DOWN BY THE RIVER
~~~~~~~~~
A Tale of Young Daria
by Galen Hardesty
~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1
OVER GRANDMA AND THROUGH THE WOODS
~~~~~~~~
Daria struggled to hold her telescope steady on the majestic bird soaring effortlessly across the sky. Was it a Golden Eagle? Maybe even.. a Bald Eagle? Hmm.. no. Just another buzzard. The national bird of Texas. Or was that the horsefly?
"Jeez, Daria, do you take that stupid telescope with you everywhere you go? Why didn't you ask for something you really need for your birthday, like clothes?"
"Why, am I naked? If I am, you should take this opportunity to kiss my rosy pink..."
"Daria!" Came the warning from Helen in the front seat.
"Well, I'm sick and tired of her constantly badmouthing everything that interests me, and her incessant blithering about clothes!"
"Ooh, finished eating that dictionary, huh, brain?"
"Girls! Be nice, both of you!"
Quinn sniffed and fell to examining her nails for perhaps the twentieth time since leaving the house twenty minutes ago. Daria snorted and returned to looking out her window. Seeing no further suitable targets for the telescope, she collapsed it and slipped it back in her jacket pocket. After a while, she pulled a compass from another pocket and idly checked their direction of travel.
"Aww, got yer little compass too, I see. The great explorer!"
Daria waited, then gave Helen's seatback a little nudge. Helen appeared not to have noticed. Typical.
"Whatcha gonna do... discover the Northwest Passage?" Quinn goaded.
"My boot's gonna discover your Southwest passage if you don't knock it off!"
*That* Helen noticed. "Daria! You watch your mouth, young lady!" Helen snapped.
"Oh, sure! Quinn can say anything she wants, but the second I open my mouth you jump down my throat!"
"Daria, are you saying that I'm playing favorites?"
"I'm saying that three times now, I've been minding my own business, not saying a word, not bothering a soul, and Quinn started deliberately bugging me! And three times now you didn't say a thing until I spoke up, and then you either got onto me or acted like we were both equally at fault!"
"I didn't hear anything like that, Daria."
"You didn't? What did you hear?"
"Don't get smart with me, miss."
"I'm not. I'm trying to figure out why you didn't hear Quinn getting on my case, but did hear me telling her to knock it off, and why it sounded to you as if I was starting it when it was really her."
Quinn jumped in. "Was not!"
Helen sighed. "Daria, I'm trying to read a magazine here. You can't expect me to hear every word you two say back there in the back seat."
"Huh?" Daria was genuinely surprised. "You mean when you read, you can't hear?"
"Daria, my patience is wearing thin."
"No, really. What did you mean?"
Helen turned in her seat and looked her eldest daughter in the eye. Daria's expression was one of sincere inquiry. That didn't guarantee anything, Helen knew, but she'd have to accept it till she had evidence to the contrary. "What I mean is that when a person is reading or talking or watching TV, it takes up most of their attention, and they're not as aware of other things. That's true for anybody."
Daria said, "Is that right, Dad? Is that true for you? Dad? ...*Dad?*"
The car swerved slightly. Jake said "Huh? What?"
Daria sighed. "I guess that counts as a 'yes'. So somebody who could walk and keep up with a conversation and listen to the radio and read at the same time would be... weird?"
"I'll say!" said Jake.
Helen said, "That would be... unusual, certainly." She gave Daria a questioning look.
Daria thumped the seatback with her fist. "Great! I'm weird again!" She said disgustedly.
"You mean 'even weirder'."
"Quinn, nobody asked you."
"I destinkly heard..."
"Quinn!"
"Uuuhh! Why does everybody always pick on *me?!* My life is a constant torbent!" Quinn crossed her arms peevishly and scowled out her window.
Ignoring Quinn, Daria said "Well, what you said being the case, could you at least switch seats with me?"
"Oh, I suppose. Jake, stop at the next place and we'll get breakfast."
"But I was looking for a McDonalds. I want an Egg McMuffin!"
"If that's the next place we come to, fine!"
"Dammit!" Jake mumbled. "Why can't a man have a damn Egg McMuffin for his damn breakfast if he..."
Helen spotted a blue sign up ahead. "Jake, there's a McDonalds at the next exit! Now give it a rest!"
~~~~~~~~~
Stay tuned for Chapter 2- AT THE EDGE
~~~~~~~~~
A Tale of Young Daria
by Galen Hardesty
~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 1
OVER GRANDMA AND THROUGH THE WOODS
~~~~~~~~
Daria struggled to hold her telescope steady on the majestic bird soaring effortlessly across the sky. Was it a Golden Eagle? Maybe even.. a Bald Eagle? Hmm.. no. Just another buzzard. The national bird of Texas. Or was that the horsefly?
"Jeez, Daria, do you take that stupid telescope with you everywhere you go? Why didn't you ask for something you really need for your birthday, like clothes?"
"Why, am I naked? If I am, you should take this opportunity to kiss my rosy pink..."
"Daria!" Came the warning from Helen in the front seat.
"Well, I'm sick and tired of her constantly badmouthing everything that interests me, and her incessant blithering about clothes!"
"Ooh, finished eating that dictionary, huh, brain?"
"Girls! Be nice, both of you!"
Quinn sniffed and fell to examining her nails for perhaps the twentieth time since leaving the house twenty minutes ago. Daria snorted and returned to looking out her window. Seeing no further suitable targets for the telescope, she collapsed it and slipped it back in her jacket pocket. After a while, she pulled a compass from another pocket and idly checked their direction of travel.
"Aww, got yer little compass too, I see. The great explorer!"
Daria waited, then gave Helen's seatback a little nudge. Helen appeared not to have noticed. Typical.
"Whatcha gonna do... discover the Northwest Passage?" Quinn goaded.
"My boot's gonna discover your Southwest passage if you don't knock it off!"
*That* Helen noticed. "Daria! You watch your mouth, young lady!" Helen snapped.
"Oh, sure! Quinn can say anything she wants, but the second I open my mouth you jump down my throat!"
"Daria, are you saying that I'm playing favorites?"
"I'm saying that three times now, I've been minding my own business, not saying a word, not bothering a soul, and Quinn started deliberately bugging me! And three times now you didn't say a thing until I spoke up, and then you either got onto me or acted like we were both equally at fault!"
"I didn't hear anything like that, Daria."
"You didn't? What did you hear?"
"Don't get smart with me, miss."
"I'm not. I'm trying to figure out why you didn't hear Quinn getting on my case, but did hear me telling her to knock it off, and why it sounded to you as if I was starting it when it was really her."
Quinn jumped in. "Was not!"
Helen sighed. "Daria, I'm trying to read a magazine here. You can't expect me to hear every word you two say back there in the back seat."
"Huh?" Daria was genuinely surprised. "You mean when you read, you can't hear?"
"Daria, my patience is wearing thin."
"No, really. What did you mean?"
Helen turned in her seat and looked her eldest daughter in the eye. Daria's expression was one of sincere inquiry. That didn't guarantee anything, Helen knew, but she'd have to accept it till she had evidence to the contrary. "What I mean is that when a person is reading or talking or watching TV, it takes up most of their attention, and they're not as aware of other things. That's true for anybody."
Daria said, "Is that right, Dad? Is that true for you? Dad? ...*Dad?*"
The car swerved slightly. Jake said "Huh? What?"
Daria sighed. "I guess that counts as a 'yes'. So somebody who could walk and keep up with a conversation and listen to the radio and read at the same time would be... weird?"
"I'll say!" said Jake.
Helen said, "That would be... unusual, certainly." She gave Daria a questioning look.
Daria thumped the seatback with her fist. "Great! I'm weird again!" She said disgustedly.
"You mean 'even weirder'."
"Quinn, nobody asked you."
"I destinkly heard..."
"Quinn!"
"Uuuhh! Why does everybody always pick on *me?!* My life is a constant torbent!" Quinn crossed her arms peevishly and scowled out her window.
Ignoring Quinn, Daria said "Well, what you said being the case, could you at least switch seats with me?"
"Oh, I suppose. Jake, stop at the next place and we'll get breakfast."
"But I was looking for a McDonalds. I want an Egg McMuffin!"
"If that's the next place we come to, fine!"
"Dammit!" Jake mumbled. "Why can't a man have a damn Egg McMuffin for his damn breakfast if he..."
Helen spotted a blue sign up ahead. "Jake, there's a McDonalds at the next exit! Now give it a rest!"
~~~~~~~~~
Stay tuned for Chapter 2- AT THE EDGE