Title: Life
Author: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
A/N: Hank Summers is not a good guy in this situation. In chapter one it shows he's a coward. I wasn't depicting him in any other manner.
Buffy sat on her couch clutching her knees. This couldn't be happening. Loving Dawn was the only thing that kept her grounded to this world. "Ya and sleeping with Spike's the only thing that makes me feel alive," Buffy said to herself.
Tara looked at her sternly. "What were you just thinking?"
"Nothing important," Buffy huffed.
"Spill," the blonde witch said simply.
Buffy sighed, "I was thinking if Dawn left- Loving her is the only thing keeping grounded to this world."
"But then you had to admit that Spike makes you feel alive," Tara observed.
"Ya…but this isn't about me, is it? This is about doing what's best for my sister, however much I hate what ever the solution will be," Buffy groaned.
Tara decided to suggest the most painful thing first. "Dawn's spring break is coming up soon. Why not have her spend it in LA with Spike and see how she likes it there. Who knows she might realize he'll be gone even in the same house? Spike can be there to keep her company if your dad isn't around and protect her from the beasties in the area."
Buffy blanched. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn't think she could handle not seeing Spike for a week. It wasn't about the sex, but he was her outlet to vent about so much. Dawn being gone too would mean Buffy would have to live for herself for the first time since she got back. Without Spike there to remind her that life was a good thing Buffy wasn't sure that being alone was good for her.
She swallowed and blinked back tears, "I…I don't know if I can have them be gone for that long."
Tara patted Buffy's back, "You'll get up and go to work. You'll patrol and you'll have good time with your friends."
"I can't remember the last time I had a good time with my friends Tara. By the end of the week I'll be going to Spike's kitten poker games," Buffy said pathetically. Tara looked at her like she was nuts. "They don't play for money, they play for kittens and I don't know why, but…" Tara gave her this look. "What?"
"This isn't about Spike Buffy," Tara reminded her. "If all you're worried about is Spike's absence while Dawn is gone then its probably better if they both left." Buffy started to cry. "Look Buffy… If Spike is this evil thing that you can't love then let him love Dawn enough to do what is right for her. But if your just going to constantly use him then tell him how awful he is what else can you expect from him but awful things… He's already set the bar in this realm; if she goes, he goes. You seemed to think it was good and noble of me to leave the one I loved for the sake of her well-being. Spike is willing to leave you for the sake of Dawn's…I think that's noble."
"You're taking his side!" Buffy stood up and yelled. "You're supposed to be my friend and stick up for me…and not judge me… you didn't judge me before."
Tara stood as well, "Buffy, all I'm saying is it's like you need Spike to be evil, really evil, so that you can deny what he feels for you and so you can justify the way you've beaten on him and used him. If you let him be even the littlest bit good or human then maybe you're doing something wrong… Well guess what Buffy? You are doing something wrong. Your sister is paying for it, you're paying for it, and so is Spike." Buffy stood there stone-faced. "Would you like to get back to Dawn and Spike's hiatus from Sunnydale?" Buffy flung herself back on the sofa in defeat.
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"So what ya think Buffy's really mad at me?" Dawn said from Spike's bed in his crypt.
Spike lay on the floor between Dawn and the ladder so if anything wanted to get at her they would have to come through him first. "I don't think so Bit. I think she's just pained to think you're planning on leaving… You're all she loves in this world. That's the way it's been since your mum died."
"That's not true… She loves the Scoobies," Dawn groaned.
"Only partially pet. Buffy made it very clear before we fought Glory that she would not kill you to save the world…It wasn't an option, even if that meant the apocalypse. Even if you would die anyway, the last image she wanted you to see was her protecting you… She would rather have everyone of the Scoobies die then have you hurt. I think that says something about her love for you verses them," Spike explained.
"Then why the hell are things the way they are?" Dawn argued sitting up in bed.
Spike got off the floor and sat next to her. "Because being dead isn't easy… especially when you were finished. After all the hell on earth she went through, Buffy was done. Being brought back against her will…that's more then you can comprehend. Trying to be around the people who brought her back was really hard. Being around you…being responsible for you…that was hard to, not because she didn't love you with everything that she is."
"So she doesn't want me!" Dawn felt vindicated that someone finally said it.
"In one way no, she doesn't want to be a mom. But on the other hand she would do anything to keep you," Spike assured her.
"I guess I kind of know how she treats you: She wants you so badly it hurts but makes you feel worthless by not wanting to be with you," Dawn said calmly.
It tore Spike up to hear her talk that way. "Buffy doesn't think you're worthless, luv."
"That doesn't change the way it makes me feel, does it?" she said with big eyes, knowing she was getting through to him more then he wanted.
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"So Dawn and Spike would go visit my dad…and then we'll see what happens," Buffy said weakly.
"That way Dawn knows you've listen to her and its her choice," Tara said affirmingly.
"If she wants to come back Spike will move into help manage things," Buffy recited. "I hate this…" she groaned.
"You hate what?"
"That I can't do it all. That I can't make it all better," the slayer said frustrated.
"Tomorrow afternoon is when you have to convince them both things are going to change on your side. I'll be here to do the mediator thing…but Dawn's going to have to know what's up with you and Spike if this is going to work," Tara said smoothly.
"I can't," Buffy stood and started to pace.
"Not an option. I'm beginning to think that Spike has it right…the only way to get you to face the truth is to piss you off," the witch said definitely. Buffy turned in anger. "Good I've got your attention now. You have to tell her… The one part of this equation you're not factoring in is Willow."
Buffy flopped back on the couch. "This just keeps getting worse."
"Ah…" a voice from upstairs whimpered. Willow poked her head down. "I'm sorry… I came down when you started screaming," she grimaced looking apologetic. "I'm not sure what's going on, but it sounds like I'm not going to be much help."
Buffy and Tara just looked at each other then Willow. "Dawn needs more attention then Buffy is able to give and right now that's not something you can give either. Spike would become the live in parent." Willow was about to object when Tara said, "This isn't your choice. You really aren't at a place where you can help make a decision." They faced off for a moment staring at each other, Tara never losing her footing.
"What can I do to help?" Willow said to Buffy.
Tara looked at Buffy and smiled. "Go ahead."
"It would be good if you paid rent while you're staying here. I know you're going through a lot so I'm not asking you to leave…" Buffy said when Willow interrupted.
"But it would be easier to take care of Dawn if you didn't have to take care of me too," the red head said simply. "I didn't even think about the money thing…or the time thing." Willow looked at Tara. "Maybe I could get into a dorm at school…Might be good for me to stand on my own."
"Willow you don't have to," Buffy said quickly. "We'll put Spike in the basement. Now that its been worked on we could make it inhabitable. Better then his crypt."
"I'll still look into housing," Red said calmly. "When are you going to tell Xander?"
Buffy blushed. "One thing at a time," Tara soothed Buffy rubbing her back again.