Title: Revelations (part 3 - New Life)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG - 13
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc.. Just Borrowing.
Summary: Willow reappears at the magic box and tries to begin to patch
things up with her friends. But the news she gives them ends up hurting
them more.
Revelations
"Hey, it's Buff Plus," Xander joked as Buffy strolled into the Magic Box
with a little jingle of the door.
Buffy smirked in reply. "Go on, make with the funnies while I can't wipe the floor with you."
"Cranky today, are we?" Xander laughed, pulling out a chair and helping
Buffy get comfortable.
"I think you look beautiful," Tara said, smiling serenely.
"Thanks Tara, but we all know the truth," Buffy retorted, squinching her
face and smiling back at her. "Just time to get the little monster out."
"Um, someone please note that it was *not* me that called it a monster,"
Xander said, raising his hand and looking around the room.
"Didn't mean it like *that*," Buffy answered, smacking Xander in the
shoulder and erupting into giggles. "So, tell me what I missed on patrol last night. Let me live vicariously."
"Not very much, Buffy," Giles said, trying to sound consoling, "Few
fledgling vampires..." He was sliding books onto the shelves in front of
her.
"What about the battle with the Janx demon?" Anya exclaimed, wide eyed.
Xander and Giles both shot her an evil glance.
"You got a battle!" Buffy whined "With a Janx demon? Oh, man, no fair." She was in full pout mode now. "What's a Janx demon?"
"Big, snotty, slow, easy to kill. Didn't miss much," Xander replied,
patting her shoulder.
The door jingled open again. Willow made her way through the late afternoon sunshine and into their safe haven.
Nothing had been even remotely the same since the playground. Once any of them recovered enough to even speak to the girl, they found that Willow had no recollection of any of it. Seems that those shiny memories were either with Rack or Spike. Willow had been in the hospital for a week, then had admitted herself to a psychiatric ward for over a month after that. While she was there, she had tried to kill herself. Some demented thought that maybe her death would bring back what she had apparently taken. Buffy wished she would get over the bringing back fixation.
Willow still went to the hospital every day. She was spending her nights with her parents. No one could bear to look upon her long enough to let her stay.
Xander and Giles both stood as Willow approached, moving instinctively
closer to Buffy. All of them were.... Trying..... to work through this.
Buffy was having the hardest time. To her, it had not been just Warren
Willow had killed, but Spike.
"Hi," Xander finally choked out.
"Hi," Willow responded sullenly, waving like a child.
It was too awkward. They had all seen her since... that night... but no one ever knew what to say. It helped very little that they had discovered that Warren had been a demon, or at least part demon, when Willow and Rack had killed him. Mostly because Willow had not known. She thought him human and killed him anyway. The rest of them only discovered this when Warren had melted into a pool of sickly goo not long after Buffy had fled the scene.
Buffy had tried to forgive Willow. If anyone should, Buffy felt it was her duty to try. The Slayer was guilty of killing in the name of those she loved. She was even guilty of torture. Still, every time that Buffy got close to the point that she *might* look Willow in the eyes again, she ran into a brick wall. If Willow had never gone to Rack, if Rack had never taken Willow's hurt and anger and twisted it into murder, Spike would not have...gone.
Giles had spent quite a bit of time with the girl, despite the fact that she had given him a fractured skull and broken clavicle. He was the one who had told Willow everything. Every detail, so she understood fully that dark magic had it's price and that everyone paid the toll.
They had all paid dearly that night.
"Uh, what brings you by Willow?" Giles stuttered, standing between Willow and the chair in which Buffy was parked. He did not know why, but he felt an urgent responsibility to protect his Slayer again.
"I...I need to talk to Buffy, " Willow croaked, trying not to cry.
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Xander replied. "All emotional and stuff."
"Hello, right here," Buffy said, waving her hand. "What is it, Willow?" She was measuring her voice again. Trying to be non-committal in tone. Not to show the anger or the fear or the need to forgive.
"I....I think we should talk in private," Willow answered.
"NO!" Giles and Xander both answered in unison. They did not trust Willow. Neither of them was sure that they ever would. Frankly, they didn't trust Buffy's ability to handle private conversation with the woman who was responsible for her lover's death either. Buffy was the Slayer. She was equally likely to come out with either a nervous breakdown or with a very bruised Willow.
"It's...personal," Willow said, fighting hard against the tears. Despite all that Tara had been through at her former lover's hands, she stood, walking to Willow, resting a hand on her shoulder.
"You can say it in front of all of us, Willow," Tara said in that soothing, serene voice. "It's best that way." Willow just nodded, walking toward the table. They all quietly sat in awkward silence.
"First of all," Willow began, the tears now streaming down her cheeks, " I need to say how sorry..." She was choking on the words. "How sorry I am for everything." No one could look at her. Willow was shaking, fidgeting, crying. Forgiveness was never easy. "I know that I've said it a hundred times and it really doesn't mean much," the girl continued, her fingers flickering across the sleeve of her shirt. The deep crimson scars were still livid on her wrists.
Tara put a hand on Willow's shoulder and the small quiet girl broke down. Buffy had to turn away. She couldn't bear the feelings of wanting to comfort and wanting to smack coming down on her at the same time. She had to try. This wasn't good for any of them.
"Willow?" Giles asked softly, " What did you come for, exactly?"
"I was trying to get there," Willow answered, flashing a nervous smile. " I know I can never take back what ...I ...did..."
"You and Rack," Xander corrected.
"What *I* did," Willow continued. "All I can do is try and make things
right."
"I don't like where this is going," Buffy commented flatly. Willow's eyes were huge.
"Buffy, I..."
"I think that you've done enough with the 'making-things-right-playing-God' bit," Buffy snapped. "Things happen. We die. We should stay dead." It sounded odd coming from her lips. Almost hypocritical.
"No, Buffy," Willow erupted nervously, "no..no..no magic."
"Then what?" Buffy said, metering her voice again. Removing the anger and the fear.
"I ... need to do good things. Positive things. Help people. It's the
only way for me to make a dent in my debt...."
"What sort of good things, Will?" Xander asked. None of them were ready to have her back working with them.
" I just want to help."
" I think it's a little premature, Willow," Giles said reasonably, fiddling with his glasses.
" I know.". The tears rolled steadily down her cheeks. " I will never
expect you to trust me again. How can I?" Willow said sullenly, staring down at the table, tears plopping onto the wood. Buffy swallowed hard and looked away. She had always trusted Willow. With everything. Until Willow made the fatal decision of raising Buffy. It was different after that. "But I have some things to tell you. Important things."
"Like what, Willow?" Tara asked, trying to be understanding, even
encouraging.
"This is the personal part," Willow answered, a nervous giggle escaping her lips.
"If it's important, we all need to know," Buffy said, trying to look at her. Trying not to turn away from the girl who used to be her best friend.
"I... I've had a lot of free time," Willow began, " and I've been doing some research. Old school. Books and the internet and stuff. And Buffy, there is a precedent for what is happening with you."
"What?" Giles exclaimed, nearly falling out of his seat.
"There is an account in the Tarangi texts, the ancient African ones, about how Slayer physiology is slightly different than other human beings."
"Like the super strength," Anya interjected.
"Right," Willow answered. "The very thing that gives the Slayer super
strength and super healing also has other consequences."
"What are you getting at, Will?" Xander asked.
"It's like the cells of their bodies move faster, generate more energy, get hot. Like an engine heating. And that energy has the ability to heat up, revive, what should be dead."
"Now you tell me," Buffy commented, leaning back.
"That's not the important part," Willow replied, fidgeting again. "In the texts, there were two separate accounts of slayers that were impregnated by vampires."
"Two?!" Giles responded, wide eyed. "How could I have missed this?"
"Please," Willow interrupted. " I can show you later. In both cases,
things didn't.. turn out well."
"What do you mean?" Xander said slowly. Buffy's face was white.
"In the first account, the child was still born and the slayer was depleted of her powers, either by the trauma or some physical glitch."
"And the other?" Buffy asked, feeling the terror rise within her.
"Both the child and the Slayer died," Willow responded quietly, looking down at the tabletop.
Buffy exploded inside. Shattered. She had let Spike die without ever
telling him that she loved him. Since that moment, she had held onto the thought that she could make it up to him in some small way by telling the piece of him that she had left that she loved her, that she loved her father, every day. But now... now that was gone too. Buffy wanted to storm out, to run, but weakened legs trapped her. The tears began to slide from the corners of her eyes.
"There must be something." Giles muttered, trying to touch Buffy's hand.
Buffy pulled away violently, crawling back inside herself. Scrambling for safety.
"There is, I think," Willow said softly, "but it does involve magic. I
found a protection spell..."
"No, no," Xander chanted, shaking his head.
"Tara can do it...or..or Giles. It's a protection spell. Good magic."
"What are the chances it would work?" Buffy asked solemnly.
"Fifty fifty," Willow responded, dejected. "But it's better than the odds without it."
Buffy was silent for a long moment. "Giles, can you look into this?" Buffy asked, trying to remain composed while feeling like she was running on a treadmill that was going *way* too fast.
"Of course," he answered with a swipe of the glasses. "I'll find
something."
"Is that all, Willow?" Buffy queried, turning her face back to the broken girl. A series of emotions played on the Slayer's face. Anger, resentment, most of all, fear.
"No," Willow whispered. Buffy's heart sank.
" I think that's enough for now," Xander commented, looking over at Buffy. She was ghostly pale; her arms crossed protectively over her stomach, tears streaming down her face.
"No," Buffy said, "What is it?"
"It's Spike," the girl said," he's not dead."
To be contd.
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG - 13
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc.. Just Borrowing.
Summary: Willow reappears at the magic box and tries to begin to patch
things up with her friends. But the news she gives them ends up hurting
them more.
Revelations
"Hey, it's Buff Plus," Xander joked as Buffy strolled into the Magic Box
with a little jingle of the door.
Buffy smirked in reply. "Go on, make with the funnies while I can't wipe the floor with you."
"Cranky today, are we?" Xander laughed, pulling out a chair and helping
Buffy get comfortable.
"I think you look beautiful," Tara said, smiling serenely.
"Thanks Tara, but we all know the truth," Buffy retorted, squinching her
face and smiling back at her. "Just time to get the little monster out."
"Um, someone please note that it was *not* me that called it a monster,"
Xander said, raising his hand and looking around the room.
"Didn't mean it like *that*," Buffy answered, smacking Xander in the
shoulder and erupting into giggles. "So, tell me what I missed on patrol last night. Let me live vicariously."
"Not very much, Buffy," Giles said, trying to sound consoling, "Few
fledgling vampires..." He was sliding books onto the shelves in front of
her.
"What about the battle with the Janx demon?" Anya exclaimed, wide eyed.
Xander and Giles both shot her an evil glance.
"You got a battle!" Buffy whined "With a Janx demon? Oh, man, no fair." She was in full pout mode now. "What's a Janx demon?"
"Big, snotty, slow, easy to kill. Didn't miss much," Xander replied,
patting her shoulder.
The door jingled open again. Willow made her way through the late afternoon sunshine and into their safe haven.
Nothing had been even remotely the same since the playground. Once any of them recovered enough to even speak to the girl, they found that Willow had no recollection of any of it. Seems that those shiny memories were either with Rack or Spike. Willow had been in the hospital for a week, then had admitted herself to a psychiatric ward for over a month after that. While she was there, she had tried to kill herself. Some demented thought that maybe her death would bring back what she had apparently taken. Buffy wished she would get over the bringing back fixation.
Willow still went to the hospital every day. She was spending her nights with her parents. No one could bear to look upon her long enough to let her stay.
Xander and Giles both stood as Willow approached, moving instinctively
closer to Buffy. All of them were.... Trying..... to work through this.
Buffy was having the hardest time. To her, it had not been just Warren
Willow had killed, but Spike.
"Hi," Xander finally choked out.
"Hi," Willow responded sullenly, waving like a child.
It was too awkward. They had all seen her since... that night... but no one ever knew what to say. It helped very little that they had discovered that Warren had been a demon, or at least part demon, when Willow and Rack had killed him. Mostly because Willow had not known. She thought him human and killed him anyway. The rest of them only discovered this when Warren had melted into a pool of sickly goo not long after Buffy had fled the scene.
Buffy had tried to forgive Willow. If anyone should, Buffy felt it was her duty to try. The Slayer was guilty of killing in the name of those she loved. She was even guilty of torture. Still, every time that Buffy got close to the point that she *might* look Willow in the eyes again, she ran into a brick wall. If Willow had never gone to Rack, if Rack had never taken Willow's hurt and anger and twisted it into murder, Spike would not have...gone.
Giles had spent quite a bit of time with the girl, despite the fact that she had given him a fractured skull and broken clavicle. He was the one who had told Willow everything. Every detail, so she understood fully that dark magic had it's price and that everyone paid the toll.
They had all paid dearly that night.
"Uh, what brings you by Willow?" Giles stuttered, standing between Willow and the chair in which Buffy was parked. He did not know why, but he felt an urgent responsibility to protect his Slayer again.
"I...I need to talk to Buffy, " Willow croaked, trying not to cry.
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Xander replied. "All emotional and stuff."
"Hello, right here," Buffy said, waving her hand. "What is it, Willow?" She was measuring her voice again. Trying to be non-committal in tone. Not to show the anger or the fear or the need to forgive.
"I....I think we should talk in private," Willow answered.
"NO!" Giles and Xander both answered in unison. They did not trust Willow. Neither of them was sure that they ever would. Frankly, they didn't trust Buffy's ability to handle private conversation with the woman who was responsible for her lover's death either. Buffy was the Slayer. She was equally likely to come out with either a nervous breakdown or with a very bruised Willow.
"It's...personal," Willow said, fighting hard against the tears. Despite all that Tara had been through at her former lover's hands, she stood, walking to Willow, resting a hand on her shoulder.
"You can say it in front of all of us, Willow," Tara said in that soothing, serene voice. "It's best that way." Willow just nodded, walking toward the table. They all quietly sat in awkward silence.
"First of all," Willow began, the tears now streaming down her cheeks, " I need to say how sorry..." She was choking on the words. "How sorry I am for everything." No one could look at her. Willow was shaking, fidgeting, crying. Forgiveness was never easy. "I know that I've said it a hundred times and it really doesn't mean much," the girl continued, her fingers flickering across the sleeve of her shirt. The deep crimson scars were still livid on her wrists.
Tara put a hand on Willow's shoulder and the small quiet girl broke down. Buffy had to turn away. She couldn't bear the feelings of wanting to comfort and wanting to smack coming down on her at the same time. She had to try. This wasn't good for any of them.
"Willow?" Giles asked softly, " What did you come for, exactly?"
"I was trying to get there," Willow answered, flashing a nervous smile. " I know I can never take back what ...I ...did..."
"You and Rack," Xander corrected.
"What *I* did," Willow continued. "All I can do is try and make things
right."
"I don't like where this is going," Buffy commented flatly. Willow's eyes were huge.
"Buffy, I..."
"I think that you've done enough with the 'making-things-right-playing-God' bit," Buffy snapped. "Things happen. We die. We should stay dead." It sounded odd coming from her lips. Almost hypocritical.
"No, Buffy," Willow erupted nervously, "no..no..no magic."
"Then what?" Buffy said, metering her voice again. Removing the anger and the fear.
"I ... need to do good things. Positive things. Help people. It's the
only way for me to make a dent in my debt...."
"What sort of good things, Will?" Xander asked. None of them were ready to have her back working with them.
" I just want to help."
" I think it's a little premature, Willow," Giles said reasonably, fiddling with his glasses.
" I know.". The tears rolled steadily down her cheeks. " I will never
expect you to trust me again. How can I?" Willow said sullenly, staring down at the table, tears plopping onto the wood. Buffy swallowed hard and looked away. She had always trusted Willow. With everything. Until Willow made the fatal decision of raising Buffy. It was different after that. "But I have some things to tell you. Important things."
"Like what, Willow?" Tara asked, trying to be understanding, even
encouraging.
"This is the personal part," Willow answered, a nervous giggle escaping her lips.
"If it's important, we all need to know," Buffy said, trying to look at her. Trying not to turn away from the girl who used to be her best friend.
"I... I've had a lot of free time," Willow began, " and I've been doing some research. Old school. Books and the internet and stuff. And Buffy, there is a precedent for what is happening with you."
"What?" Giles exclaimed, nearly falling out of his seat.
"There is an account in the Tarangi texts, the ancient African ones, about how Slayer physiology is slightly different than other human beings."
"Like the super strength," Anya interjected.
"Right," Willow answered. "The very thing that gives the Slayer super
strength and super healing also has other consequences."
"What are you getting at, Will?" Xander asked.
"It's like the cells of their bodies move faster, generate more energy, get hot. Like an engine heating. And that energy has the ability to heat up, revive, what should be dead."
"Now you tell me," Buffy commented, leaning back.
"That's not the important part," Willow replied, fidgeting again. "In the texts, there were two separate accounts of slayers that were impregnated by vampires."
"Two?!" Giles responded, wide eyed. "How could I have missed this?"
"Please," Willow interrupted. " I can show you later. In both cases,
things didn't.. turn out well."
"What do you mean?" Xander said slowly. Buffy's face was white.
"In the first account, the child was still born and the slayer was depleted of her powers, either by the trauma or some physical glitch."
"And the other?" Buffy asked, feeling the terror rise within her.
"Both the child and the Slayer died," Willow responded quietly, looking down at the tabletop.
Buffy exploded inside. Shattered. She had let Spike die without ever
telling him that she loved him. Since that moment, she had held onto the thought that she could make it up to him in some small way by telling the piece of him that she had left that she loved her, that she loved her father, every day. But now... now that was gone too. Buffy wanted to storm out, to run, but weakened legs trapped her. The tears began to slide from the corners of her eyes.
"There must be something." Giles muttered, trying to touch Buffy's hand.
Buffy pulled away violently, crawling back inside herself. Scrambling for safety.
"There is, I think," Willow said softly, "but it does involve magic. I
found a protection spell..."
"No, no," Xander chanted, shaking his head.
"Tara can do it...or..or Giles. It's a protection spell. Good magic."
"What are the chances it would work?" Buffy asked solemnly.
"Fifty fifty," Willow responded, dejected. "But it's better than the odds without it."
Buffy was silent for a long moment. "Giles, can you look into this?" Buffy asked, trying to remain composed while feeling like she was running on a treadmill that was going *way* too fast.
"Of course," he answered with a swipe of the glasses. "I'll find
something."
"Is that all, Willow?" Buffy queried, turning her face back to the broken girl. A series of emotions played on the Slayer's face. Anger, resentment, most of all, fear.
"No," Willow whispered. Buffy's heart sank.
" I think that's enough for now," Xander commented, looking over at Buffy. She was ghostly pale; her arms crossed protectively over her stomach, tears streaming down her face.
"No," Buffy said, "What is it?"
"It's Spike," the girl said," he's not dead."
To be contd.