The Wings of Love
Chapter VII
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The fire crackled, startling him back to the present. Cole had been lost in thoughts for a long moment, mulling over the last two excruciating days. More than once, he had been tempted to try talking to her, but every single time, Clay got in the way. Cole had come to believe that this one did it on purpose. Still, he had not realized that he was all that obvious, and thought that maybe he saw things that weren't there.
As far as their progress went, it was not satisfactory at all. The wounded slowed their advance, along with the detour that they had been forced to take because of the risk of discovery. When he had told Leo and Clay of their misadventure, these had been appalled. However, until now, luck had been on their side. The only scare they had were a couple in a lone car driving down the road, as they were coming out of the woods the day before. Fortunately, they had not been spotted. Tonight, they were taking the risk of making a fire, as the scouts had seen no one for a long way. It was welcome warmth, as the temperature was dropping rapidly at this point.
While thinking of this, he felt a shiver in spite of the fire, and pulled his jacket tighter around him.
He had tried his best not to look at them until now, but as he did so, he caught sight of Phoebe and Clay. Phoebe was smiling softly, apparently enthralled in what Clay had to say, "whatever that was," he thought bitterly.
Even as the thought crossed his mind, he wanted to chase it away. What did he really care anyway? It was not like he wished to have any serious relationship, was it," he told himself. However, this did not make him feel any better. He heard a ruffling sound, as Leo came to sit next to him.
"Hey, something on your mind?" Leo asked almost immediately.
"No…Why," Cole replied, but without looking at him.
Leo followed the direction of his stare and a smile formed on his lips.
"Well, from where I stand, there definitely seem to be something…"
Cole turned to his friend, only to see him staring at Phoebe and Clay, still harboring a smile that Cole thought was mocking him.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he uttered then.
"Come on, Cole. You could fool the others maybe, but not me…what happened between you two? I mean, while you were alone…"
"Nothing happened," Cole replied curtly.
He found that his friend's comment hit too close to home and did not feel like discussing this.
"Besides, she is Clay's problem now…"
"I see," Leo uttered then with a meaningful expression.
"I don't think that you see at all," Cole replied irritably.
"Alright, if you're going to be like this, let's drop it…"
"Yeah…"
The two fell silent, as Cole could not help looking back at her. This time, however, she noticed his stare and smiled. He felt as if he had been caught and barely nodded before getting up to leave without a word of warning to Leo.
This one looked up in surprise at his sudden departure, but he had caught the brief exchange and was now certain that he had been right.
Phoebe' smile melted away as she watched him going. "Why is he doing this," she asked herself for the umpteenth time.
"Phoebe?" Clay was asking.
She looked back with some embarrassment, as she had missed most of what he had said last.
"Sorry?"
"I was just asking you if you were cold?"
"Oh…Huh, I'm fine. However, I really think that I need some sleep now," she said, while looking back the way Cole had left.
"Of course, these long days of marching must be hard on you. Do you want me to accompany you to your tent?"
"No," she said quickly. "No, it's ok. Stay here, I'll see you in the morning…" she said, glancing his way.
Clay smiled warmly at this.
"I'm looking forward to it."
She smiled back, but her mind was already elsewhere, even as she took the direction of the tent.
Cole had walked only a little way, and found himself leaning against a tree, still wondering what was the matter with him. It was freezing cold and he felt stupid for leaving the warm fire behind. Yet, he was not ready to go back.
He could hear the conversations of people preparing for the night back there. He let his mind wandering, trying to find some inner peace and was so lost in thoughts that when she spoke, he almost jumped.
"Hello," she simply said, but that was enough to send his heart racing.
He couldn't answer and she came closer, wondering if he heard.
"Hey?"
At this point, he forced himself to look at her, wondering what she was doing there all of a sudden.
"Hey," was all he could manage.
"Captain, I have to know something…"
He cleared his throat before questioning:
"What might that be?"
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"Me," he asked, trying to sound casual. "I don't know what you're talking about…"
Phoebe moved closer, trying to discern his expression in the poor lighting.
"Huh, ever since we came back…or rather since the other morning, I have been wondering…"
"About what," he asked, a little more eagerly than he had meant…
She hesitated, unsure on how to ask. Still, she had to know.
"The night that we spent in the cave…"
"What about it?"
She sensed that he was getting nervous at this and she wondered even more.
"Well…I thought that…you seemed to like me…"
She couldn't believe that she had said it. Yet, now it was out in the open, and she held her breath, worried that he might simply laugh in her face.
Instead, there was a long pause, and she found herself becoming even more anxious. He was avoiding her eyes, as if he couldn't bear to look at her.
At last, he uttered hesitantly:
"I don't dislike you…"
She almost took a step back, anticipating the humiliation.
"That's all you have to say?" She asked then, unable to keep the disappointment from her voice.
The question seemed to echo in his mind, as he was asking himself the very same one. She was there, she had come to him, and yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her how he truly felt. The fact was that he was not even sure about that either. Before this, she had been unattainable, safe in a way. Now however, he was facing a possibility that he had not really believed would present itself. Even as he was debating this, he saw her turn around and move away. He had the urge to call her back, but didn't know what to tell her.
Phoebe felt an unpleasant tingling in her eyes and she fought the urge to cry. She had not even realized how much it meant to her until then. She could not stay there and wait for him to tell her that she had imagined things. Nevertheless, she had only taken a few steps when a branch cracking nearby stopped her short. Less than a second later, she felt him pulling her back behind the tree, while he tried to see who or what had caused the sound. At this point, she knew that she should have been scared, and she was, a little. However, his arms around her were all that she could really think about. As she looked up, he signaled for her to stay silent. For a long moment, they held their breath, wondering if a patrol had not found their camp. Then, they saw one of their companions coming out of the woods and walking back toward the camp without noticing them. Phoebe sensed him relaxing somewhat, but she felt that he was still tense. After the man had passed them, Phoebe thought of pulling away from Cole, but she couldn't. He did not seem any more eager to let her go. Was it nerves, or his proximity, she didn't know, but she felt a tremor inside of her.
With a hoarse voice, he asked, telling her that he had noticed:
"Are you cold? You're trembling…"
She could feel his warm breath on her forehead. Expectantly, she looked up, and their eyes locked. In that instant, she had no longer any doubts as to what he wanted from her. One of his hands left her side to come touching her face, caressing her hesitantly and she closed her eyes, the cold and her doubts forgotten. He hesitated, as if any more could break this moment forever.
Sensing his hesitation, she lifted herself toward him, already parting her lips, inviting him. Somewhere deep inside, she could barely believe how bold she was, but she had no intention of stopping now. Not now that he took what she offered, kissing her passionately. She knew in that instant that she had been waiting for this from the first moment that she had seen him in the bistro. It felt not only good, but also the most natural thing in the world, as if nothing should have ever come between them.
Even as his desire for her almost overwhelmed Cole, he knew without being sure how that there was more to it than simple lust. He wanted her, body and soul, like he had never wanted any woman in his life. When he realized this however, he found that he could barely breathe. Suddenly, he pulled away, fearing his own reaction.
"Miss Halliwell…Huh…I'm sorry," he said, letting go of her.
"You're sorry?" She asked in total bewilderment. "You were not alone here…"
He hesitated again, his mind reeling as it was.
"It's neither the time or the place for this. I will ask you to forget this ever happened. I…"
He could not say anymore, as he saw the intense disappointment in her eyes. This hurt him, but only served to freak him even more. Without another word, he took off toward the camp, leaving Phoebe utterly confused again.
Tears swelled in her eyes, even as the sadness mixed with humiliation. How could she have opened herself up to him like this, only to be rejected in such a strange manner? He wanted her; she knew he did. But then, why did he run away like this?
She started back slowly, avoiding the campfire to go directly to her tent. There, she went straight to her bedding and buried her face in the blanket, unwilling to let anyone see her pain…
Cole was very agitated when he entered the men's tent, and Leo could not help noticing.
"Hey, where did you go? Did something happen?"
Cole hesitated, not looking at him directly. Then:
"Nothing, nothing at all. I think that I will go take the next watch."
"Hey, you just came in!"
"And now I'm going," he said, ill at ease while turning back.
However, Leo sensed that he really wanted to talk, and just did not know how to start. So, he followed his friend, and waited until this one sent the sentry away before approaching him.
"Cole?"
This one turned to him with irritation.
"What are you doing here? Just go to sleep, tomorrow will be another long day…"
"Not before you told me what you are dying to…"
Cole glanced at him, but immediately looked away, while tossing pebbles with his shoes.
"I told you," Cole said, "I have nothing to talk about. There you have it…"
Leo sighed, but rather than going away, he went to sit on a log and waited, totally unnerving Cole.
This one decided to ignore him and paced, all the while sensing his friend's eyes on him. At long last, he couldn't take it anymore and turned to him almost angrily.
"What do you want me to tell you?"
Leo watched him calmly, knowing that there was no point in pushing him. Seeing this, Cole came to sit by him, chewing his lower lip nervously.
"She came to me, I didn't go to her. What did she expect?"
Leo kept silent, knowing that the question was rhetorical.
"I mean," he pursued, talking too fast, "I owe her nothing, and she owes me nothing. I didn't ask for this…"
"Asked for what," Leo questioned softly.
Cole gave him an annoyed side look.
"Nothing…"
"Come on, Cole. You know that you want to talk about it."
Cole sighed deeply before continuing:
"I don't want to feel like this, Leo. I never did. There is no place in my life for a permanent relationship…"
"Did it ever occur to you that you might not have a choice in the matter?"
"I do have a choice," Cole said irritably. "I only have to avoid her and put her out of my mind…"
"Like you have been doing the last few days?" Leo asked with a knowing smile.
Cole glared at him, even more annoyed, but Leo sustained his stare, unmoved. Instead of replying, Cole got up quickly and started pacing again, casting several looks toward the camp.
"You may think what you want," he exclaimed suddenly, "but I would be no good to any woman. I need to be free."
Leo sighed:
"Then, you will truly be alone…more even, now that you know what you will be missing…"
"And what would that be?" Cole asked, turning to him with a frown.
Leo took the time to stand up and get on his way before answering.
"Love, Cole… simply love…"
Cole watched him going with a scowl, trying to deny that Leo's last words had made an impression on him.
"Foolishness," he mumbled. "I don't need love, and I don't need her…" he tried again. Nothing, however, could fill the void that he felt growing inside him…
Leo was walking toward his own tent, but what he told Cole seemed to apply to him as well. He had been going around the issue for a while with Piper, and now, he saw that even in the circumstances, it might be a mistake to wait. He knew deep down that she was the one he wanted. Her enthusiasm and freshness charmed him from the first moment. This along with the fact that she was also a dedicated nurse, who was taking her work and her patients very seriously, only added to the attraction.
His only problem was that he was shy by nature, and did not know exactly where to begin with her. However, he was convinced by now that she at least found him interesting, as she had demonstrated it more than once. He believed that he was ready to tell her how he felt, but at the same time, he feared the next step forward. What if that was only a casual attraction on her part? Leo had always seen himself as a one-woman man. Unlike Cole, he did not see the point in those frivolous encounters that his friend enjoyed so, however pleasant they might be. At this point, trying to silence his lingering doubts, he stopped short and made a beeline for the girl's tent, hoping that she might still be awake.
Indeed, as luck had it, Piper had been taking care of a few patients and was now returning to her tent. She saw Leo coming and a pleased smile immediately appeared on her face. Certain that he had come for her, she told herself happily:
"It's about time…"
She had been tempted many times to make the first move in the last couple of days. However, she had sensed that he might not have been ready for it. She was not a very patient person in general, but she wanted this to work and had made an effort to temper her enthusiasm.
Now, however, she moved faster, eager to meet with him.
Leo turned to her as if he had felt her coming, and he smiled timidly at her approach. She thought that he was so cute and refreshingly reserved for a man. For a brief moment, before she reached him, she questioned her interest in such a man. Her, so opened and spontaneous, while he was so calm and careful… Yet, she told herself that it might just be the perfect combination. No matter, by then, she already felt so much affection for him that she was ready to make the necessary efforts in order for this to work.
"Leo," she exclaimed familiarly. "What a nice surprise!"
"Really," he asked, his smile slightly more confident.
"I was thinking about you…"
She saw that he was startled by her openness and feared that she might have gone a little too far already.
However, his next words reassured her:
"I have been thinking about you as well, miss…" he hesitated, unsure about the familiarity. However, her smile of encouragement helped him get over this… "Piper…"
She smiled gently at this, and a warm feeling coursed through him. Still, he did not know where to start, and hesitated at length… He could see that she expected something from him and it pleased him, but it also scared him a little.
"Huh, are you too tired to come sit with me by the fire?"
Without wait, she came closer to him, slipping her arm under his.
"Lead the way," she simply replied.
The campfire was deserted at this point, as most people were already trying to sleep. They sat side by side, awkwardly on Leo's part, as he was still wondering what he could tell her. Before he could decide, he saw her leaning toward him and gently kissing him. He could not help a little jump at this.
Piper moved back, unsure.
"I'm sorry, maybe it was a little too forward of me…"
"No," Leo exclaimed. Then he said softly:
"No, it's not it. I just…"
"Yes?"
"I don't want this to be only a one time thing between us…I would like…"
"I'd like this too," she interrupted gently.
"Really? I… I wasn't certain how you felt…"
"Leo…you're so different…"
He wondered if she meant this as a bad thing, but her gentle smile denied this impression. He then let her continue expectantly.
"I won't lie to you," she pursued then. "I have had quite a few boyfriends in my life already…" She stopped, searching his expression for some shock, but he was simply waiting for her to continue. "Until now, I never envisioned the future very seriously… but lately I found myself thinking about it a lot…"
Leo felt his heart racing, hopeful that this meant what he was hoping for.
"And," he almost whispered.
"And I would like to think that you are part of this future, Leo."
He couldn't believe it. All this time, he had been wondering how to tell her about the way he felt, but she had just put it so well that he found himself speechless.
His silence suddenly made her nervous.
"If what I told you is a problem…"
"No! No it's not. I…"
However, instead of pursuing with words, he bent toward her and, gently putting his hand behind her neck, he pulled her closer toward him. Their kiss was soft at first, almost timid. Nevertheless, soon a wave of passion swept them, as they forgot about the surroundings, lost in a pure moment of bliss…
From a ways, Cole could not help watching this with a painful wave of regrets. Soon however, and as he stopped watching them, he promised himself that this pain would go away. He was not ready for love, maybe never would be, he thought, trying very hard to convince himself…
The next evening, a group of them gathered around, discussing the news brought back by a scout.
"As you probably all know," Cole began, looking around, "we are nearing a small city. This means that we might be able to get some vehicles and arrive faster at our destination."
A few murmurs all around told him that many had an opinion on the matter but they let him continue.
"There is a problem however. As we surmised, the Germans are rather paranoiac at this time, and some troops are camped just outside the city…"
One of the medics replied:
"Maybe we should just move on then. We're not soldiers. At least most of us are not…"
Cole lifted a hand:
"I know that it might be dangerous. However, our slow advance is also rather risky. Every day that goes by increases the chance that we will be discovered."
The murmurs increased in volume, telling him that they were getting anxious.
"I cannot force you into anything, and if push comes to shove, Clay and me will try to do this on our own. However…"
Piper interrupted then:
"If you need help, count me in!"
Leo turned to her in surprise. He had been about to make the same offer, but worried about her safety at this point.
Turning toward Cole, he said first:
"I'm willing to help, of course, but," and then he looked back at Piper with concern, "I do not think that we should involve the women into this."
Piper stared at him reproachfully:
"I disagree. We're all into this mess together, and we can all help getting us out of it. It's not because I'm a woman that I can't be of use."
Leo felt this as a slap.
"I didn't mean that you couldn't…"
Piper softly replied, only for him.
"I know…"
Leo frowned but understood that she was asking him not to protest anymore. Reluctantly, he sat back and didn't ad anything for or against.
Cole waited a moment, to see if more would volunteer. A few more hands timidly went up and he counted about ten people willing to help. He was about to wrap this up, when he noticed that Phoebe was also offering her help, if hesitantly. He noticed her questioning stare, which made him ill at ease. He was still determined to keep his distance from her in spite of the need he felt. However, the thought of her exposing herself to danger again gave him an unpleasant twinge, but he had no idea how he could force her not to do it.
"Alright, then. We will let you know what your part will be sometimes tomorrow. We anticipate to be trying this tomorrow night at the most, so get some rest in the meantime," he finally said with a hint of annoyance that fortunately, the others didn't seem to notice.
As the gathering slowly dissolved, only a handful of them stayed by the fire, lost in thoughts. Phoebe was still sitting by Clay, but Cole did his best to avoid looking at them. Instead, he noticed this nurse, watching them unhappily, but he chose to ignore that.
Eager to find some distraction from his disturbing thoughts, he went to sit by her.
"Hey," he said then, as she turned to him with a weak smile.
"Hey…" she simply replied, her attention quickly returning to the couple she had been watching.
Cole pursued, stubbornly avoiding looking at them himself:
"I haven't had the pleasure to be introduced, but it is still time to remediate the situation…"
Paige turned to him with slight surprise. A warmer smile spread her lips then.
"I do know who you are, Captain."
"I must admit that I missed you name, however" he said charmingly.
"Paige… Paige Matthews."
"Well, Paige. Nice to make your acquaintance…"
Even throughout this exchange, he noticed her casting quick looks toward Phoebe and Clay again.
"Anything the matter," he asked then, trying to sound casual.
As if shaking herself, she turned to him decisively.
"Nope, nothing at all. Are you too busy to take a little walk with me?" She asked very forwardly.
"I always have time for a pretty lady like you," he replied with a smile.
In the back of his mind, he could almost hear Leo's voice telling him that he was doing the wrong thing, but he could not help thinking that this way, Phoebe would stop expecting anything from him. Mostly though, he knew that he was trying to prove something to himself. It was also very obvious to him that Paige was annoyed at seeing Clay with Phoebe, but this did not enter in his equation. He was not after her for anything more serious than a flirt.
"Then, let's go," she said, getting up very quickly and pulling him to her.
Before moving away, she looked back, possibly checking if Clay had noticed, but the twitching of her mouth at this told him that he had not. She rapidly wiped it from her face however, smiling widely at him as they walked away.
Contrary to what Paige thought, Clay had noticed, but mostly because he had followed Phoebe's angry stare, as she watched them going. For a moment, he thought that she would go after them, but instead she stayed put. However, an idea began to form in his mind after this…
Leo accompanied Piper to her tent, all the while harboring a troubled expression. As they were nearing their destination, he turned to her at last:
"I don't like the idea of you putting yourself in more danger than necessary…"
Piper stopped and gave him an affectionate look:
"I know how you must feel. Nevertheless, you will have to accept that I am my own woman. Liking you doesn't change this…"
He tried to interrupt, but she put light fingers on his lips, stopping him.
"Leo, I am not fearless, trust me. However, I have to do what I think is right. I am in this place, this war because I felt that I would be needed. Well, tomorrow, I will be, and that is all I have to know."
"You are helping plenty by nursing the wounded. There is no need for you to expose yourself…"
She simply smiled and deposited a light kiss on his lips.
"You are too sweet Leo. Don't worry," she added then, "I will be careful. I want to be back and see where we go from there as much as you do. I also want you to do the same…"
She then leaned against him, nesting her head on his shoulder. Leo sighed, as much in contentment as in resignation, while they held each other…
Paige was talking animatedly while they walked, apparently oblivious to her previous concerns. Cole paid her only mild attention, but was grateful in a way, as her conversation still partly occupied his mind. Suddenly she stopped and pulling him to her, she cuddled playfully.
"Hey, It's pretty cold out here. I could use some warming up…"
Her tempting smile was difficult to resist and at this point, he did not want to.
"Are you certain? I am not promising you anything you know?" he still said.
"I am not asking you to marry me," she replied in the same playful tone. "There is a war out there. Tomorrow could be our last. I just want to feel the warmth of another human being, that's all. Don't look for any other meaning in my offer…"
This pleasantly surprised Cole… At this point, all he wanted was the same thing. A meaningless moment shared. This is why, when she offered her lips to him, he barely hesitated. His hands wandered down her back and she sighed against his mouth. Nevertheless, in spite of the physical pleasure this gave him as well, he couldn't help feeling the emptiness still. He had just about made up his mind to break their embrace when Clay's voice made the decision for him.
"Hey, Cole!"
Cole stepped away from Paige almost guiltily. She opened her eyes in slight confusion, until she realized that Clay was watching them.
Cole turned toward the newcomer and caught his breath when he saw Phoebe by his side. On her face, he could read an infinite sadness and anger. His heart sunk at the sight, but he could not say a thing to justify himself.
"Weren't we supposed to work on this plan of yours," Clay pursued, obviously pleased with himself, or so Cole thought.
He gave his copilot a very angry look, which this one did not seem to notice, before glancing at Phoebe. However, Phoebe already had her back to him, walking toward the camp. He thought that he saw her shoulders shook by what looked like sobbing. He took a few hesitant steps toward her, but Clay put himself between him and her.
"So? Are we going to do this or what?"
Cole was tempted to push the copilot aside rudely and go after her. Yet, he knew that he was the one at fault. He even had done it for this very purpose, so why did it seem so wrong now?
Sighing heavily, he turned toward Clay:
"Yeah," he answered blandly. "Let's do this…"
Before moving away with Clay, he remembered Paige.
Going back toward her, he said:
"I'm sorry, I… This shouldn't have happened anyway."
Paige stared at him curiously. Then, she seemed to understand.
"I guess that you're right…"
She then herself watched the two men going with a very disappointed expression.
Phoebe entered the tent still crying. Try as she might, she couldn't stop. It was all too familiar to her. The pain was excruciating. Even more so than the first time, as she realized then that she had been falling for him harder than she ever thought possible. "How mistaken was I?" she thought to herself bitterly. If she had hoped that no one would notice her however, it wasn't to be. Piper lifted her head toward her and gave an anxious look to her distraught cousin.
"Phoebe! What's wrong?"
This one just went past her to her bedding and said nothing at first, the tears still choking her.
Piper got up and went to her, pulling her toward her chest.
Phoebe resisted at first, but the flood of tears came again, even harder than before and she let herself fall in Piper's arms.
"My god, Phoebe, what's wrong with you? You're scaring me."
Between her sobbing, Phoebe uttered chokingly:
"Don't ever trust men… They are all the same… They will all betray you at the drop of a hat…"
Piper frowned unhappily:
"Come on, Phoebe. Not all men are that bad."
Phoebe pushed herself from her angrily.
"Believe me. There isn't one to redeem the others. One day you will find this out. I just hope that you won't get hurt as badly as I have been."
Piper frowned painfully. She knew that these bitter words were inspired by infinite sorrow.
"Please Phoebe…who hurt you?"
"It doesn't matter," she replied, wiping the tears off her face. "It's enough for you to know that I won't let that happen to me again…"
At this, Phoebe went to lie down on her bedding, pulling the blanket over herself and resolutely turning away from Piper.
This one watched Phoebe for a long moment, very concerned for her cousin…