Author: Sphynx
Title: A Light in the Darkness 3/?
Pairings: Future 3+4 (it's there…I promise)
Warnings: Angst, mental ward
Disclaimers: *takes a deep breath* They aren't mine, these loverly boys. Yep…Now I'm going to go resign myself to that fact. *goes off and cries quietly for a moment or two*
Notes: Ok, I really don't know how long this will be. But long it will be. I have created St. Julien's Hospital for War-Related Illnesses, and the policies of the staff are based on both personal experience (mine and other people's) and my imagination. So don't say they would do it another way.
"Trowa." Quatre's voice held compassion, they held answers, and they held promise. But they also held fear, fear for Trowa, fear that he might never be the same again. Trowa saw Quatre's face as it went from emotion to emotion, finally settling on compassion, and maybe even something indefinably more.
Trowa walked forward, waving him in the room with a small gesture of his hand. Quatre came in, closing the door behind him. He went back to his seat by the window, turning the chair so that it faced the room, and Quatre. He indicated that Quatre should sit. Trowa waited until Quatre sat in the only other chair in the room and then sat back down himself rather uneasily.
"I'm sorry," Quatre said, his words conveyed all the thoughts in his head. I'm sorry for letting you go. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner.
"Quatre, why?" Trowa's voice held no accusation, only speculation. Why did you let go, why weren't you there, why did you never call? "I've missed you," he admitted while Quatre stood there trying to put his feelings into something understandable.
"Oh, Trowa. I've missed you too. Terribly. There hasn't a day that's gone by when I haven't thought of you, or the other pilots. I don't know why I didn't call you. I guess I thought that you didn't want to see me. That you didn't want to be reminded of the war. I thought…" Quatre paused, unsure of himself.
"I know. Heero has been here. He said that I should be patient. You would come when you could."
"I didn't even know anything was wrong until Duo called me and then came to visit. He told me you were here, and I came as soon as I could. I'm sorry. I should have tried to get in touch with you, with all of you earlier." Quatre's voice conveyed the guilt he felt guilt. Guilt for not knowing, for not bothering to find Trowa sooner. Trowa's eyes were kind for the entire time Quatre spoke. The pain that Quatre had first noticed was still there. Trowa had been suffering, but he still could find the kindness in his heart he had always felt towards Quatre.
"Quatre, I can't lie to you. Your not contacting me has had some part in why I'm here. I've lived a soldier's life. Without the war to give my life meaning, I thought I had no place in this world. At one point I thought that maybe you could provide that meaning. When I never heard from you, I lost all hope. My coming here has given me a chance to find that meaning. And I have, I think."
Quatre was crying silently when Trowa finished, the tears forming salty rivulets down his cheeks.
"Trowa, I didn't know you felt that way. If I had known, I would not have let your hope die. Because you presented an opportunity for meaning in my life that I was too afraid to take.
"Trowa, I think I could love you. I have cared about you deeply since the war, but if you don't feel the same now, after all this time, I can understand." Quatre looked down, a sad expression on his face. He knew that Trowa might be lost to him forever now.
"Quatre, I don't know what to think. I have been here for a long time, and all that time I have been working to heal my past so I can move on to the future." Trowa sat silent for a moment, letting Quatre absorb his words.
"I understand. I just had to come." Quatre got up and started towards the door. "I do hope you find peace, my friend."
"Wait, Quatre. I think that I need to take what you are offering. For all I've gone through, I think I can say that I can try to love you." Trowa had gotten up and was standing in front of Quatre, his arms held out at his sides. Quatre's eyes lit up with a particular light that hadn't been in them since he had last seen Trowa.
"Trowa? Truly? I thought that after all this time…" Trowa cut Quatre off in mid-sentence with a tentative embrace. Trowa held Quatre with a tender reserve and sense of wonder. Quatre reveled in the way Trowa's arms felt around him.
"Quatre, it's not going to be perfect, but I do want to try to love you."
Title: A Light in the Darkness 3/?
Pairings: Future 3+4 (it's there…I promise)
Warnings: Angst, mental ward
Disclaimers: *takes a deep breath* They aren't mine, these loverly boys. Yep…Now I'm going to go resign myself to that fact. *goes off and cries quietly for a moment or two*
Notes: Ok, I really don't know how long this will be. But long it will be. I have created St. Julien's Hospital for War-Related Illnesses, and the policies of the staff are based on both personal experience (mine and other people's) and my imagination. So don't say they would do it another way.
"Trowa." Quatre's voice held compassion, they held answers, and they held promise. But they also held fear, fear for Trowa, fear that he might never be the same again. Trowa saw Quatre's face as it went from emotion to emotion, finally settling on compassion, and maybe even something indefinably more.
Trowa walked forward, waving him in the room with a small gesture of his hand. Quatre came in, closing the door behind him. He went back to his seat by the window, turning the chair so that it faced the room, and Quatre. He indicated that Quatre should sit. Trowa waited until Quatre sat in the only other chair in the room and then sat back down himself rather uneasily.
"I'm sorry," Quatre said, his words conveyed all the thoughts in his head. I'm sorry for letting you go. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner.
"Quatre, why?" Trowa's voice held no accusation, only speculation. Why did you let go, why weren't you there, why did you never call? "I've missed you," he admitted while Quatre stood there trying to put his feelings into something understandable.
"Oh, Trowa. I've missed you too. Terribly. There hasn't a day that's gone by when I haven't thought of you, or the other pilots. I don't know why I didn't call you. I guess I thought that you didn't want to see me. That you didn't want to be reminded of the war. I thought…" Quatre paused, unsure of himself.
"I know. Heero has been here. He said that I should be patient. You would come when you could."
"I didn't even know anything was wrong until Duo called me and then came to visit. He told me you were here, and I came as soon as I could. I'm sorry. I should have tried to get in touch with you, with all of you earlier." Quatre's voice conveyed the guilt he felt guilt. Guilt for not knowing, for not bothering to find Trowa sooner. Trowa's eyes were kind for the entire time Quatre spoke. The pain that Quatre had first noticed was still there. Trowa had been suffering, but he still could find the kindness in his heart he had always felt towards Quatre.
"Quatre, I can't lie to you. Your not contacting me has had some part in why I'm here. I've lived a soldier's life. Without the war to give my life meaning, I thought I had no place in this world. At one point I thought that maybe you could provide that meaning. When I never heard from you, I lost all hope. My coming here has given me a chance to find that meaning. And I have, I think."
Quatre was crying silently when Trowa finished, the tears forming salty rivulets down his cheeks.
"Trowa, I didn't know you felt that way. If I had known, I would not have let your hope die. Because you presented an opportunity for meaning in my life that I was too afraid to take.
"Trowa, I think I could love you. I have cared about you deeply since the war, but if you don't feel the same now, after all this time, I can understand." Quatre looked down, a sad expression on his face. He knew that Trowa might be lost to him forever now.
"Quatre, I don't know what to think. I have been here for a long time, and all that time I have been working to heal my past so I can move on to the future." Trowa sat silent for a moment, letting Quatre absorb his words.
"I understand. I just had to come." Quatre got up and started towards the door. "I do hope you find peace, my friend."
"Wait, Quatre. I think that I need to take what you are offering. For all I've gone through, I think I can say that I can try to love you." Trowa had gotten up and was standing in front of Quatre, his arms held out at his sides. Quatre's eyes lit up with a particular light that hadn't been in them since he had last seen Trowa.
"Trowa? Truly? I thought that after all this time…" Trowa cut Quatre off in mid-sentence with a tentative embrace. Trowa held Quatre with a tender reserve and sense of wonder. Quatre reveled in the way Trowa's arms felt around him.
"Quatre, it's not going to be perfect, but I do want to try to love you."