Title: Sweetness
Author: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Spike had laid in bed chain smoking for about an hour. He growled at himself thinking about Buffy. She was asleep, probably still wearing his clothes. She told Angel she loved him. He growled again.
Jumping up to walk off some nervous energy he decided to go talk to Dawn about everything, even if it was the middle of the night. Spike slipped into her room and sat next to her sleeping form. "Nibblet… Dawn," he whispered.
"Spike… Where? Where are we?" she mumbled groggily.
"The Hyperion."
"Dad didn't come," she said with a severe frown.
"I need to ask you… Do you want to stay here?" he said very quietly. Dawn considered him. "Do you like it here or are you trying to make me happy?"
She frowned, "Am I that transparent?"
"No… Tara's just good at reading between the lines," Spike said in a normal voice. "It'll be okay Dawn. It's not going to kill me to go back."
"I just don't want you to hurt anymore," the teen whispered.
"Life hurts Dawn. You can't avoid getting hurt…No matter what I was acting like this morning… I'll admit I'm scared to go back but… Your sister called a couple times tonight. She's apparently not doing well without us." Dawn looked down. "I mean us… She's spent time at you friend's house and in your room to feel close to you." Her big pleading eyes told him all he needed to know.
Spike swallowed, "We'll call Buffy in the morning to tell her we're coming home and we're staying. Do you want to stay the rest of the week without the high drama or do you just want to go home?"
"I'd like to have you to myself for a little while longer," she whispered taking his hand. "Buffy's really a fool ya know."
"No she's not Nibblet. I did my share of the hurting in whatever it was between us… She just called a lot of the shots and then I'd react to it. Not well either."
Dawn yawned, "Are you going to get back together when we get home?"
"This morning I'd have said no. Now, I'm not sure," Spike said playing with her hair.
Dawn was almost back to sleep when she said, "Might be nice to have you two not fight…Even better if we…were…a…family."
The vampire shook all over from the teen's words. He kissed her head and left the room.
Once again in his room, Spike attempted to relax, this time actually readying himself for bed. He stripped and climbed into the comfortable bed. Turning over a few times didn't help things. Smashing pillows and kicking sheets didn't aid his rest either.
"I really have to do this, don't I?" he said to the ceiling. With a great sigh Spike dialed the familiar number.
One ring and "Hello," a very groggy slayer muttered.
"Pet?" he said lightly.
"Spike?"
Buffy had been sleeping soundly when an annoying ringing occurred outside her head when before it had been inside. She reached for the offending object on instinct realizing it would make the infernal noise again if she didn't stop it. Understanding she was holding a phone and expected to say something was another matter. Having Spike on the other end of the line was a true surprise. Buffy sat up in bed and pulled as much of her attention together as she could.
"Ya, pet, it's me. I'm sorry to call so late…but I couldn't sleep," he admitted.
"Well I had a bunch of alcohol and Tara's rocking to help me get there myself."
Spike was quiet for a while then nervously said, "You called tonight?"
"I was drunk," Buffy sighed.
"Oh," Spike said deflated. "I should have seen that excuse coming," he commented. "I'll let you get back to sleep."
"No… Wait… Excuse… No excuse. I called drunk. I thought you were going to ask me about the kittens," Buffy said panicked. "What did you want to talk about?"
"Uhh… I… Angel said… Never mind… It doesn't matter…" Spike ground out still hanging on to her 'I was drunk' comment.
"It does matter… It so matters… Just tell me what it was that I said to Angel that you want to talk about," she pled, not knowing if Angel would have told Spike that she said she loved Spike.
Spike clenched his jaw, "If you don't know what you said to Angel that would warrant a late night call then what's the point… Dawn will call you in the morning."
"He told you I love you!" she said hurriedly. Spike paused relaxing a bit then was completely stunned. "I… I… please tell me you'll at least give me a chance."
There was long period of silence. "Nibblet will call you in the morning."
"That's it. It doesn't matter what I said," Buffy started to get defensive.
"You haven't said jack," Spike hissed.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"YOU haven't told ME anything," he said with emphasis. The silence was louder then anything to Spike. His heart hurt again. "I didn't think so," he gulped. "Night."
"Can't you say it first?" she whispered. Spike was taken aback. "It's just been so long since you've said it not in an angry tone or coupled with why it's not enough… Couldn't you just tell me one last time without the baggage?"
"Pet," he soothed.
"See… You used to call me luv. You don't even do that anymore," Buffy said the last part in the quietest whisper.
Spike realized she was crying softly. He closed his eyes and prepared to have his heart ripped out again for the sake of this small woman. "I love you, Buffy," straightforward and simple.
Buffy's cries became a little more erratic as if mixed in with something else. "I love you, too…" she almost giggled letting what she said sink in with Spike. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… I know this doesn't fix things…anything really but…" she continued to babble. "I don't know what's going to happen now…but thank you for giving me this."
Spike breathed deeply with tears in his eyes. She said it. She actually said it to him and to herself. The pain in his chest was still there, so was the sense of impending doom, but for now the cards were on the table. "Lay back down Buffy," he whispered. "You've got work in the morning."
"Don't go… Please… I'm afraid in the morning you'll change your mind or pretend it didn't happen or maybe I'm dreaming," she rushed.
There it was, the sharp pain again. "Luv, you really don't understand me at all, do you? Nothing changed on my side. Pretending things didn't happen is one of your games, not mine. And believe me the tears in my eyes and the pain my chest allow me to know you aren't dreaming."
Buffy realized the severity of his tone was still like it had been before he left. "This won't make any difference, will it? Not to you… What I say doesn't mean anything?"
"I'm sorry," he whispered back. "How can it?"
"I love you," she said again with no prompting. "I mean it. It may have nearly killed me to figure it out but I do."
"Pet… You know this song by these Irish guys…With or Without you?'
"Yeah," Buffy said quietly. It struck her as funny to hear U2 be referred to as 'these Irish guys.'
"That's what I feel like right now, pet…luv… I'm tired. I'm very tired… I used to get off on us fighting. I still do I guess…but at this moment I'm exhausted," Spike said feeling suddenly very old.
"I'm sorry for that… I've run as far as I can go too. I've wrung myself out…I guess I ran so fast away from you that I didn't notice I was just running in circles. At least not until I felt the need to wear your clothes, smoke your cigarettes, and play kitten poker with a bunch of demons," Buffy joked lightly.
Spike chuckled.
"I heard that… I bet you're smirking right now."
He actually did laugh, "Yeah, I am. Wouldn't be me without it."
"Yeah you would… just less cocky."
"Never been less on the cock scale…Wait…I didn't mean it like that…Bloody hell," he cursed.
Buffy giggled with tears coming down her face with joy. "When would you ever run away from an innuendo?"
"When I want to keep some physical distance between us," he answered truthfully.
Buffy was shaken, "Why?"
Spike could feel Buffy's defenses rise over the phone, "Because I need it to be different if it's going to be anything. Somehow I don't think falling back into bed, no matter how tempting you are, is a good idea."
She sighed, "Sure…Just as long as you aren't saying you never want to touch me again… I know its dumb because of all the times I've said it to you…but I don't think I can take that type of rejection from someone I love."
"No sweetness, I would never say I don't want to touch you again," Spike whispered.
"I like that," Buffy said with a smile.
"What?"
"You called me Sweetness. I like that," she answered.
"Well sweetness, it's very late and you were sleeping. Maybe now I can catch some z's rather then just rolling around in the bed," he said softly.
"I wish I was with you," Buffy said. "Not for the rolling in bed part…not that I mind the rolling in bed part… I just mean it would be nice to sleep beside you."
"Thank you, luv. That was as close to the right answer as I think you could get," Spike answered.
Buffy smiled, "Then I guess I shouldn't mention how nice it would be to rest my head on your chest rather then this infernal pillow."
He chuckled, "No, I guess not."
"How bout the way you spoon my back?"
"Goodnight Buffy. Love you."
"Love you too."
Spike looked at his phone in disbelief as if it could explain all that had been said over it. She had made him laugh. It had been too long since that had happened. He lay back against the pillows on his bed. After a moment he moved on his side. He grabbed a kind size pillow then held it in front of his body pretending it was Buffy. Maybe…just maybe one day soon it would be.
TBC…