Title: Crossover?
Author: LadyElaine
Summary: This is me making fun of myself.
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: Riddick and "Pitch Black" belong to USA Films and David Twohy. Darth Maul, Qui-Gon Jinn, and "Star Wars" belong to George Lucas and Lucasfilm. Toad belongs to Stan Lee, Marvel, and Fox Studios. Cathleen and Melody are mine--though I'm not entirely sure how glad I am of that.
Archive: If you actually want, it... sure. Just let me know where it's going.
Feedback: Please. dragonlady75069@attbi.com
Crossover?
I cracked my knuckles before I started typing. I had the "Attack of the Clones" soundtrack playing nice and loud, and my mental adrenaline was pumping. In short, I was ready to write. I even had my first words planned out.
"In all the worlds in all the galaxies in all the universes, there had never been two men so much alike, and yet so completely different."
Yeah. That was a good start, I thought, and wriggled my fingers over the keyboard.
The next words wouldn't come.
Dammit, the first chapter was always the easiest, once I had the first words worked out. I should have been typing at top speed by now! Everything just flowed from those first words; on top of that, I always figured out my last words within the first third of the story. But this was... was....
"Having trouble?"
Now that was unusual. "How the hell did you get here?" I demanded of the familiar figure. Tall, bald, black goggles covering shined eyes. "No-- scratch that. Why the hell did you wait till now? I could have used some of your input on my last story!"
Riddick just grinned sardonically at me and ignored the question. Cocking his head at the almost empty computer screen, he said, "Writer's block?"
I stared at the uncooperative screen. "Writer's block doesn't exist." I shrugged. "At least, that's what the pros say."
My dog chose that moment to greet the bizarre visitor. A round of puppy kisses and bruising tail wags later, Riddick said, "What's her name?"
"Lady." For a moment, I couldn't figure out the slow grin spreading on his face. Then I sighed, dropping my face in my hands. "Yes, I named myself after my dog. Just call me 'Indiana'," I muttered.
"I think not."
My head popped up again, and I turned around. Another familiar figure stood behind me, fiery eyes gleaming from inside the dark hood. The dog whined once, and went to hide in the bedroom. Unfortunately, I couldn't do the same.
Riddick glanced at Darth Maul. "What's he doing here?"
"Well, this is supposed to be a crossover, you know," I said, and looked back at Maul. "I just didn't expect you guys to cross over here."
"A crossover," Maul growled. "I see. Dare I assume that Riddick and I are to become... involved?"
"Uh--no, no," I stammered, trying to hide my blush. "That's already been done before. It would be too... um, too close to plagiarism for me." I glanced back at Riddick. He was smirking at me. "What are you smiling at? You think you can write the damn story?"
"I'm a character. We're not allowed to write."
"Oh, I don't buy that. I'm a writer, so I can damn well change the rules." I picked up a pen, waving it at him like a magic wand. "Poof! You can write."
The smirk never leaving his face, Riddick leaned over me. I tried to keep my breathing steady and my face from flushing as his chest pressed up against my back. His chuckle vibrated through me. Reaching around me, Riddick began typing. After a few minutes, I stopped him, blushing all over again. "No, I don't think so, Riddick. I don't make my original female characters like... like that. Besides," and I took a breath, "I'mnotsurethat'sanatomicallypossible!"
He straightened up again, towering over my seated form, and his rumbling laugh burst out. "Just as I thought. You're a prude!"
"I am not a prude!"
"Bullshit," a new voice broke in. I glared at the befurred, befanged, bequilled, betailed young woman glaring right back at me.
I couldn't believe it. "You're talking to your creator like this?!"
"Hey, you're the one that gave me the mouth." Melody grinned at Maul. He grinned in return. It was frightening. "Would you believe that this prude here had me all set up with Toad, and then didn't let us get it on?" Her grin turned into a sneer as she spoke to me again. "Toad's not talking to you, by the way. You called him 'cute, in a baby bird sort of way'."
"I am not a--" I began, but was cut off as yet another 'muse' entered the scene.
"Oh, yes, you are." Cathleen was still dressed in the Jedi garb I'd left her in. She gave Maul a nervous look, and edged toward Riddick. I was about to warn her that Riddick was just as much trouble as Maul, but I never got the chance. "You got me into a dinner with Qui-Gon Jinn, and what did you do? Made me lose my temper!" She folded her arms and scowled. "And it was a candlelight dinner, no less!"
Speaking of losing tempers.... "All right!" I bellowed, putting my mom voice to good use. I stood up, rolling the computer chair back a pace or two. "Everyone not connected with this Pitch Black/Star Wars crossover I'm trying to write, leave! Now!!"
Melody and Cathleen vanished in twin puffs of smoke. I sat back down, sighed, and laid my head on the desk, cursing. I heard some soft rustling behind me, but wasn't terribly inclined to look. Then two strong, supple hands began rubbing my shoulders. My eyes opened to the sight of ungloved, red and black fingers digging into one shoulder. I sighed again, and sat up. "Oh, Maul, that is heavenly."
"Anything to help my writer. Have you an idea yet?"
"Not quite, but it's forming."
"Here," Riddick said, crouching down in front of me, one hand on each of my knees. "I think maybe horny boy and I can help out with some... inspiration." He licked his lips as Maul's fingers began stroking my throat, and I melted.
As for what happened next.... Well, it's just too embarrassing to write about!
Author: LadyElaine
Summary: This is me making fun of myself.
Rating: PG-13 for language
Disclaimer: Riddick and "Pitch Black" belong to USA Films and David Twohy. Darth Maul, Qui-Gon Jinn, and "Star Wars" belong to George Lucas and Lucasfilm. Toad belongs to Stan Lee, Marvel, and Fox Studios. Cathleen and Melody are mine--though I'm not entirely sure how glad I am of that.
Archive: If you actually want, it... sure. Just let me know where it's going.
Feedback: Please. dragonlady75069@attbi.com
Crossover?
I cracked my knuckles before I started typing. I had the "Attack of the Clones" soundtrack playing nice and loud, and my mental adrenaline was pumping. In short, I was ready to write. I even had my first words planned out.
"In all the worlds in all the galaxies in all the universes, there had never been two men so much alike, and yet so completely different."
Yeah. That was a good start, I thought, and wriggled my fingers over the keyboard.
The next words wouldn't come.
Dammit, the first chapter was always the easiest, once I had the first words worked out. I should have been typing at top speed by now! Everything just flowed from those first words; on top of that, I always figured out my last words within the first third of the story. But this was... was....
"Having trouble?"
Now that was unusual. "How the hell did you get here?" I demanded of the familiar figure. Tall, bald, black goggles covering shined eyes. "No-- scratch that. Why the hell did you wait till now? I could have used some of your input on my last story!"
Riddick just grinned sardonically at me and ignored the question. Cocking his head at the almost empty computer screen, he said, "Writer's block?"
I stared at the uncooperative screen. "Writer's block doesn't exist." I shrugged. "At least, that's what the pros say."
My dog chose that moment to greet the bizarre visitor. A round of puppy kisses and bruising tail wags later, Riddick said, "What's her name?"
"Lady." For a moment, I couldn't figure out the slow grin spreading on his face. Then I sighed, dropping my face in my hands. "Yes, I named myself after my dog. Just call me 'Indiana'," I muttered.
"I think not."
My head popped up again, and I turned around. Another familiar figure stood behind me, fiery eyes gleaming from inside the dark hood. The dog whined once, and went to hide in the bedroom. Unfortunately, I couldn't do the same.
Riddick glanced at Darth Maul. "What's he doing here?"
"Well, this is supposed to be a crossover, you know," I said, and looked back at Maul. "I just didn't expect you guys to cross over here."
"A crossover," Maul growled. "I see. Dare I assume that Riddick and I are to become... involved?"
"Uh--no, no," I stammered, trying to hide my blush. "That's already been done before. It would be too... um, too close to plagiarism for me." I glanced back at Riddick. He was smirking at me. "What are you smiling at? You think you can write the damn story?"
"I'm a character. We're not allowed to write."
"Oh, I don't buy that. I'm a writer, so I can damn well change the rules." I picked up a pen, waving it at him like a magic wand. "Poof! You can write."
The smirk never leaving his face, Riddick leaned over me. I tried to keep my breathing steady and my face from flushing as his chest pressed up against my back. His chuckle vibrated through me. Reaching around me, Riddick began typing. After a few minutes, I stopped him, blushing all over again. "No, I don't think so, Riddick. I don't make my original female characters like... like that. Besides," and I took a breath, "I'mnotsurethat'sanatomicallypossible!"
He straightened up again, towering over my seated form, and his rumbling laugh burst out. "Just as I thought. You're a prude!"
"I am not a prude!"
"Bullshit," a new voice broke in. I glared at the befurred, befanged, bequilled, betailed young woman glaring right back at me.
I couldn't believe it. "You're talking to your creator like this?!"
"Hey, you're the one that gave me the mouth." Melody grinned at Maul. He grinned in return. It was frightening. "Would you believe that this prude here had me all set up with Toad, and then didn't let us get it on?" Her grin turned into a sneer as she spoke to me again. "Toad's not talking to you, by the way. You called him 'cute, in a baby bird sort of way'."
"I am not a--" I began, but was cut off as yet another 'muse' entered the scene.
"Oh, yes, you are." Cathleen was still dressed in the Jedi garb I'd left her in. She gave Maul a nervous look, and edged toward Riddick. I was about to warn her that Riddick was just as much trouble as Maul, but I never got the chance. "You got me into a dinner with Qui-Gon Jinn, and what did you do? Made me lose my temper!" She folded her arms and scowled. "And it was a candlelight dinner, no less!"
Speaking of losing tempers.... "All right!" I bellowed, putting my mom voice to good use. I stood up, rolling the computer chair back a pace or two. "Everyone not connected with this Pitch Black/Star Wars crossover I'm trying to write, leave! Now!!"
Melody and Cathleen vanished in twin puffs of smoke. I sat back down, sighed, and laid my head on the desk, cursing. I heard some soft rustling behind me, but wasn't terribly inclined to look. Then two strong, supple hands began rubbing my shoulders. My eyes opened to the sight of ungloved, red and black fingers digging into one shoulder. I sighed again, and sat up. "Oh, Maul, that is heavenly."
"Anything to help my writer. Have you an idea yet?"
"Not quite, but it's forming."
"Here," Riddick said, crouching down in front of me, one hand on each of my knees. "I think maybe horny boy and I can help out with some... inspiration." He licked his lips as Maul's fingers began stroking my throat, and I melted.
As for what happened next.... Well, it's just too embarrassing to write about!