Title: Red Light

Author: sparkle*

Rating: PG

Keywords: during-ep/post-ep, Reyes POV, Doggett

Spoilers: Jump the Shark, NIHT, Provenance, Providence

Disclaimer: It all belongs to CC, 1013, and FOX.

Feedback: please!!! verdandi_happening@hotmail.com

Summary: Reyes POV during and after Jump the Shark…don't wanna give anything away for people who haven't seen the ep.

***

Red Light

by sparkle*

I had so little contact with them that I was entirely unprepared for the effect their deaths would have on me. I wasn't even all so sure they'd even happened.

At eight o'clock that night, John and I were on our way to the conference that they had already gotten to. I'd fallen asleep in the passenger seat while John drove, but a few minutes after eight, I felt it. I started, sitting bolt upright and probably scaring the hell out of John, but also out of myself.

Something had happened. I felt like I'd been gut-punched. I think I sort of knew what it was, what it could only be.

"They're dead," I said quietly, half to myself.

John looked over at me, completely confused. I repeated myself.

"I felt it, John. It had to be them."

"You don't know that. It's just a dream's all it is." He looked back out at the road.

"Yeah, you're probably right." I let myself be persuaded. I wasn't in the mood for an argument, and I wasn't brave enough to believe myself. Couldn't have been them, I rationalized. I don't remember my reason, but it had sounded convincing at the time.

Then the phone rang. John answered his cell. He looked over at me, his eyes wide. I heard the loud screech of tires. I felt my eyes sting for lack of tears.

"What?"

***

It still didn't quite register. Not at the cemetery, not seeing Jimmy's or Yves' tears, not Scully's, not Skinner's. Not even seeing Morris Fletcher come to say goodbye. I just saw caskets; I saw no bodies. I felt a lack of feelings, but I convinced myself I was just out of touch.

It was my turn to drive. I moved out of habit, not really thinking as I got in the car, turned the key, drove off. John looked at me for a second as if he was going to say something. I didn't look at him. I tried to focus on the road ahead, but I felt his gaze on me. He decided not to say anything, and turned back to stare out the window.

We come to a red light and I belatedly step on the brake. The car jerks as it comes to a stop. John looks at me again, but still says nothing. He knows I am thinking. I'm not really here.

My mind wanders.

"You know, considering the recent violence attempted on Agent Doggett, you might want to know who's at the door before you actually open it."

I reply to the 'Oh, hello,' I realize I didn't hear. And there is no reply. I know what it should be. I'm waiting for, 'Next time I'll get a chair,' to ring in the back of my head as I walk into the room. But I stand alone in John's doorway.

I see Scully with her baby in the old alley, waiting to see him off, giving him to the only people she trusts who can hide him. She waits, and so do I, but the alley remains empty.

I am on my cell, directing Scully by the voice on the other end. "We're coming to a turn. Is this it?" 'Uh…Yeah…Turn,' should be the uncertain reply. I wait for an answer but none comes.

"Monica." Another voice interrupts my thoughts. John looks at me expectantly. Knowing full well that my eyes are full of tears, and still feeling as though I have no right to mourn, I was not so close to them as others…I turn to look over at John.

"Go. The light's green."

I jerk my head back to face the road. Oh, yes, that's right, I forgot. Life has no red lights. Stop too often and you'll get left behind. My foot steps on the gas, and we move forward once again.

~fin

please please please gimme feedback! I'm still kinda new to *writing* fanfic (not reading it) and I'd like to know if it it's worth continuing… verdandi_happening@hotmail.com. thankyou.