"I Dream of Leela" by BumbleBeeTheta
Part Three- "Fortune Cookie Future"
"And my girlfriend likes U.L. and D.H.C.
And she's so smart and independent; I don't think she needs me
Quite half as much as I know I need her.
I wonder why there's not another guy that she'd prefer…
Yeah, my girlfriend takes collect calls from the road
And it doesn't seem to matter that I'm lacking in the bulge.
She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one else does.
She brings me Mexican food from Sombrero's just because.
And when I feel like giving up,
Like my world is falling down,
I show up at 3am
She's still up watching 'Vacation' and I
See her pretty face
It takes me away to a better place and
I know that everything,
Everything's gonna be fine."
- "Josie" by Blink 182
Scene: Next morning in the kitchen.
(Leela, wearing a robe over her nightgown, groggily walks into the kitchen, rubbing her eye.)
Fry: Morning.
(She looks up and sees him sitting at the table, drinking coffee. She smiles and sits down.)
Leela: G'morning. I'm surprised my father didn't kick you out.
Fry: Well, once I reasoned with him, he let me off with a stern warning that if you get pregnant or contract HIV I'll never see the sun rise again.
Leela: Have you ever seen it rise?
Fry: No. But he doesn't know that.
Leela: You should. It's so beautiful. Probably the prettiest thing in the universe.
Fry: Even prettier than you?
Leela: Remember what I said when you said the view in my apartment was perfect?
Fry: Yeah. You said it was the corniest thing you'd ever heard.
Leela: Well, I'm making your comment just now take its place.
Fry: But girls like corny things, don't they?
Leela: Why else would I be going out with you?
Fry: I see your point. But is that why you love me?
Leela: (smiling) Don't push it.
Fry: So what do you want to do tonight?
Leela: I dunno. But let's not relive last night. I don't think I want to get yelled at again.
Fry: Yeah. Plus, if your dad found us like that again, he'd probably throw me in the lake of toxic waste.
Leela: (chuckling) It seems so weird to have someone always on my case like that.
Fry: That's what having parents is all about: getting nagged about everything.
Leela: Don't you ever miss your parents?
Fry: Sure. I miss them a lot, but I try not to let it get to me. I've accomplished more here than I ever could in the Twentieth century so I just try to remind myself that they'd be proud of me.
Leela: I'm sure they would.
Fry: I just wish they had said so a bit more when I was younger. I mean, I know they were, they just didn't show it. I never really felt as loved as a kid should back then. That's why I was so hasty to move in with Michelle. I thought maybe then someone would love me, but I was wrong.
Leela: I'm sorry. You know, you'll always have me.
Fry: Do you promise that?
Leela: What do you mean?
Fry: Nothing. Forget I mentioned it. Let's just focus on having a good time today.
Leela: Good idea. I think I'll take a shower. (seeing the look on Fry's face) Alone.
Scene: Central Park Lake.
(Leela and Fry are feeding the ducks and swans bread.)
Leela: (to a duck in front) Hold on there. You'll get a piece too.
Fry: There sure are a lot of them.
Leela: Yeah. They're always fighting for something to eat. It's like they can never be full.
Fry: That sounds like me and Yancy. We both wanted attention from my parents and we'd always fight about it. My parents never did anything about it though. Dad was perfecting the bomb shelter and my mom had no time for anything since she was always caught up in her baseball and football and golf.
Leela: How did you ever manage to make it?
Fry: I dunno. Just pure luck I guess.
Leela: I never got any attention when I was a kid either. I didn't think anyone cared about me…until I met you.
(She takes his hand. They lean in for a kiss. Aw…)
Fry: (excited) Whadya say we just do it in the grass?
Leela: (rolls her eye) No sex.
Fry: Aw, are you still sticking to that after last night?
Leela: You better believe it. I just found my parents. I don't want to alienate myself from them again.
Fry: I understand. But what if I paid thousands to stay in this great big hotel?
Leela: Nope.
Fry: Okay. What if I…bought you a brand new apartment in the perfect neighborhood with marble tabletops and bathroom?
Leela: Still no.
Fry: Sheesh. You're like the safe from "I Dream of Jeannie" yesterday.
Leela: The one where the moon safe could only be opened by the president and Jeannie was stuck inside?
Fry: Yeah, that one. Hey, wait a sec…you're not having an affair with President Nixon, are you?
Leela: Fortunately not. I'm huggable and kissable, but not seducible.
Fry: Too bad.
Cut to a while later.
(Leela and Fry are both lying out on the grass, cloud-gazing.)
Fry: That one looks like…a person.
Leela: And that one looks like a cat.
Fry: And there's one that looks like a guy begging his girlfriend for another amazing night.
(Leela gives him a 'look'.)
Fry: Sorry. But you have to believe me. It is the best I've ever had.
Leela: Even better than Amy?
Fry: Much better. Amy doesn't come close.
Leela: What about Michelle?
Fry: Nope. Still better.
Leela: How 'bout Morgan?
Fry: That lasted, like, a minute.
Leela: I know. But am I better?
Fry: Way better.
Leela: Hm…what about Mildred?
Fry: Ew! Don't even bring that up. That's the most disgusting thing in the world. It's…it's…
Leela: Incest?
Fry: Yeah. Whatever that means.
(Leela rolls her eye.)
Fry: What do you say we go window-shopping?
Leela: But then I'll be tempted to buy something.
Fry: So? It's a special day.
Leela: Not anymore.
Fry: (suave) It could be…
Leela: Don't ask again.
Fry: But it's fun watching you squirm.
Leela: Not as fun as watching you squirm. I think I will take you up on that shopping trip. And I think the first place I'll go is…
Cut to outside a store.
(The camera zooms in on Fry's face)
Fry: (disbelieving) Fredrick's of New New York?
(Camera zooms out to reveal a bright pink store filled to the brim with lacy lingerie.)
Fry: You can't be serious.
Leela: I am. And I'm going to try on everything in here in front of you.
Fry: Can't I just go to the food court for the next five hours?
Leela: Nope. I need you to tell me what looks best.
Fry: This is torture! You're just gonna trot out in front of me wearing almost nothing and I'll never be able to lay a hand on you again!
Leela: Well…you might be able to some time.
Fry: Really?
Leela: Yes, but at the moment, I see a bright red corset with my name on it.
(She drags him in.)
Scene: Back at the apartment.
(Leela and Fry come in the door. Leela's carrying two huge bags from Frederick's of New New York. Fry's got a plastic bag filled to the brim with Chinese food from Ming Na's House of Chow and High-Budget Animated Films.)
Leela: (teasing) I think I'll go put these incredibly revealing pieces of lingerie away in my bedroom.
Fry: Great. Why don't you put one on while you're at it?
Leela: I think I will.
(She winks, rather blinks, at him before walking into her room. Fry goes into the kitchen and begins setting out the Chinese food. A moment later Leela strolls in, wearing a magenta corset.)
Fry: What a nice outfit.
Leela: Thanks. I thought you'd like it.
Fry: Chow mein?
Leela: Sure.
(He passes the box to her and intentionally spills it all over her.)
Fry: Oops. How clumsy of me. Now let's get you out of those filthy clothes.
Leela: Uh, I think I can handle it.
(She goes into her room and emerges a while later in her normal attire.)
Fry: Want some Brain slug-fried rice?
Leela: In a minute. I think I'll have a fortune cookie first.
(She grabs a cookie out of a small paper bag and breaks it in half. She pulls the fortune out and reads it to herself.)
Leela: (quietly) You will be asked a life-altering question.
Fry: So, did you get a good one?
Leela: Oh, you know, just the same old stuff you always get.
Fry: Yeah. Same here.
(He shows her his fortune, which reads, "Ed McMann says you may already be a winner.")
Fry: Lemme see what the last one says.
(He picks it out and tries to crack it, but struggles with it.)
Leela: Here. (Places it in front of her and does a karate chop) Hi-ya! (grabs it) Here you go.
Fry: Thanks. (Reading) You reunite with a long-lost relative…Hm. Maybe it means the Professor. It must be months since we last saw him.
Leela: We were just at work Thursday.
Fry: Man, time does fly.
Leela: I have to admit, it's gonna be sad going back to work tomorrow.
Fry: (suave) We could be late.
Leela: No, I want to be on time for my first day back at work.
Fry: (still suave) I guess that means we should go to bed early.
Leela: Good idea. I think I'll go to bed right now.
Fry: I'll go with you.
Leela: No, I need my privacy. You know, journal-writing. Well, g'night.
(She slams her bedroom door.)
Scene: Planet Express.
(Everyone is in the lounge with Leela and Amy sitting at the table.)
Amy: So, Leela…how was the um-hm?
Leela: Amy!
Amy: I'm just asking. Did anything…out of the ordinary happen?
Leela: Well…Fry fell out of the bed twice.
Fry: (interjecting) It was three times!
Leela: And my dad kind of showed up after we…well, you know.
Amy: Ouch. How'd he take it?
Leela: Not well. He all but threw Fry out the window.
Amy: Well, at least he's still in one piece.
Leela: Yeah.
Amy: (whispering) So what are you gonna get him for his birthday?
Leela: I don't know. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I'm not sure.
Amy: Well, I guess it'll come to you eventually.
Leela: (dryly) Thanks for the reassurance.
Amy: (smiling) No problem.
Professor: Good news everyone!
Bender: (outraged) That's it! I'm not deliverin' anything til you get interactive TV! Serena, let's go.
(He stands up.)
Professor: A delivery? Oh, my, no. I'm announcing my latest invention.
Bender: (sitting down) Well, in that case.
Professor: I've created the Time Object Displacement Device!
Fry: Wow! Are you gonna send rubber pigs back in time and get Wernstrom when he's trying to take photos of Bigfoot?
Leela: What?!
Amy: Fry, that's only in Jhonen Vasquez cartoons. It's like fl'uh.
Professor: Amy's right, Fry. They're actually rubber moose.
Fry: Oh. Is Bender gonna be your insane robot sidekick?
Bender: I'll be nobody's side kick! Bender's the star! Me, Bender!
(Camera pans back to the Professor. Bender jumps up and waves his arms.)
Bender: Hey, get back here, you no-good-
Cut to the Professor's lab.
(Everyone is standing around what looks like a big swirling purple void with lots of electrical wires sticking out. The Professor is manning a switchboard nearby.)
Professor: Now, I'll set the Time Object Displacement Device to January 3rd, 2002. (Pressing buttons) Amy, throw one of those stuffed moose into the vortex.
Amy: Okay.
(She pulls a moose out of a cardboard box marked "GIR's". She then throws it into the TODD.)
Cut to a New York street.
(A chocolate lab runs out into the middle of the street to catch a stick.)
Familiar Voice: Buddy, no!
(Just as a car is about to hit the dog, he is zapped and replaced by the moose. A teenage girl gets out of the car.)
Girl: Oh no! I killed it!
(Former President Clinton strolls up to the girl.)
Clinton: Well, hey there, Hot Cakes. (Tribbiani-esque) How you doin'?
Girl: Sir, I just killed your dog.
Clinton: What?
Girl: He's dead.
Clinton: No!! (pause) But you're okay, right?
Cut back to PE.
(The dog jumps through the vortex and into the Professor's lab.)
Amy and Leela: Aw!
(Fry bends down to pet the dog.)
Fry: So you can transport people and animals from one time period to another?
Professor: Of course. Though it's only temporary and the bugs haven't been all worked out yet.
Hermes: But where exactly did dis…thing come from?
Professor: New York, doi! It's shown on this video screen.
(He motions to a large screen above the switch board. On the screen, the girl cries over Buddy while Clinton has his arm around her shoulder. In the bushes, a particular cat wearing a collar that says 'Socks' laughs to himself.)
Scene: Leela and Fry's apartment.
(Fry and Leela are lying in their bed. He's talking to her, but she's just staring at the ceiling.)
Fry: That sure is neat, huh? I mean, you could bring back Lincoln and all those other people from my time. And I'd finally be able to prove to you who made the cotton gin.
Leela: It was Eli Whitney.
Fry: I think David Duchovny would have to disagree with you. I mean, who else but him could invent it? Whoever did make it obviously had some mental problems. And he was always around aliens and Bigfoot and stuff. He had to be a little disturbed. (Pause) Are you even listening?
Leela: What? Sorry, I was just thinking.
Fry: About what?
Leela: Oh, y'know, stuff. Like those fortune cookies from last night.
Fry: Oh yeah! Mine was right. I got a letter from Ed McMann today. But I was too freaked out to open it. And then I spilled Slurm on it, so I had to. I won a free package of adhesive medical strips.
Leela: Hm.
Fry: Something you wanna say?
Leela: Well…kind of.
Fry: Go ahead.
Leela: It's just that…I mean…er…well, where do you see us going?
Fry: What do you mean?
Leela: Like do you see us staying this way for very long or breaking up or getting…well…
Fry: (Gulps) I hadn't thought about it…
Leela: I didn't think so.
(She grabs the comforter and lays on her side with her back to him, obviously disappointed.)
Fry: But I can tell you this much, (he wraps his arms around her) I will never, ever hurt or leave you. I promise.
(Leela smiles a little.)
Leela: Do you mean that?
Fry: (smiling) I do.
(They kiss, which leads to full-frontal snogging which then leads to stuff I'm not gonna go into here…)
Scene: The next day at Robot Arms Apartments.
(Fry's over at Bender's, kicking back on the couch.)
Fry: And all I had to do was tell her that I wouldn't leave her and she was practically throwing herself at me-
Bender: Look, it's great that you have all this great stuff with Leela, but you don't need to tell me constantly about it. I mean, Serena and me have gotten it on ten times more 'an you and Leela and in one day even.
Fry: Sorry, Bender. I didn't know you felt that way.
Bender: Bender? Feeling? No…Uh, just keep going on about all the great sex you and Leela are having.
Fry: Well, it's only been three times…Okay, four counting this morning, but it's really…wow. And I think I know why it's that way.
Bender: Why?
Fry: Because we connect in more ways than one. It's like…like it's not just a physical thing, you know? We actually care about each other. I mean, it's never been like this with anyone else. Just her… (Pause) Bender?
Bender: What?
Fry: I think I'm in love with Leela.
Bender: Big surprise. We all saw it comin'.
Fry: I mean, really. Not just how it was with Michelle and Lizzie. I'm talking like forever in love with her.
Bender: You know what that means, doncha?
Fry: Yeah. It means I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with her.
Bender: Uh, no. It means you're a complete sucker. Only complete losers fall in love permanently.
Fry: True, but I don't think I mind being a loser. Not if I still have her.
Bender: Fry, you sicken…yet inspire me.
Fry: Huh?
Bender: Do you think it's possible for a…a robot to fall in real love?
Fry: I'd say it's a definite possibility. Why? You and Serena…
Bender: I don't know. It's just that…everything she does is just so freakin' cute!
Fry: Bender, I think we're a couple of losers in love.
Bender: Oh gawd, no!
(He starts crying. Fry pats him on the back.)
Scene: Leela and Fry's apartment.
(Leela is sprawled out on the couch with a pad and pen in her lap. The top of the page is titled "Birthday Presents". Underneath is listed Year Supply of Slurm, No more Frederick's of New New York, a 20th Century meal and sex slave for a day. She sits, deep in thought. And gets an idea! She begins to write it down, but the door begins to open. She stashes it under the couch. Fry comes in.)
Leela: (nonchalantly) Oh, Fry, I thought you'd be home earlier.
Fry: Yeah, sorry…I thought maybe I'd make dinner for us…
(He walks up to her and kisses her.)
Fry: And then, maybe we could have a little…pie.
(Leela smirks.)
Leela: What should I wear?
Fry: Uh…how about that little red number. I want tonight to be special.
Leela: You mean the red dress I bought at Mariposa? I didn't know you liked it.
Fry: It looks good on you. Not that anything looks bad on you.
Leela: Whatever you say.
(She walks into the bedroom and shuts the door.)
Fry: Yes! Somebody's gonna score tonight…
(He waltzes into the kitchen whistling "You Sexy Thing"…)
Scene: Outside the kitchen.
(Leela is wearing a semi-short red satin dress. Fry is wearing a nice shirt and slacks. He's covering her eye and leading her into the kitchen.)
Leela: Can I look yet?
Fry: Just a second…Okay, now.
(He uncovers her eye and takes her hand. The camera angle switches to show the table covered with a red tablecloth. The room is lit by a few candles and a single red rose sits in a vase.)
Leela: Fry…I…I don't know what to say…
Fry: Don't say anything. Just sit.
(He leads her over to her chair, where she is seated. He then places a plate of spaghetti at each of their spots.)
Leela: This is so sweet.
(He takes her hand from across the table.)
Fry: Leela, there's something I've always wanted to axe you, but every time-
(The phone rings.)
Fry: Let the machine get it.
Leela: (getting up) What if it's important?
(She runs to the phone. Fry sighs. Leela answers it. The Professor appears on the screen.)
Professor: Leela, is Fry there?
Leela: Yeah. Do you want me to get him?
Professor: Just tell him to get down here. I need the two of you down here immediately.
(He hangs up.)
Fry: Well, that was weird.
Leela: We better do what he says. C'mon.
(She puts on her black jacket and drags a rather disappointed-looking Fry out the door.)
Scene: The Professor's lab.
(The Professor and Hermes are standing by the TODD. Fry and Leela are staring blankly at it. Leela takes her jacket off and puts it on the coat rack. Hermes' eyes boggle.)
Hermes: For Jah's sake, woman, if we interrupt sumptin' at least put some decent clothes on before you get your ass over here.
Leela: We were not-
Professor: Shut up, friends! I've called the two of you here for one reason and one reason only…
Fry: Which is?
Professor: Oh yes…I seem to have misplaced my glasses.
Fry: You're wearing them.
Professor: (feels glasses) Oh my. So I am…
Leela: (irritated) You called us all the way down here for that?
Professor: Oh my, no. I called you down here to show that I've polished the Time Object Displacement Device. It's now capable of bringing back entire human beings!
Leela: Couldn't it do that before?
Professor: Not whole human beings. We ended up with half of Rachel Leigh Cook.
Fry: Which half?
Professor: The top.
Fry: Rrowww…
Leela: Fry!
Fry: Right, right…sorry.
Leela: So why exactly do you need us? And why is Hermes here?
Professor: I've decided that to make Fry's life in the future more organized I'd bring back the only two people who made it miserable earlier…his parents!
Hermes: And I'm here should de Professor cross over the line man was not meant to cross more than five feet.
Fry: Cool! You're really gonna bring my folks to the future?
Professor: Well, that was the idea…
Leela: Are you sure this is such a good idea?
Professor: Of course I'm not sure! What do you take me for? Some rational…scientist person? Now, we'll start the Time Object Displacement Device…
(He sets the clock to 'April 13 2002'. Lightning strikes outside, bathing the room in electrifying light.)
Professor: (cackling manically) Fry, the pig!
(Fry picks up a pig and throws it into the TODD.)
Cut to the Fry's house.
(Yancy Sr. and Chandra are seated on the couch watching a twenty-first century 'classic'…)
Rafe: Danny, you can't die. You know why? 'Cause you're gonna be a daddy. I wasn't supposed to tell you, but you're gonna be a daddy!
Danny: No, Rafe. You are.
(Chandra starts to cry.)
Yancy Sr.: C'mon soldier! Die with dignity!
Chandra: (tearfully) How can you be so insensitive?
Yancy Sr.: Easy.
(Chandra cries harder, gets up and runs off.)
Yancy Sr.: Aw, c'mon, Chandra-
(He follows her. A moment later, Yancy walks in.)
Yancy: Alright. Kate Beckinsale…
(Just then, he is zapped and replaced by the pig.)
Cut to the Professor's lab.
(Fry stands twiddling his thumbs in anxiety, Leela twirls her ponytail, the Professor is asleep and Hermes writes something down on his clipboard.)
Hermes: One count of fallin' asleep in the middle of the experiment…oh ho ho…that'll be five grand…
(Suddenly, the TODD opens and Yancy comes falling and screaming through. He is deposited on the floor.)
Yancy: (rubbing his posterior) Ow…
Fry: Oh my god! Yancy!
Yancy: Philip!
(He looks up and sees Leela.)
Yancy: Phil, look out! There's a monster behind you…with really nice-
Fry: Don't get too comfortable…she's with me.
Yancy: You always could pick 'em, Phil.
(They embrace. Leela smiles at Fry.)
Fry: It's great to see you, but…
Yancy: What?
Fry: Mom and Dad were supposed to get sucked in, not you.
Yancy: I'm confused.
Fry: Good. We're on the same level. Now, let me introduce you to everyone. (Pointing at Leela) Now, this is my lovely live-in girlfriend, Leela.
Leela: Nice to meet you, Yancy.
(He shakes her hand.)
Yancy: Same here. You keeping my little bro in line?
Fry: You better believe it. For over a month after we started going out, she wouldn't-
Leela: That's enough, Fry.
Fry: Yes, captain. (Moving on the Professor) This is Professor Farnsworth. He's our great-times-thirty nephew.
Yancy: Come again?
Fry: It's the year 3003.
Yancy: Ohh…
Fry: And this is Hermes. He's the resident bearucrat at Planet Express. That's where me and Leela work. You can meet everyone else tomorrow. I think we have a lot to talk about tonight…
Leela: But Fry, I thought we were gonna-
Fry: Oh yeah. Uh…we'll go home and if you gimme an hour, then we'll talk.
(Leela smacks her forehead.)
Scene: Fry and Leela's apartment.
(The door opens and the trio walks in.)
Yancy: That's just like Star Trek!
Fry: That's what I said when I first came here!
(Leela just shakes her head and smiles. Fry makes eye contact with her.)
Leela: (fakes yawn) Well, I'm bushed. I'm gonna go to bed. It was nice meeting you, Yancy…
(She grins at Fry before going into the bedroom.)
Fry: (rushed) Okay, Yancy, this is the remote. Twenty thousand channels. I'm sure Charlie's Angels is on one of them. Now, I gotta go. But I'll be back in an hour, k?
Yancy: She that good that you gotta leave your older brother sitting here?
Fry: You better believe it. Have you ever had popplers?
Yancy: No.
Fry: Oh. Well, I think we froze some from a couple years ago. Anyway, they're like the best things you could ever eat. And when I'm with her…it's like eating all the popplers in the world…
(Leela comes out wearing her pink negligee.)
Leela: Fry? You promised me- Uh, Yancy…hi.
Fry: Yeah, just a sec, sweetie.
(Leela sighs and goes back into the bedroom.)
Scene: The next morning.
(Leela yawns and opens her eye.)
Fry: Hey, beautiful.
Leela: (smiling) Y'know, I wanted dessert last night. But I guess it could carry over to this morning…
(She kisses him.)
Fry: As much as I want that, I don't think it's a good idea right now…
Leela: Why's that?
(As if on cue, Yancy pops up from the floor.)
Yancy: Hey, there's eggs in the future, right?
(If looks could kill, Fry would be buried.)
Leela: (strict) What is he doing here?!
Fry: Well, I didn't want you to be alone last night and I didn't want to stop talking to Yancy so…
Leela: So you just assumed I wouldn't mind having your brother in here when you know I-
Yancy: Is this a bad time?
Leela: (exasperated) Yes. Yancy, go make coffee. Black. I need it strong.
Yancy: (getting up) Okie dokie.
Leela: Just tell it how many cups you want and the strength.
(He leaves.)
Fry: You're mad at me, aren't you?
Leela: No, of course not- What do you think?!
Fry: Uh…yes?
Leela: Good guess.
Fry: So are you mad because Yancy's here or that we didn't get to…
Leela: I don't know. I guess I just thought last night was gonna be special…
Fry: I know. Believe me, I wanted it to be too. But we can still make tonight special, okay?
Leela: Well, okay.
(Yancy comes in.)
Yancy: Uh…should the coffee-maker be shooting out bad-smelling black goo?
Scene: Planet Express.
(Yancy, Fry and Leela walk in.)
Amy: So that's Fry's brother…
Fry: Yancy, this is Planet Express' intern, Amy Wong.
Amy: (holding out her hand) Pleased to meet you.
Yancy: (suave) The pleasure's all mine…
Amy: Hey, don't flatter yourself. I'm taken.
Fry: This is Bender, our cook.
Bender: That's chef Bender to you! Naw, I'm just kidding. Any brother of Fry's is a friend of mine.
Fry: And this is Serena, the…uh, maid.
Yancy: Cool. There are robot maids in the future?
Serena: Well, I was specifically designed to clean up whatever mess these organisms leave lying around.
Yancy: Neat.
Zoidberg: (bursting in) And I'm the rich doctor!
Yancy: Really? Do you do plastic surgery 'cos I've been wondering about-
Leela: (cutting him off quickly) Dr. Zoidberg's quite busy, you'd have to be on the wait list and you know how those can be.
Hermes: Let's get down to business, people!
(Everyone takes their seats at the table.)
Hermes: Now, today you'll be makin' a delivery to Gripling 4.
Leela: What are we delivering?
Hermes: A box of blue blankets from a Mister Carl Foutley to Blake Gripling, ruler of the planet. Now, git going!
Cut to right before the ship blasts off.
Fry: (To Yancy) This is the best part- Okay, not as good as one on one after the delivery, if you get my drif-
Leela: Fry!
Yancy: Cool. Do you use a countdown?
Fry: No. 'Cos it doesn't take very long to get there. Like once, I said the countdown and before I got to five, we were there.
Yancy: Wow. That's fast.
Leela: It'll take a while to get to Gripling 4 though. It's all the way over in the Geddes galaxy. Settle in for a six-hour ride, both ways. We'll be lucky to get back to earth by sundown.
Cut to them touching down on Gripling 4.
(Gripling 4 from the looks of it is a prim and proper planet of nicely cut grass, golden gates and huge mansions. The crew gets out of the ship.)
Leela: Now, I have very specific orders for you all. Bender, you go into town and find something to cook for dinner. Zoidberg cleaned out the fridge.
Zoidberg: (tearfully) I vas hungry…
Leela: Serena, you'll be in charge of cleaning the ship. Make sure you spray some Febreeze or something in the Dark Matter Chamber.
Serena: Understood, ma'am.
Leela: Amy and I will make sure everything's working on the ship and then go mingle with the rich, stuffy people of the planet. Fry and Yancy, I want you to take Mr. Foutley's crate to Blake Gripling. And make sure you don't mess up. Robert Bishop will be there and I don't want any more bad impressions.
Yancy: Who's Robert Bishop?
Fry: Some really close friend of the Space Pope, I think.
Yancy: Ah.
Leela: I want everyone back here in two hours, got it?
(A chorus of "okay", "got it" and "whatever" ensues.)
Leela: See you all back here soon.
(Everyone heads off in their own directions.)
Cut to later.
(Leela's standing in front of the ship, looking very peeved.)
Leela: So how many mishaps did we run into today?
Bender: None. I mugged three people.
Zoidberg: I had to do the dishes after eating all the sushi in a sushi bar.
Serena: Well, the Dark Matter Chamber rusted after I sprayed the cleaning stuff on it…
Amy: I mingled with Courtney Gripling. THE Courtney Gripling!
Fry: Uh, I spilled coffee on Robert Bishop.
Yancy: Made Blake break into hives when I offered him a chocolate bar.
Leela: Ugh…one day we will have a mission without screw-ups…
Scene: Leela and Fry's quarters on the ship.
(Leela is sprawled out on the bed while Fry is sitting by the window, gazing out.)
Leela: Auto-pilot on, dinner over, sick bags in every room…I think everything's accounted for.
Fry: Does that mean, we can…
Leela: (seductively) Well, we do have at least an hour til we have to be back on earth…
(She gives him a "sexy" look. He takes the hint. Within a moment, the two are kissing passionately. In the background, a small vortex opens and Yancy comes running out. Two feet away, another opens and he goes running through.)
Leela: (breaking the kiss) What was that?
Fry: Forget about it…
(They go back to snogging. A minute later, we hear Yancy yell.)
Yancy: Phil! Get in here!
(Fry gets up and dashes out of the bedroom. Leela follows. They run into the bathroom, where the screams are coming from.)
Fry: (entering) Yancy, I told you, autoeroticexfixation only happens in movie- Omigod!
(The camera reveals Yancy standing in front of the mirror. He is slowly fading from the waist down…)
~End of Part Three~
Dun dun dun! Okay, I lied. Part Three's not the end. You'll have to read Part Four for the conclusion…
Part Three- "Fortune Cookie Future"
"And my girlfriend likes U.L. and D.H.C.
And she's so smart and independent; I don't think she needs me
Quite half as much as I know I need her.
I wonder why there's not another guy that she'd prefer…
Yeah, my girlfriend takes collect calls from the road
And it doesn't seem to matter that I'm lacking in the bulge.
She laughs at my dumb jokes when no one else does.
She brings me Mexican food from Sombrero's just because.
And when I feel like giving up,
Like my world is falling down,
I show up at 3am
She's still up watching 'Vacation' and I
See her pretty face
It takes me away to a better place and
I know that everything,
Everything's gonna be fine."
- "Josie" by Blink 182
Scene: Next morning in the kitchen.
(Leela, wearing a robe over her nightgown, groggily walks into the kitchen, rubbing her eye.)
Fry: Morning.
(She looks up and sees him sitting at the table, drinking coffee. She smiles and sits down.)
Leela: G'morning. I'm surprised my father didn't kick you out.
Fry: Well, once I reasoned with him, he let me off with a stern warning that if you get pregnant or contract HIV I'll never see the sun rise again.
Leela: Have you ever seen it rise?
Fry: No. But he doesn't know that.
Leela: You should. It's so beautiful. Probably the prettiest thing in the universe.
Fry: Even prettier than you?
Leela: Remember what I said when you said the view in my apartment was perfect?
Fry: Yeah. You said it was the corniest thing you'd ever heard.
Leela: Well, I'm making your comment just now take its place.
Fry: But girls like corny things, don't they?
Leela: Why else would I be going out with you?
Fry: I see your point. But is that why you love me?
Leela: (smiling) Don't push it.
Fry: So what do you want to do tonight?
Leela: I dunno. But let's not relive last night. I don't think I want to get yelled at again.
Fry: Yeah. Plus, if your dad found us like that again, he'd probably throw me in the lake of toxic waste.
Leela: (chuckling) It seems so weird to have someone always on my case like that.
Fry: That's what having parents is all about: getting nagged about everything.
Leela: Don't you ever miss your parents?
Fry: Sure. I miss them a lot, but I try not to let it get to me. I've accomplished more here than I ever could in the Twentieth century so I just try to remind myself that they'd be proud of me.
Leela: I'm sure they would.
Fry: I just wish they had said so a bit more when I was younger. I mean, I know they were, they just didn't show it. I never really felt as loved as a kid should back then. That's why I was so hasty to move in with Michelle. I thought maybe then someone would love me, but I was wrong.
Leela: I'm sorry. You know, you'll always have me.
Fry: Do you promise that?
Leela: What do you mean?
Fry: Nothing. Forget I mentioned it. Let's just focus on having a good time today.
Leela: Good idea. I think I'll take a shower. (seeing the look on Fry's face) Alone.
Scene: Central Park Lake.
(Leela and Fry are feeding the ducks and swans bread.)
Leela: (to a duck in front) Hold on there. You'll get a piece too.
Fry: There sure are a lot of them.
Leela: Yeah. They're always fighting for something to eat. It's like they can never be full.
Fry: That sounds like me and Yancy. We both wanted attention from my parents and we'd always fight about it. My parents never did anything about it though. Dad was perfecting the bomb shelter and my mom had no time for anything since she was always caught up in her baseball and football and golf.
Leela: How did you ever manage to make it?
Fry: I dunno. Just pure luck I guess.
Leela: I never got any attention when I was a kid either. I didn't think anyone cared about me…until I met you.
(She takes his hand. They lean in for a kiss. Aw…)
Fry: (excited) Whadya say we just do it in the grass?
Leela: (rolls her eye) No sex.
Fry: Aw, are you still sticking to that after last night?
Leela: You better believe it. I just found my parents. I don't want to alienate myself from them again.
Fry: I understand. But what if I paid thousands to stay in this great big hotel?
Leela: Nope.
Fry: Okay. What if I…bought you a brand new apartment in the perfect neighborhood with marble tabletops and bathroom?
Leela: Still no.
Fry: Sheesh. You're like the safe from "I Dream of Jeannie" yesterday.
Leela: The one where the moon safe could only be opened by the president and Jeannie was stuck inside?
Fry: Yeah, that one. Hey, wait a sec…you're not having an affair with President Nixon, are you?
Leela: Fortunately not. I'm huggable and kissable, but not seducible.
Fry: Too bad.
Cut to a while later.
(Leela and Fry are both lying out on the grass, cloud-gazing.)
Fry: That one looks like…a person.
Leela: And that one looks like a cat.
Fry: And there's one that looks like a guy begging his girlfriend for another amazing night.
(Leela gives him a 'look'.)
Fry: Sorry. But you have to believe me. It is the best I've ever had.
Leela: Even better than Amy?
Fry: Much better. Amy doesn't come close.
Leela: What about Michelle?
Fry: Nope. Still better.
Leela: How 'bout Morgan?
Fry: That lasted, like, a minute.
Leela: I know. But am I better?
Fry: Way better.
Leela: Hm…what about Mildred?
Fry: Ew! Don't even bring that up. That's the most disgusting thing in the world. It's…it's…
Leela: Incest?
Fry: Yeah. Whatever that means.
(Leela rolls her eye.)
Fry: What do you say we go window-shopping?
Leela: But then I'll be tempted to buy something.
Fry: So? It's a special day.
Leela: Not anymore.
Fry: (suave) It could be…
Leela: Don't ask again.
Fry: But it's fun watching you squirm.
Leela: Not as fun as watching you squirm. I think I will take you up on that shopping trip. And I think the first place I'll go is…
Cut to outside a store.
(The camera zooms in on Fry's face)
Fry: (disbelieving) Fredrick's of New New York?
(Camera zooms out to reveal a bright pink store filled to the brim with lacy lingerie.)
Fry: You can't be serious.
Leela: I am. And I'm going to try on everything in here in front of you.
Fry: Can't I just go to the food court for the next five hours?
Leela: Nope. I need you to tell me what looks best.
Fry: This is torture! You're just gonna trot out in front of me wearing almost nothing and I'll never be able to lay a hand on you again!
Leela: Well…you might be able to some time.
Fry: Really?
Leela: Yes, but at the moment, I see a bright red corset with my name on it.
(She drags him in.)
Scene: Back at the apartment.
(Leela and Fry come in the door. Leela's carrying two huge bags from Frederick's of New New York. Fry's got a plastic bag filled to the brim with Chinese food from Ming Na's House of Chow and High-Budget Animated Films.)
Leela: (teasing) I think I'll go put these incredibly revealing pieces of lingerie away in my bedroom.
Fry: Great. Why don't you put one on while you're at it?
Leela: I think I will.
(She winks, rather blinks, at him before walking into her room. Fry goes into the kitchen and begins setting out the Chinese food. A moment later Leela strolls in, wearing a magenta corset.)
Fry: What a nice outfit.
Leela: Thanks. I thought you'd like it.
Fry: Chow mein?
Leela: Sure.
(He passes the box to her and intentionally spills it all over her.)
Fry: Oops. How clumsy of me. Now let's get you out of those filthy clothes.
Leela: Uh, I think I can handle it.
(She goes into her room and emerges a while later in her normal attire.)
Fry: Want some Brain slug-fried rice?
Leela: In a minute. I think I'll have a fortune cookie first.
(She grabs a cookie out of a small paper bag and breaks it in half. She pulls the fortune out and reads it to herself.)
Leela: (quietly) You will be asked a life-altering question.
Fry: So, did you get a good one?
Leela: Oh, you know, just the same old stuff you always get.
Fry: Yeah. Same here.
(He shows her his fortune, which reads, "Ed McMann says you may already be a winner.")
Fry: Lemme see what the last one says.
(He picks it out and tries to crack it, but struggles with it.)
Leela: Here. (Places it in front of her and does a karate chop) Hi-ya! (grabs it) Here you go.
Fry: Thanks. (Reading) You reunite with a long-lost relative…Hm. Maybe it means the Professor. It must be months since we last saw him.
Leela: We were just at work Thursday.
Fry: Man, time does fly.
Leela: I have to admit, it's gonna be sad going back to work tomorrow.
Fry: (suave) We could be late.
Leela: No, I want to be on time for my first day back at work.
Fry: (still suave) I guess that means we should go to bed early.
Leela: Good idea. I think I'll go to bed right now.
Fry: I'll go with you.
Leela: No, I need my privacy. You know, journal-writing. Well, g'night.
(She slams her bedroom door.)
Scene: Planet Express.
(Everyone is in the lounge with Leela and Amy sitting at the table.)
Amy: So, Leela…how was the um-hm?
Leela: Amy!
Amy: I'm just asking. Did anything…out of the ordinary happen?
Leela: Well…Fry fell out of the bed twice.
Fry: (interjecting) It was three times!
Leela: And my dad kind of showed up after we…well, you know.
Amy: Ouch. How'd he take it?
Leela: Not well. He all but threw Fry out the window.
Amy: Well, at least he's still in one piece.
Leela: Yeah.
Amy: (whispering) So what are you gonna get him for his birthday?
Leela: I don't know. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I'm not sure.
Amy: Well, I guess it'll come to you eventually.
Leela: (dryly) Thanks for the reassurance.
Amy: (smiling) No problem.
Professor: Good news everyone!
Bender: (outraged) That's it! I'm not deliverin' anything til you get interactive TV! Serena, let's go.
(He stands up.)
Professor: A delivery? Oh, my, no. I'm announcing my latest invention.
Bender: (sitting down) Well, in that case.
Professor: I've created the Time Object Displacement Device!
Fry: Wow! Are you gonna send rubber pigs back in time and get Wernstrom when he's trying to take photos of Bigfoot?
Leela: What?!
Amy: Fry, that's only in Jhonen Vasquez cartoons. It's like fl'uh.
Professor: Amy's right, Fry. They're actually rubber moose.
Fry: Oh. Is Bender gonna be your insane robot sidekick?
Bender: I'll be nobody's side kick! Bender's the star! Me, Bender!
(Camera pans back to the Professor. Bender jumps up and waves his arms.)
Bender: Hey, get back here, you no-good-
Cut to the Professor's lab.
(Everyone is standing around what looks like a big swirling purple void with lots of electrical wires sticking out. The Professor is manning a switchboard nearby.)
Professor: Now, I'll set the Time Object Displacement Device to January 3rd, 2002. (Pressing buttons) Amy, throw one of those stuffed moose into the vortex.
Amy: Okay.
(She pulls a moose out of a cardboard box marked "GIR's". She then throws it into the TODD.)
Cut to a New York street.
(A chocolate lab runs out into the middle of the street to catch a stick.)
Familiar Voice: Buddy, no!
(Just as a car is about to hit the dog, he is zapped and replaced by the moose. A teenage girl gets out of the car.)
Girl: Oh no! I killed it!
(Former President Clinton strolls up to the girl.)
Clinton: Well, hey there, Hot Cakes. (Tribbiani-esque) How you doin'?
Girl: Sir, I just killed your dog.
Clinton: What?
Girl: He's dead.
Clinton: No!! (pause) But you're okay, right?
Cut back to PE.
(The dog jumps through the vortex and into the Professor's lab.)
Amy and Leela: Aw!
(Fry bends down to pet the dog.)
Fry: So you can transport people and animals from one time period to another?
Professor: Of course. Though it's only temporary and the bugs haven't been all worked out yet.
Hermes: But where exactly did dis…thing come from?
Professor: New York, doi! It's shown on this video screen.
(He motions to a large screen above the switch board. On the screen, the girl cries over Buddy while Clinton has his arm around her shoulder. In the bushes, a particular cat wearing a collar that says 'Socks' laughs to himself.)
Scene: Leela and Fry's apartment.
(Fry and Leela are lying in their bed. He's talking to her, but she's just staring at the ceiling.)
Fry: That sure is neat, huh? I mean, you could bring back Lincoln and all those other people from my time. And I'd finally be able to prove to you who made the cotton gin.
Leela: It was Eli Whitney.
Fry: I think David Duchovny would have to disagree with you. I mean, who else but him could invent it? Whoever did make it obviously had some mental problems. And he was always around aliens and Bigfoot and stuff. He had to be a little disturbed. (Pause) Are you even listening?
Leela: What? Sorry, I was just thinking.
Fry: About what?
Leela: Oh, y'know, stuff. Like those fortune cookies from last night.
Fry: Oh yeah! Mine was right. I got a letter from Ed McMann today. But I was too freaked out to open it. And then I spilled Slurm on it, so I had to. I won a free package of adhesive medical strips.
Leela: Hm.
Fry: Something you wanna say?
Leela: Well…kind of.
Fry: Go ahead.
Leela: It's just that…I mean…er…well, where do you see us going?
Fry: What do you mean?
Leela: Like do you see us staying this way for very long or breaking up or getting…well…
Fry: (Gulps) I hadn't thought about it…
Leela: I didn't think so.
(She grabs the comforter and lays on her side with her back to him, obviously disappointed.)
Fry: But I can tell you this much, (he wraps his arms around her) I will never, ever hurt or leave you. I promise.
(Leela smiles a little.)
Leela: Do you mean that?
Fry: (smiling) I do.
(They kiss, which leads to full-frontal snogging which then leads to stuff I'm not gonna go into here…)
Scene: The next day at Robot Arms Apartments.
(Fry's over at Bender's, kicking back on the couch.)
Fry: And all I had to do was tell her that I wouldn't leave her and she was practically throwing herself at me-
Bender: Look, it's great that you have all this great stuff with Leela, but you don't need to tell me constantly about it. I mean, Serena and me have gotten it on ten times more 'an you and Leela and in one day even.
Fry: Sorry, Bender. I didn't know you felt that way.
Bender: Bender? Feeling? No…Uh, just keep going on about all the great sex you and Leela are having.
Fry: Well, it's only been three times…Okay, four counting this morning, but it's really…wow. And I think I know why it's that way.
Bender: Why?
Fry: Because we connect in more ways than one. It's like…like it's not just a physical thing, you know? We actually care about each other. I mean, it's never been like this with anyone else. Just her… (Pause) Bender?
Bender: What?
Fry: I think I'm in love with Leela.
Bender: Big surprise. We all saw it comin'.
Fry: I mean, really. Not just how it was with Michelle and Lizzie. I'm talking like forever in love with her.
Bender: You know what that means, doncha?
Fry: Yeah. It means I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with her.
Bender: Uh, no. It means you're a complete sucker. Only complete losers fall in love permanently.
Fry: True, but I don't think I mind being a loser. Not if I still have her.
Bender: Fry, you sicken…yet inspire me.
Fry: Huh?
Bender: Do you think it's possible for a…a robot to fall in real love?
Fry: I'd say it's a definite possibility. Why? You and Serena…
Bender: I don't know. It's just that…everything she does is just so freakin' cute!
Fry: Bender, I think we're a couple of losers in love.
Bender: Oh gawd, no!
(He starts crying. Fry pats him on the back.)
Scene: Leela and Fry's apartment.
(Leela is sprawled out on the couch with a pad and pen in her lap. The top of the page is titled "Birthday Presents". Underneath is listed Year Supply of Slurm, No more Frederick's of New New York, a 20th Century meal and sex slave for a day. She sits, deep in thought. And gets an idea! She begins to write it down, but the door begins to open. She stashes it under the couch. Fry comes in.)
Leela: (nonchalantly) Oh, Fry, I thought you'd be home earlier.
Fry: Yeah, sorry…I thought maybe I'd make dinner for us…
(He walks up to her and kisses her.)
Fry: And then, maybe we could have a little…pie.
(Leela smirks.)
Leela: What should I wear?
Fry: Uh…how about that little red number. I want tonight to be special.
Leela: You mean the red dress I bought at Mariposa? I didn't know you liked it.
Fry: It looks good on you. Not that anything looks bad on you.
Leela: Whatever you say.
(She walks into the bedroom and shuts the door.)
Fry: Yes! Somebody's gonna score tonight…
(He waltzes into the kitchen whistling "You Sexy Thing"…)
Scene: Outside the kitchen.
(Leela is wearing a semi-short red satin dress. Fry is wearing a nice shirt and slacks. He's covering her eye and leading her into the kitchen.)
Leela: Can I look yet?
Fry: Just a second…Okay, now.
(He uncovers her eye and takes her hand. The camera angle switches to show the table covered with a red tablecloth. The room is lit by a few candles and a single red rose sits in a vase.)
Leela: Fry…I…I don't know what to say…
Fry: Don't say anything. Just sit.
(He leads her over to her chair, where she is seated. He then places a plate of spaghetti at each of their spots.)
Leela: This is so sweet.
(He takes her hand from across the table.)
Fry: Leela, there's something I've always wanted to axe you, but every time-
(The phone rings.)
Fry: Let the machine get it.
Leela: (getting up) What if it's important?
(She runs to the phone. Fry sighs. Leela answers it. The Professor appears on the screen.)
Professor: Leela, is Fry there?
Leela: Yeah. Do you want me to get him?
Professor: Just tell him to get down here. I need the two of you down here immediately.
(He hangs up.)
Fry: Well, that was weird.
Leela: We better do what he says. C'mon.
(She puts on her black jacket and drags a rather disappointed-looking Fry out the door.)
Scene: The Professor's lab.
(The Professor and Hermes are standing by the TODD. Fry and Leela are staring blankly at it. Leela takes her jacket off and puts it on the coat rack. Hermes' eyes boggle.)
Hermes: For Jah's sake, woman, if we interrupt sumptin' at least put some decent clothes on before you get your ass over here.
Leela: We were not-
Professor: Shut up, friends! I've called the two of you here for one reason and one reason only…
Fry: Which is?
Professor: Oh yes…I seem to have misplaced my glasses.
Fry: You're wearing them.
Professor: (feels glasses) Oh my. So I am…
Leela: (irritated) You called us all the way down here for that?
Professor: Oh my, no. I called you down here to show that I've polished the Time Object Displacement Device. It's now capable of bringing back entire human beings!
Leela: Couldn't it do that before?
Professor: Not whole human beings. We ended up with half of Rachel Leigh Cook.
Fry: Which half?
Professor: The top.
Fry: Rrowww…
Leela: Fry!
Fry: Right, right…sorry.
Leela: So why exactly do you need us? And why is Hermes here?
Professor: I've decided that to make Fry's life in the future more organized I'd bring back the only two people who made it miserable earlier…his parents!
Hermes: And I'm here should de Professor cross over the line man was not meant to cross more than five feet.
Fry: Cool! You're really gonna bring my folks to the future?
Professor: Well, that was the idea…
Leela: Are you sure this is such a good idea?
Professor: Of course I'm not sure! What do you take me for? Some rational…scientist person? Now, we'll start the Time Object Displacement Device…
(He sets the clock to 'April 13 2002'. Lightning strikes outside, bathing the room in electrifying light.)
Professor: (cackling manically) Fry, the pig!
(Fry picks up a pig and throws it into the TODD.)
Cut to the Fry's house.
(Yancy Sr. and Chandra are seated on the couch watching a twenty-first century 'classic'…)
Rafe: Danny, you can't die. You know why? 'Cause you're gonna be a daddy. I wasn't supposed to tell you, but you're gonna be a daddy!
Danny: No, Rafe. You are.
(Chandra starts to cry.)
Yancy Sr.: C'mon soldier! Die with dignity!
Chandra: (tearfully) How can you be so insensitive?
Yancy Sr.: Easy.
(Chandra cries harder, gets up and runs off.)
Yancy Sr.: Aw, c'mon, Chandra-
(He follows her. A moment later, Yancy walks in.)
Yancy: Alright. Kate Beckinsale…
(Just then, he is zapped and replaced by the pig.)
Cut to the Professor's lab.
(Fry stands twiddling his thumbs in anxiety, Leela twirls her ponytail, the Professor is asleep and Hermes writes something down on his clipboard.)
Hermes: One count of fallin' asleep in the middle of the experiment…oh ho ho…that'll be five grand…
(Suddenly, the TODD opens and Yancy comes falling and screaming through. He is deposited on the floor.)
Yancy: (rubbing his posterior) Ow…
Fry: Oh my god! Yancy!
Yancy: Philip!
(He looks up and sees Leela.)
Yancy: Phil, look out! There's a monster behind you…with really nice-
Fry: Don't get too comfortable…she's with me.
Yancy: You always could pick 'em, Phil.
(They embrace. Leela smiles at Fry.)
Fry: It's great to see you, but…
Yancy: What?
Fry: Mom and Dad were supposed to get sucked in, not you.
Yancy: I'm confused.
Fry: Good. We're on the same level. Now, let me introduce you to everyone. (Pointing at Leela) Now, this is my lovely live-in girlfriend, Leela.
Leela: Nice to meet you, Yancy.
(He shakes her hand.)
Yancy: Same here. You keeping my little bro in line?
Fry: You better believe it. For over a month after we started going out, she wouldn't-
Leela: That's enough, Fry.
Fry: Yes, captain. (Moving on the Professor) This is Professor Farnsworth. He's our great-times-thirty nephew.
Yancy: Come again?
Fry: It's the year 3003.
Yancy: Ohh…
Fry: And this is Hermes. He's the resident bearucrat at Planet Express. That's where me and Leela work. You can meet everyone else tomorrow. I think we have a lot to talk about tonight…
Leela: But Fry, I thought we were gonna-
Fry: Oh yeah. Uh…we'll go home and if you gimme an hour, then we'll talk.
(Leela smacks her forehead.)
Scene: Fry and Leela's apartment.
(The door opens and the trio walks in.)
Yancy: That's just like Star Trek!
Fry: That's what I said when I first came here!
(Leela just shakes her head and smiles. Fry makes eye contact with her.)
Leela: (fakes yawn) Well, I'm bushed. I'm gonna go to bed. It was nice meeting you, Yancy…
(She grins at Fry before going into the bedroom.)
Fry: (rushed) Okay, Yancy, this is the remote. Twenty thousand channels. I'm sure Charlie's Angels is on one of them. Now, I gotta go. But I'll be back in an hour, k?
Yancy: She that good that you gotta leave your older brother sitting here?
Fry: You better believe it. Have you ever had popplers?
Yancy: No.
Fry: Oh. Well, I think we froze some from a couple years ago. Anyway, they're like the best things you could ever eat. And when I'm with her…it's like eating all the popplers in the world…
(Leela comes out wearing her pink negligee.)
Leela: Fry? You promised me- Uh, Yancy…hi.
Fry: Yeah, just a sec, sweetie.
(Leela sighs and goes back into the bedroom.)
Scene: The next morning.
(Leela yawns and opens her eye.)
Fry: Hey, beautiful.
Leela: (smiling) Y'know, I wanted dessert last night. But I guess it could carry over to this morning…
(She kisses him.)
Fry: As much as I want that, I don't think it's a good idea right now…
Leela: Why's that?
(As if on cue, Yancy pops up from the floor.)
Yancy: Hey, there's eggs in the future, right?
(If looks could kill, Fry would be buried.)
Leela: (strict) What is he doing here?!
Fry: Well, I didn't want you to be alone last night and I didn't want to stop talking to Yancy so…
Leela: So you just assumed I wouldn't mind having your brother in here when you know I-
Yancy: Is this a bad time?
Leela: (exasperated) Yes. Yancy, go make coffee. Black. I need it strong.
Yancy: (getting up) Okie dokie.
Leela: Just tell it how many cups you want and the strength.
(He leaves.)
Fry: You're mad at me, aren't you?
Leela: No, of course not- What do you think?!
Fry: Uh…yes?
Leela: Good guess.
Fry: So are you mad because Yancy's here or that we didn't get to…
Leela: I don't know. I guess I just thought last night was gonna be special…
Fry: I know. Believe me, I wanted it to be too. But we can still make tonight special, okay?
Leela: Well, okay.
(Yancy comes in.)
Yancy: Uh…should the coffee-maker be shooting out bad-smelling black goo?
Scene: Planet Express.
(Yancy, Fry and Leela walk in.)
Amy: So that's Fry's brother…
Fry: Yancy, this is Planet Express' intern, Amy Wong.
Amy: (holding out her hand) Pleased to meet you.
Yancy: (suave) The pleasure's all mine…
Amy: Hey, don't flatter yourself. I'm taken.
Fry: This is Bender, our cook.
Bender: That's chef Bender to you! Naw, I'm just kidding. Any brother of Fry's is a friend of mine.
Fry: And this is Serena, the…uh, maid.
Yancy: Cool. There are robot maids in the future?
Serena: Well, I was specifically designed to clean up whatever mess these organisms leave lying around.
Yancy: Neat.
Zoidberg: (bursting in) And I'm the rich doctor!
Yancy: Really? Do you do plastic surgery 'cos I've been wondering about-
Leela: (cutting him off quickly) Dr. Zoidberg's quite busy, you'd have to be on the wait list and you know how those can be.
Hermes: Let's get down to business, people!
(Everyone takes their seats at the table.)
Hermes: Now, today you'll be makin' a delivery to Gripling 4.
Leela: What are we delivering?
Hermes: A box of blue blankets from a Mister Carl Foutley to Blake Gripling, ruler of the planet. Now, git going!
Cut to right before the ship blasts off.
Fry: (To Yancy) This is the best part- Okay, not as good as one on one after the delivery, if you get my drif-
Leela: Fry!
Yancy: Cool. Do you use a countdown?
Fry: No. 'Cos it doesn't take very long to get there. Like once, I said the countdown and before I got to five, we were there.
Yancy: Wow. That's fast.
Leela: It'll take a while to get to Gripling 4 though. It's all the way over in the Geddes galaxy. Settle in for a six-hour ride, both ways. We'll be lucky to get back to earth by sundown.
Cut to them touching down on Gripling 4.
(Gripling 4 from the looks of it is a prim and proper planet of nicely cut grass, golden gates and huge mansions. The crew gets out of the ship.)
Leela: Now, I have very specific orders for you all. Bender, you go into town and find something to cook for dinner. Zoidberg cleaned out the fridge.
Zoidberg: (tearfully) I vas hungry…
Leela: Serena, you'll be in charge of cleaning the ship. Make sure you spray some Febreeze or something in the Dark Matter Chamber.
Serena: Understood, ma'am.
Leela: Amy and I will make sure everything's working on the ship and then go mingle with the rich, stuffy people of the planet. Fry and Yancy, I want you to take Mr. Foutley's crate to Blake Gripling. And make sure you don't mess up. Robert Bishop will be there and I don't want any more bad impressions.
Yancy: Who's Robert Bishop?
Fry: Some really close friend of the Space Pope, I think.
Yancy: Ah.
Leela: I want everyone back here in two hours, got it?
(A chorus of "okay", "got it" and "whatever" ensues.)
Leela: See you all back here soon.
(Everyone heads off in their own directions.)
Cut to later.
(Leela's standing in front of the ship, looking very peeved.)
Leela: So how many mishaps did we run into today?
Bender: None. I mugged three people.
Zoidberg: I had to do the dishes after eating all the sushi in a sushi bar.
Serena: Well, the Dark Matter Chamber rusted after I sprayed the cleaning stuff on it…
Amy: I mingled with Courtney Gripling. THE Courtney Gripling!
Fry: Uh, I spilled coffee on Robert Bishop.
Yancy: Made Blake break into hives when I offered him a chocolate bar.
Leela: Ugh…one day we will have a mission without screw-ups…
Scene: Leela and Fry's quarters on the ship.
(Leela is sprawled out on the bed while Fry is sitting by the window, gazing out.)
Leela: Auto-pilot on, dinner over, sick bags in every room…I think everything's accounted for.
Fry: Does that mean, we can…
Leela: (seductively) Well, we do have at least an hour til we have to be back on earth…
(She gives him a "sexy" look. He takes the hint. Within a moment, the two are kissing passionately. In the background, a small vortex opens and Yancy comes running out. Two feet away, another opens and he goes running through.)
Leela: (breaking the kiss) What was that?
Fry: Forget about it…
(They go back to snogging. A minute later, we hear Yancy yell.)
Yancy: Phil! Get in here!
(Fry gets up and dashes out of the bedroom. Leela follows. They run into the bathroom, where the screams are coming from.)
Fry: (entering) Yancy, I told you, autoeroticexfixation only happens in movie- Omigod!
(The camera reveals Yancy standing in front of the mirror. He is slowly fading from the waist down…)
~End of Part Three~
Dun dun dun! Okay, I lied. Part Three's not the end. You'll have to read Part Four for the conclusion…