Title: Cold November Rain [part 16/?]
Book 1 of "Redirecting Destiny" and prequel to "Romantic Resolutions"
Author: Enigma
Series: Weiss Kreuz
Written: January-February, 2002
Rating: R
Pairings: (Yohji + Ken + Aya) (Omi + Nagi) (Brad + Schu)
Category: Dark! Yaoi Angst Action/Adventure Violence Blood Squick Language Romance. AU-OOC.
Archive: fanfiction.net [author: "E-sama the Llama"], Scripta Manent: http://digilander.iol.it/sakaba/Home.html
Spoilers: None, safe for new viewers as well as old.
Warnings: dark! yaoi, heavy angst, action/adventure, graphic violence, large quantities of blood, squick: medical and other, coarse language, agonized and overwrought romance, rare touches of sap, cigarettes, destiny, cruel cliffhangers, original characters. AU-OOC.
Disclaimer: "Weiss Kreuz" is the property of Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss. This unauthorized work of fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.
Notes: When Ken falls in battle, how can the other members of Weiss cope with the guilt and blame that they all seem to share and will he survive in spite of the odds against him?
++ date and time reference within the storyline beginning with the day of the battle ++
{{telepathic speech}}
*****
++ day: 1. time: 1915-1945 hours ++
*****
After the three assassins had been alone in the waiting room for about five minutes, Aya unexpectedly broke the silence by asking quietly, "How are you holding up, Nagi?"
"Huh?" Startled not only by the question but by the identity of the person asking it, Nagi glanced up and found himself very nearly face to face with the crouching figure of Abyssinian, ordinarily expressionless violet eyes sparkling with an unreadable emotion. The Schwarz psychic was slightly disturbed by the fact that the man had come so close to him without his being aware of it. However he was much more concerned by the air of mission-like focus that exuded from him and thereby caused the psychic to label him by his code-name instead of the common name he'd adopted from his boyfriend.
Swallowing thickly, the younger assassin asked, "What did you say, Aya-kun? I, uh, I guess I wasn't paying attention."
To further confound the issue and utterly disorient the youth, Aya uncharacteristically reached out and brushed a lock of sable hair away from where it was blocking eyes the color of a midnight sky and he said again in a warmer tone, "How are you holding up, Nagi?" [1]
The startled telekinetic fought the sudden desire to either move away from the man who was acting strangely in his limited experience with him or to simply open up fully and confess the depths of despair he'd fallen into. Instead, he sighed and shook his head, choosing the middle ground and a blatant lie, "I'm okay, Aya-kun, just a little tired."
"Bullshit," the older man said gently, sounding more like Yohji than himself. With a sad shake of his head that sent fiery earlocks dancing around his face, Aya stated firmly, "You're no more 'okay' than the rest of us, Nagi. There's something bothering you that you don't want to tell Omi about, I'm certain of it. Why not tell me instead?"
Nervous, Nagi glanced around the room and discovered that the eldest member of Weiss was lounging against a wall, partially granting Aya's request for privacy while speaking with the Schwarz agent yet not leaving in case Nagi preferred to talk to him instead.
Clearing his throat again, Nagi forced himself to look back at Aya and found that he could now read the emotion in piercing amaryllis eyes and he realized that it was a kindred spirit asking for trust from the quiet youth. With a nod, the sable-haired boy agreed quietly, "All right, Aya-kun." A feeling of relief started to rise within him as he said, "You're right, I'm very worried about something that I *can't* talk to Omi about. If he knew, he'd probably just feel guilty about it all over again and I can't take much more of that."
Aya nodded, unwilling to back off yet not feeling a need to rush, he estimated he had another twenty minutes before the teen's boyfriend returned. He waited patiently for a moment, then said, "I understand, Nagi. There *are* times he needs a lot of support, aren't there?"
The disturbed youth agreed with only a shallow nod of his head, then admitted in a pained voice, "What's bothering me, Aya-kun, is that I can't stop wondering what would've happened to him if you and Yohji-kun hadn't been able to reach me this morning." He choked slightly as previously trapped emotions tried to seep out when he rushed to explain, "I mean, if I'd already left for school, I'd have never known he was in trouble."
A thin, shaking alabaster hand ran through dark chocolate hair nervously and his voice sped up, "And if I hadn't been at that bridge when he fell? Oh gods, I---" What might have been a sob from anyone else was viciously bitten back and Nagi clasped a hand to his mouth to trap any other unwanted displays of weakness, eyes large and liquid with fear.
Sometimes the scarlet-haired man hated being right. This was what Aya had assumed was disturbing the youth, a boy with so much power at his beck and call was feeling helpless as "what if" scenarios had gotten the better of him during the course of the painful afternoon and evening. Without his knowing it, each time Omi had turned to Nagi for comfort regarding his own feelings of guilt over Ken's injuries, it had only served to feed the flames of Nagi's own fear of being unable to save him when he needed it himself.
Watching the Schwarz psychic self-destruct wasn't something Aya intended to do, however, so once more he reached out to the boy only this time he didn't withdraw his hand as soon as tear-laden deep blue eyes gazed at him once more. Instead, he kept his swordhilt-callused palm firmly in place around Nagi's arm even as his softer left hand moved to tenderly cup the boy's cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing the tears away gently.
Nagi's eyes were wide with amazement that the field-leader of Weiss was being so atypically gentle and caring with him and it was all he could do to keep from asking where this was going, it seemed so strange. But before his thoughts turned in the wrong direction, Aya urged quietly, "You've got to stop torturing yourself with 'what if' scenarios, Nagi. I've done that myself for over two years and I can tell you they'll do nothing but eat your soul if you let them."
It was clear that the speaker had no intention of explaining his mysterious allusion to his own tragic past, but the violet-eyed man continued with increased strength, "You need to keep in mind that you *were* there when Omi needed you. For whatever reason, fate decreed you'd be where you were at those moments and no amount of worrying will change that. I know that this seems to be poor consolation at a time like this, but you're going to have to trust in this and keep going."
The usually unexpressive swordsman fervently hoped his deliberate efforts to be more "touchy feelly" as Ken once called the kind of interpersonal skills he was trying to use would help the diminutive psychic in front of him cope with his own burdens before the teen's boyfriend returned. Neither he nor Yohji had any misconceptions about the way their youngest teammate would react to the sight of their injured friend and he hoped that by strengthening the source of comfort for Omi the young couple might get through the pain more easily.
Aya's voice shifted slightly as he glanced at the clock and he added encouragingly, "They'll be back in about fifteen minutes and I can assure you Omi's going to need you to be strong for him again. No matter how much Yohji said earlier about how Ken looks right now, it's still going to be a shock for him and you need to be ready for that." He stroked away the last of the drying tears and asked, "Can you do that for him, Nagi? Can you give Omi the support he needs to get through this?"
"I'll try, Aya-kun," Nagi promised in a small voice, still in a state of shock that he had been on the receiving end of such an understanding gesture from the usually stoic man. As he felt the hand leave his face, he blinked in surprise at how cold his skin felt without the warmth it had derived from the icy-looking palm that had rested there.
Looking up as Aya rose fluidly to stand above him, amethyst eyes cool and analytical once more, Nagi added more firmly, "Thank you for letting me talk to you about that, Aya-kun. I'm sure it'll creep into my mind again but I'll remember what you said and try not to let it bother me as much."
"Good," the Weiss swordsman nodded then half-smiled as he asked over one shoulder, "Anything you care to add, Balinese?"
"Who? Me?" The lanky blond remarked from where he had edged a little closer while pretending to not have been listening. With a shrug he asked, "Add to what, Aya?"
Nagi blinked in confusion at the two men and almost missed the subtle demi-roll of amethyst eyes as Aya remarked coolly, "Nothing, Yohji. Nothing at all."
Accepting the clear invitation to join them, the eldest member of Weiss strolled over to stand between the two of them and he glanced at Nagi with warmth and compassion as he asked, "Feel better now, bishounen?"
Nagi nodded then quirked an eyebrow at the man and asked, "Isn't that one of your nicknames for Omi, Yohji-kun?"
The tall man shrugged elegantly and answered, "Yeah, but it fits you, too, Nagi, don't you think?"
"Me? A 'beautiful boy'?" The telekinetic shook his head in definite negation, "I don't think so."
"Well, *I* do and you can trust me to know beauty when I see it!" The smile on Yohji's lips was warm and earnest as he added, "I'm glad Aya convinced me to let him talk to you. I really didn't hear most of what you talked about, but I've got to agree with the end of it. Omiitchi's going to be a real disaster zone when he gets back from seeing Ken. Rightly or wrongly, we came to rely on you too much earlier to take care of him, but this time I think there's not a whole helluva lot Aya and I can do for him that you wouldn't do a better job of."
The confidence the older assassins were showing in him wasn't misplaced and Nagi nodded thoughtfully then asked, "And if I need help?"
"You'll have it," Aya's deep voice promised as he gazed at both his lover and the boy who was too much like himself for comfort at times.
"Anything we can do, just ask," Yohji assured then sighed deeply as he glanced at the clock before mentioning, "Why not stretch your legs a bit, Nagi? They won't be back for a few minutes and we'll hold the fort."
The youngest member of Schwarz rose to his feet and accepted, "Sounds like a good idea. I'll be back shortly."
After Nagi had left the room, Yohji turned towards the elder of his pair of lovers and asked solemnly, "Is he going to be okay?"
Shaking his head, Aya turned towards him and answered, "Damned if I know. There's something more bothering him that I didn't even try to get at, Yohji, but I think it was something about Schwarz. I swear, if we're going to draw him into our lives as deeply as we have, someday we're going to have to get him away from those madmen he works with." His voice dropped a bit lower as he added, "You *do* know that, don't you?"
Yohji sighed deeply, suddenly very tired and unhappy with being confronted by an issue he had to admit was starting to worry him, "Yeah, babe, I know." Slipping a hand into the pocket where the cigarettes awaited his use and wishing he had time for one, he added, "But that's not really our decision to make, is it, Aya? Fuck, I wish things weren't this complicated."
Aya gazed at him with compassion and agreed, "I know." He closed the distance between them for the briefest of embraces that said more than words could ever have said and then he drew away again, already sinking back into the cooler shell of Abyssinian to prepare for the onslaught when the others returned.
Realizing the shift in his partner's stance reflected a shift in mindset as well, Yohji backed away and gave Aya space to move past him to isolate himself in a leather chair all the while the older man cursed the walls the younger one could erect so easily.
"Damn you, Takatori," Yohji swore under his breath far too softly for Aya to hear over the creak of poorly maintained leather. "Why'd you have to go and fuck up my Aya's soul so badly that he can't let his heart show for more than a few minutes at a time? Damn you to hell, you stinking bastard!"
*****
To be continued.
Author's Notes:
[1] Don't panic. Aya's OOC-ness is a deliberate ploy on his part to get past Nagi's emotional barriers in an effort to help him cope with the situation he's facing and just in case I failed to spell it out properly in the narrative, I decided to add a note here. I don't intend to imply that Aya has any shonen ai/yaoi feelings for the adorable telekinetic, but since my use of skin-to-skin contact always carries a strong element of symbolic meaning, I thought I'd best explain. Besides, I don't want Omiitchi coming after me in my sleep thinking I'm trying to build a five-way between him, Nagi, Ken, Aya, and Yohji. Not that it isn't a pretty image in my head, just that it's fundamentally wrong to separate soulmates in any given continuity.
Full Author's Notes to Run at Conclusion.
Please be advised: Parts 15 & 16 will be posted together.
Special Announcement: This evening's posting run is dedicated to the ever delightful and incredibly talented Yanagi-sen!!
{gets out a HUGE celebration trumpet and blows it gleefully}
She is receiving this honor for so many different reasons, I'd probably need to add an "instant gratification" split to include them all, so I'll just hit the high points, okay?
First: She's a wonderful person, a good friend, and a faithful fic correspondent! There is no way I can ever tell you how great it is to get one of her letters of comment on something of mine! She tells me what she thought as she read, it's almost as if we were in the same room as she went through the story and it's simply better than sunshine on a cloudy day!
Second: She's a terrific writer who has many Weiss Kreuz fics that are simply wonderful! Especially the (Omi + Nagi) stories, if I do say so myself! She also writes some damned good Gundam Wing stories and they're available at fanfiction.net for your reading pleasure, too.
Third: She's got a great web site where you can go and admire nifty pics and bios of both Schwarz *and* Weiss, plenty of her lovely fics of course, and so much more to enjoy! If you, too, wish to worship at her dainty feet and enjoy some really fabulous web-goodies, go to: http://willownymph.1accesshost.com/www.1accesshost.com/home%20page.htm , select "Tears in the Rain" and check it out! Make sure to sign her guest book and tell her "A Little Llama" sent you, okay?
Last but not least--and possibly something I shouldn't mention this way but it seems like such good news, I wanted to share it!: Tomorrow she officially starts a new job as an honest-to-goodness art teacher! Not just the "substitute" for a change, this talented lady will be sharing her love for things colorful and fun with a lucky group of schoolchildren and if my kids had her for a teacher, I'd be thrilled.
{applauds wildly and hopes this isn't too fan-boyish of him}
So, congratulations, Yanagi-sen! Tonight's entire batch of Weiss goodness is now permanently embossed with your name on it and I hope it adds a tiny gold star to what should be an otherwise spectacular day! Good luck on your first day of a new, fabulous future as teacher and inspirer of the single greatest treasure America has to offer: her children!
{bows deeply truly appreciative that he can call someone as special as she is "friend"}
That's it for tonight, gang! I hope you enjoyed the additions to the story that preceded my impromptu worship of a dear friend and will not only go see her site, but will also drop me a line about the fic if you feel like it since it always helps keep my muses active. Otherwise, stay safe and I'll do my level best to be back with more angst soon!
~~~E-sama the Llama~~~
(who is staring at the page where he adds new fic pieces at fanfiction.net and saying to himself, "This story has *90* incredibly generous and supportive comments and there's even a small debate going on over whether Ken should live or die here? Wow, how cool is *this*?!" needless to say, the llama is overwhelmed and deeply thankful to all those reading this story)
Posted 01 February 2002 ~3:00am