"Love And Disloyalty"
CHAPTER FOUR
"Rinoa Heartilly…are you awake?"
"Ugh…huh?" My eyes opened to the bright lights of the Infirmary and Dr. Kadowaki looking down at me. I smiled weakly. "Hey…Dr. Kadowaki."
She sat down next to me. "I was worried about you. How many girls dressed in their robes faint in front of the Library on a daily basis?" She sighed contentedly. "I'm sure you were just under a lot of stress, though. Quistis explained everything to me. With everything that's been going on in your life, be lucky this is the least that's happened to you."
"Really?"
"Really. As a matter of fact, all your friends just left. And that one boy…the one with the blond hair? He was an absolute wreck." Dr. Kadowaki got up.
"The blond hair?" I thought for a minute. "You mean….Zell?"
She smiled. "He's the one. Poor boy…"
I got up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "I thought he was mad at me." I looked at her. "Dr. Kadowaki, can I go?"
Dr. Kadowaki nodded. "Two things…one, keep your clothes on when you leave the dormitories." I laughed. "And two…make amends with that boy who loves you."
The halls were full of the usual student bustle. I sighed to myself and looked into the Library (that girl was re-arranging books in one of the shelves). Quistis was talking to Selphie in a 'hush-hush' manner when I saw them. Selphie waved and bounded over to me.
"How are you, Rinoa?" she asked me, looking concerned.
I nodded and smiled. "I'm all right, thank you." I waved to Quistis. "Hey!"
She walked over and smiled. "Thank Hyne you're OK!" She crossed her arms and pointed to the dormitory. "You should go see Zell. He's really down. He told us all about Library thing…and your being in the Infirmary knocked him for a loop."
Selphie nodded. "If he saw you, he'd definitely be happy again. I miss the old Zell, even if it was just for a day."
I looked down to the floor. "Boy…I guess that stupid dream held true…to an extent."
Quistis cocked her head to the side. "What are you talking about?"
I told them both about my dream. After I finished, I sighed. "I know Seifer is a big jerk, but he said one thing that made sense…I have to go find Zell. I just hope he'll have the heart to forgive me."
Selphie smiled. "You know Zell. He'll forgive anyone…especially you."
I began to walk away. Quistis smiled. "Good luck!" She giggled softly to herself.
I walked down the hallway until I found Zell's room. Usually, you could hear music, or people, just by walking up to a door, but there was dead silence behind Zell's. I took a deep breath, and softly knocked on the door. There was no answer, and the door was open, so I let myself in.
"Hello? Zell?" I said softly as I looked around the dorm. I saw that Zell's bedroom door was closed, so I knocked on it.
"Go away." I heard Zell say softly from inside. He was obviously depressed. I let myself in and saw Zell laying on his bed, facing the wall. "I wanna be alone." He said again, dejected. I didn't leave, and he sensed it. "I SAID…" He whirled around, obviously thinking that it was Irvine or Quistis or somebody. When he saw me standing there, he changed his expression from angry to embarrassed. "Ri-Rinoa?" He asked me in disbelief, smiling softly. "Um…hi."
I looked into Zell's eyes. There was a blur of emotions flying through them. "I…well, I heard from Dr. Kadowaki and Quistis that you were…well, kinda, not in a good mood."
"I'm good now. I was just worried bout you."
"Well, um…." I looked at the ground. "I just wanna say that…I'm…sorry." I ran up to Zell and threw my arms around him. "I'm just so sorry!! Please, forgive me, Zell! I was so dumb to throw you out like I did." My eyes started to water, and I began to whimper. "I realized that we both felt differently, and I never meant to hurt you. You don't have to forgive me…but I just want you to know I'm sorry."
At first, Zell just stood there as I had my arms around his neck, crying into his chest, but he wrapped his arms around me. "Rinoa, Rinoa, relax…I forgive you. I understand how you felt when I said that." He laughed softly to himself. "Guess the 'I love you' thing was a bit too early…..I mean, you know…" Zell hugged me tighter. "I've always been like that…sayin stuff, doin stuff that's a little too…well, out of place."
"Zell…" I said, in between sobs. "I-I….I…" He looked at me when I couldn't say it, but I finally blurted it out. "I love you, Zell Dincht." I looked up at him. Zell was almost dumbfounded.
"Re-really?" He asked me. But he didn't say it skeptically, as I said it. He said it…hopefully. I saw his eyes water.
I smiled. "Yeah. I do love you. I just….didn't want to say it. I mean, Squall died, and he was the only person that I ever really loved. When he was gone, you had enough heart to even bother to reach out…and I thought it was just a friend thing, until you said…what you said." There was an awkward pause. "Well?" I asked him, beaming.
He looked confused. "Well…..what?"
"Do you love me, too?" I smiled up at him, but when I saw him smile in return, I almost cried for some reason.
There was a tear in his eye. "…of course I do. I love you." He sighed, relieved. "I love you, Rinoa. So damn much…I just…." We both laughed at the awkwardness of this situation.
I didn't know what to say…but I knew what to do. Softly, I leaned up and kissed Zell. At first, he was too shocked to even react to me, but when he did, I felt the sparks. They completely took me by surprise. After a moment, I broke the kiss and just looked into his eyes. "You know….I've never seen you like this."
He looked at me funny. "Huh?"
"No…I mean…." I paused. "I've always seen you as this hot dog eating, tough talking, annoying, clumsy boy I was friends with through Squall. Not amazingly close, but good friends. Now…you're the exact opposite of everything that I ever saw. I'm realizing, you're just so…wonderful. I don't know why you're not always like this."
Zell was taken away by what I said. For the first time, he was almost speechless. "You…really think that? I'm wonderful?"
"Uh-huh." I took his hand. "Now c'mon. We have to find the others."
"Aiight."
We walked down the hallway, arm in arm. Students looked at us like we were doing something wrong. I was a bit embarrassed, but I understood they were probably confused about what they were seeing. First they saw me in my pajamas, now this…they must've really thought I was going nuts.
Zell and I had to look around for Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine, but we found them outside the library. They were a bit taken back by seeing Zell and I holding hands, as they've never seen us together like that.
"Hi!" I said cheerfully to them.
Irvine was smiling. "Rinoa! Hey!" He came up to me and hugged me, and I was taken aback. I remembered that he didn't see me since I passed out. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine." I pulled away from him. "So…what's up?"
Quistis shook her head. "Nothing much. We were going to the cafeteria. Wanna come?"
"Of course!" Zell smiled.
"Here we go!" Selphie giggled, knowing the way Zell loved his hot dogs. When you see a totally different side of Zell, he comes back with his equally big passion for hot dogs. Hyne... I said to myself. He took my hand and we all walked down the hall behind Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine.
"I'm so hungry…" I whispered to myself. "I need food!"
Zell laughed. "Yeah, when was the last time you really sat down to eat something? You're gonna get sick, ya know."
"I'm not worrying about it, Zell."
"Well, you should…you're thin enough."
I shook my head, smiling. Zell squeezed my hand. We walked into the cafeteria right at noon, when the majority of the students had their lunch break. The five of us, with luck, found a place to sit in the corner. It was tight, but it worked. I sat on the end, next to Zell. He kept grabbing my left hand and tracing his fingers up and down my palm. It was cute, then it got annoying.
"Stop!" I whined.
He looked at me, shocked. "What?"
Quistis was looking at us, smiling. She sat across from me, and kicked my foot. "Come here." I was surprised, and she grabbed my arm and we walked outside the cafeteria for a moment. "Just out of curiosity…did you tell him about your Seifer dream?"
"My Seifer dream? No…why should he have to worry about a stupid dream? It never meant a thing…just like Seifer doesn't mean anything to me. I hate him."
"You really feel that way about your first love, Rinoa?" I spun around at the unfamiliar voice. It was none other then Seifer, listening in. Fuujin and Raijin weren't with him. "Gee, and I thought you just disliked me. Hate is such a strong word, don't you think?"
"Not strong enough, I'm afraid." Quistis grinned fakely at him.
"Instructor, don't get involved between two of your students. This is just her and me." He looked at me with hungry eyes. "Rinoa…"
"What?" I glared at him. "If this isn't important, then leave me alone."
He took my hand tightly, and I couldn't shake him off. "I need you, you know…even since we split, I knew I made a huge mistake."
I laughed at him. "Then you'll just have to live with it. That was years ago."
Seifer shook his head and pulled me closer to him. "Why can't you just forget Zell…forget Squall--Hyne, he's dead--and come with me? It's not that hard!"
"Seifer--" Quistis began, but he ignored her.
"You're sick, Seifer!" I yelled at him. "I hate you, and I don't want to be with you! Don't you understand? Love isn't what you think it is!"
"Then what the hell is it?" He yelled back at me. His eyes were changing, and I was afraid. Quistis disappeared, probably to go get Zell and Irvine. Seifer suddenly smiled, and it made my stomach turn. "We thought we knew…didn't we?"
"Thought…you never know for sure." I tried to pull myself away from him. "Could you just get away from me?" He wouldn't leave. "Let go! Hyne!"
"No…" He started to drag me away from the cafeteria. "Come with me, Rin…we belong together, and deep down I know you know that."
I was terrified now, and I punched him as hard as I could. He was dragging me towards the Parking Lot. Dark, no one there…oh, Hyne! "Seifer! Please!" Seifer was just too strong, and I couldn't break free. And, of all times, there wasn't another student in sight. "Someone help!"
Everything that happened next was such a blur. I was being dragged against my will to the Parking Lot, when suddenly I turned around and saw Zell, Quistis, and Selphie. Zell ran towards Seifer, I screamed, and Seifer flung me to the ground. Selphie ran over to me and helped me up while Seifer and Zell just stood there, staring each other down.
"Hyne, what is your problem, man?" Zell demanded angrily. "Can't you get it through your head that any kinda thing you and Rinoa had is over?"
Seifer just laughed. "Chicken-Wuss, I'll probably be saying that same damn thing to you in a few weeks." Zell was confused. "I love Rinoa…I have for years, and you practically just met her." He took a few steps towards Zell. "You might think I'm stupid--crazy, even-- but one thing I do know is that you don't just fall in love in two weeks."
I looked at Seifer. "Seifer…how would you know?"
He looked me over and smiled. "…just take my word for it, Rinoa."
All of us were in shock. Why was Seifer so mellow all of a sudden? He looked each of us in the eye once, spending an especially long time glaring at Zell, and retreated.
"…what just happened?" Selphie looked at Quistis. "I think that Seifer just had a mental breakdown."
"I almost pity him…" Quistis trailed off. "I thought he'd be more hostile than he was…"
"You think it has anything to do with Squall?" I whispered. Everyone looked at me. "I mean…even though they were rivals, do you think there was any basis of a friendship?"
"I don't know." Quistis crinkled her eyebrows.
Zell was just standing there, staring in the direction that Seifer left. "I don't get it…why was he makin' advances to Rinoa just to say a few words and leave?"
"Look…" I began, "why don't we just forget about all of this and go? What's the point of trying to analyze this?"
"You're right." Zell walked over to me. "Hyne, I never even asked you how you were…I'm sorry."
"Don't sweat it." I grinned and hugged him. "I'll be fine…I'm just glad you're here." Then, I added, "You should worry about yourself more than me."
He kissed my forehead and looked at me with his cerulean eyes. "Rin…all I need to worry about is you."
Suddenly, I felt the inquisitive eyes of Quistis and Selphie. Selphie was stunned by our little display of affection. "Wow."
Quistis covered her mouth and was staring before she realized what she was doing. "Oh, Hyne…I'm sorry. I guess I'm just not used to…this."
"Wow," Selphie repeated.
Zell laughed. "I guess we'll be going now…"
"I guess so," I replied. "We'll see you tomorrow, OK?"
"Sure," Quistis and Selphie said at the same time.
Zell and I left arm in arm. We never had any thoughts about what just happened, but we also never realized that that was the last time that we would ever see Seifer.
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CHAPTER FIVE
It was dusk by the time everything had happened, so according to Garden law we had to be in the dormitory unless we had a legit reason not to. Of course, that didn't mean that the students had to be in their dorms, so there were still people roaming around when Zell and I arrived.
My dorm was pretty close to Zell's, so we were heading in the same direction (only four doors down and across the hall from each other). His was closer, so when we reached his door I started to say my good-byes.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then?" I asked him.
He shook his head. "Ya know…it's still early, if you wanna just hang out…or, um…something."
"Something?" I grinned. "Well…I don't have anything better to do but sleep. Guess I could."
"Great!" Zell opened his door and let me in. For a seventeen-year-old boy, he was really pretty neat. I had to laugh. "…what?"
"It's nothing…" I jumped onto his bed. "So…what do you wanna do?"
"I dunno…just hang out." He jumped right next to me. "I was gonna ask you a question before, but I forgot."
"Really? What?"
He paused. "Well, um…whatever happened between you and Seifer?"
"Me and Seifer?" I repeated, reluctant to answer his question. "Uh…we--just happened. I don't really know."
"But…what happened? Like, while you were with him?" He looked at my face. "Rinoa, you don't really have to answer me--"
"Nah, it's OK." I laid my head down on Zell's pillow. "We were…perfect. Seifer was the sweetest guy when we first met, believe it or not. It only took…two weeks." I paused. Zell was listening intently, laying down right next to me. "We were only a summer romance. I was just getting over some tough times with my dad, and it just happened. Um…I thought it could've been something more…and I told Seifer that. But we got into this huge argument about love and stuff and split."
"Did you really love him, though?"
I nodded. "I think I did…it's hard to tell in just a few weeks. Seifer just dropped me, and I remember promising myself that I wouldn't let myself go again." I laughed. "Love is my weakness."
"Really? And that's why you didn't wanna get involved with me?"
"That's exactly it."
Zell laughed. "Well, I dunno if I should take that as a compliment or an insult."
"It had nothing to do with you, Zell. It's me. I mean…you'd think that since Squall and I were so much in love that I wouldn't be here right now. Love's weird like this, I guess."
"Yeah…lemme be a little honest here, Rinoa." Zell paused. "I always, sorta…had a thing…for you, I guess." He grinned at himself. "So, like, when Squall died, I almost felt like I was takin' advantage of ya…and I still do feel like that."
I shook my head. "No…don't be that way, Zell." I gazed into his beautiful eyes and kissed his cheek. "I'm just so surprised that I love you the way that I do."
He blushed. "Ah, Rin…" Zell stroked my cheek with the back of his hand before leaning over to kiss me. When I felt his lips against mine, I smiled and threw my left arm around his neck. Slowly, he began to trace his lips down from my lips, my chin…and onto my neck. It was a great feeling, but I felt awkward. I stroked the back of his head with my hand, savoring it, but then Zell tried to slide my duster from my shoulders.
"Zell…" I grabbed his hand. "I-I can't do…that."
I could tell that he was thoroughly embarrassed. "Oh, Hyne…Rinoa, I'm sorry!"
"No, no…it's OK." I snuggled up against his chest. "This is all I need from you."
"Are you sure?" He asked, jokingly.
"Oh, shut up." I laughed. "Meanie."
"You know I'd never push anything on ya. Especially myself." I giggled. "How unfair would that be?"
"Yeah…" Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" I yelled.
"Selphie!"
Zell got up and answered the door. "Hey, Selph!"
"Hi! I was just lookin for Rin…um…if you still need to say your 'farewells' then I won't stop you." She giggled.
"Thanks." He closed the door and jumped back on the bed.
"Duty calls." I stroked his cheek with my hand.
"Nothing I can do to stop it?"
"Nope."
"Really?" He started to kiss my cheek and wrapped his right arm around my waist. "Pretty please?"
"Selphie's waiting…" I giggled.
He looked into my eyes. "With you on top?"
I smiled, stunned. "Zell! Don't say things like that!"
"OK…" He led me to the door. "Guess I'll see ya tomorrow, then…"
"I guess." I kissed him one last time, short and sweet, before leaving. Selphie was standing outside the door. "Selphie!"
"What?" She was grinning uncontrollably. "I won't tell."
"What are you talking about…?" I slapped myself in the forehead. "Damn! Zell must not have closed the door all the way."
"Yeah…and we all saw it!"
I blushed. " 'We all?' "
Selphie nodded. "Yup. Me, Quistis, Irvine, Nida, and Xu." I looked around for them and saw all four of them, laughing hysterically at the end of the hallway. "We won't say anything."
"How much did you, uh, see?"
"Everything after the 'Zell always had a thing for you' part."
"Oh, Hyne…that was everything."
"Rinoa…don't worry about it. I actually think it's kinda cute." She pointed a finger at me. "Just don't go too far, all right?"
I rolled my eyes, knowing what she meant. "Who do you think I am?"
"Well, you can never be too careful." She smiled. "I have to go, OK? Go get some sleep! Booyaka!" She bounded down the hallway, and I walked into my dorm.
I jumped into bed and slid the covers all the way up to my chin. Yeah, I had such a wonderful time, but I couldn't help but feel guilty about what we did…or at least attempted to do. Did I really feel love for Zell? Or was I just leading him on? Was Seifer right? I still loved Squall with all of my heart and soul, but is it possible to love two guys like that at the same time? Or was I just cheating on Squall because he was dead, and I couldn't be alone? All of these things swirled around in my head as I drifted off to a sound sleep. It would all come to me in the morning.
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A/N: Seifer may come off as a little OOC, but that's for two reasons:
A) Well, it's gonna be explained in the next chapter.
B) It kinda ties to the central idea/theme of the story.