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Examination of Conscience Pt. 2: The Way of the Lonely Cowboy
Disclaimer: Yah, yah… I'll give you all this stuff. Tell you I don't own Cowboy Bebop and all that jazz, but what does it help anyway? In the end, it's just a hurtful statement because I know it'll crush this overgrown little girl's every hope and dream. We don't have to do that do we?? Eh… I was just kidding. Sorry about my last chapter. I know…it majorly sucked and still continues to do so… heh* sue me if you like
SPIKE'S POV
I had to go. I knew it, he knew it. So she had to have known the same. Come on, life on the BeBop couldn't last forever. Or maybe it could've? Either way, we'll never know. I had to settle things with Vicious. It was the only way to stop the flashbacks. The only way to stop the past from interfering with my present and my future. If I had a future.
Life on the good ship Bebop? How can I put it…? Life was…interesting. Between bullying a tomboy, suffering the psychotic fits of a genius thirteen year-old, being outwitted by a dog, and eating otherwise poisonous food served by an ex-ISSP officer with a metal arm, I'd say life was being fulfilled. But then there would always be something to ruin life's precious little moments. Yes, those damn flashbacks again. They never let me rest. So the confrontation had to happen sooner or later.
Any last thoughts, cowboy?
I wasn't going there to die, remember? Hah. That's a laugh. But would dying be such a bad thing? Julia. I loved her with all my heart. She was the only woman who ever made me feel so alive. And now she's gone. Would it be so bad if I were gone too? I don't mean to be so selfish, but don't I deserve to set my mind at ease after the girl I love is dead because of me? Julia wouldn't be dead if our little affair hadn't been discovered. She would still be alive. She would still be here for me to hold. I can smell the soft scent of her golden hair now.
Another flashback.
Shredded paper. A single, beautiful rose in muddy water. Symbolic of Julia's futile situation, stuck between two lovers. Between life and death. Unexpected gunfire. A false suicide.
Why was it always this? I didn't want to remember this. And yet the memory hung in my mind like the dark gray cloud of smoke that usually surrounded my head when I smoked my cigarettes. I was convinced that killing Vicious would help stop the memories that came at me like a thousand of his kitanas (AN: is it kitana or katana?? Sorry if I got it wrong). Nothing was more painful than those evil memories I wanted to forget. And only one thing could stop me.
Faye. She had definitely earned a spot in my piece of junk heart. Not really in a romantic way. More like an annoying little sister way. I really felt for her when she stood there, shooting off her gun into the air. But then again, I didn't get it. Why would she put so much effort into stopping me when our whole relationship basically depended on our everyday taunting? Maybe the wench wasn't so bad. She did have a little mystery to her after all.
What's this? A different flashback? No. It wasn't a flashback at all.
An image on the Bebop flashed before my mind and faded away just as quickly as it had come. We were all there. The whole Bebop crew in all its glory. Jet, Ed, Ein, me, and of course Faye. And we were happy. What's happiness? It's just a word isn't it? I often wondered how one word could so constantly elude me. And I wondered how one little emotion could escape my life for as long as I could remember.
A year ago, I started my search for that very happiness I lack today. I raided the Red Dragons and went straight for Vicious. After it all ended, I lied in the puddle of my own blood and I didn't think I would make it out alive. Then Shin came with paramedics. As they lifted me onto the stretcher I felt as if the burden had been lifted from me. As if all the guilt had been taken from my soul and died when Vicious breathed his last breath. I took a good look at my old comrade.
Why had I hated him so much? Was Julia the only reason for our bitter quarrel? I hope not because now that they were both gone, I wanted all of the grudges to be dissolved in the blood that was shed for our sorry cause. All the lives that were lost, all the pain that was felt. I realize now that it was all unnecessary. We should've just lived our lives according to what we knew best. Maybe this is what we knew best.
Oh well I guess that's just life…
Examination of Conscience Pt. 2: The Way of the Lonely Cowboy
Disclaimer: Yah, yah… I'll give you all this stuff. Tell you I don't own Cowboy Bebop and all that jazz, but what does it help anyway? In the end, it's just a hurtful statement because I know it'll crush this overgrown little girl's every hope and dream. We don't have to do that do we?? Eh… I was just kidding. Sorry about my last chapter. I know…it majorly sucked and still continues to do so… heh* sue me if you like
SPIKE'S POV
I had to go. I knew it, he knew it. So she had to have known the same. Come on, life on the BeBop couldn't last forever. Or maybe it could've? Either way, we'll never know. I had to settle things with Vicious. It was the only way to stop the flashbacks. The only way to stop the past from interfering with my present and my future. If I had a future.
Life on the good ship Bebop? How can I put it…? Life was…interesting. Between bullying a tomboy, suffering the psychotic fits of a genius thirteen year-old, being outwitted by a dog, and eating otherwise poisonous food served by an ex-ISSP officer with a metal arm, I'd say life was being fulfilled. But then there would always be something to ruin life's precious little moments. Yes, those damn flashbacks again. They never let me rest. So the confrontation had to happen sooner or later.
Any last thoughts, cowboy?
I wasn't going there to die, remember? Hah. That's a laugh. But would dying be such a bad thing? Julia. I loved her with all my heart. She was the only woman who ever made me feel so alive. And now she's gone. Would it be so bad if I were gone too? I don't mean to be so selfish, but don't I deserve to set my mind at ease after the girl I love is dead because of me? Julia wouldn't be dead if our little affair hadn't been discovered. She would still be alive. She would still be here for me to hold. I can smell the soft scent of her golden hair now.
Another flashback.
Shredded paper. A single, beautiful rose in muddy water. Symbolic of Julia's futile situation, stuck between two lovers. Between life and death. Unexpected gunfire. A false suicide.
Why was it always this? I didn't want to remember this. And yet the memory hung in my mind like the dark gray cloud of smoke that usually surrounded my head when I smoked my cigarettes. I was convinced that killing Vicious would help stop the memories that came at me like a thousand of his kitanas (AN: is it kitana or katana?? Sorry if I got it wrong). Nothing was more painful than those evil memories I wanted to forget. And only one thing could stop me.
Faye. She had definitely earned a spot in my piece of junk heart. Not really in a romantic way. More like an annoying little sister way. I really felt for her when she stood there, shooting off her gun into the air. But then again, I didn't get it. Why would she put so much effort into stopping me when our whole relationship basically depended on our everyday taunting? Maybe the wench wasn't so bad. She did have a little mystery to her after all.
What's this? A different flashback? No. It wasn't a flashback at all.
An image on the Bebop flashed before my mind and faded away just as quickly as it had come. We were all there. The whole Bebop crew in all its glory. Jet, Ed, Ein, me, and of course Faye. And we were happy. What's happiness? It's just a word isn't it? I often wondered how one word could so constantly elude me. And I wondered how one little emotion could escape my life for as long as I could remember.
A year ago, I started my search for that very happiness I lack today. I raided the Red Dragons and went straight for Vicious. After it all ended, I lied in the puddle of my own blood and I didn't think I would make it out alive. Then Shin came with paramedics. As they lifted me onto the stretcher I felt as if the burden had been lifted from me. As if all the guilt had been taken from my soul and died when Vicious breathed his last breath. I took a good look at my old comrade.
Why had I hated him so much? Was Julia the only reason for our bitter quarrel? I hope not because now that they were both gone, I wanted all of the grudges to be dissolved in the blood that was shed for our sorry cause. All the lives that were lost, all the pain that was felt. I realize now that it was all unnecessary. We should've just lived our lives according to what we knew best. Maybe this is what we knew best.
Oh well I guess that's just life…