Chapter 4 - Worn Out


The next day passed in a daze for Harry. He picked at his breakfast, brushing off Hermione's worried remarks that he wasn't eating enough, judging by his bony hands and pale skin. He fell asleep in his first lesson of Divination, and broke a crystal ball in his second. He had apologised so much to Professor Trelawny that she had to order him to forgive himself. Harry couldn't though. He felt so guilty in History of Magic for what he had done in Divination that he actually took notes on what Professor Binns said. When lunch rolled around, he skipped it, despite Ron and Hermione's protests, opting instead to go to the library to do his Potions homework. In the oppressive silence, though, he soon nodded off. The nightmares came thick and fast, and Madam Pince practically chased him out of the library when he began screaming in horror. During Care of Magical Creatures, Hagrid just happened to mention in passing that they hadn't visited in a while and Harry nearly cried with sorrow that he'd disappointed him. The Slytherins had practically collapsed with laughter to see Harry in such an emotional state.


Suffice it to say that by the end of the day Harry was emotionally worn out. People always said that pain grew easier to bear with time, but as Harry reflected, he realised that for him it had only grown worse. He felt so guilty about everything that he'd done remotely wrong that it weighed down on him like lead, so that simple actions like standing up were a struggle. At five that evening, as he stared bleakly into the common room fire while Ron and Hermione whispered to each other and glanced nervously at him, Harry decided that enough was enough. He had hurt and disappointed so many people in the past week that he didn't dare look over his life, or the misery he felt would grow so big that he would die where he sat. With a weary sigh, he dragged himself out of his chair and made an excuse to leave the tower to his concerned friends, who jumped to stop him.


I have detention with Snape, he lied, feeling the oppression on his soul mount because he had lied to his friends, people who trusted him. Stumbling out of the common room, Harry wandered about the school, contemplating a plan of action. He was circling the outside of the castle when the screech of an owl caught his attention. Upon looking up he saw it wasn't Hedwig, but he spotted the perfect way to do good in the world when he looked. His face pulled into a strange smile that looked more like a grimace, he re-entered the school and began a long, arduous climb.


*


Hermione and Ron paced in front of the fire in the common room, matching frowns of worry etched on their faces. The portrait swung open to admit someone and they both looked up hopefully, their faces falling when they saw it to be some unknown third-year, and not Harry.


I can't believe he'd lie to us, Ron muttered darkly, remarking on Harry's fib about detention with Snape; a second-year had come back from the dungeons half an hour ago, with no Harry with them. Ron stalked away from the fire as Hermione marched towards it. They alternated like this for several minutes, as they had done since the second-year had come in.


What do you think he's doing? Hermione pondered, more to herself than Ron or anyone else who happened to be watching them. Pounding footsteps caught the attention of everyone, and they looked at the portrait curiously as a small first-year, flushed red and out of breath, burst into the room. She took a few moments to catch her breath, before looking wildly around at everyone, and crying:


Harry Potter is on the roof!


*