Title: Letting Go (New Life- pt 14)
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, Fox... Just Borrowing.
Summary: Buffy makes a choice that could effect all of their lives. Buffy and Spike both suffer the consequences.
Letting Go
Luke looked quizzically at Buffy. "What makes you think I will open the
portal before you answer my question?" he said, walking toward Buffy.
"Love, just go, " Spike muttered from the wall. The tears were slow and
steady now on Buffy's cheeks.
"You promised to let one of us go. So, what's the problem with opening the portal first? He's chained. I've got the attack of the killer mini Santas holding me down."
Luke thought for a second. "Alright, suit yourself." He slashed his hand quickly downward and seemed to rip a hole in the air. The hole shimmered blue, glowing, speckles of silver and white dancing from the edges. "Be kinda fun to watch your faces when one of you leaves anyway. I was actually going to be nice and take the other out first, but this works."
"Now," Buffy began still kneeling but suddenly stalwart and resolute. Spike eyed her watching her expression change. He didn't like the look. "Here's the deal. Whichever one of us leaves, the child goes with them. If I go, the baby obviously is going with me. If Spike leaves, then you swear to me, in blood, that when she's born, she goes back to him."
"Why would I do that?" Luke said, sneering at her in wonder.
"Because she's an innocent. She doesn't belong here and you know that
having something that pure in this joint will screw up the whole works."
Spike looked at Buffy and raised his eyebrows. Pretty quick on her feet, he thought.
Luke thought a moment. "Alright. Don't need a screaming brat around here anyway."
"Good," Buffy said, letting out a long breath. She closed her eyes a
moment, her heart beginning to pound against her ribcage, her fear coming back over her in waves. There was really only one choice. She came here to save him. To make it right. "I'll stay."
"Buffy, no. Love, please no." Spike pleaded, pulling forward. The
Peacemaker shushed him quietly from her invisible vantage to his side.
"I came here to bring you home, Spike. I'm not leaving without you. So
you'll just have to leave without me. Sometimes you have to let go." Her voice began to crack and she could barely look at him. The tears streamed quietly down, but she wouldn't sob. This was *her* choice. The *right* choice.
"Why?" Luke said, genuinely curious. Far as he had been concerned, it was open and shut.
"Because," she answered softly. " Spike will be around for our daughter
when I would not be. He will take care of her like he took care of me. He knows more about love than any human I know does. He deserves to be there more than I do."
"Buffy, no. This is where I belong," Spike said. "Evil Vampire, remember? Grr. Scourge of Europe. Go, Pet." He was getting desperate. The portal glimmered and shimmied in front of them.
"Spike, I love you." Buffy whispered. Her huge hazel eyes were swimming in tears. He looked at her for a minute, his head cocking to the side, watching her face. It may have been the most genuine thing she had ever said. Buffy had made up her mind. He knew the look. This was real.
"Go." The Peacemaker said, releasing Spike's wrists. Spike was paralyzed. He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her. Everything in his body wanted to stay there in that moment in those eyes, even if neither of them could ever leave. "*Go!*" the Peacemaker said again, shoving him toward the portal. "Go *home*, Spike," she repeated "Trust."
Spike took one more look at Buffy's eyes, his own tears stinging his face, and jumped.
*****
Tara shuddered, her whole body rocking back on the chair in Buffy's bedroom.
"Tara, what's wrong," Willow said, rushing over to her, putting her hand on her back to steady her.
"I..I don't know. I've been a little sensitive to .. well to everything... since..."
"I know," Willow responded, head dropping to the floor.
"Something happened," Tara said, trying to change the subject.
"What? Do you know?"
"Someone came back."
*****
"Well, that changes everything..." Luke cackled, walking toward Buffy. He stopped a few feet in front of her. She could feel the little evil elves closing in on her, but she didn't struggle. Her heart had broken when he jumped, but somewhere she was glad. It was the only right thing to do.
"What now?" Buffy asked, trying to swallow her fear and face what was to be. She closed her eyes a moment, trying to gain control of her heart. A familiar smell swirled around her and she involuntarily calmed.
"Deal's off," Luke answered. "That baby? Gonna grow up with the demons
*right* here. No apple pies and baseball and trips to the amusement park. It'll learn to love blood. Learn to be everything you *hate*."
"You promised," Buffy responded, knowing it meant nothing.
"I lied," he answered simply.
"What do you plan to do with me?"
"*You*, once you get rid of that little package of yours, belong to me. My personal little caged birdie."
"Please, let the baby go back," Buffy pleaded. Luke was silent.
"If you are very *very* cooperative, I'll think about it."
Buffy sighed, breathing deeply. Her heart was still racing, her lungs still pumping. This is the way it had to go.
"Ask for his promise in blood," a familiar voice whispered in her ear.
Buffy twitched, trying to locate the source of the voice without alerting Luke.
"Promise me you will consider it," Buffy said, looking teary eyed up at
Luke.
"OK. Promise to *consider* it," Luke said, sucker for all things beautiful.
"In blood," Buffy clarified.
Luke looked at her strangely. Buffy felt arms wrap around her from behind, encircling her, hands clasping over her belly. "OK," Luke said, pulling a dagger from his inside suit pocket. Somehow, it did not surprise Buffy that he had one handy. She was more surprised by the invisible arms wrapped tightly around her and the strong smell of vanilla and light, sweet breath against her neck. "You do understand to make a pact binding, we must both be cut."
Buffy was silent. "Answer him," the voice whispered in her ear. "Agree."
"Yes," Buffy said softly, holding her working arm out in front of her like a child asking wordlessly for a treat. Luke stepped over, grabbing her wrist tightly and pulling her hand toward him. She jerked forward, the Peacemaker still tightly latched to her back. Slowly, as if savoring every moment, Luke pushed the point of the dagger into her soft palm, then dragged the blade mercilessly slowly across the meat of her hand. Buffy winced, but held steady as her blood began to seep from the wound and trickle down her arm like a crimson stream.
Luke smiled at Buffy's reaction, loving the pain. Adoring the tears in her eyes. He lived for this. Good choice, Buffy, he thought.
Finally, he lifted the steel from her hands and quickly slashed his own in one quick slice.
"No fair," Buffy squeaked.
"All's fair in love and war. Well, war," Luke responded, reaching toward Buffy.
"Close your eyes," the gentle girl's voice whispered in her ear. Buffy
lined her hand up with Luke's then softly closed her eyes. She felt his
palm touch hers, felt the cool stickiness of his blood, shivering at just the *feel* of him. A drop fell from their clasped hands and the ground ripped open with a resounding crack.
Buffy yelped and the Peacemaker held her tighter, clinging to her whispering to keep her eyes closed. The world began to spin and a strange whooshing noise surrounded them. Buffy felt hot wind on her cheeks and her skin was tingling as if someone had spilled a jar of that muscle ache stuff on her. Her breath felt like it was being sucked from her lungs and her heart nearly exploded from her chest. She wanted to scream, wanted to ask what was happening, but she couldn't speak, couldn't even mutter a sound. Buffy clung to the girl's arms, squeezed her eyes tight and waited.
*****
Spike landed on his knees with a thud and a small spray of sand. He looked around realizing that he had been delivered into this world in the same spot in which he had been taken. Gasping once, he spun on all fours and scanned the schoolyard for her.
She wasn't there.
"Buffy?" Air was catching in his throat, making it hard to breathe.
Breathe? He didn't need air. Consciously, he constricted his lungs only to find himself gasping and choking in the sand. Spike fell back onto his hands, pulling sweet air into his throat, feeling his lungs inflate and deflate with a rush of air. "Bloody hell," he muttered, grabbing his aching chest, poking his fingers through the burn in his shirt. Something knocked steadily into his ribs, aching like an unused muscle after a good workout. He tapped his ribcage. It tapped back. Again. Harder then softer. *Tap* tap *Tap* tap.
Spike muttered incoherently, the implications hitting him like an anvil.
"Human?" he whispered under his breath.
Buffy.
Another anvil. "Buffy?" he called. "Buffy?" Silence. Tears began to
stream down his face. Hot tears that burned against his skin. "I left
you," he muttered, grabbing the metal base of the jungle gym. " I left you. I left you alone in that...Buffy?" Spike was becoming more agitated by the second. "Can't believe I listened to a bloody vision... Buffy?... trust, she said...Buffy?...my fault. My fault you're going to die. The baby. Oh, God....Buffy?" He was screaming now, raging, the metal of the playtoy bending like silly putty in his hand. "Buffy?" Spike's arms stretched toward the sky, his rage at himself, at her, at everything, consuming him. His face contorted and he lifted his hands to his stinging wet eyes.
Ridges. Fangs.
"What the...?" He was distracted for the briefest moment before his utter devastation cramped down on him like a vice. "Buffy?" The sound echoed off of the fences like the crack of a bat. He could taste the hot salt on his face. " I left you alone..."
"Go home, Spike," That sweet vanilla voice in his head.
"Home," he repeated as if under a thrall. "Home home home." His feet were moving. Pounding the sand, then grass, then pavement. His lungs straining, burning, his heart raging in his chest. It felt as if the starting gate had swung open and he was racing for the finish. Step after frantic step, breath after labored breath, heartbeat after pounding heartbeat. The world blurring past like the view from a speeding train.
There was something else.
There were shadows.
To be contd...
Author: Nimue
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, Fox... Just Borrowing.
Summary: Buffy makes a choice that could effect all of their lives. Buffy and Spike both suffer the consequences.
Letting Go
Luke looked quizzically at Buffy. "What makes you think I will open the
portal before you answer my question?" he said, walking toward Buffy.
"Love, just go, " Spike muttered from the wall. The tears were slow and
steady now on Buffy's cheeks.
"You promised to let one of us go. So, what's the problem with opening the portal first? He's chained. I've got the attack of the killer mini Santas holding me down."
Luke thought for a second. "Alright, suit yourself." He slashed his hand quickly downward and seemed to rip a hole in the air. The hole shimmered blue, glowing, speckles of silver and white dancing from the edges. "Be kinda fun to watch your faces when one of you leaves anyway. I was actually going to be nice and take the other out first, but this works."
"Now," Buffy began still kneeling but suddenly stalwart and resolute. Spike eyed her watching her expression change. He didn't like the look. "Here's the deal. Whichever one of us leaves, the child goes with them. If I go, the baby obviously is going with me. If Spike leaves, then you swear to me, in blood, that when she's born, she goes back to him."
"Why would I do that?" Luke said, sneering at her in wonder.
"Because she's an innocent. She doesn't belong here and you know that
having something that pure in this joint will screw up the whole works."
Spike looked at Buffy and raised his eyebrows. Pretty quick on her feet, he thought.
Luke thought a moment. "Alright. Don't need a screaming brat around here anyway."
"Good," Buffy said, letting out a long breath. She closed her eyes a
moment, her heart beginning to pound against her ribcage, her fear coming back over her in waves. There was really only one choice. She came here to save him. To make it right. "I'll stay."
"Buffy, no. Love, please no." Spike pleaded, pulling forward. The
Peacemaker shushed him quietly from her invisible vantage to his side.
"I came here to bring you home, Spike. I'm not leaving without you. So
you'll just have to leave without me. Sometimes you have to let go." Her voice began to crack and she could barely look at him. The tears streamed quietly down, but she wouldn't sob. This was *her* choice. The *right* choice.
"Why?" Luke said, genuinely curious. Far as he had been concerned, it was open and shut.
"Because," she answered softly. " Spike will be around for our daughter
when I would not be. He will take care of her like he took care of me. He knows more about love than any human I know does. He deserves to be there more than I do."
"Buffy, no. This is where I belong," Spike said. "Evil Vampire, remember? Grr. Scourge of Europe. Go, Pet." He was getting desperate. The portal glimmered and shimmied in front of them.
"Spike, I love you." Buffy whispered. Her huge hazel eyes were swimming in tears. He looked at her for a minute, his head cocking to the side, watching her face. It may have been the most genuine thing she had ever said. Buffy had made up her mind. He knew the look. This was real.
"Go." The Peacemaker said, releasing Spike's wrists. Spike was paralyzed. He couldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her. Everything in his body wanted to stay there in that moment in those eyes, even if neither of them could ever leave. "*Go!*" the Peacemaker said again, shoving him toward the portal. "Go *home*, Spike," she repeated "Trust."
Spike took one more look at Buffy's eyes, his own tears stinging his face, and jumped.
*****
Tara shuddered, her whole body rocking back on the chair in Buffy's bedroom.
"Tara, what's wrong," Willow said, rushing over to her, putting her hand on her back to steady her.
"I..I don't know. I've been a little sensitive to .. well to everything... since..."
"I know," Willow responded, head dropping to the floor.
"Something happened," Tara said, trying to change the subject.
"What? Do you know?"
"Someone came back."
*****
"Well, that changes everything..." Luke cackled, walking toward Buffy. He stopped a few feet in front of her. She could feel the little evil elves closing in on her, but she didn't struggle. Her heart had broken when he jumped, but somewhere she was glad. It was the only right thing to do.
"What now?" Buffy asked, trying to swallow her fear and face what was to be. She closed her eyes a moment, trying to gain control of her heart. A familiar smell swirled around her and she involuntarily calmed.
"Deal's off," Luke answered. "That baby? Gonna grow up with the demons
*right* here. No apple pies and baseball and trips to the amusement park. It'll learn to love blood. Learn to be everything you *hate*."
"You promised," Buffy responded, knowing it meant nothing.
"I lied," he answered simply.
"What do you plan to do with me?"
"*You*, once you get rid of that little package of yours, belong to me. My personal little caged birdie."
"Please, let the baby go back," Buffy pleaded. Luke was silent.
"If you are very *very* cooperative, I'll think about it."
Buffy sighed, breathing deeply. Her heart was still racing, her lungs still pumping. This is the way it had to go.
"Ask for his promise in blood," a familiar voice whispered in her ear.
Buffy twitched, trying to locate the source of the voice without alerting Luke.
"Promise me you will consider it," Buffy said, looking teary eyed up at
Luke.
"OK. Promise to *consider* it," Luke said, sucker for all things beautiful.
"In blood," Buffy clarified.
Luke looked at her strangely. Buffy felt arms wrap around her from behind, encircling her, hands clasping over her belly. "OK," Luke said, pulling a dagger from his inside suit pocket. Somehow, it did not surprise Buffy that he had one handy. She was more surprised by the invisible arms wrapped tightly around her and the strong smell of vanilla and light, sweet breath against her neck. "You do understand to make a pact binding, we must both be cut."
Buffy was silent. "Answer him," the voice whispered in her ear. "Agree."
"Yes," Buffy said softly, holding her working arm out in front of her like a child asking wordlessly for a treat. Luke stepped over, grabbing her wrist tightly and pulling her hand toward him. She jerked forward, the Peacemaker still tightly latched to her back. Slowly, as if savoring every moment, Luke pushed the point of the dagger into her soft palm, then dragged the blade mercilessly slowly across the meat of her hand. Buffy winced, but held steady as her blood began to seep from the wound and trickle down her arm like a crimson stream.
Luke smiled at Buffy's reaction, loving the pain. Adoring the tears in her eyes. He lived for this. Good choice, Buffy, he thought.
Finally, he lifted the steel from her hands and quickly slashed his own in one quick slice.
"No fair," Buffy squeaked.
"All's fair in love and war. Well, war," Luke responded, reaching toward Buffy.
"Close your eyes," the gentle girl's voice whispered in her ear. Buffy
lined her hand up with Luke's then softly closed her eyes. She felt his
palm touch hers, felt the cool stickiness of his blood, shivering at just the *feel* of him. A drop fell from their clasped hands and the ground ripped open with a resounding crack.
Buffy yelped and the Peacemaker held her tighter, clinging to her whispering to keep her eyes closed. The world began to spin and a strange whooshing noise surrounded them. Buffy felt hot wind on her cheeks and her skin was tingling as if someone had spilled a jar of that muscle ache stuff on her. Her breath felt like it was being sucked from her lungs and her heart nearly exploded from her chest. She wanted to scream, wanted to ask what was happening, but she couldn't speak, couldn't even mutter a sound. Buffy clung to the girl's arms, squeezed her eyes tight and waited.
*****
Spike landed on his knees with a thud and a small spray of sand. He looked around realizing that he had been delivered into this world in the same spot in which he had been taken. Gasping once, he spun on all fours and scanned the schoolyard for her.
She wasn't there.
"Buffy?" Air was catching in his throat, making it hard to breathe.
Breathe? He didn't need air. Consciously, he constricted his lungs only to find himself gasping and choking in the sand. Spike fell back onto his hands, pulling sweet air into his throat, feeling his lungs inflate and deflate with a rush of air. "Bloody hell," he muttered, grabbing his aching chest, poking his fingers through the burn in his shirt. Something knocked steadily into his ribs, aching like an unused muscle after a good workout. He tapped his ribcage. It tapped back. Again. Harder then softer. *Tap* tap *Tap* tap.
Spike muttered incoherently, the implications hitting him like an anvil.
"Human?" he whispered under his breath.
Buffy.
Another anvil. "Buffy?" he called. "Buffy?" Silence. Tears began to
stream down his face. Hot tears that burned against his skin. "I left
you," he muttered, grabbing the metal base of the jungle gym. " I left you. I left you alone in that...Buffy?" Spike was becoming more agitated by the second. "Can't believe I listened to a bloody vision... Buffy?... trust, she said...Buffy?...my fault. My fault you're going to die. The baby. Oh, God....Buffy?" He was screaming now, raging, the metal of the playtoy bending like silly putty in his hand. "Buffy?" Spike's arms stretched toward the sky, his rage at himself, at her, at everything, consuming him. His face contorted and he lifted his hands to his stinging wet eyes.
Ridges. Fangs.
"What the...?" He was distracted for the briefest moment before his utter devastation cramped down on him like a vice. "Buffy?" The sound echoed off of the fences like the crack of a bat. He could taste the hot salt on his face. " I left you alone..."
"Go home, Spike," That sweet vanilla voice in his head.
"Home," he repeated as if under a thrall. "Home home home." His feet were moving. Pounding the sand, then grass, then pavement. His lungs straining, burning, his heart raging in his chest. It felt as if the starting gate had swung open and he was racing for the finish. Step after frantic step, breath after labored breath, heartbeat after pounding heartbeat. The world blurring past like the view from a speeding train.
There was something else.
There were shadows.
To be contd...