Title: Drink
Name: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Buffy felt Spike's hand grab hers, which was caressing the front of his jeans. Her blood was on his mouth as he stared at her. Blood began to trickle down her neck. Spike slowly leaned in licked the line away and cleaned the injury. He leaned back out to stare at her.
"I…I…I couldn't let Dawn give you anymore blood…and…and I wouldn't ask anyone else…" Buffy muttered.
Spike didn't say a word. He just blinked a few times. "Thank you," he said almost coldly. But something in his eyes gave her a little hope, then suddenly it was gone. Whatever tie she felt to Spike moments before was now cut.
His hands were at her hips in a second startling her; Spike moved her from his lap. She watched as he went to stand. "No… Spike wait…"
She didn't get it out in time. Spike had put his weight on his legs. "Blood Hell!" he screamed and collapsed on the ground.
Buffy helped him up. "Your legs are broken. The driver ran over them."
Spike's face hardened. "Do I have to be in a wheelchair again?" he ground out.
"I don't know," she said with tears in her eyes. Being in the chair had been the most emasculating experience for him in his entire existence she knew. "Hopefully with my blood and Dawn's you'll heal quickly… Your skull is almost entirely…They had to reset your legs because they were healing too rapidly."
Spike didn't look at her. "Say something…Please," she whispered.
"I told you I didn't want that between us now… I know that my behavior was sending the wrong signals but…" he uttered.
Buffy swallowed convulsively. "We weren't… I had just started to… I'm sorry. Please don't pull further away from me."
He met her tear filled eyes; they were so pained.
Tara took the opportunity to slide out of the bedroom toward the door. Spike tilted his head to watch her leave. "Glinda?"
She stopped short, "Hi Spike."
"Hi…what were you doing in the bathroom?"
She started to open and close her mouth frantically. "Ya see…Well… Dawn…"
"What about Dawn?" he asked sternly of the two women.
"She bled herself for you earlier…I little too much," Buffy said quickly.
"I didn't want Buffy to be admitted to the hospital again," Tara said firmly.
"Again?" he asked.
"It doesn't matter," the slayer commented.
"Yes…it does!"
"I'm going to let you two work some things out… I'll talk to you later," Tara said and left the room.
Spike vacillated between being mad that Tara left him alone with Buffy when she knew that he wanted her as the buffer and being glad she was gone so he could hash things out with Buffy. "Hospital?" he asked.
Buffy's eyes pled to let the subject drop. He would have none of it. She looked down at her hands. "Me…not Dawn…Angel…a couple years back… He nearly bled me dry…He was sick. He needed my blood. I forced him but… Just couldn't have both of us, you and me, out of commission for Dawn." She watched Spike's jaw set. "Please…please don't get mad again. We started talking. We were starting to be okay."
Spike's jaw began to tremble with anger and fear mixed together. "I don't feel right Buffy." He looked her straight in the eye, "I think the chip isn't working anymore."
She stared back and said the words he never expected to hear from her. "We took it out… I made them take it out… It was causing brain damage. I… I trust you."
His face gave none of his amazement away. He just blinked rhythmically at her. "Peaches didn't have a problem with that?"
"He did… Fred realized there was brain damage from the stupid thing and told us to take it out. It was cruel to let anyone be a vegetable for eternity. Lorn sort of took an inventory of your thoughts. He said to take it out too. In the end we argued a lot but the grace that is extended to Angel and Faith was going to be extended to you too."
This time he stared hard into her eyes, "They have souls. I don't."
"It doesn't matter," Buffy said quietly. "You've been more human then most humans I've met in the last year."
She hid her eyes from him. "Lorn has an interesting theory on you."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
Spike growled, "Ya gonna tell me or not?"
Her eyes met his, "Your nature is not a killer but a caregiver. As long as you have someone to care for you have definition to your existence…it calms your demon."
"Are you insane?"
"What?"
"You based the safety of everyone you love on that! Yeah I took care of Dru sure but at the same time I also killed hundreds of people… Put the blast thing back in!" he demanded.
"No…you can do this. I know you can."
"Buffy…I'm not an alcoholic, who if I get fall off the wagon life sucks…If I fall off the wagon someone dies!"
The slayer set her jaw and stared at him. "You haven't killed me."
"I'm in love with you. Of course I didn't kill you!" Spike yelled then stared at her. He closed his eyes, "I shouldn't have said that."
"Why?"
"That will only complicate things."
Buffy sighed, "Dawn is outside dying to see you awake and safe."
"What about Bit? You aren't worried one night I'll get hungry…"
"Never crossed your mind yet and she's not quite human," Buffy countered. "Your chip didn't activate with her either."
"You don't know that," Spike snipped.
"Actually I do. Fangs cut her arm while you were feeding."
"I'm going to be sick," he said grabbing for a trashcan.
"What's wrong?"
"What's wrong? You're talking about me bleeding Nibblet… Oh god…I can never call her that again," Spike said as he started to sweat.
Buffy rushed to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth to cool off Spike's brow. "Lay back," she instructed. She climbed onto the bed with him. Buffy propped herself up on the headboard then positioned Spike back against her chest. Her hands wove into his hair and stroked it gently. She put the washcloth on the back of his neck. "I love you," she whispered as she leaned down and kissed the top of his head.
"Buffy…" he began.
"Shhh… Just relax and feel better," she murmured happy to have him awake in her arms, even if he'd be there for just a little while.
They sat together silently for a long while. When Buffy thought Spike was asleep she slipped the washcloth off his skin and wiped her neck to remove excess blood. "Ouch," she winced. Inadvertently she reopened the wound.
Spike's eyes flew open at the smell. He began to tremble on her chest. She looked down when she saw him shaking. He was slipping in and out of game face rapidly. "I…I can't help it," he murmured almost pathetically.
Buffy swallowed and leaned Spike up. She positioned them back the way they had been sitting when he had awoken. Spike couldn't object because of the intense desire he had to drink. "It's alright," she soothed. "The cuts already open…Just drink… I…I won't touch you…that way."
Spike looked feral and scared at the same time as Buffy brought his head to her neck gently with her hand. He fought with his demon back and forth as he tentatively licked at her neck. With her blood on his tongue he relaxed in human guise and drank slowly at first. He let his tongue move into the groves of the bite on her neck to make it bleed more without his fangs.
Buffy was doing her best to stifle moans as Spike lavished attention on her neck, nibbling, licking and sucking at it. She also did he best to ignore the hard lump in Spike's jeans that she was pressed up against. Spike was using all his strength not to let the demon out and Buffy was doing everything she could not to grind her body against that very tantalizing hard on.
Spike bit lightly into Buffy's flesh to get more blood flowing in his mouth. Buffy moaned unable to stifle the reverberation. He clutched her to him running his hands through her hair. She offered more of her neck and ran her hands up and down his back pressing her lips to his throat.
After a particularly long drink Buffy bit down on Spike's throat. His whole body surged with energy and growled, "I love you…I love you so much," against her skin.
Buffy had begun to rock against him unconsciously. When she felt her body tighten in preparation for release she stilled her movements. Spike looked up at her. "I'm sorry," she whispered and held him loosely.
Spike knew she had been close. He knew her body and how it moved when it was ready to come undone. There were no words to describe the level of intimacy there shared staring at each other in those moments. He couldn't believe she stopped because she didn't want drive him away.
One long lick of her throat and she stopped bleeding. Spike sucked on his lips and looked deeply into Buffy's eyes before he leaned in and kissed her chastely. "Thank you," he whispered. This time the words were full of emotion and his gaze revealed longing.
They both panted for a few minutes staring at each other, not letting go of the lose hold they each had on the others body. Spike made no attempt to remove Buffy from his lap but instead drew her to himself and hugged her sweetly. Buffy relaxed into his grasp and took comfort in being able to hold him freely. Spike pet Buffy's hair as he closed his eyes and breathed in her scent.
"I'm sorry," Buffy muttered crying on his shoulder.
"For what, luv?"
Buffy pulled back to look him in the eye. "For not letting it be sweet and soft between us… I could have been happy here… in your arms."
Spike shut his eyes and shook his head. "Can't change the past anymore then I can," he whispered as he wiped one of her tears away with his thumb.
Buffy looked down and let the tears fall straight down. In almost no voice she asked, "Will I ever get to be here again or has that possibility left with the first bite?"
"I don't know, luv," he whispered. Buffy began to sob soundlessly, her shoulders shaking. Spike's heart constricted. "I think…I know why you stopped… It means a lot. You were actually paying attention to the way I wanted things to be between us…" He pulled her face up to look at him. He shrugged slightly, "That gives me hope."
Buffy nodded and swallowed a few times as she drew him into another hug. "Thank you… I… You were nearly gone tonight. Dawn was so scared on the phone and I just… Xander gave us his phone and car so we could come… You were nearly gone," she muttered. "And…and I wouldn't have ever known what this felt like," her tears returned.
Spike held her protectively to him. "I do love you Buffy."
"I know… I love you too… But it may not be enough; I know that too," she said through tears.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore," he said cupping her face in his hand. "I hate to see you in pain."
"Oh god…" Buffy started to sob.
"What? What did I say?"
"You're reciting Giles's speech before he left," she whimpered.
Spike half grinned and kissed her lips lightly. "Not really… I'm moving from my crypt to your house, not to London."
"Promise?"
"Promise!" This time he kissed the tip of her nose. "Now let's see LilBit before she completely freaks out."
"Good plan…"
TBC…