Chapter 2: Steiner
Back at Alexandria Castle…
Zidane (walking into the main hall with the Ultima Weapon): Right then, are we set?
Dagger (equipped with the Tiger Racket): Yep, all set.
Zidane (looking up at the previous line): You're going to call yourself Dagger again?
Dagger: Of course! I have to be inconspicuous after all.
Zidane: …Why?
Dagger: Why not?
Zidane: Why do you always avoid my questions?
At this point a ship can be heard coming into the port.
Dagger: Say, why don't we watch the ship come in?
Dagger leaves the hall.
Zidane: I hate it when she does that.
Zidane exits the hall.
*****
Alexandria Port…
Dagger and Zidane rush down to the port to see the new ship in. It's a pretty shabby looking junk that looks as if it'll fall apart if anyone happens to breathe on it. A flag adorned with a particular symbol is flying from the mast. Dagger is staring at it intensely.
Zidane: What's wrong?
Dagger: That symbol…I've seen it before…
As soon as the ship has docked a pirate pokes his head over the side.
Pirate: Ahoy, maties! Have ye any goods at all, arr!
Zidane and Dagger's eyes bug out.
Dagger/Zidane: BLUTZEN?!?!
Blutzen:…YOUR HIGHNESSES?!?!
At the sound of his voice, the other former members of the Knights of Pluto, (Kohel, Laudo, Dojebon, Breireicht, Weimar, Haagen and Melgentheim), looked over the side and repeat what Blutzen said, only in progressively higher tones. Both sides stare at each other in shock for a few seconds before a really deep voice booms out.
Voice: ARRR MATIES! WHAT BE THE HOLDUP?!
At this point Aldelbert Steiner pops into view. He is dressed exactly as he was when he was a knight, except now he has two hooks for hands, two peg legs and two eye patches. His normal hat has been replaced by a traditional pirate captain's hat with a feather in it and the skeleton of a long dead parrot is perched on his shoulder.
Dagger: …Oh dear god.
Zidane: There's never a camera around when you need one is there?
Steiner: Arr! There be two voices which be sounding mighty familiar to my ears. Do they be familiar to you too, Polly?
Polly: …
Steiner: Fine, be that way.
Kohel: Uh, C-Captain…
Steiner: Arr! What be it, First Mate Kohel?
Weimar: I thought I was the first mate…
Dojebon: You mean it's not me?
Steiner: SILENCE!
Steiner walks toward where he thinks the insubordination is, and does it quite well considering his 'feet' are only about a centimeter in diameter, when he unsurprisingly walks into the well-battered mast.
Steiner: Ugh…I said it before and I'll say it again. This mast be pine, says I!
Zidane and Dagger exchange looks before deciding to talk with the deranged loon.
Dagger: Um, Steiner…
Steiner: Arr! Be that Queen Garnet I hear?
Dagger: It be…I mean yes! It's me.
Steiner: Arr! And be that long tailed Polliwag be there with you?
Zidane: …I thought you got over your dislike of me.
Steiner: Times change, monkey boy.
Zidane (very angry): AAARRRRRRGGGHHH!
Steiner: …uh-oh.
*****
A severe beating later…
Dagger: So, why are you guys suddenly pirates?
Steiner (scrabbling around the deck for his missing teeth): Arr! You see, Your Majesty, it be happenin' after Beatrix decided to be goin' on adventures to far away places rather than stay with me.
Zidane (constantly sliding Steiner's teeth out of his reach): Big surprise…
Steiner (ignoring Zidane): Anyways, I be deciding to get me lads together to form a new group and sail around the world, looking for romance, adventures and riches. We be even callin' ourselves a new name.
Dagger: And that would be…?
Steiner: Lads?
Lads: THE PIRATES OF PLUTO!!!
Dagger: …What?
Laudo: We've even got our own song!
Haagen blows on a duck whistle as the rest of the pirates besides Steiner line up.
Haagen: And a one and a two and a…
Pirates: Oh we're the-
Zidane: All right that's quite enough.
Melgentheim: But-
Zidane (drawing the Ultima Weapon): I said, that's quite enough.
Melgentheim: Aye, aye!
The pirates quickly disembark.
Dagger: Well that was close. Okay Steiner, here's the dilly-o for yo' badass self, aight?
Zidane/Steiner: …
Dagger: What? I'm not allowed to use anything other than Royal English?
Zidane/Steiner: …
Dagger: Sheesh. Anyway, Zidane and I are bringing the old team back together to find the Eye of Losstarot.
Steiner: Why? Arr!
Zidane: Stop that. Nothing else better to do.
Dagger: So then, will you join us?
Steiner takes a moment to think.
Steiner: Arr! Your quest be a noble and insane one. I'll be happy to accompany you!
Dagger: Great! But how are you going to fight without any hands, feet or eyes?
Steiner: No need to worry about that!
A popping sound can be heard as Steiner unbuckles the hooks from within, sliding them off his unharmed hands. He removes the eye patches to reveal his perfect eyes and slides his feet out of the peg legs.
Dagger: …How did you fit them in there?!?
Steiner: Nighttime yoga classes.
Finally Steiner removes his pirate's hat to reveal his old feathered one.
Steiner: All right, let's go! You ready Polly?
Polly: …
Steiner: …Polly?
Zidane: I wouldn't look on your shoulder if I were you…
Steiner looks on his shoulder.
Steiner (in complete horror): POLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
Zidane: I told you not to look.
*****
Back on the grassy hill not far from Alexandria…
Black Waltz 3: AHH! Not like blacking out to recover from a few years in hell. Hey 1, see anything?
Black Waltz 1 (looking through a telescope pointed at Alexandria): Nothing yet…wait! Someone's coming this way!
The other Waltzes look through their own miniature telescopes.
Black Waltz 2: Perfect! A guinea pig on which to test our skills on!
Black Waltz 1/3: YEAH!
The Waltzes run toward the person, who happens to be Rinoa who is still dazed from her encounter with the Flying Oglop.
Black Waltzes (leaping out at her): BOO!
Rinoa looks at them. Where most people would see three warped Black Mages Rinoa, thanks to a mild concussion, saw them as Dagger and Zidane. Grinning evilly, she whipped out a massive machete.
Rinoa: DIE!
Black Waltzes: EEEK!
Rinoa proceeds to chase the Waltzes around the field, screaming demonic curses as she does so.
To Be Continued…