of The Rings, how can that be bad?"
This one was a girl, wearing a blood splattered Toga, and rusty chainsaw resting in her hands.
The third stepped forward, and said with a regal tone.
"U SUK U FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!"
His eyes widened as he said this, and he smiled a toothless smile, to reveal his mouth was filled with the rotting flesh of a diseased cow. He wore the freshly peeled skin of a Priest, and a belt made from a headless Boa Constrictor.
The fourth stepped forward and said simply "HP RULZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He wore nothing, but his body was so badly mutilated you could only tell his gender from his voice.
Finally, the last stepped forward.
"I don't like HP. I'm here for the free booze."
These proved to be her last words, because, like the vermin they are, the HP fans turned on the her. Her head was neatly ripped off, her intestines ripped out through the hole in her neck, and she was quickly consumed. The remaining four turned to face cloud, and laughed.
"Who are they?" asked innocent, carefree Weiner. "Necrophelliacs? Rapists? Child Molesters? Canadians? Those annoying bastards from Sum 41? People that stick frogs in blenders? Jews? Butchers? Suicide bombers? Americans?"
Cloud grimaced.
"No, my friend. They are a thousand times worse than all those evils put together…"
"It… it can't be…" whimpered Weiner. "God himself wiped that evil from the world…"
"Yes… but… they're back… this is the word of the Devil himself" nodded Cloud. "There is no doubt in my mind… they're members of the Harry Potter fan club."
So sickening was this statement that Abdul, the happy-go-lucky green grocer who stood across the street whimpered, and promptly exploded, splattering blood and guts over the street, and over his wheel chair bound, neck braced brother, Mustachio.
Seeing this, Mustachio vomited, his steaming stomach juices filled the brace, and he promptly drowned.
"Cloud" said Weiner grimly. "We must rid the world of this evil forever."
"I agree" said Cloud, and he leapt to the attack.
"HARRY POTTER IS THE BST BOOK EVER, AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM I'LL KILL UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" screamed the first one, leaping forward. He drew his weapon, which was simply a gerbil tied to a string, and yelled a war cry.
He was, however, promptly annihilated by a viscous attack courtesy of Cloud's immense weapon.
The eviscerated remains of he fan splatted to the floor, and was instantly set upon by a hungry vulture.
"Harry Potter has brought joy to millions, despite being an poorly written piece of shit which almost exactly replicates Lord Of The Rings, how can that be bad?" said the second, before she too was eviscerated.
The two remaining fans stayed rooted to the spot, hesitant, before the third leapt forward, howling an angered cry of "U SUK U FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was, however, neatly disposed of, when Weiner leapt forward and cut him to fuck with a chainsaw. The bleeding, disembowelled portions of the third fan fell to the floor, joining the vast puddle of remains splattered on the cobbled path. Needless to say, blood and guts splatted everywhere, and over everyone, and then the floor was covered in blood and guts and Cloud said "yay" but Weiner said "blarg."
The final fan leapt forward, but before he could even say "HP RULZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" his head was taken off by Weiners' chainsaw. Needless to say, blood and guts splatted everywhere, and over everyone, and then the floor was covered in blood and guts and Cloud said "yay" but Weiner said "blarg."
But then…
From the depths of hell…
Satan rose…
Using the power of supreme evil…
He caused the puddle of gore…
To ignite…
From the midst of the flame a single creature rose, and bellowed.
It stood at over twelve feet tall. Its body was covered in thick, unwashed hair. Its eyes glowed with evil. It had seven arms, each holding a dreadful weapon of supreme destructive power. It had a long snake like tail, which ingested the body of Mustachio, and smiled supremely.
It only, however, had one leg, and was struggling like fuck to remain balanced.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Cloud laughed, Weiner laughed, the creature bellowed.
Then the creature hopped forwards, his movements causing the whole town to rumble and shake.
"It's no good," said Weiner, grimly. "We're gonna have to fight it."
Cloud nodded his approval, smoked a reef, and ran into battle.
The battle proved to be indubitably short, as Cloud summoned Knights Of The Round, and wasted the evil for good.
Authors Notes.
This chapter is dedicated to Gemma. Hang in there, kid.
Please please please note, this chapter is not meant to offend anyone. I don't dislike any one that Weiner dislikes, except for the obvious ones. I like American's. My favorite bands are American, J.D. Salinger was American, Harry Potter was NOT American. All of which are good things.
I also like Canada… except I hat SUM 41. I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!
Jews also rock. Look at Seinfeld.
And as for Necrophelliacs … at least they're putting the dead to good use.
Hehehe…