Attention Fanfiction.net Friends:
A brief apology to those of you who were eagerly anticipating more of this story--or at least an intermission notice!--Friday night, but fanfiction.net was "closed" for hours on end, and every time I tried to go there to upload the following two Parts it was impossible. So, here you are, two new pieces of story as well as a warning that there may be an actual intermission notice tonight if I don't start feeling better.
{holds head miserably in one hand and then goes back to typing with the other}
For those of you who don't know, I happen to be one of those unlucky souls who get migraines and all it takes is a bit more stress than normal and I end up in my own personal version of hell for awhile. So, after staying up too late last night wrestling with getting this fic out on time while ff.net was down and driving me batty, I woke up feeling fairly miserable today. To make matters worse, my angst muse wants to go back into the rough draft and insert an entire new Part just to go take another peek at Schu and Brad, something I'll probably do since these two are so much fun to write.
Even though at least one reviewer here has already complained about the length of the story in the first place and will probably hate having more of it, I'm hoping that most of you are enjoying an in-depth look at these characters' lives during a moment of crisis. And if you don't enjoy something long like this one, feel free to go read something else, don't leave me any more flames, they only make the migraine worse.
{whimpers in a rather unmanly fashion since he's terribly susceptible to the pain of flames yet has a hard time ignoring even one of them}
In retrospect, though, I've been doing fairly well at getting this out on a nightly basis and I guess it won't be the end of the world if I need a night or two off to get rid of this headache. Should that be the case--*and* if fanfiction.net is up and running, of course!--there will be a temporary intermission note added here later that may include any number of strange things. When the headaches get *really* bad I can't function at all, but if it stays at the level it's at right now, I might have enough energy to at least comment on where the story arc is headed in case anyone's curious.
Enjoy the Angst!
~~~Enigma~~~
(who is such a baby at times, ne? he can't handle a little pain or a bad review, geez!)
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Title: Cold November Rain [part 17/?]
Book 1 of "Redirecting Destiny" and prequel to "Romantic Resolutions"
Author: Enigma
Series: Weiss Kreuz
Written: January-February, 2002
Rating: R
Pairings: (Yohji + Ken + Aya) (Omi + Nagi) (Brad + Schu)
Category: Dark! Yaoi Angst Action/Adventure Violence Blood Squick Language Romance. AU-OOC.
Archive: fanfiction.net [author: "E-sama the Llama"], Scripta Manent: http://digilander.iol.it/sakaba/Home.html
Spoilers: None, safe for new viewers as well as old.
Warnings: dark! yaoi, heavy angst, action/adventure, graphic violence, large quantities of blood, squick: medical and other, coarse language, agonized and overwrought romance, rare touches of sap, cigarettes, destiny, cruel cliffhangers, original characters. AU-OOC.
Disclaimer: "Weiss Kreuz" is the property of Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiss. This unauthorized work of fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.
Notes: When Ken falls in battle, how can the other members of Weiss cope with the guilt and blame that they all seem to share and will he survive in spite of the odds against him?
++ date and time reference within the storyline beginning with the day of the battle ++
{{telepathic speech}}
*****
++ day: 1. time: 1945-2025 hours ++
*****
No one was particularly surprised when Manx returned to the waiting room guiding a distraught seventeen year old boy who was having trouble seeing where he was going due to moisture in his eyes.
Neither were they shocked when Omi launched himself into Nagi's arms the moment he saw the telekinetic stepping towards him. Galvanized by his discussion with the elder members of Weiss, the younger of the pair easily swept his boyfriend into his arms with a slight assist from his psychic powers and he returned to the over-sized chair the two of them had found comfort in before. The telekinetic cuddled the blond close, encouraging Omi to simply curl against him as much as he needed to and the older boy practically glued himself to him gratefully even as his tears fell in a torrential flood of misery.
With a sad expression, Yohji shook out the warm blanket that had been used earlier and placed it around the boys before giving Nagi a slight bow of his head by way of thanks for his bravery as well as reminder of the promised support if it should be needed.
Struggling to speak through his tears, Omi babbled at length to his boyfriend about how horrible Ken looked and how it was all his fault, and so on. There was nothing in his words that shocked or horrified Nagi, though, and the Schwarz assassin was able to provide the comfort and reassurance the Weiss assassin needed as he allowed the pain to be given voice.
Seeing that the teenagers were settled as best as she could hope, Manx then turned to the others and asked, "Balinese? Abyssinian? Could you come with me, please? I think we need to talk before I call Persia."
"Certainly, Manx," Yohji agreed, none of their usual teasing evident as the three of them moved outside to the porch that doubled as a smoking area. The lanky blond pulled out his cigarettes and put a pair between his lips intending to give one to Aya as soon as he lit them. Igniting the small lighter and adding a smoldering glow to the ends of both, he inhaled deeply before being startled as one was pulled free unexpectedly.
"Thanks," Manx remarked as she stuck the cigarette between lips atypically devoid of lipstick, the cosmetic having been a victim of her own concerted efforts not to break into tears earlier.
"Manx?! What the fuck?!" Yohji exclaimed then stared at her, asking, "Since when do *you* smoke?"
The woman didn't answer right away, she just allowed sorrowful blue-green eyes to slip shut as she drew a deep lungful of nicotine-laden smoke in and held it there too expertly for her to be the virgin smoker that Yohji supposed her to be.
Aya frowned and crossed his arms over his chest before gesturing with his head for Yohji to either give *him* the cigarette currently dangling unnoticed from his lips or hand him the pack and the lighter. Scrambling mentally, the blond pulled out a third cigarette and lit it end-to-end with his own then handed the freshly lit one to his lover.
Taking a shallow inhalation, the scarlet-haired man gratefully felt the acrid smoke burn his throat. Coughing slightly as he released a puff of gray smoke into the leaden night which had been rendered moonless by the unremitting cloud cover that had thickened after sunset, Aya wondered how much longer any of them could reasonably be expected to handle this level of tension.
Yohji nervously sucked his cigarette to ashes in record time because he was unnerved by the image of the usually calm and cool female Kritiker agent who had allowed a few tears to slip down her face unheeded as she attended to her own cigarette. The white paper surrounding the tobacco was stained by an errant salt-water droplet and it was all Yohji could do to keep from panicking worse than he was. He drew forth a new smoke, lit it from the butt of the first one, eager for the nicotine to hit his system even as he flicked the glowing ember off into the night.
"I can't believe he's survived this long," Manx finally said, breaking the silence with a voice gone husky from internalized sobbing.
"I know," Aya agreed coolly, further undermining Yohji's tenuous hold on reality before he tilted his head towards the woman and silently commanded his usually eloquent lover to speak up and try to get the situation under control.
The lanky blond took a quick deep inhalation of nicotinic smoke and then forced himself to say, "But he's tough, Manx. You'll see, Kenken'll be up and at 'em before you know it!"
Disbelieving red-rimmed eyes turned towards him and the woman asked, "Do you really believe that bullshit, Kudou, are you just trying to make me feel better? Because if you're trying to make me feel less like hell than I am, it isn't working."
"Fuck, Manx," Yohji cursed helplessly, "You know I *want* to believe it, I really do! Ken means a hell of a lot more to Aya 'n me than he does to you!"
She gazed at him through raccoon-like eyes, the tears having proven her mascara's claims to be waterproof false, then nodded and sniffled in an unprofessional fashion before she said, "I know, Yohji, and I'm sorry. I thought I was a tougher bitch than I am. But when I saw him in there with all those wires and tubes running in and out of him, all I could think of was that he probably should've died this morning and I can't believe he didn't now that I've seen him."
"You should have more confidence in him, Manx," Aya spoke up unexpectedly and then asked insightfully, "Or is there something more that disturbed you while you were in there?"
She nodded shakily and admitted, "I wondered if we did the right thing having Egami's team work so hard to save him the way we did. If the spinal injury doesn't repair itself, then what? Not to mention the renal damage." A shaking manicured hand brought what was left of her cigarette back to her lips and she drew in a lungful of smoke before she said softly, "I just don't know if we're doing the right thing, that's all."
"Hell, of course we are," Yohji said sympathetically before wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving her a brief hug. "You don't think Ken would want you to pull the plug on *me* if the situation was reversed, now do you?"
"I don't really know," Manx admitted thoughtfully, then she glanced at Aya whose face held many thoughts and yet he said nothing. Curious despite her own inner confusion, she asked, "What about you, Abyssinian? What're you thinking about?"
The scarlet-haired man snorted self-derisively and finished his cigarette before answering. In a cold voice that sounded like it had come from the grave only to answer this question, he responded, "As 'Abyssinian', I'd have to say we give Siberian a fighting chance and then let nature take its course. But as a man who spends every night of his life regretting not being able to protect his family, my answer would be different."
The tone deepened and sharpened as he stated flatly, "As the last son of the Fujimiya family, I'd say we do absolutely everything possible to bring Ken through this nightmare as intact as he was 24 hours ago. If he needs a kidney, say so. I'm sure I can find a way to get one. If he needs some alternative treatment to make sure he can still walk and run, I'll find that, too. No one is taking him away from us." He took a breath and his voice darkened even more as he growled, "Death can't have him, he's ours now."
Yohji was dumbfounded by his lover's words, so shocked at the vehemence in Aya's tone that he never questioned the openly stated willingness to go so far as to procure a human organ outside the medical community's pre-existing systems. His throat worked soundlessly and he found there weren't any words to say anyway and he remained atypically silent.
Manx stared at Aya openly and even though her first reaction was to discount his words as those of an anguished man fearing for the life of his lover, she realized quickly that he meant everything he'd said quite literally. She nodded slowly and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes not caring when it came away sticky with melted eye shadow and mascara. With a sigh, she finally said, "I hope that it doesn't get that bad, Aya, but I certainly didn't mean we were going to do anything less than our best for him. I only doubted whether or not we were doing the right thing at this point."
"You are as long as he keeps getting the best care possible," the violet-eyed man insisted then looked at Yohji as if wondering what the other man thought yet not wanting to know badly enough to go ahead and ask.
The jade-eyed man truly didn't have anything much to add until he recalled the woman's excuse for drawing the two men outdoors with her. He asked, "Did you really have something to discuss with us before you call Persia, Manx? I promised Nagi we'd be there for him if he needed help with Omi and I think we ought to try to get back to them just in case."
The woman nodded, grateful for the distraction that duty could be when one needed it to be. She coughed the last of her tears away then resumed her usual cool façade and asked, "How soon do you think you can put together a mission report? Persia's going to want to begin analysis on what went wrong with this one as soon as possible."
"That would be Omi's job ordinarily," the wire-wielding assassin said with a frown. "But I don't want him to have to do it right now. Maybe in a few days, but not now. If Persia wants a preliminary one, I guess I can put one together tomorrow if you bring me a laptop."
She nodded and pulled out her Palm Pilot, making a few notes as to what type of computer the green-eyed man preferred since it wasn't his strong suit, selecting one with the right features might help expedite the matter. As she jotted a few other things she wanted to talk to her boss about, she asked, "Where are you guys spending the night tonight?"
"Right here, I guess," Yohji said with a shrug, wondering why she was asking.
"They won't let you do that, Yohji," Manx responded with a glance that said she knew he knew better than to plan on that.
"True," the tall man answered nonchalantly as he glanced at his partner who had lapsed into a brooding silence, then added, "But I bet there's a million places to hide around here so we could keep an eye on Ken in case he needed us."
"Not acceptable," the woman stated flatly and then jotted another notation to get them hotel accommodations nearby. "I'll get you rooms at the Hilton."
Yohji's interest was piqued by this suggestion. The luxury hotel was within easy walking distance and if it meant he could see to it that Omi got a good night's rest where he himself could slip out to come back over if he felt the urge, it seemed like a good idea after all. Pretending to not particularly care, he agreed, "If you insist *and* if Kritiker's covering the bills, Manx, go ahead." Another thought crossed his mind and he added sheepishly, "Um, do you think you could swing by the Koneko and grab us a change of clothes in the morning, though? These scrubs are okay for awhile but this just isn't me, you know?"
"No problem, Yohji," she smiled at him, glad to have a plan of attack after feeling so helpless all day long. With a glance at the silent scarlet-haired man who leaned against a wall seemingly unaware of them, she asked, "Aya? You okay?"
Icy violet eyes rose to gaze at her as if she had interrupted an important internal discussion, he answered tonelessly, "I'm fine." The cold eyes that hid a deep pool of sorrow behind them slid over to Yohji and Aya stated, "I'm going to check on Omi and Nagi. We've been out here too long." He pushed away from the wall and stalked back inside, leaving them to ponder what had been going through his mind, never once realizing that he had been reliving the sorrow of another tragic day when he was much younger and had lost a great deal more.
"What's eating him?" Manx asked then answered herself, "Other than everything that's happened, I mean. Never mind, stupid question."
Yohji felt crestfallen that he could do so little to ease the suffering of any of those affected by the days tragic events and then turned to her with a sigh as he glanced at the watch that concealed his deadly wire. Flicking a spot of dried blood off that he'd missed when he'd cleaned it in the men's room earlier, he asked, "Did you want another cigarette before I leave, Manx? He's right, we have been out here longer than we should've been."
"No, that was my one for the year." She chuckled mirthlessly, and remarked, "I swore I'd never smoke another one of the damned things after I got out of college. Guess some oaths aren't meant to be kept, ne?"
Biting back the questions that automatically rose to mind, the slender blond merely moved away from her and towards the direction his lover had gone in, but before he left, he asked, "Are you staying until after Aya and I get to see Ken one more time tonight, Manx?"
"Absolutely," she agreed then shook her head sadly before saying, "But after I talk to Persia, I think I'll take a walk. I need to clear my head."
"And wash your face," Yohji suggested gently, then smiled the warm smile he reserved for moments when the two of them weren't at war with one another the way they usually were, "Unless of course the 'Alice Cooper' look is in these days?"
"Get out of here!" Manx laughed and regretted having no readily available projectiles as the door behind the tall man closed with a soft click that hid his chuckle.
If they could laugh and tease like this, it was a good sign they'd get through this with their nominal friendship intact despite hurtful words being shared earlier.
*****
Aya had reentered the waiting room quietly, not allowing the two teenagers to hear his arrival hoping not to disturb Nagi's efforts to calm Omi. He needn't have worried.
"It'll be okay, koi," Nagi was saying softly, rubbing a warm hand down Omi's back where he trembled against him. The older boy's tears had nearly dried up and now he rested tiredly against the younger one's chest, grateful for the rhythmic sound of Nagi's heart beating so close by.
A soft sigh was Omi's only audible answer, but he slowly raised his head ever so slightly, then let it drop down again, a subtle way of letting his lover know he was still awake this time, having become somewhat stronger after his earlier rest.
Nagi had wanted to hear what Omi had said to Ken and if there had been any reaction from the injured man. But he didn't want to risk upsetting him, so he continued to stroke his back and say whatever encouraging words came to mind even though he himself was tiring badly.
Lack of sleep due to worry the night before combined with a stressful day had the telekinetic yawning slightly and the disruption in his regular breathing was enough to cause Omi to lift his head fully. Blinking kittenishly at his boyfriend even as he wiped at nearly-dry eyes, the young blond asked quietly, "Are you tired, Nagi-love?"
The younger teen nodded and apologized, "A little. I'm sorry for disturbing you, why not just rest some more, koi?"
"No, I don't think I need to," Omi insisted then glanced around the room and spotted his teammate where Aya stood relaxed against a wall, arms crossed over his chest like usual. "Oh, Aya-kun! I didn't know you were back. Nagi said you and Yohji-kun had gone somewhere with Manx. Is everything okay?"
Pushing off from the wall with the heel of one foot, the scarlet-haired man walked towards the teens wondering in the back of his mind if they had any idea how much the sight of the two of them together this way reassured him at this point.
With a warmer than usual smile, Aya stopped close enough that if Omi had reached out for him he was there yet not so close as to make Nagi uncomfortable and answered, "Things are as well as they can be expected to be, Omi. You've got to try to not to worry about everything so much, let us take care of things for a change."
The Weiss tactician looked unhappy with these thoughts yet nodded slowly, "You're right, Aya-kun. I'm letting this get to me more than it should." He wiped at nearly dry eyes angrily and found a gentle hand coming to rest on his wrist stopping him from scrubbing too harshly at his face.
"It's okay to feel what you do, Omi-koi," Nagi urged quietly, "I think what he means is that you need to remember we're here, too, and to try not to pressure yourself so much. Right, Aya-kun?" Pleading midnight blue eyes gazed up at violet ones and the Weiss swordsman felt his heart clench slightly.
"Of course that's what I meant," the scarlet-haired man assured automatically wishing he was more eloquent than he was.
"Ah, well, okay," Omi agreed then glanced around before asking, "Is Yohji-kun going to be back soon? I wondered if we might go down to the cafeteria again? I'd like some cocoa."
"That's a good sign," Nagi smiled encouragingly as he helped his lover get off his lap with as much dignity as they could manage.
Before long, the four young men were making their way down to the cafeteria to share a hot drink and talk quietly together. By the time they would return to the waiting room later, they would all feel at least a little better and they would eventually find distractions to keep them occupied until the last visit of the night to the ICU.
*****
To be continued.
Author's Notes:
[1] The hotel described here is based loosely on the incredible Tokyo Hilton International in Shinjuku, a place that the Llama couldn't afford under the best of circumstances, but I figure Persia *really* owes the team after the hellish assignments he routinely sends them on. That or Manx put her well-heeled foot down and insisted on it so there'd be a little less stress in the guys' lives at this point.
Full Author's Notes to Run at Conclusion.
Please be advised: Parts 17 & 18 will be posted together.