The One With The Mission
Chapter Fifteen
Continued from: 'TOW Chandler Makes Amends'
By: Jana~
A special thanks to my earthly muse and beta-reader for all the invaluable advice, both in grammar and in story ideas!
*****~*****
--Promptly upon landing in Vegas, they all headed for the hotel, all of them eager to check in so as to start their vacations as soon as possible.
Ross and Rachel had reserved the biggest suite in the place, calling the trip their second honeymoon… the entire weekend's itinerary didn't include much beyond their room.
In order to save money, Phoebe and Joey decided to share a room, which Phoebe made sure had two queen size beds. And she had a stipulation: no 'sleep over guests', to which Joey reluctantly agreed.
And of course Chandler and Monica were sharing a room, them having 'naked alone time' the whole purpose of the trip.
--Wanting the weekend to be perfect, Monica immediately started scrutinizing the room. Once the few imperfections she found were corrected, she was happy with the room and allowed the flustered bellhop to leave. Chandler slipped him and extra tip and an apologetic smile.
--When Chandler excused himself to go to the bathroom, with the click of the lock, Monica sprang into action. She hastily searched the room, finding what she was looking for relatively quickly.
She grabbed the telephone directory out from one of the dresser drawers, and as fast as possible, browsed the pages, keeping an ear out for any indication that he was done. He would be upset, she knew that, but she couldn't help herself. Once an idea was planted in her head, it was hard to get it out.
--She would find Chandler's dad and bridge the gap between father and son. They would be happy to see each other and Chandler would forgive her for meddling because she mended the old wounds between them. She smiled as she pictured the warm scene in her mind, father and son hugging after all the years of distance.
--Finally, she found it. "Viva Las GayGus…" she muttered to herself as she tapped the yellow and black ad.
"Did you say something?" Chandler called out from the bathroom,
"No!" she replied, tearing the page from the book and folding it, putting it in her pocket. "Just commenting on how nice the room is." She could hear him chuckling from behind the closed door, "What are you snickering about?"
"Just recalling that poor bellhop's face when you told him you wanted all new towels cause it looked like a cat had shed all over them."
She rolled her eyes, not that he could see, "Well, they did!"
As quickly and quietly as she could, she put the phone book back in its drawer, then started to unpack just as Chandler exited the bathroom.
"Well, I'm glad everything meets up with your approval." He cooed as he wrapped his arms around her. "So, what's say you and I get started on our naked alone time, hmmm?" He kissed her neck, and she was putty in his hands.
--All thoughts of unpacking or finding Chandler's dad left her mind as she returned his affections. The task of convincing her boyfriend to track down his estranged father could wait. They did, after all, have the whole weekend ahead of them. Besides, she reasoned, he would be much more likely to cave to her whims if she satisfied his whims in bed first.
--Content and blissfully exhausted, they snuggled up to one another, basking in the afterglow of their love.
"So," he asked breezily, "What's next on the agenda?"
It was the perfect opening, and Monica took advantage of it. "Maybe we could catch a show?" she suggested, kissing his chest in the hopes of softening the blow of what was to come.
"Sure," he shrugged off the seemingly harmless request. "What kind of show? Elvis impersonators? Dancing show girls?"
"I was thinking maybe…" she hesitated briefly, "Gay burlesque?"
He smirked, "Is there something you aren't telling me?" he quipped, "Is Carol not the only lesbian in Ross' life?"
She chuckled, "No, no, not that."
He wiped his brow dramatically, "Phew! That's a relief." He pulled her tighter to him and kissed her hair.
"I was just thinking that maybe," she suggested cautiously, "Maybe we could talk some more about finding your dad."
He shook his head, "No."
"No to talking or no to finding?"
"Both. I don't want him in my life, Monica, ok? He destroyed me."
"I'm sure that wasn't his intent." She reasoned, "Like Carol, he knew he couldn't live a lie any longer, so, he 'came out'."
"It's not just about that, ok?" He sat up and pulled slightly away from her.
"Ok." She shifted her position on the bed to look at him, "So, what's it about?"
"Humiliation. Distance. Disgrace. Anguish. Growing up without a dad, essentially. He left us, and with the exception of a few lame attempts at 'making up for that', he stayed away. It's not just my decision not to see him, he doesn't want to see me either."
"But, if you guys could just sit down--"
"No!" he snapped, interrupting her, "I mean it now, ok? That's it!" He climbed out of bed and reached for his pants, "I don't want to talk about this any further!"
"Don't bark at me!" she shot back, irritated, "I was just trying to be helpful!"
"If you wanna be helpful," he suggested as he continued getting dressed, "Then drop it!"
"Maybe I don't want to!" She climbed out of bed, wrapping the sheet around herself. "I want to meet the man who is responsible for your existence!"
"And I said 'no'! I forbid you to go--"
"Forbid?!" she cut him off, scoffing, "Oh, you didn't just 'forbid' me, did you?"
"That's right!" he stood tall, indignant, "I did!"
"You are infuriating!" she threw her hands up in the air. "It's not like I'm asking for your kidney!"
"That I can give you. Permission to see my father," he added as he headed for the door, shoes and socks in hand, "I can't give you."
"Where are you going?" she asked angrily,
"Out!"
"What about us spending time together?"
"We can do that later," he snipped, "When I'm not so pissed off."
He slammed the door after walking out, and Monica struck her fists together two times in succession as she glared after him, her sheet falling to the ground as her hands stopped supporting it.
"Forbid me?" she muttered to herself as she began to get dressed, "Doubtful!" She grabbed the yellow pages ad out of her pants pocket and shoved it in her purse, then headed out the door.
*****
--Monica knocked on the door, loudly and with purpose, marching in as soon as Phoebe answered,
"Joey here?" Monica asked as she scanned the room, immediately taking notice that he wasn't there. "I need to borrow him."
"He just left," Phoebe informed, "If you hurry you can catch him."
Monica passed on pleasantries as she ran out the door.
"He went left!" Phoebe called out when Monica turned right, and she quickly turned around and headed the opposite way.
--"Joey," Monica panted as she caught up with him, "I need your help."
"Ok," Joey nodded willy-nilly, "With what?"
"I'm on a mission," she told him as she gulped in air, "And I don't wanna go alone."
"A mission?" he whined, "Sounds like a lot of effort to me."
"I'll treat you to a meatball sub." She dangled the offer in a sing-song voice,
He thought about it briefly, then nodded, "Ok. But I'm gonna need partial payment in advance."
She scowled at the request, "What?"
"I'm hungry! I was just about to go eat! If I'm going on a 'mission'," he did air quotes for emphasis, "Then I need food now."
She rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, dragging him along, "Fine Joey," she agreed. "Fine."
*****
--Chandler sat at the bar, spinning the ice cubes in his drink with his straw, his expression showing unhappiness. He couldn't understand Monica's insistence on meeting his father. There was no reason to track him down, in his mind. They had nothing in common and even less to talk about. She was just being stubborn, he thought as he downed his drink and indicated he wanted another from the bartender.
"Hey Chandler!" Phoebe greeted him warmly, "What are you doing here?"
"Monica and I had a fight," he grumbled, "So I'm here drowning my problems in liquor."
"Not the best solution to problem solving." Phoebe reminded,
"I know." He agreed, then took a gulp of his new drink, shuddering at the strength of it, the ice not yet melted enough to water it down.
"What did you and Monica fight about?" She asked as she joined him,
"My dad. She wants to meet him, I want him to stay out of my life."
"At least you have a dad." She muttered somewhat sadly.
"Want mine?" he asked, half joking, half sympathetic to her pain.
She sighed, "He really messed you up, didn't he?"
He shrugged, "Tale as old as time. Man gets married. Man 'does' the houseboy. Man gets a divorce and abandons his son."
"That tale is as old as time?"
He shrugged again as he twirled the ice around his glass, assisting the frozen cubes in melting. "I just don't get her sometimes. What good could possibly come from talking to that man?"
"She loves you Chandler. She wants to know more about what makes you tick." She looked at the bartender then pointed at Chandler's glass, indicating that she wanted what he was having, "She's not trying to piss you off."
He scoffed, then shot back the remainder of his drink, tapping the rim when he made eye contact with the bartender, "She can't stand to lose. I say 'no', she says 'watch me'!"
"Yeah, well," Phoebe agreed, "She's competitive. You know that."
"Well, this isn't a game! This is my life!" he exclaimed as he pushed his glass aside, awaiting his new mind-numbing elixir. "As sucky as it is…" he added grimly.
*****
--"Why does this sound familiar?" Joey asked as he followed Monica up to the door, pointing at the sign that read: 'Viva Las GayGus'.
"Because," Monica replied, "It's Chandler's dad's gay burlesque show."
"What?" Joey froze in place, causing Monica to turn around when he fell back from beside her. "Why are we here?"
She reached out and grabbed his arm, then proceeded to drag him into the dimly lit building, "I want to meet Chandler's dad."
"He told you he didn't want you doing that!" he exclaimed nervously, "He's gonna be pissed when he finds out!"
"No he won't," Monica assured him, "If all goes well, he'll be thanking me for bringing him and his father together again."
"I don't like this, Monica." He whined, "I mean, going behind his back--"
"It'll be fine, ok?" she rolled her eyes, "I'll take full responsibility."
"Welcome to Viva Las GayGus!" a large cross-dressed man greeted them, "Two for the next show?"
Joey squirmed uncomfortably, averting his eyes…
"Yes, thank you." Monica replied, nudging Joey when the waiter/waitress gestured for them to follow him/her to their seats.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" the effeminate man asked,
"Something without an umbrella in it." Joey replied in a gruff voice, swiping at his nose like a John Wayne character from an old western,
"Got it," the waitress smirked, "You're straight." She turned to Monica, "And for you dear?"
"Scotch on the rocks with a twist, thank you. Oh!" she added, "And can you tell me if Charles is working today?"
"Charles?" the waitress asked as she jotted down their order,
"Yeah." Monica affirmed, "Charles Bing?"
"Honey, I don't know anyone by that name." She placed her small notebook in her even smaller apron, "Let me go find out for you."
The waitress walked off and Monica leaned in to Joey, "I hope we got the right place."
"How many 'Viva Las GayGus's could there be?" he asked, scanning the room, "How many of these girls do you think are guys?"
"Probably all of them Joey."
He winced and shuddered in response.
*****
--"It's not the competitive thing I mind," Chandler slurred, well on his way to being completely wasted, "What I mind is when I don't get a say in stuff." He downed another drink, pushing the empty glass to join the others. "If she values my opinion so little, not, at all, then why is she with me?"
"Maybe she's just in it for the sex?" Phoebe offered, herself on the fuzzy side of drunk,
"Before maybe," he admitted, "Now, she wants more. She says. Thing is, is," he stammered, "I don't know how to give her more. She wants me to be someone I'm not."
She plucked the stick from her martini glass, pulling the olive off the end with her teeth, "Who does she want you to be?"
"Committed Chandler."
"Well, you're half there." She chuckled drunkenly, "What is it with you and the commitment thing?"
"I'm a Bing." was his simple reply.
She shook her head, "So?"
"Bings can't commit to anything." He explained as he waved a finger at the bartender, pointing at his empty napkin, "It's in my genes."
"You're not wearing jeans." She mumbled, "You're wearing slacks."
"Not pants, Phoebe, genes. As in DNA. No Bing has been able to make relationships last. I'm no different."
"Sure you are!" she gestured wildly in her drunken state, "You just need some help!"
"I'm beyond help."
"No you're not!" she insisted, "If you were beyond help you wouldn't be sitting here getting all shit-faced and stressing about it!"
He scowled, her statement making little sense to him, "You're saying me getting tanked is a good thing?"
"No. You've killed about a million brain cells just in the last hour alone. What I'm saying is, is, that if you were so against commitment, you wouldn't be here dumping all over me about it, you'd just be gone."
He smiled as he put his hand on her shoulder, almost pushing her off the stool when his alcohol impaired body lied to him about his own strength. "So, I'm not a pathetic loser?" he asked hopefully.
She laughed, "I never said that."
*****
--"What is the big deal?" Monica asked an obviously uncomfortable Joey, "You're straight. You know you're straight."
"Yeah, well, they don't." He gestured to the room as a whole.
She chortled as she watched him squirm, "And what makes you so certain any of these guys would even be interested in you?"
"Are you kidding?" he asked rhetorically, "Look at me! Half these guys in here probably wish they could take me home!"
She smirked, a sideways glance bringing attention to what he just said and how it sounded.
"I'm straight!" he barked at her, and she laughed.
"I know that Joey."
When a drag queen walked by and winked at him, Joey jumped out of his seat in response, "I gotta go! A meatball sub isn't worth this!"
"But I already bought you food as a down payment, Joey!" she reminded him, "You have to stay!"
He sighed as he sat back down. "Ok. But on one condition."
"And what's that?"
"You pretend to be my girlfriend." He replied, "Let me put my arm around you so all these guys'll get it that I'm straight."
"Fine Joey." She exhaled sharply, "You can put your arm around me."
He hesitated as he went to place his arm around her, feeling odd about being that close to his best friend's girlfriend, but after a few moments, he relaxed.
"You know what would really make this look real?" he asked in a whisper, "If I could grope you."
"Joey!" She pulled away in disgust, "Grow up!"
"Fine," he muttered, "It was worth a try."
*****
--"What is it really?" a drunk Phoebe asked an even drunker Chandler, "So, she wants to meet your dad! So what!"
"But, if she meets him, she'll know!" he slurred his reply.
"Know what?"
"She'll know where I come from!"
"So?! It's not like you come from a distant planet, right?" The question was rhetorical for the most part, but when he didn't answer right away, his drink glass being at his lips the reason why, she got nervous. "You're not from another planet, right?!"
"No, Pheebs," he replied as he set his glass down, "You're the only one here from another planet." He quipped sarcastically.
She sighed in relief, "Ok, so, she'll know where you're from. She already knows, like, where you were born and where you grew up and stuff…"
"Not where I'm from," he corrected, "I mean, she'll know how pathetic all us Bings are!"
"And she'll love you anyway. Meeting your dad won't change that!"
"My dad is the very definition of a man who can't commit. Me being his son means I'm gonna be the exact same way! She'll see that and leave before wasting any more time with me."
"You are not your father! You just need help getting over your doubts and fears!"
He scoffed, "Yeah, well, how do I do that?!"
"Oooo! I know just the thing!" She finished off her drink, then slammed money down on the counter before grabbing Chandler's arm and yanking him off the barstool, "C'mon!"
He fought with his equilibrium, trying not to fall once his feet hit the ground, "Where are we going?"
"You'll see!"
TO BE CONTINUED…