Title: Gone
Author: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
A/N: Apparently not Buffy friendly chapter. Please take Dawn's statements about her sister from a teen's perspective rather then an outside observer.
Dawn bounded into the Hyperion early Tuesday morning having ridden by cab over to the hotel. Wesley eyed the teen suspiciously as she ran up the stairs toward 'Spike's room.' "Morning Dawn," Cordy called to her. The teen just waved. "How can one person have that much energy in the morning?"
"Magic…Literally," Wesley answered patching the wall in his office from Spike's temper tantrum while talking to Buffy. "I swear only that girl can bring this sort of angst into our lives."
"Come on Wes. Spike's going to buy you a new desk. What else do you want? The man was in serious pain…" Gunn thought back on the scene. "You should have seen it. Angel's nostrils' flaring from what he was hearing, the kid being a smart ass, and then the fist through the wall. All because of the Slayer…God, I need to meet this girl."
"No…" Cordy and Wes said in unison.
"So why do you think the kid is here so early this morning?" the demon hunter asked.
"Dawn quit pulling," Spike's tired voice nagged. Spike's door opened with the blond vampire truly not awake, barely dressed, being shoved by the brunette behind him. "Nibblet, I'm going to bite you if you don't lay off."
"You promised now get going. I can't help the fact you stayed up drinking with Angel… This is the whole dad thing you're working on remember. You make a commitment got to honor it for your kid's sake," Dawn explained continuing to shove.
"You stayed up drinking with Angel?" Cordelia asked.
"Yeah," Spike said clearing his throat. "Scared the hell out of this mousy chick that ran upstairs." Spike pulled on his pants more fully and actually fixed his shirt. "I thought it was Nibblet so I turned to her in vamp form and asked for a kiss. Good God that woman can yell."
Dawn swiftly smacked Spike's shoulder. "Don't be scaring people. Dad's 'at work' and you told me you'd take me to the Getty. Rainy Day…No sizzling issues." She said pushing him down the stairs.
"Dawn, I may be a vampire but shoving me at the top of the stairs has the same affect as a human," Spike griped from the heap he was on the floor.
"Not likely. You could have grabbed the rail but you didn't," she glared at him.
"Whatever… Did you eat?"
"Yes Ansel… Now can we get going," Dawn responded.
"Ansel?" Wesley asked Spike. "I thought your first name was William."
"It is, Nancy-boy. Ansel- As in Ansel Adams the photographer."
"I don't want to know why…" Cordy mumbled. "Bloods in the fridge on the right," she said from her paper.
"Luv, I've been here since Friday night. Just because you weren't here to show me where things were doesn't mean I didn't figure it out," Spike hissed mugging his blood then heating it. "Why weren't you here yesterday?"
"Holiday," Cordelia said not looking up from her reading.
"Eat…Cab… Art Museum…Chop Chop," Dawn instructed.
"Cool it missy… Is there anywhere else you want to go to since we have this lovely dark day for me to move about in?"
"If I think of something—Arboretum," she answered.
"Trees…you want to look at trees. The things they make stakes out of…" Spike said incredulously.
Her face broke out into a smile, "Got ya… I don't know what else I want to do, except maybe Disneyland but you already said the place was possessed by demons so…"
Cordelia gave the vampire a hard look. "Take her to Downtown Disney so she can at least shop… Maybe I'll take you another day," she said sweetly to the teenager.
"You are really different then I remember you," Dawn said confusedly.
"Why?"
"You're being nice. Before you were always part of the gang grudgingly. That and you were the enemy while you were dating Xander because I had this major crush on him."
Cordy smiled at the teen, "Well honey…you can have him." She whispered to Dawn, "Spike would make way more sense then Xander."
"Eww… It's Spike. Gorgeous, yes but… He's like my big brother," the teen whispered back.
"Well have fun with the tan less wonder," Cordy smiled.
Just then Angel shuffled into the kitchen. "I hate you!" he said to Spike next to him. "I swear you spiked my blood last night."
Spike laughed, "No…If you recall, you spiked your own blood with some 90 proof kiss-ass liquor you have stored under your bed in the box."
"The box… Is this the Buffy box?" Cordy asked innocently enough.
"Man this girl screwed you both over so bad that you were crying, something I didn't believe vamps could do, and you have a Buffy box. God we should just have the girl let vamps fall for her then they'll stake themselves," Gunn suggested.
A general 'Hey!' arose from Angel, Spike, and Dawn.
"So that you know it wasn't like that. Angel screwed Buffy over and left her. Then there was Riley who was human, but that was about all he had going for him. He also left cause he could handle the slayer thing. This time Buffy screwed Spike over and he left to take care of me… Of the three he's the only one who had the right to leave the way he did and we're even going back so…" Dawn ranted till Spike stopped her putting hands on both her shoulders.
"Breathe. Breathe… Gunn's not going to understand Sunnyhell farms. He can't he's never lived there."
"You're blaming our love for Buffy on the Hellmouth?" Angel asked.
"Partially," the blond responded.
Angel quirked his mouth, "No 'we're destined to be together' or crap like that?"
"Hell no! It's like a disease crawling in my blood. Believe me, I've tried to quiet it. I think I sooner be giving up me beloved coat then be able to stop loving Buffy… Grr… Vacation…No Buffy talk," Spike growled. Angel continued to smirk. "What the hell are you looking at Peaches?" Spike barked.
"You're in love," he said plainly.
"What was the bleeding clue? The heart wrenching conversation that left me a puddle on the floor or fact I just said it!"
The souled one smiled, "Before I thought it was sick obsession thing… But nope this is pure 'you are the air that I breathe' love that you had with Dru… I'll be damned."
"You already are…" Spike growled. "No Buffy Talk. We're leaving." He said turning to Dawn, who had her sister's classic hand on hip pose. "Bloody Hell. What?" he whined.
"You're running away from the problem," she snipped.
"Dawn…You, me on the floor…me balling…you said 'Whole week, won't waste it on Buffy.' I don't intend to. Now lets go see the sculptures I promised to show you," Spike said calmly.
"Fine…but we're talking about this when its just the two of us…Otherwise you'll be talking to Angel and we both know you don't want to have that discussion," Dawn insisted.
Angel smirked, "Damn she's like Buffy!"
Dawn turned around, eyes full of rage. "I am not like that selfish bitch!" she burst out. "I take care of my own. I defend her name even though she doesn't deserve it… I am not manipulative and I don't use people… Don't ever say I'm like her again!"
Spike put his arm around her sweetly. He gently turned her back toward the door, instead of staring Angel down. There was utter silence in the lobby as Dawn and Spike put on coats and grabbed umbrellas. Spike made eye contact with Angel, apologetically. He just nodded.
As the pair left the lobby breathed out a sigh. "Okay it should be altered. She's exactly like fifteen year old Buffy," Cordelia offered looking around the room. "Might want to stay way from pointed objects around that one, Angel." He sighed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy began to get into a routine of work, seeing her friends, and slaying. Everyday though she would stop to tell Dawn something and she wouldn't be there. Patrol was harder without Spike at her back. She fought with even less vigor then before. Tara was practically living at the house to make sure Buffy didn't do anything rash.
Sunday fun night at the Bronze had been a complete wash since Buffy wouldn't dance and left early to patrol. The fun night was to celebrate Buffy's first day at the Magic Box. Buffy made no mistakes that cost money to the shop so Anya was happy. The next two days at work helped Buffy feel like she was doing something to earn back Dawn's trust. Customers came and went always with a Buffy greeting.
Things had been left so awful with Spike Friday night that Buffy decided to call Angel to see how everything was…not caring if he figured it out. She lifted the phone and dialed from memory. She hated that she still knew Angel's number from memory.
"Angel Investigations," a very British accent came through the receiver.
"Hi Wesley. It's Buffy."
Loudly Wesley said, "HELLO BUFFY! HOW ARE YOU?"
"Fine Wes. You think I lost my hearing or something?" the slayer asked.
"What? No… I just…"
"Hi Buffy," Angel said taking the phone from the former watcher.
"What was that about?" she asked quickly.
"Truth or smooth?" Angel answered.
"Truth…even if it hurts…Can't hurt any worse then the last time I was on this line," she said with a sigh.
Angel sighed, "There was a Buffy discussion going on when you called."
"That I got. What else?" There was silence on Angel's end. "Was it about me and Spike?" Buffy said taking a big emotional step.
The vampire cleared his throat. "Something like that… We're still repairing Wesley's wall from your last discussion…"
Buffy bit her lip, "Sorry… I guess its better then if we had been together. We would have beaten the hell out of each other."
"That's not all you would have done," Angel said quietly.
"Probably not… But he cut me off from face to face conversations because of it," Buffy owned up to it. More silence. "So what was the discussion?"
"The fact that he really does love you. No doubt in my mind. Same devotion he had with Druscilla," Angel stated clipped.
"Then why did he leave me?" Buffy groaned.
"Back at the thought that this is all about you huh? Man, I've been trying to nail down the anger that emanates off your sister about you. Now I get it. You really can't see that Spike's choices now are based solely on what's best for Dawn… With every ounce of his being he wants to start over. He can do that here. There's a place for him here, without being constantly told he is evil and…" Angel paused. "But that doesn't matter because if Dawn wants to go home tomorrow, he'll go. If she stays, he stays. His choices are no longer about himself or you. They're about Dawn… It's kind of sad to watch her Buffy. There is so much of you in her…so much of what was good and pure in you when you were her age. I took that from you… And now you're someone else and she hates that part of you."
Buffy was only half listening to Angel babble. He was saying the same things she already knew, but now they were confirmed by an outside source: 1) Spike did truly love her, 2) he did truly want to be away from her & 3) Dawn really did hate her. Something inside Buffy burst. A sudden sense of desperation broke over her being. Buffy didn't say goodbye, just hung up. It was closing time so she turned the 'we're closed' sign over. The phone began to ring. In the back of her mind she knew it was Angel. She didn't care.
She didn't check the cash register knowing that Anya would want to do it herself. Buffy slipped down the stairs and changed clothes into a more slayer friendly wear. One stake in pocket only she began to walk not caring where to or how far. She went to Spike's crypt staring at all the things she had broken of his. She went down below and lay on his bed for a moment.
A pack of cigarettes and a deposable lighter lay on the floor. Buffy eyed them for a second before lighting one. She breathed in the awful tar taste and coughed profusely. Again she sipped at the 'cancer' stick that she always hated like it was a straw. Eventually she realized she had lain on his bed and smoked a whole cigarette for no reason.
Buffy went to where Spike kept his clothes, pulling at her favorite long sleeved red button up shirt. Her jacket slipped to the floor and she let the shirt swallow her. She put her jacket back on but she reveled in the smell of him near her body.
She left the crypt and walked until she arrived at one of Dawn's best friends houses. "Hi Ms. Hill. May I come in?"
"Sure Buffy. Are you okay?" the older woman said. "You look so tired."
"I know," she gave a half smile. "I'm not sleeping well. Dawn's visiting our father. I'm afraid she's going to want to stay… I'm not like my mom."
Ms. Hill eyed the twenty-something girl that was her daughter's best friend's guardian. "You miss her a lot," the woman said sweetly.
"Everyday. I just want her to come home," Buffy answered truthfully.
"I was talking about your mother."
"Oh… Same thing without the belief mom's coming home," Buffy swallowed.
"Was there something you needed?" the woman asked.
"No… I just needed to feel like I was near Dawn. Somewhere where there hasn't been bad fights," she answered with tears in her eyes.
"Then I guess I should come over to your house when I want to feel close to Janice." Buffy looked up at this mother. "It hurts no matter if they're your sister or your daughter… Please call me Beth."
"Thank you Beth."
Buffy talked to Beth for a while longer before heading back into the night. She knew now that if things got bad with Dawn she could talk to Beth about it. Some how that helped with the prospect of her coming home. A kitten scurried in front of her feet to alert her of her whereabouts. Buffy was so deep in thought that she had arrived at a familiar demon bar. She walked straight to the backroom and sat at the table. "All right gentlemen… Deal me in," she said depositing the kitten into the hat.
A/N2: If anyone else were upset by my take on Buffy I would love to actually be able to email you back. You may find my reasoning different from the way it's approached in this piece.