Title: Confrontation
Author: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Buffy was pacing back and forth in her living room as the sun set. "Buffy, it's going to be okay… You'll talk, they'll listen," Tara said simply.
"I doubt that. Spike is just going to love this whole thing…I'm the bad guy in this situation. I can just see him smirk," she growled. Tara gave her the evil eye. "What?"
"Expect evil, taunt him, you get evil. Give him the benefit of the doubt and things will go smoother," Tara soothed.
"How can you be so sure?" the slayer sat down next to her on the couch.
"Because I gave him the same speech. Even if he doesn't respect what you have to say he does respect me," the blond witch said flatly.
Buffy began to pout. "This is a Buffy intervention isn't?"
"Huh?"
"Nothing… I just get the feeling they're going to come in with this untied front and I'm going to be talking to a stone wall."
Tara shook her head, "Or they could come in holding hands reminding each other why they love you so much and not let you bait them into an argument."
"I don't do that," Buffy snapped.
"Right… And I'm straight and yell quite often," Tara replied. "You function best angry. You prefer to fight because it's in your blood. If you stop to listen you might actually feel something that hurts… That's how you got into this mess. So lets go back to the plan that when you get flustered you don't have to look them in the eye and you can sip on water until you get your thoughts together so we don't have a war of words."
"GRR…" Buffy growled. "I don't get this. I thought… I used to be good with the heartfelt talks."
"Not since you got back, honey," Tara soothed. "Go answer the door. I just saw the fluttered of the black duster."
Buffy swallowed and opened the door before Dawn and Spike could reach the step. Buffy locked eyes with Spike for a second. "You were waiting on us pet?" Spike asked devoid of all sarcasms and ego.
"Yeah…" she ventured. "Hey Dawn…" she tried to address her sister. Dawn wouldn't look up.
"Bit… Your sister said hello," Spike said turning around to look at the teen. Dawn's head shot up to stare at the vampire.
Buffy swallowed realizing how much more respect Dawn had for Spike then for her. "Guess I haven't done much to inspire respect recently," Buffy thought.
"Hi Buffy," Dawn squeaked out. Spike wrapped an arm around Dawn leading her back into the house. A lot had changed between the three in the room in a twenty-four hour period.
Spike and Dawn sat on the couch across from Buffy in one chair and Tara in another. Buffy had pieces of paper out on the coffee tables a long with several glasses of water in anticipation of becoming flustered.
"Would you like something to drink?" Tara asked the two newcomers.
"I ate before we came," Spike said quietly. "Bit, you want anything?" he asked the teen who was staring at her shoes.
"Sure…Milk," Dawn managed.
Tara smiled, "Be right back."
Buffy looked at Spike and Dawn then looked away as Spike glanced into her eyes. Dawn continued to stare at the floor knowing that she wouldn't be able to deal with her anger with Buffy if she looked into her sister's face. As long as Buffy didn't verbal attack Spike, she was fairly certain she could hold her tongue.
Dawn leaned her head on Spike's chest as they waited for Tara's return. Buffy looked back over at the two on her couch. Spike was soothing Dawn, his arm was around her; he was rubbing his hand up and down her arm, and speaking quietly into her ear. Spike was always good at that. Dawn got Spike's kindness, sincerity, and sweetness. It seemed now that she wasn't there to distract him; Spike could devote himself entirely to loving Dawn. Buffy swallowed tears realizing how jealous she was. She could have this tenderness if she would have looked at Spike the way Dawn did…as a man.
Tara arrived just before Buffy got to the next thought in her brain, of maybe things could be different this time. The blond witch brought Buffy's attention back to the situation at hand. She screwed up with Dawn and now she had to fix it. Tara sat down looked at Buffy. "Go ahead Buffy."
Buffy's eyes flickered to the couch where she caught a brief bit of the sorrow in her sister's eyes that she hadn't been seeing for days on end. Immediately her arm shot out and grabbed for the first glass of water. "Buffy…" Tara gently prodded.
"Right…" Buffy glanced around guiltily. "Um…Dawn I know I haven't been around enough…for a while now. So I know you were saying you were thinking of going to stay with dad," she took another sip of water looking down. "I'm sorry it's gotten this bad…" She sighed. "If you want to go then why don't we see if you can see dad over your spring break as a trial run. Spike could go with you of course… I…I know if you leaves, he's going with you." Buffy's eyes drifted to Spike's with pain in them. "It serves me right to have you gone, since I've taken you for granted." Buffy was addressing Dawn but was looking at Spike.
Spike swallowed himself at the look in Buffy's eyes. She was so lost and scared. He wanted to sooth her and assure her things would work out but this time he didn't think so. "I'll probably invite Janice over to hear all the gossip," Buffy said causing a small smile to appear on Dawn's face for a second. Spike looked down to catch it when Buffy shocked him. "I think I'll end up playing kitten poker by the end of the week."
Dawn's brow furrowed. Her eyes met her sister's for the first time, "What?"
Spike cleared his throat. "That was a nice way of telling me that she would miss me too…without actually having to say the words."
Buffy shut her eyes in pain over the exchange, especially the last part. She wanted to get mad so bad, but Tara laid a hand over top of hers. "That was fair," the witch whispered.
Buffy nodded. "If you want to come home… We've come up with a few possibilities," she said quietly. Dawn didn't say anything so Buffy continued on. "I'll always be here to get you off for school every morning. Tara or I will always be here to pick you up from school and bring you home. And every night, if Spike agrees, one of us will be out patrolling and the other will be here. If both of us are needed we'll find someone else to be here."
Dawn remained expressionless. Buffy started downing more water. "I'm going to call dad for help. I've been letting pride get in the way of getting us the help we needed. I'm going to see if I could maybe get a job at the Magic Box again. That way if I need time off its cool while I can earn some money… No more random evening shifts. Daytime only, when you're at school."
Spike rubbed Dawn's shoulder some more. "There is one other potential solution. I haven't talked to Spike about it yet. It would involve fixing up the basement so Spike could live here," Buffy said biting her lip.
Dawn's head shot up and so did Spike's. "Why?!" Dawn stood defiantly, hostility rolling off her in great waves.
Buffy gulped a few times before drinking more water. "Because… Well first…because be good at in and you love him…just let me…God this is hard… Dawnie, I know you're going to hate me for this but…I…I've been using Spike," she barely could get the words out.
Spike clutched Dawn's hand who looked as if she was about to beat her sister. "Dawn sit down and let Buffy talk. This is very hard for her," Tara said swiftly. "Calm down."
Dawn now had no trouble looking at her sister because she didn't care if Buffy knew how angry she was. "Bit," Spike whispered, tugging her down. "We talked about this before. I can be mad about stuff with me and Buffy…You can't. I can take care of my own hurt without you taking it on yourself."
"You told her!" Buffy snapped incredulously.
"Oh please! I could see how awful you treated him. He took care of me the whole summer. He made sure I was safe and looked after, even though it hurt him intensely every time he saw me. I was a constant reminder of how he had 'failed' but you…it hurts to be around me because you are reminded of the life you lost so you flee. Who do you think I would rather have at my side when the chips are down? Not the sister that died to protect the world, the vampire who's concerned about saving me and me only."
Buffy stood to face her sister, "I can't help the fact I got called… He has a choice, I don't."
"That's right…He has a choice and he chooses to do good, to protect people. That wasn't to impress you Buffy. You were dead. He did it because he wanted to. Now remind me again how much better you are then the soulless demon that loves me better then you ever could," Dawn growled.
Tara stood and so did Spike. "Enough," Tara snapped. "You sit!" she commanded Dawn. Spike tugged at her to sit back down. "You come with me," Tara instructed Buffy.
The blonds walked into the kitchen. "I can't believe he did that!" Buffy snapped.
"He didn't. I did," Tara said coolly. "Dawn made a comment about understand what you were putting Spike through. She told him how hard it was to have you want her so bad it hurt but not want her at the same time. She said it made her feel worthless. Spike really believed by the way Dawn described it that you were treating her the way you treated him."
Buffy blanched. "How could he think I would be that cruel…because I was so cruel to him," she thought.
Tara continued, "I asked her what she had said to him and put the pieces together. I told her that hurtful things had happened between you and he. I also was going to let you explain things but Dawn wanted to hear it from not one of the injured parties. I gave her a brief overview and she went directly to Spike who tried to explain that he was allowed to be mad at you for what happened."
Buffy began to cry. "That's it… I'm going to lose them both…Dawn won't believe I'm not trying to use Spike…She won't believe that I really think he'd be best one to be the parent. He is so much better at this then I am." She cried louder on Tara's shoulder.
Spike tried unsuccessfully to swallow until the urge to cry passed. "What's wrong?" Dawn asked from her perch on Spike's shoulder.
"Your sis said something really nice about me," Spike whispered not trusting his voice.
"What'd she say," Dawn whispered back.
"She's crying because she's going to lose us… She was really believes I should… that I'd be good as the parent," he continued to whisper.
Dawn looked at him with wide-eyes, "You believe her, don't you?"
"Why wouldn't I Bit? She was upset. She wasn't thinking about the fact I could hear her," he said simply.
"You don't know that…She could be using your love for me to get me out of her hair but still keep me around for appearance sake," Dawn said defiantly.
"Is that what you think?" Buffy gulped from the kitchen door. Tears stained her face and pain marred her beauty. Dawn's face wore a guilty expression. "God you really believe I'm that much of a monster that I don't want what's best for you."
Red-hot anger shot through Dawn's stomach. "Yes, I think you're that much of a monster. I think you would keep me just so you could play the martyr just a little more. I think you would use anyone or anything under the guise that's you're the slayer."
Buffy buckled in the doorway. Silent tears came down. Spike had had enough. "That's enough Nibblet. Your sister wants you to stay because she loves you, because you're all the family she has left."
Dawn turned on him, "That's right…she wants me because I'm her only family left. I remind her of mom. I'm what keeps her grounded in this world. Well guess what? That's too much responsibility. I don't want to be the thing that is keeping Buffy alive anymore. I don't want to be an excuse for her to exist. If she honestly has nothing else in the world then she needs to get a life, but I won't be her prop."
"Dawn," Tara said firmly.
"What? Everyone acts like she is perfect. Look at what she did to Spike. All he wanted to do was love her and look how she twisted it. I think it is perfectly fair for me to say I don't want to be responsible for my sister's sanity. I don't want to be the symbol of goodness and life that she's living for. That's not fair to me. At least when dad ignores me it's absolute. He doesn't pretend to want me then ignore me completely," Dawn unloaded. Buffy just sat on the floor and cried. "You've been using me like I was a thing…just like Spike. If we found out that the monks didn't give me a soul you would call me names too. You would tell me how you could never love me because I wasn't real since I didn't have a soul."
Buffy curled into a ball on the floor a sobbed. So much she had said and done in front of Dawn without thinking how it might hurt her. It never occurred to Buffy that Dawn might fear that what she said to Spike might apply to her too because of how she was made. Tara was on her knees with Buffy's head in her lap. "I'm the monster…I'm the monster," was all Buffy muttered over and over again.
TBC….