Chapter Nine
Save Yourself
an: Get a copy of Sense Field's Save Yourself and listen to it. That's an order. If you don't your missing out and well. I just think that reading songfic means you need to know what the song sounds like.... well in my fic anyway. I don't just go by lyrics I go by the mood a song can create so...After two weeks of song searching for this chapter...I knew I wanted a song for this chapter... and I thought I knew what kind of mood I wanted the song to create. But after two exhausting weeks of internet searching with help from many many internet buddies I still came up with this song. Originally it was what I had planned on but I didn't know how I was going to use it so I went hunting only to turn up some pretty good songs but with none striking me as much as this one. So after listening to this song a multitude of times it hit me. It was staring me in the face the whole time but I was too dense to pick up on it and suddenly I knew why I wanted to use this song. So that was how my decision was reached. Consequently I want reviews for this chapter, for all the time I spent and for all my friend's time as well. Plus how can you not review after hearing that sob story...yeah it wasn't really a sob story...but hey. A ton of thought went into this chapter so yeah. Thanks fer reading. You rock. Thanks fer reviewing you rock even more. Now on with the chapter.
Turn out the light
A dozen daisies and a trip to France. Sure fire way to end a non-existent relationship. Really someone should be writing a book on all the ways Sydney and I have goofed our "friendship" up.
Just say goodnight, to yourself
Why do I always find myself doing this? Staring up at the ceiling, alone, wanting things to be different when I know they can't.
I just want her to be happy.
Sure, happy and with me.
May I remind you, when you find you, are all alone
Tossing alone in my bed wasn't going to solve anything.
She's alone too.
Is when you, you've got to be strong
It took everything in me to keep things that way.
That's when they call you, in the night
It would have been so easy to go down to her room. And if I'd read her correctly earlier she wouldn't have been all that opposed to me doing just that.
But I know that we can't go there.
He's got your picture, in his mind
Still she was heaven tonight.
And still all I wanted was to wrap my arms around her like McKain had.
He's got your number, on a paper, at his disposal, anytime
Like Will did.
Every other man in her life.
Not me. Never me.
Is it really true?
I wondered if maybe one day.... Maybe one day it could be me.
Could you save yourself?
Maybe that was why she wasn't with McKain now. Maybe that's why things with Will had not lasted.
For someone who, could love you for you
Maybe that's why she was alone now.
Because of me.
So many times we just give it away
Not likely. I know. But still there have been so many people she could have been with.
To someone who, someone who
So many of them.
We met in a bar
Sydney Bristow is nothing but flawless. Many guys have tried. She'd even shared a few horror stories with me over the last few years.
In the back of a car
So many nameless faces that could have become more but didn't.
And for a moment, you felt important, but not in your heart
She'd heard her share of pick up lines and the fact that none of them seemed to work gave me false hope.
Cause my self-esteem it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower then low.
And created this intense amount of jealousy.
I was jealous of Will, McKain, every guy lucky enough to hold her hand in public.
Getting up I walked to the balcony and flung open the doors, not minding how the wind bit into my naked skin.
I know the feeling of that stealing life out from under you
Looking down my eyes landed on a familiar figure.
It could have been me in her spot.
Cause I wanna learn how you save yourself
I don't know how she does it. Goes through life with this overwhelming sense of emptiness.
Lives this lie.
For someone who could love you for you
What I'd give to take it all away from her. To fix her broken world, her shattered snow globe of a world.
So many times we just give it away, to someone who couldn't even remember your name
She's so strong.
But even the strong fall sometimes. Tonight I think she might have fallen.
I'm not sure anymore.
Could you save yourself, for someone who loves you for you
Not sure of anything about her.
Only that she's vital to me. Like air. I need her.
And loves me for me
I wish I knew. I wish I knew if she felt the same.
If she needed me too.
If I was her rock. If I was the one thing in her life that kept her grounded. Kept her sane.
She's always been mine.
Give it away to someone who, someone who, will cherish your name
I don't want to say that I love her. I'm not sure if I've learned how to do that yet.
I'm not sure if anyone ever learns how.
Cause I wanna learn
But I want to learn.
How you save yourself, for someone who loves you for you, and loves me for me
She looks up and me and I question if she is all right.
Give it away to someone who, someone who, will cherish your name.
She nodded and smiled.
Maybe one day I'd be down there with her.
I watched as she walks away.
I always watch as she walks away.
Cherish your name.
Yeah I know not as great as it could have been. Oh well. Hey I was originally going to go with the ten reviews and you get a new chapter theory. But sadly to say...This is like the last chapter I have written so far.... I do have one more started but it isn't finished. So I can't hold to my ten reviews equals a new chapter cause apparently if I tried that then.... well...I'd end up having to post the next chapter somewhere tomorrow afternoon and I don't know if it will be finished by then.... You guys are great. Terrific. Awesome. I mean why you put up with my mess called writing I'll never know. It gets so confusing to even me at times...it just really amazes me that people are enjoying it. I'm still sitting here saying Wow. I mean Wow.... ok I'll stop ranting now and start spell checking so I can post this for everyone...later.