A/N: Hey, you all asked for more! This is all YOUR doing! Well, here it
is. Only this time, its vegetables!
1 Veggies
(Enter Alanna, George, Jon, Buri, Onua, Myles, Daine, Numair, and Thayet.)
(Alanna is a big brown bean, George is a cucumber, Buri is a pumpkin, Onua is a carrot, Myles is a an onion, Numair is an ear of corn, Daine is some broccoli, and Thayet is a tomato.)
Jon- (dressed as a stalk of celery, and looking quite unhappy) Yo. Welcome to tonight's show, Veggies. Run away while you still can! (Attempts to run offstage, but Numair grabs him, holding him back.)
Numair- Could you have said that with any less enthusiasm?
Jon- Yes. Now let me go! (Vainly tries to wiggle out of Numair's grip.)
Numair- Not until you promise not to run away again. We're going to do a play right for once.
Jon- (glaring at Numair) I'll get you for this, Salmalín. I swear I will.
Numair- (shaking Jon) Promise.
Jon- (muttering) Fine. I promise I won't run away again.
Numair (lets Jon go) Good.
Thayet- Are you like about like done?
Myles- Queen Thayet, not to contradict you, but tomatoes are classified as fruits.
Onua- What are you talking about?! I don't know what planet you're from, but here on Earth tomatoes are definitely VEGETABLES.
Myles- I beg your pardon, but what are you smoking? THEY'RE FRUITS. Ask any scholar.
Onua- How dare you, you drunken know-it-all onion! (She attacks him.)
(Myles and Onua fight, shouting insults and "Veggie!" or "Fruit!" in the background, while the rest of the cast tries to pick up where they left off.)
Thayet- (just now understanding what they're fighting about) But, like, tomatoes are like vegetables. I'm like totally sure this time!
Alanna- (ignoring her) Um, well, what's next?
Daine- I don't think this was such a good idea. Whose was it, anyway?
Thayet- Mine! I'm like total a like, uh, person with like brains.
Jon- (runs as fast as his little celery legs can carry him) Ha! I'm freeeeeeeeeeee! Never again will I be roped into doing one of my wife's stupid plays!
(Numair chases after, but Jon throws his celery costume at him. It's very heavy, and Numair is knocked to the ground.)
Numair- Ouch. I feel pain.
Daine- Oh, my poor Numy-wumy! (Races to him and comforts her corny lover.)
George- (picks at his costume) I like pickles better than cucumbers. (Shouting into the audience) Does anybody have any brine?
Alanna- (kicks him) Would you stop clowning around?
Buri- (whining) I wanna do my solo now! My turn! Me!
George- Ok.
(Spotlight shines on Buri)
Buri- (singing to the rhyme "I'm a Little Teapot") I'm a little pumpkin, short and stout. On Halloween, you'll scrape my guts out. When you've carved my face, here me shout: Light me a candle and put me out!
(Audience claps weakly)
Daine- Thayet shouldn't be allowed to write the lyrics anymore.
Alanna- Well, at least Buri remembered all the words and didn't have to improvise, like Onua and that nauseating peanut butter song.
(Cast and readers shudder at the memory)
Numair- (on his feet) Thank the gods that Buri can sing.
Buri- (red with embarrassment from the praises) Well, you know, my vocal training DID focus chiefly on singing pumpkin songs…
George- Are you guys sure you don't have any brine? I usually keep a spare jar in my pockets in case of an emergency. (Searches inside his costume.) Darn it! The jar is in my orange costume!
Alanna- Since when do you even like pickles? And you never carry around a jar of brine, you idiotic liar.
George- So? In the fruit play, I hardly got to speak at all. I'm just trying to get my share of the limelight. WHEN WILL IT BE MY TIME TO SHINE?!
Numair, Daine, Alanna and Buri- Shut up.
George- Ok.
(Just in case you were wondering, Myles and Onua are still fighting behind everyone.)
Daine- Alanna, why don't you do your song now?
Alanna- No way. My song sucks! It's really humiliating…
Buri- Come on, Alanna! I did mine.
Alanna- (grumbling) Fine. (She clears her throat, and the spotlight shines on her, then sings without emotion.)
Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat 'em, the more you toot! So eat your beans at every meal, and the better you'll feel! (Looks embarrassed.) There, are you happy?!
(Cast and audience try their hardest not to laugh, with no success.)
Numair- (laughing really hard) I never get tired of listening to you sing that! I mean, Alanna the Lioness, singing a ridiculous ditty about beans!
Alanna- (glaring daggers at him) If I only had my sword with me…(she notices George, doubled over with repressed laughter) You, my dear, are gonna get it later. And it will NOT be pleasant, you stupid cucumber.
Thayet- Are like tomatoes really like fruits?
Alanna- (enraged) That's it! I'm sick of you and your idiocy! Fear my wrath!
(She advances menacingly on Thayet. The queen, seeing Alanna, squeals and promptly jumps off the stage. But her tomato costume is made out of rubber, and she bounces right back up.)
Numair- I've got and idea! Let's play "Tomato Basketball"! It's a game I just made up! (He grabs Thayet and dribbles her like a basketball and then shoots at the basketball hoop that appeared.)
Numair- (sinking the ball in the basket) Swish! Nothin' but net, baby!
Daine- Oh, Numair, you're so athletic! (She runs offstage and returns with a cheerleading costume stretched across her broccoli-clad body, swinging broccoli-shaped pom-poms.) Numair, Numair, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!
Buri- This is absolute nonsense. Why do I put up with you crazy people?! (She stomps offstage, and throws her pumpkin costume.)
Numair- (the costume hitting him) Ouch! What is it with you people and your obsession with hitting me with your costumes?
(George and Alanna strip off their own costumes and hurl them at Numair. Daine doesn't notice because she is too busy cheering, and Thayet is preoccupied with her new role as a basketball.)
Numair- (cries) Waaaaaaahhhh! I want my mommy! (Sucks on his thumb.)
George- If you were a tree, what kind would you be: evergreen or deciduous?
Onua- (looking up from her fight) Deciduous!
Myles- Evergreen! (This starts another fight. Shouts of "Pine trees rock!" and "Maples forever!" can be heard.)
Thayet- (stuck in the basketball hoop) What's like deciduous like mean?
Alanna- I hate you all.
Daine- Ra ra schish coom ba! Goooooooo team! (Does the splits.)
Alanna- SOMEBODY CLOSE THE CURTAIN! NOW!
(The curtain drops, right on Alanna.)
Alanna- Ow…
A/N: Super stupid, isn't it? Hee hee, that's whatcha get when I have too much pop! It's amazing how crazy I can be… Anyway, thank you for reading! Muwhahahahaha! *Goes to the fridge for more pop*
Disclaimer- I own zip, zilch, zero, null, goose egg, nothing. 'Cept maybe the whole veggie thing, and Tomato Basketball. Then again, maybe not. Someone else might be even more psychotic than me and done the story first… Doubtful, though. I AM THE INSANE QUEEN! Ahem. Back to the point. The characters all belong to the goddess that is Tamora Pierce.
Deciduous (for Thayet's benefit): adj. of trees, losing leaves annually.
1 Veggies
(Enter Alanna, George, Jon, Buri, Onua, Myles, Daine, Numair, and Thayet.)
(Alanna is a big brown bean, George is a cucumber, Buri is a pumpkin, Onua is a carrot, Myles is a an onion, Numair is an ear of corn, Daine is some broccoli, and Thayet is a tomato.)
Jon- (dressed as a stalk of celery, and looking quite unhappy) Yo. Welcome to tonight's show, Veggies. Run away while you still can! (Attempts to run offstage, but Numair grabs him, holding him back.)
Numair- Could you have said that with any less enthusiasm?
Jon- Yes. Now let me go! (Vainly tries to wiggle out of Numair's grip.)
Numair- Not until you promise not to run away again. We're going to do a play right for once.
Jon- (glaring at Numair) I'll get you for this, Salmalín. I swear I will.
Numair- (shaking Jon) Promise.
Jon- (muttering) Fine. I promise I won't run away again.
Numair (lets Jon go) Good.
Thayet- Are you like about like done?
Myles- Queen Thayet, not to contradict you, but tomatoes are classified as fruits.
Onua- What are you talking about?! I don't know what planet you're from, but here on Earth tomatoes are definitely VEGETABLES.
Myles- I beg your pardon, but what are you smoking? THEY'RE FRUITS. Ask any scholar.
Onua- How dare you, you drunken know-it-all onion! (She attacks him.)
(Myles and Onua fight, shouting insults and "Veggie!" or "Fruit!" in the background, while the rest of the cast tries to pick up where they left off.)
Thayet- (just now understanding what they're fighting about) But, like, tomatoes are like vegetables. I'm like totally sure this time!
Alanna- (ignoring her) Um, well, what's next?
Daine- I don't think this was such a good idea. Whose was it, anyway?
Thayet- Mine! I'm like total a like, uh, person with like brains.
Jon- (runs as fast as his little celery legs can carry him) Ha! I'm freeeeeeeeeeee! Never again will I be roped into doing one of my wife's stupid plays!
(Numair chases after, but Jon throws his celery costume at him. It's very heavy, and Numair is knocked to the ground.)
Numair- Ouch. I feel pain.
Daine- Oh, my poor Numy-wumy! (Races to him and comforts her corny lover.)
George- (picks at his costume) I like pickles better than cucumbers. (Shouting into the audience) Does anybody have any brine?
Alanna- (kicks him) Would you stop clowning around?
Buri- (whining) I wanna do my solo now! My turn! Me!
George- Ok.
(Spotlight shines on Buri)
Buri- (singing to the rhyme "I'm a Little Teapot") I'm a little pumpkin, short and stout. On Halloween, you'll scrape my guts out. When you've carved my face, here me shout: Light me a candle and put me out!
(Audience claps weakly)
Daine- Thayet shouldn't be allowed to write the lyrics anymore.
Alanna- Well, at least Buri remembered all the words and didn't have to improvise, like Onua and that nauseating peanut butter song.
(Cast and readers shudder at the memory)
Numair- (on his feet) Thank the gods that Buri can sing.
Buri- (red with embarrassment from the praises) Well, you know, my vocal training DID focus chiefly on singing pumpkin songs…
George- Are you guys sure you don't have any brine? I usually keep a spare jar in my pockets in case of an emergency. (Searches inside his costume.) Darn it! The jar is in my orange costume!
Alanna- Since when do you even like pickles? And you never carry around a jar of brine, you idiotic liar.
George- So? In the fruit play, I hardly got to speak at all. I'm just trying to get my share of the limelight. WHEN WILL IT BE MY TIME TO SHINE?!
Numair, Daine, Alanna and Buri- Shut up.
George- Ok.
(Just in case you were wondering, Myles and Onua are still fighting behind everyone.)
Daine- Alanna, why don't you do your song now?
Alanna- No way. My song sucks! It's really humiliating…
Buri- Come on, Alanna! I did mine.
Alanna- (grumbling) Fine. (She clears her throat, and the spotlight shines on her, then sings without emotion.)
Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat 'em, the more you toot! So eat your beans at every meal, and the better you'll feel! (Looks embarrassed.) There, are you happy?!
(Cast and audience try their hardest not to laugh, with no success.)
Numair- (laughing really hard) I never get tired of listening to you sing that! I mean, Alanna the Lioness, singing a ridiculous ditty about beans!
Alanna- (glaring daggers at him) If I only had my sword with me…(she notices George, doubled over with repressed laughter) You, my dear, are gonna get it later. And it will NOT be pleasant, you stupid cucumber.
Thayet- Are like tomatoes really like fruits?
Alanna- (enraged) That's it! I'm sick of you and your idiocy! Fear my wrath!
(She advances menacingly on Thayet. The queen, seeing Alanna, squeals and promptly jumps off the stage. But her tomato costume is made out of rubber, and she bounces right back up.)
Numair- I've got and idea! Let's play "Tomato Basketball"! It's a game I just made up! (He grabs Thayet and dribbles her like a basketball and then shoots at the basketball hoop that appeared.)
Numair- (sinking the ball in the basket) Swish! Nothin' but net, baby!
Daine- Oh, Numair, you're so athletic! (She runs offstage and returns with a cheerleading costume stretched across her broccoli-clad body, swinging broccoli-shaped pom-poms.) Numair, Numair, he's our man! If he can't do it, no one can!
Buri- This is absolute nonsense. Why do I put up with you crazy people?! (She stomps offstage, and throws her pumpkin costume.)
Numair- (the costume hitting him) Ouch! What is it with you people and your obsession with hitting me with your costumes?
(George and Alanna strip off their own costumes and hurl them at Numair. Daine doesn't notice because she is too busy cheering, and Thayet is preoccupied with her new role as a basketball.)
Numair- (cries) Waaaaaaahhhh! I want my mommy! (Sucks on his thumb.)
George- If you were a tree, what kind would you be: evergreen or deciduous?
Onua- (looking up from her fight) Deciduous!
Myles- Evergreen! (This starts another fight. Shouts of "Pine trees rock!" and "Maples forever!" can be heard.)
Thayet- (stuck in the basketball hoop) What's like deciduous like mean?
Alanna- I hate you all.
Daine- Ra ra schish coom ba! Goooooooo team! (Does the splits.)
Alanna- SOMEBODY CLOSE THE CURTAIN! NOW!
(The curtain drops, right on Alanna.)
Alanna- Ow…
A/N: Super stupid, isn't it? Hee hee, that's whatcha get when I have too much pop! It's amazing how crazy I can be… Anyway, thank you for reading! Muwhahahahaha! *Goes to the fridge for more pop*
Disclaimer- I own zip, zilch, zero, null, goose egg, nothing. 'Cept maybe the whole veggie thing, and Tomato Basketball. Then again, maybe not. Someone else might be even more psychotic than me and done the story first… Doubtful, though. I AM THE INSANE QUEEN! Ahem. Back to the point. The characters all belong to the goddess that is Tamora Pierce.
Deciduous (for Thayet's benefit): adj. of trees, losing leaves annually.