Chapter Nine: Breakdown
Snape rushed from Veronica's office, stopping by his room for a moment to pick up his mask and cloak. He wondered if he would be denied the anonymity of the Death Eater's mask as he had been last night and be forced to put a blindfold on again. Whatever happened, he swore that he would give Dumbledore every detail of his meetings with Voldemort from now on. His duty would come before everything else. Then for the fifth time in as many minutes, the bolt of lightening that had struck him in Veronica's office struck again.
I love you.
He stopped abruptly for just a second and sighed. Why did she have to tell me that now? And why was he so disturbed by it? Veronica loved him as a friend—that was what she had said. True, no one had ever said that to him before, but he found himself wondering if she meant more by it. Of course not, he told himself. She isn't interested in a romantic relationship and, frankly, neither am I. If indeed that was true, why did the memory of her small and delicate hand grasping his under the table during the meeting refuse to leave his thoughts?
Severus did his best to push the memory of Veronica's words and touch from his mind and raced across the snow-covered grounds, past the main gates. Thankfully, Wilmont's Auror hadn't arrived yet. He Disapparated and reappeared in Voldemort's audience chamber. One of Snape's primary objectives was to discover the location of Voldemort's new lair, but the Dark Lord was taking no chances, always Apparating his followers inside the dungeon of the ancient stone structure. Snape didn't even know if he was still in England.
It seemed Snape wasn't to be singled out today as he joined the group of several dozen wizards and witches. He casually looked around at the cloaked and masked shapes, recalling the names of the Death Eaters present at Voldemort's rebirth that Potter had given Dumbledore: Crabbe, Goyle…Severus spotted their immense forms immediately. The others were harder to identify; Mcnair, Nott, Avery…they could be any of the assembled. Snape thought he spotted Lucius Malfoy standing near the dais, his head held higher than any of the others. Many of the Death Eaters seemed anxious, as evidenced by much restless shuffling of feet. Snape wondered too if they would be called upon to wreak havoc once again so soon after the first attack.
Voldemort stood on the stone dais, a grotesque smile upon his lipless mouth, his red eyes glittering. Nagini, Voldemort's huge snake, reared up as if to strike, but was actually only pleading for attention from her Master. He stroked the reptile affectionately with his overlong, spider-like fingers as he waited for all of his followers to gather around him. Peter Pettigrew, Voldemort's current right-hand man, stood to one side of his Master, obviously not overjoyed to be so near Nagini. Snape had to chuckle when he thought of what a colossal letdown Pettigrew must be to the Dark Lord compared to Balin. Snape was disappointed to finally see Pettigrew alive with his own eyes because it reminded him of the fact that Sirius Black was not a criminal.
Voldemort regarded his Death Eaters approvingly. "'The Christmas Night Massacre' is what WWN and the Daily Prophet has dubbed our triumphant attack. As pleased as I am with our success, it is nothing compared to what I have planned for the very near future. But that is not why I have gathered you all here. Today, a lesson must be learned; a lesson in the price of failure." Severus noticed that one Death Eater began to look about him frantically as if trying to locate an escape route. The others around him closed in, making escape impossible. "It took the cowardice of only one of you to taint an otherwise glorious night." Voldemort abruptly turned his red eyes on the guilty party. The Death Eater in question cowered, then fell to the floor and kissed the hem of Voldemort's robes.
"Forgive me, My Lord, but when that Muggle fired that, that—gun of his, I was afraid that his neighbors would come running to his aid. I Disapparated so as not to jeopardize our mission." The man began to moan pathetically. "I will not fail you again, I swear it!"
Voldemort kicked the man away from him violently. "Because of you, Avery, two instead of three members of the Muggle Parliament are dead. You will not have an opportunity to fail me again." He turned to Pettigrew and a figure standing near him. "Wormtail, Isela, give him a Double."
Avery jumped to his feet and turned to run, but Pettigrew grabbed his arm with his magical silver hand. Severus winced at the sound of the bones in Avery's arm being crushed. Severus knew that a 'Double' meant that they would both hit him with the Cruciatus Curse at the same time. Victims of the Double had been known to be literally ripped in two if the curse was applied long enough. When Isela brushed past him, Severus groaned. She had been the first woman he had ever had sex with and it was not one of his fondest memories. He hoped he'd be able to leave before she realized he was here.
"Take him to the nearest cell," Voldemort ordered, "but leave the door open so we can all enjoy the screaming." Isela took Avery's other arm and helped Wormtail drag him to the next room. Severus heard Isela and Pettigrew cry, "Crucio!" in unison, followed by Avery's blood-curdling screams.
The Dark Lord turned to the rest of the assembled and glared at each of them warningly. "I will never forget loyalty, but I will not tolerate failure. Even now, wizards and witches are flocking to my side, eager to serve me. Remember that none of you are indispensable. All of you can be replaced." His reprimand over, he smiled again, tilting his pale head slightly as he listened to Avery's piercing howls. Voldemort gazed at his followers in mild annoyance and waved his hand. "Leave me."
As a group, the Death Eaters bowed their heads and began to Disapparate. Severus was about to leave himself when Voldemort put his pale hand on his arm. "Not you." As soon as they were alone, he said, "Take off your mask, Severus."
Severus obeyed and pulled back his hood. His fear at meeting the same fate as Avery was dispelled by the almost fatherly smile the Dark Lord bestowed upon him. "My boy, you are the man of the hour. That poison of yours couldn't have worked out better. I want a dozen more doses, as soon as possible."
Severus inclined his head graciously. "Thank you, My Lord. I'll begin a new batch immediately, but because the new school term is about to start, it will be several weeks—"
"Not good enough Severus. You will have the poison for me in a fortnight," Voldemort ordered.
He nodded. "It will be done, My Lord."
"Tell me, how are Dumbledore and his cronies taking our little raid?"
Snape grinned maliciously. "Not well. You took them completely by surprise. Dumbledore met with his allies this morning. The meeting was nothing more than a bunch of hand-wringing and self-righteous rhetoric. All they can do is watch and wait for the next attack."
"And how is the Heir of Gryffindor?" Voldemort asked contemptuously.
Severus scowled. "Potter is alive and out of your reach as long as he's under Dumbledore's nose. He won't allow a repeat of last June."
Voldemort grimaced unpleasantly. "All that planning, all that trouble for naught."
"I could poison Potter for you, My Lord," he said with an eagerness that wasn't entirely feigned. If Snape even had the slightest notion that Voldemort would actually take him up on it, he wouldn't have made the offer. As distasteful as it was, Snape was bound by his duty to Dumbledore to protect Potter.
As he expected, Voldemort shook his head. "Dumbledore would kill you before Potter hit the floor. No, Severus, I need you alive and I need to dispatch that boy myself, but thank you for the kind offer." Voldemort turned to listen to the gurgling moans coming from the next room that indicated Avery wouldn't last much longer. "Would you like to watch the coup de grace with me, Severus? No matter how many times I see it, I never tire of it."
Snape reluctantly accompanied Voldemort, but before they reached the open door, they heard a stomach-churning rip, then silence as Isela and Wormtail emerged from the cell. Pettigrew, looking nearly as pale as his Master, was spattered with Avery's blood. Isela—now unmasked and as beautiful as ever—was flushed with the thrill of violent death. Her obvious use of magic to maintain her beauty was no surprise to Snape. Wormtail looked up at Voldemort apologetically. "I'm sorry, Master. He died much more quickly than we intended."
Voldemort shrugged philosophically, apparently unwilling to let this minor disappointment spoil his good mood. "Never mind, Wormtail. There will be plenty of opportunities for more fun in the very near future. Nagini is hungry, but I need you to chop Avery into bite-size pieces before you feed him to her. I don't want the poor dear to get indigestion." Pettigrew turned slightly green, but nodded obediently as he reentered the cell.
"Remember Severus," Voldemort said, "have the poison ready in a fortnight or you'll be Nagini's next meal." With that, the Dark Lord disappeared into his audience chamber leaving Snape alone with Isela.
Isela smiled disdainfully at Snape. "Severus," she purred, "I see you have washed your hair—finally."
He sneered, but remained silent, anxious to leave this place. Isela put one hand on his chest and ran the other over his left shoulder and arm. "You have filled out nicely, too, since last I saw you." Isela pressed her voluptuous body against his. "Do you not have a kiss for an old friend?"
Severus was almost sickened by her touch. He wanted nothing to do with this harlot, but felt he had to do something to let her know he would not tolerate her mocking tone in the future. He grabbed her around the waist and gave her a long, deep kiss.
When he withdrew, Isela gazed up at him lustfully, running her hands along his back. "You have improved immensely over the years."
Severus pushed her away roughly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand "Pity you'll never know how much." With a derisive snort, he Disapparated.
*
Severus avoided Veronica all that next day, though she tried not to take it personally. He probably was in no mood to feel as if he had to explain himself to her once again. Though nothing would give her more joy than for Severus to give up his spying activities, Veronica couldn't help feeling guilty. Maybe she should just be there for him, instead of trying to ruin things. Why did she think she was wiser than both Severus and Dumbledore? Slytherins and Gryffindors tended to rule the wizarding world and for good reason. Hufflepuffs were sentimental fools whose lives revolved around hard work and the people they loved. It wasn't in their nature to see the 'big picture'. She would apologize to him tomorrow, pledge her unconditional support and promise not nag him to death as she had threatened to do yesterday.
Veronica spent the afternoon in her room working on her lesson plans for the new term. She would have to push her students even harder now given recent events. After several hours, she took a break and opened the package her mother had sent her that morning. It was filled with the Christmas gifts Veronica had been unable to take with her yesterday when she had left her parents' house in such a hurry. She put away the multi-colored winter scarf her mother had knitted her along with several pairs of new undergarments. Her sister-in-law, Charlotte, had made her a frivolously pretty blue robe Veronica just knew she'd never wear. Charlotte had winked at her when she opened it and said, "There must be at least one single wizard in that school who likes blue." Veronica had blushed furiously, but didn't comment. As a lark, she held it up to her and gazed at herself in the mirror. The thought, I wonder if Severus likes blue, came to her unbidden. Angrily, she crumpled the robe into a ball and threw it in the bottom of her wardrobe.
She had to get her feelings for Severus under control. Veronica had told him that she loved him as a friend, but she was increasingly fearful that wasn't the whole truth. She had also told him several times that she had no interest in being touched by a man ever again, but that wasn't true either—not now. Just then she heard a knock at the door. She furrowed her brow in anxiety. Oh, Severus, come back tomorrow.
She opened the door, and as she expected, Severus was standing there. "You weren't at dinner," he said almost irritably.
Veronica glanced at her watch. It was after eight. "I was working. I must have lost track of time. I noticed you weren't at breakfast or lunch."
"I wasn't very hungry." He paused uncomfortably. "May I come in?"
"Oh, yes, please." She motioned him inside and they sat together on the sofa glancing everywhere except at each other.
"So," Veronica said finally, "did things go, uh, well yesterday?"
"Well enough."
"Good," she replied, trying to sound encouraging. "Severus, I want to apologize for what I said yesterday—" He immediately got an apprehensive look on his face. Veronica wondered sadly if he thought she was going to take back what she had said about loving him. "About your spying activities," she explained quickly. "I know that what you're doing is vital to our cause and if I was really your friend I would support you, not judge you."
After a bit of fidgeting, Severus clumsily took her hand. Veronica felt a sharp pleasure-pain in her heart. She tried not to let her delight show on her face.
"I never felt like you were judging me," he said quietly. Severus was silent for several moments, struggling for the right words. "My parents were quite wealthy, but very distant. I never had friends growing up or at school. Dumbledore was the first person who ever saw anything worthwhile in me beyond my potion-making talent. I respect and admire him more than anyone I've ever known, but you are the first real friend I've ever had. I may object to your advice, I may not follow it, but I need for you to keep giving it. I need for you to object to what I'm doing—because I can't."
Veronica nodded as she tried her best to keep from crying, but a few stray tears ran down her cheeks. She embraced Severus and buried her face in his robes. Then she felt him put his comforting arms around her.
"I object," she said, "vehemently."
*
Veronica turned in early the evening before the first day of the new term. She stirred in the middle of the night when she felt something brushing up against her face. She swatted at whatever it was, but was startled to full wakefulness when someone grabbed her hand. "Who's there?" she cried, trying to pull her hand away. She then heard a familiar voice mumble a magic word and light a candle.
Lying next to her was a filthy old man in dirty rags with long, matted white hair and a beard to match. The soulless blue eyes staring down at her, though, were unmistakable. "Hello, my angel."
Veronica started to scream, but Balin put his hand over her mouth and straddled her to keep her still. She struggled violently and tried to recall just one of the hundreds of Defense Spells she had learned or created herself over the years, but none came to mind in her panic. Balin just grinned as his parasite-filled hair hung down, sweeping against hers. Veronica could see the lice jumping from his head and burrowing themselves in her curls. There was something about this that wasn't real. Balin could never have gotten into Hogwarts undetected. This isn't happening, she told herself, it's just a nightmare. She stopped struggling and he climbed off of her.
She jumped from the bed, putting as much distance as possible between them. "What do you want from me?"
Balin strolled casually toward her. "Just stopped by to say hello, on my way out the door."
There wasn't far for Veronica to go before her back was up against the wall.
"You were always my favorite, Veronica," he leered. "I'll come for you soon, I promise you that. And then we can be together always—that is, until I decide to kill you."
"Severus won't let that happen," she blurted out more in an effort to convince herself than Balin.
"Severus?" Balin laughed heartily. Then he grabbed her arm and pulled Veronica in front of her full-length mirror. He stood behind her and slipped his arm around her waist. She felt an involuntary wave of pleasure in her stomach at his touch, as she sometimes had when she was a fifteen-year-old girl. She still hated herself for it, even more than she hated Balin. "You think he loves you? Just look at you. You're as small and ridiculous as you ever were. No man could ever want you."
"But you said I was beautiful." Balin had been the only man who had ever said so. "You wanted me."
"And I still do, my angel. But then I took the time to gaze upon your soul. Any other man wouldn't look at you long enough to see the beauty inside you. You should be grateful for the attention I lavish on you, but you're not—are you?" He held her so tightly against him, she could hardly breathe. He then took a fist-full of her hair and pulled it painfully back from her neck. "Playing with vampires, I see." He kissed, then bit into the two puncture scars on her neck that she had received while doing field work in Romania. Blood poured down her neck and chest. Veronica started to scream…
Veronica awoke with a cry. Her breathing was so rapid that she thought she might faint. She fumbled for her wand on her bedside table. "Lumos!" She swept her wand in an arc to make sure she was truly alone, then lit a candle. There was no way she could sleep now. What did the nightmare mean, if it indeed meant anything at all? And what did Balin mean when he had said, 'Just stopped by to say hello, on my way out the door'? Had he escaped from Azkaban? With a trembling hand, Veronica turned on the wireless, stealing herself for the worst. All she heard on WWN was the Weird Sisters' latest hit. After listening to a few more songs, she began to breathe a little easier. She had almost drifted off to sleep, when the announcer broke in:
…The Ministry of Magic has just reported that there has been an escape from Azkaban fortress…
Veronica bolted out of her room, still in her pajamas and barefoot. On her way to the dungeon, she almost ran into Mr. Filch. His cat, Mrs. Norris, barely avoided being trampled. Filch grabbed her by the arm, no doubt thinking she was a student out of bed. As soon as he recognized her, he let her go. Veronica clutched him by the front of his robes, almost causing Filch to drop his lantern. "He's out! You've got to tell Dumbledore!" She started to cry hysterically. "He said he was going to come after me. Oh gods, why didn't Dumbledore kill him when he had the chance?"
"Who's out from where?" Filch asked in confusion as he tried to pry her off of him. "What are you going on about, Professor?"
"Professor Balin's escaped from Azkaban!" she shrieked. "They just announced it on WWN!"
Filch went pale. "I'll tell the Headmaster straight away."
Veronica left Filch to his task and raced to the dungeon.
*
Severus was awakened by frantic banging on his door. Disorientation was quickly replaced with thoughts of what evil things he would do to the person who had the audacity to wake him up at— he waved his hand in front of the clock by his bed, illuminating it briefly. "Three o'clock in the morning?!"
He climbed out of bed, wrenched open the door in his gray nightshirt and was almost tackled by Veronica who clung to him tightly. "Balin's escaped, Severus!" she sobbed uncontrollably. "He's going to come for me, he told me he would!" Severus gently disengaged himself and led her to the armchair by the fire. It took him some time before he could extract a coherent answer out of her. She told him that she had had a dream about Balin, then repeated the report she had heard on WWN. Severus was certain she just had a nightmare, but immediately went to his own wireless and turned it on.
…Ministry officials are denying reports that Balin escaped with the aid of two dementors, but a wizard guard injured in the escape observed the prisoner leaving the fortress with a pair of the creatures who are supposed to prevent such occurrences…
Severus turned it off when he saw how much more upset it made Veronica. How could this have happened? "We have to tell Dumbledore."
"I ran into Filch on my way here, he's telling him now. Why didn't Dumbledore kill him? He could have done it. He could have stopped him." She started to rock back and forth in distress. "He's going to come for me. He said he would come for me!"
Severus had never seen Veronica so distraught, even when she had shown him the memories of her abuse at Balin's hands in her Pensieve. The only experience he had had with hysterical females was the occasional student, but he invariably sent them to the hospital wing to let Madam Pomfrey deal with them. Should I send her to Poppy? As tempting a solution as that was, he knew he had to do his best by her.
"I have a potion that might help you," Severus told her. "I'll be right back." Veronica was loathe to let him out of her sight, so he allowed her to follow him into his Potions lab. He quickly whipped up a concoction for her. He needed to know the details of her dream and wouldn't get them in the current state she was in. "Take this, I promise it will help."
She drank it, and then asked, "What was that?"
"Not-a-Care Elixir. In a few moments, you literally won't care that he's escaped. Then you can tell me about that dream of yours." The elixir seemed innocuous enough on the surface, but it caused a person to temporarily lose all fear and common sense. He had heard of a wizard who under its influence, had walked into the middle of a busy London street so he could get a better look at those horrid Muggle contraptions called motorcars.
Severus led her back to his room and sat her down on the sofa. He settled next to her and waited for the potion to take affect. In less than five minutes, he saw all the panic leave Veronica's face. Then she just smiled at him pleasantly. "I like this potion."
"I thought you might," Severus replied. "Now, Veronica, tell me about this dream you had."
"Well, I woke up and he was lying next to me, but I was really still asleep." Veronica giggled. Then she related a disgusting tale of Balin jumping on top of her followed by his lice "After that, he said he would come for me, but I said you wouldn't let him—"
"I won't let him hurt you, I swear it," he assured her in spite of the fact that, at the moment, she didn't care whether he would or not.
An expression of pure bliss suddenly crossed Veronica's face. "I love you so much, Severus," she declared, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him rather ardently on the lips.
Severus was momentarily taken aback and almost responded, I love you, too, Veronica, but instead disengaged himself and took her hands in his. He gazed into her eyes in an attempt to refocus her attention. "What else did Balin say?"
She shrugged. "Just what he always used to say."
"What's that?"
"Oh, that I'm not pretty and that no one but him would ever want me and that I should be grateful for his attention. And then he yanked my hair very hard and held me too tight and bit me on the neck. I wonder if I have bruises?" She pulled up her pajama top, exposing her stomach so she could happily examine herself for marks. "Rupert—that's what he liked for me to call him—always used to give me bruises when he held me too tight." Severus pulled her top down quickly. Veronica just continued to grin, not a care in the world.
He had to take several deep breaths to calm himself. Though he expected no less from that son of a bitch, to hear her repeat his lies made him almost angry enough to go out now and hunt Balin down himself. The worst of it was that he was sure Veronica believed every word and had believed it since she was a girl. Was her belief that she was unworthy of a decent man's attention the real reason she had avoided romantic entanglements? "Did he say anything else? Did he say where he was going?"
Veronica shook her head. "He just said that he would come for me because I was his favorite."
"Hogwarts would be the last place he'd run to," Severus told her, particularly alarmed by the last thing she said. "He'll go to Voldemort, you know that."
She didn't seem to have heard him, more interested in stroking his hair. He took her hands again and led her to his bed. Right now, he needed to speak to Dumbledore and Veronica needed to sleep off the rest of the effects of the Not-a-Care Elixir. He tucked her in and made sure there was nothing in his room that could pose a danger to her in her present condition. Then Severus threw on a robe, locked his door after him and made for Dumbledore's office.
*
Severus returned to his room an hour later, relieved to find Veronica sleeping peacefully. She would be furious when he told her about his meeting with Dumbledore, but for now he was grateful she could enjoy a few hours rest before cold reality set in once again. He pulled an extra pillow and blanket out of a trunk and lay down on the sofa.
After a couple of hours of fitful sleep, Severus rose and quietly readied himself. He then placed his hand lightly on her shoulder. "Veronica, wake up." He knew the potion had worn off when he saw the terror immediately return to her eyes.
"It's all right," he said, "the Ministry is setting up extra security around the school. There's no way he can get to you here. Now, you need to go to your room so you can get dressed. It's almost time for breakfast."
"I think I'll just stay here," Veronica told him as she tucked the bed clothes up to her chin. "I feel safe here."
He could tell she was only being half-serious, so he decided to play along if for no reason than to cheer her up a bit. "And just how long were you planning on occupying my bed?"
She almost smiled. "Until they capture him?"
"In the meantime, where am I supposed to sleep?"
"Well, that sofa looks awfully comfortable."
"Trust me, it isn't." With a grin, Severus managed to wrench the covers out of her hand and coax her to her feet. He accompanied Veronica to her room at her urging. He sat down by the fire as she got ready in the bathroom. While he waited, a thought occurred to him. "Veronica, is your Mark burning?"
"It always burns a little," she replied as she emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed. "I've sort of gotten used to it."
Severus couldn't imagine ever getting used to the burning on his left arm. "May I see it?"
Veronica unbuttoned the top three buttons of her yellow robes and pulled back the fabric, revealing her Mark. It looked the same—just a shadowy outline, as if the evil didn't want to stick to her.
"The Mark hasn't changed," Severus said as he lightly brushed his fingers against it, "but it may be why you knew about his escape. Unfortunately, it does bind him to you."
Veronica unexpectedly took his hand and placed it fully over her Mark. "It doesn't burn when you touch it." Then she looked up at him in a way she never had before—longingly, desperately, seductively. Severus realized that she wasn't looking at him like a grown woman letting a man know she wanted him, but like a fifteen-year-old girl acting out.
She started running her fingertips over his hand and forearm. "Why don't we just skip breakfast?"
Severus gently pulled away and buttoned up her robe. "Come on, you need to eat something." It wasn't that he didn't want her, he just didn't want her like this.
Veronica turned away in shame, obviously misinterpreting his refusal. Severus wanted to say something to reassure her, but remained silent for fear that he would just make things worse.
*
Veronica followed Severus to the Great Hall for breakfast, careful to avoid his eyes. How could she have done something so incredibly stupid as to make a sexual advance toward her best friend? True, she had kissed him under the influence of the Not-a-Care Elixir, but they both understood that it was the potion that had made her do it. That was the not case in this instance. How could she have believed for a moment that he would want to make love to her? Balin's right, I am small and ridiculous. She just hoped her foolish behavior wouldn't permanently damage their friendship.
Dumbledore approached them before they reached the teacher's entrance to the Great Hall. The Headmaster regarded her gravely causing Veronica to wonder apprehensively what else had happened.
"I wanted to let you know that your dear parents are well," Dumbledore told her. "I was quite impressed with the wards you constructed around their house. They should be safe there, but I told them they are to come to Hogwarts immediately at the first sign of any danger."
"What are you talking about?" Veronica asked in confusion.
Dumbledore turned to Severus. "You didn't tell her?"
"I haven't had a chance," he replied tersely.
"Veronica," began Dumbledore, "I had no choice but to speak to your parents this morning after Severus told me that Balin had threatened their lives in the past and that they knew nothing about what had happened to you when you were a student here."
"How dare you!" she cried angrily. "You had no right!"
"Perhaps not," Dumbledore replied, "but I felt I had a responsibility—"
"Now you decide to interfere with my life?!" she said, almost yelling.
"Veronica, lower your voice," Severus entreated.
She ignored him and continued to scream at Dumbledore. "But when I really needed you, you couldn't be bothered! In future, stay the hell away from my family!"
Veronica was too irate to be embarrassed when she noticed several teachers who were also on their way to breakfast, stare at her in disbelief. She took her seat at the staff table, but didn't touch her food. Severus looked both uncomfortable and annoyed at her outburst, but he made certain to intercept her copy of the Daily Prophet and stuff his own copy in his robe pocket instead of reading it as was his habit. He did give her the letter that her parents had sent her, but she couldn't bear to read it now. Severus was trying so hard to protect her, but all she seemed capable of doing was act like a raving lunatic. How long would it be before he tired of it—and of her?
Despite his best efforts, Severus couldn't prevent her from hearing the entire school buzz about the latest escape from Azkaban. She heard Professor Sprout tell Professor Sinistra, "I'm so glad the Ministry is sending Aurors instead of dementors to guard the school this time."
"Haven't you heard?" said Sinistra. "It was two dementors that let him out in the first place. Can you believe it?"
So they were sending Aurors to guard the school? Veronica had no doubt that the increased security measures had nothing to do with her or Balin's nightmare promise to come after her. She looked up from her untouched meal and glared at Harry Potter, who was talking excitedly with his friends at the Gryffindor table. It was because of him that the Ministry and Dumbledore cared so much, she thought resentfully, her heart filling with hate not only for Balin and Dumbledore, but for Harry as well.
The boy must have sensed her watching him, because he suddenly turned and met her eyes. Veronica looked away, ashamed that all of her training, all of her compassion and dedication deserted her just when she needed it the most.
*
Harry knew that there was something terribly wrong with Professor Stanley even before his first Defense Against the Dark Arts class of the new term. He and his friends settled in their seats, the Death Eater's escape from Azkaban still the only topic of conversation. Professor Stanley stood at the front of the classroom, but her kind face was pale and drawn like she hadn't slept all night; her usually reassuring voice seemed strained. Harry had heard a rumor that she had actually yelled at Dumbledore this morning. And then there was the disturbing way she had looked at him at breakfast. Something about the sudden change in her made him feel very afraid. Did it have something to do with Balin's escape?
As soon as the bell rang, a half-dozen students raised their hands in the air, including Ron and Hermione.
"If you'll all turn to Chapter Eighteen, Advanced Shielding—" Stanley began shakily.
But no one was listening. Instead, they started firing questions at her:
"How did Balin get dementors to help him escape?"
"Can he get past Aurors, too?"
"Was he teaching here when you were a student?"
"Is he really as bad as the Prophet says?"
"That's enough!" Stanley snapped, her voice trembling with fear. "THAT'S ENOUGH!" She rushed through the classroom and snatched every copy of the Daily Prophet she saw out of her students' hands, then frantically ripped the papers to shreds. Then the woman who had successfully taken on both Professor Snape and Lucius Malfoy began to sob, covering her face with her hands. She rushed out into the corridor, the sound of her inconsolable crying invading the silence of the classroom.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville and the other students sat in their chairs, dumbfounded, as they stared out into the hall in disbelief.
"We should call someone," Hermione said quietly. "Perhaps Professor Snape?"
No one relished the idea of interrupting Snape's class for any reason, so no volunteers were forthcoming.
It was now clear to Harry that this Professor Balin must have done something to her, perhaps when she was his student. Harry slowly rose from his seat and crept into the corridor. Stanley was sitting on the cold stone floor, her back against the wall. He approached her cautiously and sat down next to her.
"Professor, would you like to go to the hospital wing?" Harry asked as gently as he could.
Stanley nodded then looked up at him with a haunted expression in her eyes that made him shudder. "Don't let him catch you, Harry. Voldemort might want to kill you, but Balin will make you wish you were dead."
Harry shoved down the fear he felt as he took Professor Stanley by the arm and helped the suddenly fragile woman to her feet. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse…
*
Miss Granger had timidly approached Snape during Potions class to tell him that Veronica had apparently fallen apart in their class and had to be taken to the hospital wing. He appreciated the fact that she whispered, obviously trying to prevent the Slytherins from hearing. They'll find out soon enough, he thought grimly.
"I think she's just having a very bad day," Granger had said, trying to sound reassuring.
Snape just grunted in response, but thought to himself, That, Miss Granger, is the understatement of the century.
After his last class, Severus went to visit Veronica. Neville Longbottom passed him just as he entered the hospital wing, almost daring to give Snape a defiant glare. Don't tell me I'm being blamed for Veronica's breakdown?!
Madam Pomfrey met him a second later. At least she seemed glad to see him.
"Professor Stanley is fine to go back to her room, but she won't leave." Poppy led him to her bedside, and then left the pair alone.
A bouquet of roses sat on the table next to Veronica's bed. "Where did those come from?" Severus asked.
"They're from Neville," she told him. "He has a bit of a crush on me."
Snape tried to ignore the incomprehensible flash of jealousy that came over him. At least that explained the nasty look the boy had almost given him. "Once again, Mr. Longbottom is making me look bad."
Veronica took his hand and squeezed it, but let go of it quickly. "Oh, Severus, you've been such a dear all day and all I've done is make a complete ass of myself."
"I seem to remember someone saying it was good to do that every once in a while."
She grinned slightly. "That only applies when it's happening to you."
"Oh, I see. We can dish the humiliation out, but we can't take it?"
She let out a small laugh, but Severus was afraid she was about to cry
He didn't know how far he should push her today, but something told him that she didn't need more coddling right now. He held out his hand for her. "Come along, Veronica, you've worn out your welcome here."
"I don't want to go back to my room," she said as she pulled the covers up to her chin, much like she had this morning…
When she was in my bed.
It would have been so easy, not to mention tempting, to let her stay in his room tonight, but he didn't want to let anything happen that they—that she—would regret later. "You have to go back to your room sometime, so stop acting like a child and get out of that bed." His stern tone of voice had the desired effect, at least in part. She threw the covers back and climbed out of the hospital bed, but she glowered at him, obviously hurt by his apparent lack of sympathy.
She quickly put on her shoes and grabbed her bouquet of flowers. Then they walked back to her room in silence.
When they got to her door, Veronica turned to him and said, "I've decided to resign."
Severus rolled his eyes as he opened her door and gently pushed her inside. "Veronica, you're in no state to be deciding anything of the kind right now."
She put the flowers on her dresser. "How can I face my students after my little mental collapse today?"
"Tell them the truth—at least enough to make them understand. The incident will soon be all over the school, if it isn't already. People will jump to their own conclusions if you don't explain yourself."
She seemed grateful for the suggestion, but there was obviously something more that was bothering her. "What about Dumbledore?"
"He won't sack you, if that's what you're worried about, but I would like to see you make peace with him, for your sake as well as his—and mine." She still hadn't brought up the issue Severus was certain was troubling her most of all, besides Balin's escape, of course. "About this morning—"
Veronica covered her ears with her hands. "Severus, please don't—"
He pried her hands away from her ears and took her by the shoulders. "It wasn't that I didn't want you, but if I had taken advantage of you this morning, I would have been as despicable as Balin."
She looked up at him, incredulous. "You want me?"
"Yes," he said, stroking her hair softly, "very much."
Veronica pulled away from him. "How can you? Just look at me!"
Severus reached for her again. He pulled her to the sofa and made her sit. He took her chin in his hand and gazed into warm brown eyes. "Stop believing his lies, Veronica. The only truth he ever told you was when he said you were beautiful."
She snorted. "On the inside, right? I am so sick of being beautiful on the inside, Severus! Do you even know what it feels like to be homely?"
"As a matter of fact I do, thanks so much for asking!" He sighed in irritation. That wasn't what he had wanted to say. "You're not homely, Veronica. The more I look at you, the prettier you become. That's in spite of that fact that you do your best to make yourself look as unattractive as possible. Has anyone ever told you that yellow is definitely not your color?"
Veronica broke out in a grin. "My mother tells me that all the time." She paused and blushed. "I don't think you're homely either. In fact, I think you're..." she lowered her voice to a barely audible whisper, "terribly sexy."
Severus looked at Veronica in surprise for a moment. Then he lightly stroked her cheek as his face inched closer to hers. He tenderly pressed his lips against hers and very gently wrapped his arms around her waist. He was afraid that at any second, Veronica would pull away and retreat back into herself once again. He was careful not to hold her so tightly so that if she did want to pull away she could do so easily.
But she didn't pull away. Veronica put her arms around his neck and started timidly running one of her hands through his shoulder-length black hair. The feelings Severus had been holding at bay for weeks now came rushing to the surface. I love you, Veronica flashed through his mind. Before he lost himself in the moment he withdrew slightly, but still kept one arm around her waist as he softly pulled back a few of her unruly curly locks from her face.
Even though he had withdrawn she still had her eyes closed, a contented smile upon her face. It looked as if she was trying to hold onto the memory of his kiss. After a few moments she opened them again. "Was that a one-time only event or can I expect another sometime in the hopefully near future?"
He placed another light kiss on her lips. "You're making my life completely impossible, you know that?"
"I'm sorry," she replied guiltily.
He smiled wryly as he took her in his arms again, this time pulling her close. "No you're not."
***