Emu: WOW! I was right about the gators. I must be psychic.
Puppetmon: Then what am I thinking?
Emu: Um, about a tank with a HUGE arsenal?
Puppetmon: Lucky guess.
Emu: ^_^ Anyway, sorry for all prior mistakes and one in the future that pertain to grammer. My computer's spell check is STILL devious. So, here you go. Puppetmon?
Puppetmon: If you think Emu owns anything, you are deathly wrong! DO YOU HEAR ME?! And if you don't, then you haven't been paying attention and you will PAY! PPPPAAAAYYY!
Cat: Wait, allow me. Ahem, MWAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jhonen looked around in complete confusion as he found himself shrouded in a deep blue mist. Small droplets of water clung to his hair and he irritably tried to brush them off. It was around that time that a chicken that looked oddly familiar, ran by being chased by none other than the Kentucky Fried Chicken guy. (AN: AHHH RUN FOR YOUR FEATHERS! IT BE THE EVIL CHICKEN BOUNTY HUNTER! AND he has a beard)
"Get back here! You have already been paid for and the customer would prefer that you are cooked!" the Kentucky man cried as he tried to nab the chicken.
"YOU ARE CRAZY! Why don't YOU dress up as a chicken and sell YOURSELF!" the chicken screamed in reply. The Kentucky man surprisingly stopped and considered this option for a moment. Unfortunately for the chicken though, the Kentucky man decided that he didn't have enough money to rent a chicken suite AND go top the horse races. So shrugging, he pulled out a butcher's knife and proceeded to pursue the unlucky foul.
Jhonen blinked a couple of times as the pair quickly vanished. "That was…um….well…just…I CAN'T THINK OF THE PROPER WORD TO DESCRIBE THAT!" Jhonen shrieked and began to run in circles. (AN: Oh no, the world is ENDING!) Jhonen continued to scream until he happened to spy something green radiating in the distance. Squinting, he followed it until he found the source.
The chickens regarded Jhonen with bewilderment as he stared at them eye to eye. The apparent leader stepped forward and squawked loudly at this new intruder. It then pecked at he fence that separated them furiously. The other chickens gazed at the leader who nodded. In a silent agreement, the rest came forward and attacked the fence.
Jhonen's eyes bulged as he soon realized that these green, glowing chickens were about to knock the fence over. Stepping back fearfully, he was about to turn and retreat when the fence gave way.
THOUSANDS of chickens tumbled out and feathers littered the air. Chickens landed on Jhonen and covered him in blanket of beaks, feet, and feathers. Shrieking insanely, some began to lay green eggs on him while others ran back and knocked over barrels labeled green spam. (AN: I must have read Dr. Sues one too many times.) Just when the chickens were about to suffocate Jhonen with giant napkins with teddy bears, a whistle pierced the air.
Jhonen sighed in relief as the chickens herded away from him. Someone distributed spuds to the chickens who ate them with glee. Jhonen continued to lie in a daze listening to the chickens hack the spuds into bits before a shadow fell over him.
Looking up, Jhonen found a young girl looming over him. She giggled lightly and thrust a hand in his face. "Hey there. You must be Jhonen. Funny, you seem taller than I thought." The girl put her closer to him and he absently took it. Hauling him to his feet, the girl turned and walked towards a stump covered with a big blue pillow. Sitting down, she signaled him over. "Well, come on! Times a wasting and I have to get more spuds for the chickens!" Jhonen nodded and hobbled over.
"Um, could you possibly tell me who you are?" Jhonen asked.
"I'm Evil Ducky!"
"YOU'RE EVIL DUCKY?! As in the one who sent a chicken to tell me about the Holy Printer of Inkiness?" Jhonen gaped.
"The one and the same," smiled Evil Ducky.
"Oh okay. So what am I doing here and where exactly IS here?"
"Well, you are in a dream or as some like to call it a vision. I am sorta supposed to be that weird voice that tells you stuff and echoes a lot. You know that all knowing voice you can't see?"
"I can see you though," Jhonen said flatly.
"YOU CAN? Oh, whoops. I guess I messed up on that minor detail. Oh well, doesn't matter. So, I am supposed to tell you a message. LA lalla lala la la la LA!!"
"The message is LA lalla lala la la la LA?"
"What? Oh, no. I am just exercising my voice because you have to have a certain voice for this to have the right effect."
"Oh, of course." Jhonen watched as Evil Ducky continued to exercise her voice. She soon began to sing and sang such songs as "The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of AAAHHH!!" (AN: That one's for you Daphne. That is very fun to sing if you run down a hill) "Oh give Me a Home Where the Mufflers Roam" (AN: I like to sing this when my family be stuck in traffic) "Dancing Spleen" (AN: For someone who yearns for an original prom) "Blue Loon" (An: Yes, the sad remake of a story about a lunatic. Sniff) and of course, Figaro.
Jhonen glanced at his watch and tapped his foot impatiently. A small vein began to pop out of his head, as he grew more and more irritated. He began to grunt with agitation. It was not long before he screamed, interrupting Evil Ducky when she was half way through "Mary had a little spam." "WOULD YOU JUST TELL ME ALREADY!"
"How rude. All right, I suppose my voice is exercised. Ahem," Evil Ducky cleared her throat and closed her eyes in concentration. After about a minute of this, she spoke in a very deep, blowing voice. "If you bake it, ask a bum." (AN: I am just spoofing everything, no? This be from a movie, can't recall what it's called though. -_0)
"Um, what?"
"Don't look at me, I didn't write this."
"Write what?"
Suddenly, a voice boomed out of nowhere, "ABSOLUTLY NOTHING! NOOOOOOTTTHHHIIINNNGGG! Pay it no heed." (AN: Well, there goes the surprise.-_-)
"Where did THAT come from?" Jhonen jumped around and tried to find the voice.
"Um, NOWHERE!" Evil Ducky screamed realizing she had made a boo boo. "It was a, um, well another holy voice like me. Only, it was my boss, uh yeah that's it. Now, bye! YOU MUST BE OFF! The chickens, they call! GOODBYE! Oh, and I'm stealing this!" Evil Ducky exclaimed as she stole Jhonen's boot. Jhonen attempted to run after her when all of a sudden…
Jhonen shrieked as he fell off of a green, fuzzy couch. Opening one eye slowly, he quickly remembered that he was in Dib's house. (AN: If Dib's couch is not green, then he got a new one after rather spiky monster sat in it so he could watch his favorite show.) A sweet odor assaulted Jhonen's nostrils mid yawn and he wandered into the kitchen after replacing the boot that was stolen by Evil Ducky. (AN: Good thing he had a spare) He picked up a note that had been scribbled on the door addressed to him and began to read it.
Dear Jhonen,
I just realized that that sounds familiar. Have you been to a paranormal convention? Oh, anyway I just wanted to let you know that I left because since today is Saturday I have time to stop Zim. So yeah, that is what I am doing. Do NOT freak out and blow up the toaster. (Jhonen snapped his fingers in disappointment)
TOUCH THE CEREAL OR SODA OOORRR PIZZA AND FACE MY WRATH AND LITTLE HEL….
GIVE ME THAT GAZ! Sisters. OW! Hey what did I do?
YOU stole the last chocolate bar.-_-*
Well, SOR~RY! Wait, why are we writing this down? Um, bye!
~Dib~
PS: I will try to relay info. on Zim back to you by the end of the day.
Jhonen stood still for all of five minutes before shredding the note and attacking the refrigerator. It took him only a few seconds to notice that half of the food stock was missing, including the sodas and pizza. "Where…?" wondered Jhonen.
"Looking for something?" questioned a cool voice. A girl with long flowing black hair, black high heel boots, a velvet skort (AN: It looks like a skirt but is really a pair of shorts), a backwards velvet black hat, GIANT loop earrings, a TON of necklaces, and a silver and black tee shirt with the words "I'm not crazy. You're just too sane for your own good" written on the back, dropped down from the ceiling. Munching on some cold pizza, she leaned causally against the wall. "Hey there. You're Jhonen and I'm Gothic Relena. Normally, I would drop to your feet in worship but a certain SOMEONE has taped a VERY powerful explosive to my back and forbidden me to do so. So, shall we get started then?"
"Who are…where did…how did…should I…WIAT! Did you say explosive?" Jhonen's eyes widened considerably.
"Erm, yep. Now, I really don't have time to fiddle fart around so if we can get this over with soon, the higher chance there is that the bomb won't go off. I frankly don't want my organs all over the place and I am assuming you don't either."
"Yea. Can I ask what it is we're supposed to get started on though?"
"The duck gave you the message?" Jhonen nodded. "Well, as you know then if you bake it, then ask a bum."
"Right! One question, WHAT IN THE NAME OF MY MOTHER'S COW PAINTEDD PLASTIC WRAP DOES THAT MEAN?!"
"I can scream louder than you can."
"What does THAT have to do with anything?"
"Nothing. Anyway, that means that you have to bake something to lure in and appease the bum."
"Why do we want to appease the bum?"
"I don't, you do."
"Then what do YOU want to do?"
"Get you to bake something to lure in and appease the bum."
"So, you want to get me to bake something to appease the bum which will somehow please you?"
"It would please me to please you by pleasing the bum so that the author is pleased and then all is happy."
"Please the bum who does what exactly?"
"The bum?"
"Yeah, is he stupid?"
"The bum is not dumb and you must please him to thumb a ride and hide to get inside."
"Wait, does the thumb give me a ride to hide inside of the bum?"
"No, bum not dumb. You hide to get inside."
"What happened to the thumb?"
"It's attached to your hand."
"My hand or the bum?"
"The bum needs not YOUR thumb and you are now acting dumb."
"Oh. Why are you rhyming?"
"To better improve the pun timing."
"And when is there a pun in all of this?"
"Look out the window." Jhonen obeyed and watched as a man walked by carrying a sign with the word "PUN" painted on it. (AN: Did you get ANY of that? Don't look at me, I'm confused too) "There you go."
"All right! So, what were we doing again?"
"I teach you bake. You bake catch bum. Bum give you ride. You go to building with holy printer. You hide to get in. Once in you ask printer what need know. You go home. The end."
Jhonen threw his arms in the air and cried, "Well, why didn't you say that in the first place?"
"Emu defiantly wrote this," sighed Gothic Relena. (AN: DARN STRAIGHT!) And so, Gothic Relena began to teach Jhonen how to cook and bake…things. After much yelling, attacking each other with plastic forks, and some egg juggling, the two stepped back to admire Jhonen's great work. It was a brownie with a dragon on it being chased by evil fans and said, "In loving Memory of Maniacal Dragon." (AN: Poor little Dragon)
"I actually made something that DIDN'T explode."
"Quite an accomplishment huh?" Gothic Relena and Jhonen shook hands. Turning, they were about to venture into the living room when without warning, a motorcycle crashed through the window. A person adorned completely in black stepped down and snatched up the brownie.
"Mmm…that is some FINE eating," stated the figure as it gulped down the remains of brownie.
"It is about time you got here Banter," Gothic Relena said in irritation. Banter shrugged in return and began to lick up some stray frosting.
"Okay then. Um, who are you?" inquired Jhonen who was slightly mad that his creation was so ruthlessly destroyed.
"Me? Oh, I am Banter."
"He means he's the bum who will take you to the printer and help get you in since it is heavily guarded."
"Oh," was all Jhonen managed to mutter before he was yanked onto the bike by Banter. Waving, banter climbed back on and drove back out the broken window. Gothic Relena shook her head and then admired the knife she had swiped from Jhonen before walking away. (AN: It was a shiny red pocketknife that had a broken blade)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Elsewhere, two Irken ships landed in Zim's front yard. Luckily, since everyone was SO stupid, the act went unnoticed. Two Irken females hopped out of the pods openings and nodded calmly to each other in greeting. A single SIR unit screamed madly as it skipped out of a ship. It then began to hug nearby inanimate objects while one of the Irkens sighed ashamedly. The other Irken patted her giant sword and then smirked. The Irkens laughed lightly and then accompanied each other to the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Elsewhere, elsewhere, Cyn painfully dragged herself out of the manhole hole and then she hobbled away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere a lone figure gazed at a screen filled with Jhonen's image. The figure sat motionless in a room completely submerged in darkness. Sharp pointed teeth protruded from its dark silhouette. Raking it finger together, it smiled wickedly.
A voice fizzled over an intercom. "Ma'am we have pinpointed Jhonen's location."
"Very good, proceed to plan D."
"Plan D?" asked the voice startled."
"Yes, plan D. Now get to it."
"Yes mistress Synia."
Cruel laughter floated into the air. "Yesss," the figure known as Synia hissed.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, the mouse creature bits started to regroup.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, a little boy wailed in agony as his little bath buddy, "Mr. Squeak," the duck, was accidentally flushed down the toilet. (AN: poor duck)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere, the…
"STOP IT ALREADY!"
"HEY! Who are you to interrupt the mighty author?"
"I am the amazing magical book!"
"What? Oh yeah. Well, what do you care? You weren't even in THIS chapter!"
"That is why it stinks."
"IT DOES NOT! You take that back!"
"No."
"RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!"
Elevator music fills the air as the screen goes blank. After a short while, Emu, that would be me, walks out on stage.
"Ahem, due to difficulties beyond our control, the magic book has just been brutally librarized. Sorry for any inconvenience.
THE END (For now, tee hee)
Puppetmon: Why wasn't the book hospitalized?
Emu: Because, libraries take care of books.
Cat: Oh har har.
Emu: Anyway, that was a long chapter. I hope this make up for not reviewing in a while and I will continue soon. One more thing, ALL SHALL RETURN IN THE NEAR FUTURE! BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH MY LUNGS! SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT! ACK! THUD! Faints
Puppetmon: Kinda pathetic really.
Cat: Nods