Greetings and welcome to Angst Theatre wherein we surpass the previous record for size of an Enigma fic for length by Part count as well as storage space on my zip-drive!
{exhaustedly waves a flag that says "'Unconditional Gifts' Now Second Longest Llama-Fic Ever!" then collapses with a smirk before changing into the oh-so-chic tuxedo that only theatre goers get to see and lights the marquee before handing you a playbill with a *very* big smile}
Tonight's performance of "Cold November Rain" opens with Part 38 wherein the magnitude of what has happened to him is explained to Ken by Norwegian and his reaction is certainly not what anyone expected. In Part 39, there are basically two Parts-in-one and can be broken down into the initial phase which leads to a discussion of Norwegian's preliminary assessment of Nagi's health and hints at what might be done about it. The person in question, however, wasn't present at that point but he and his boyfriend are back at the hospital in the second main scene of Part 39 which marks the return of Sokoke who has brought with her a feast for the hearts, souls, and bodies of all those who share it.
{smiles tiredly, then adds a couple of tiny warnings courtesy of my newest "muse" before signing-off so you can go enjoy the monster Parts that included one that almost needed to be cut in *thirds* since 39 was so freakin' long!}
By the way, Lauren has dubbed herself my "special warnings muse" after her success with the Kleenex one and wanted me to mention that she thought the scene with Sokoke's meal warranted two incredibly rare warnings for this particular angst epic. First, it needs a "napkin warning" because it made her hungry and shortly after reading it she was busy in the kitchen making ramen noodles. Second, she said it needed "something or other" added as a warning because at one point Aya acts really weird and it cracked her up and she laughed pretty hard about it. I suggested the old faithful "nose cola alert" and when she asked what that meant and I explained, she went "Ewwwwww! Daddy! That's gross!" and left to go eat.
{shrugs, doesn't think either warning is important enough to build it into the body of the fic and since these intro-notes will all be stripped from the final edition at fanfiction.net in the distant future, you can heed them or ignore as you wish, after all, the only thing that the llama wants is for you to--}
Enjoy the Angst!
~~~Enigma~~~
(who mentions with an evil wink that sometimes the most devastating thing an angst muse can do to both a character and the audience is let something go right for a change, and don't you just *hate* hearing something like that?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Title: Cold November Rain [part 38/?]
Book 1 of "Redirecting Destiny" and prequel to "Romantic Resolutions"
Author: Enigma
Series: Weiss Kreuz
Written: January-March, 2002
Rating: R
Pairings: (Yohji + Ken + Aya) (Omi + Nagi) (Brad + Schu)
Category: Dark! Yaoi Angst Action/Adventure Violence Blood Squick Language Romance Original Characters. AU-OOC.
Archive: fanfiction.net [author: "E-sama the Llama"], Scripta Manent: http://digilander.iol.it/sakaba/Home.html
Spoilers: None, safe for new viewers as well as old.
Warnings: dark! yaoi, heavy angst, action/adventure, graphic violence, large quantities of blood, squick: medical and other, coarse language, agonized and overwrought romance, original characters designed to highlight the true stars, rare touches of sap, cigarettes, destiny, cruel cliffhangers. AU-OOC.
Disclaimer: "Weiss Kreuz" is the property of Takehito Koyasu and Project Weiss. All original characters featured herein (including but not limited to: Calico, Norwegian, Korat, Sokoke, etc.) are © Enigma, 2002, and are not to be used without permission. This unauthorized work of fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.
Notes: When Ken falls in battle, how can the other members of Weiss cope with the guilt and blame that they all seem to share and will he survive in spite of the odds against him?
++ date and time reference within the storyline beginning with the day of the battle ++
{{telepathic speech}}
*****
++ day: 3. time: 0745-0815 hours ++
*****
As Ken exited a pleasant dream about being at the Weiss Chateau with Aya and Yohji both gloriously naked and nestled close to him, he blinked himself back into a world of pain and found a stranger's face peering at him. [1]
"Who're you?" The brunette asked through the plastic of the respirator mask without intending any rudeness, despite his hazy awareness of the world due to sleep and medications he was still curious about the friendly-looking man bending over him to check his pulse.
"Hello, Ken-san," Okazaki answered with a reassuring smile before he explained, "I'm Hideo, I'm just one of the nurses here, no one important, really. Give me a moment to get this mask out of the way and I think you'll be pleased to see who is here to visit you." He flashed his usual shy smile at the handsome pair of young men who had suddenly appeared in Ken's line of sight behind him.
Chocolate-colored eyes widened with pleasure as he was freed of the implement designed to aid his breathing and the nineteen year old sighed gladly, then smiled as best he could around the small katana-inflicted wounds surrounding his mouth and nose. In a stronger voice than he'd been able to summon earlier, he welcomed his two lovers by saying their names in a manner so filled with love and affection that no one would ever doubt the depth of his feelings for them, "Aya. Yohji. I was just dreaming of you, loves."
Displacing the nurse who quickly moved aside, the lanky blond moved to lean down and openly kiss his lover on the lips, not caring what anyone else thought, then answered in a tone roughened with gratitude, "It's so good to hear you say our names, baby." Overcome with emotion, then Yohji gave him a second, slightly longer kiss and added sincerely, "There's no sweeter sound in the world than your voice, Ken-love."
Shocked and a little confused by Yohji's actions and words since he still had no idea of the true extent of his injuries, Ken cast a puzzled glance at Aya who stood behind the lanky blond. His violet-eyed lover was half-smiling at him in the usual concealed expression of adoration the scarlet-haired man showed only these two men yet offered no explanation. Frustrated by his continued ignorance, the brunette felt annoyed and tried to move his left hand to run it through his own hair in a nervous gesture picked up while playing in the J-league.
When his arm not only failed to respond to his demand to move but also sent waves of pain coursing through his body for disturbing it, Ken complained unhappily, "Hey! That hurts! What the hell's wrong with my arm?" Leaning up in the bed slightly, he got his first hint of the true magnitude of his list of injuries as he spotted the chest tubes slipping under the sheet and into his body. With a grunt of shock and horror, he allowed himself to slump back against the pillow with a soft curse, "Fuck. I really trashed myself this time, didn't I? What did I do? Wreck my Kawaski or something?"
Yohji shook his head sadly, he almost wished it was something as simple as that, then answered quietly, "You got shot while we were on a mission, baby." Brushing Ken's bangs back for him he asked, "Don't you remember what happened?"
An expression of concentration crossed the injured man's face and after a moment's thought, the chocolate-eyed teen shook his head slightly and answered unhappily, "No, Yohji, I don't remember a thing. Who shot me?" He glanced from his jade-eyed lover who suddenly didn't seem to know what to say over to the violet-eyed one and asked, "What happened, Aya?"
Moving to where he could speak to the younger of his two lovers more easily, the Weiss swordsman answered quietly, "We made a mistake on an assignment and you got hurt, Ken." His eyes meaningfully glanced at Okazaki who was talking briefly with Norwegian whom Ken couldn't see, then he added, "But we're not at KMC right now, so we really can't talk about it openly. Suffice it to say that the people who hurt you won't hurt anyone else ever again, though, all right?"
Not recalling anything about their last operation for Kritiker, Ken remained concerned and if he hadn't vaguely recalled talking to Omi and Nagi recently he might've been worried about the youngest member of Weiss and whether or not he'd been injured as well since he wasn't there right now. However, as usual the former athlete allowed his implicit trust of the two men who stood close by to rule his thoughts and he tried to relax a little and changed the subject by asking, "If I'm not at KMC, where am I? I could've sworn I was talking to Javanese earlier."
"Ah, but you were, Siberian," a warm and familiar voice answered from the end of his bed. Norwegian had moved to join the conversation after dismissing Okazaki so that the four of them might converse more freely.
Looking away from his partners' faces for a moment, Ken was suitably surprised to see a much older man whom he recognized immediately. With a smile of welcome that hurt a little due to the small incisions near his mouth yet not caring about the pain, he greeted him, "Norwegian! You're here, too?" Getting a nod of acknowledgement in response to the rather pointless question, the injured man sighed and reiterated his earlier self-assessment, "Wow, if you're here I really *must* have gotten trashed pretty badly!"
The portly physician chuckled softly and moved to where his patient could see him more easily before saying, "Yes, Siberian, I'm afraid that's as good a way of putting it as any. Luckily for all of us, your teammates brought you to Tokyo General Hospital and the surgeons here worked most diligently to repair the damage as best they could." Seeing the understandable look of fear and concern that grew in Ken's eyes upon hearing this brief yet rather dire summary, the doctor reassured, "They did a wonderful job, of course, but Manx called in myself, Javanese, and Korat to be a supplementary staff to assist in your treatment. Perhaps now would be a good time to talk about what happened and let you know exactly what injuries you've suffered as well as what the prognosis is for all of them?"
The feeling of fear that had grown in Ken's thoughts when he tried to move his arm and couldn't do so amplified as he attempted to run a quick internal check of his own abilities and found he was virtually unable to move any major muscle groups much less sit up. Trying to keep the fear out of his voice and out of his words, he agreed, "Yeah, I think that would be a good idea, doctor." Seeing the looks of pain and unhappiness on his two lovers' faces, he added, "I'm guessing it's not a pretty picture, right?"
"No, I'm afraid that it's not," Norwegian answered then added encouragingly, "However, things are looking better today than they were yesterday, isn't that right, Balinese and Abyssinian?" He glanced at the two men who remained protectively close to their beloved younger partner and he silently commanded them to try to look more confident and he wished they'd recall the promised aid from the KNT-0201 if nothing else.
Rising to the challenge, the jade-eyed blond smiled warmly at the man in bed and assured, "Norwegian's absolutely right, Kenken! You're doing a ton better now and I'm sure it'll only keep on improving now that you're awake again."
"How long was I out?" Ken asked, well aware that quite often the length of time a person spent unconscious following an injury bespoke not only the seriousness of the initial damage but also recovery time.
"Almost 48 hours," Aya said quietly and allowed a somewhat more hopeful expression enter his eyes as he added, "But they're both right, Ken. You're doing much better and if you're strong enough to talk now, why not let Norwegian explain what's happened so you won't worry more than you need to, love?"
Startled by Aya's use of the endearment that Ken had assumed the memory of hearing from him in the night was only a fragment of a dream, the brunette asked in confusion, "Aya? Did you just call me…?" His words trailed off, he was well aware of Norwegian's presence as well as Yohji's, yet the jade-eyed man seemed delighted beyond words to hear their scarlet-haired partner speaking this way and surprisingly enough, the physician had a similar reaction.
Moving past Yohji who gladly stepped aside to give his lovers room to be closer together, Aya caressed a suntanned cheek with the fingers of a pale hand and he smiled a rare, open, and utterly dazzling smile as he assured, "Yes, Ken, you heard that correctly. I told you this last night but I'll be happy to tell you again." Gazing at him earnestly, he professed, "I love you and I'm not going to pretend otherwise just because we aren't alone." The violet-eyed man meant the gray-eyed doctor standing nearby and not their green-eyed partner, yet it was a misstatement the trio could work out on their own later, even the chocolate-eyed man missed the unintended slight at that point.
With a somewhat more relaxed and decidedly happy sigh, Ken answered with a phrase he'd never hesitated to use, "I love you, too, Aya. You and Yohji both for the longest time." Gazing at him with his typical open and honest expression he added with only a hint as to the physical pain he was suffering, "But if you finally found a way to say that to me, I guess it's pretty bad news, isn't it? I mean, I must have been at death's door and all that?"
An expression of sorrow touched the back of Aya's mind that his lack of confidence to have told Ken how he felt sooner was so obvious and that his current willingness to speak indicated far more than it should have. Forcing himself to stay as honest as he could be under the circumstances, the violet-eyed man nodded slightly, then answered in an atypically emotion-laden tone, "Yes, but death couldn't have you, love. You belong to us. We weren't going to let you go before, we won't let you go now." Allowing some of the ferocity in his voice to modulate to a warmer, more reassuring tone, he added, "Let Norwegian and his team take care of your body and trust Yohji, Omi, Nagi, and me to take care of everything else, all right?"
The seeds of hope that Yohji had planted within Aya during their late-night conversation on the smoking porch were bearing greater fruit than the wire-wielding assassin could ever have predicted. The Weiss swordsman had finally embraced fully the idea that he could be open with his emotions with at least one of the two of those whom he loved and much of that adoration was pouring out in unexpected waves to help wash away Ken's fears. Deep within himself, Aya continued to wonder why he couldn't say similar things to Yohji, too, but this wasn't the time to be distracted by that concern, Ken needed his full attention right now.
Stunned by Aya's words as well as the clear expression of his inner feelings, Ken simply lay still for a moment, then found himself even more shocked when emotion-darkened violet eyes slid partially shut and Aya moved to place a brief yet tender kiss to his lips before asking, "Well? Will you trust us to take care of you, love?"
In a hushed voice, filled with wonder and deep appreciation for the gifts that were being bestowed upon him, the younger of the two answered quietly, "Always." He lifted his head ever so slightly from the pillow and pressed a kiss to Aya's lips in return and then lay quietly as the scarlet-haired man straightened and moved to where Ken could once more see all those around him.
Emotions were running high in the room and all four men were silent for a moment or two.
Filled with a sense of satisfaction that his two lovers had finally grown so close despite himself being left out of the equation, Yohji was smiling helplessly and didn't even try to break the silence with a witty remark like he usually would have. There was nothing he could say or do to add to the power of Aya's promise of support for their injured lover so he simply stood there, temporarily purposeless hands tucked into the pockets of his pants, and waited for whatever was next.
A little surprised with himself for being able to do what he'd just done, Aya retreated behind his usual wall of silence and tried to sort out the way those around him were reacting. He felt that he and Ken had been communicating on a level that they'd never been at before and he was certain that the brunette truly meant what he'd said, too, and that alone was cause for even more hope to grow in his heart.
As for the elder of his two lovers, however, Yohji seemed to be distracted and slightly remote, something that confused him. He'd fully expected the jade-eyed man to reach out to him, to touch him in some fashion after his display, but he hadn't even though there was no condemnation in the distance between them, only a sense of something waiting to express itself later. Deciding these thoughts were more than he wanted to deal with at the time, Aya turned away from them and merely kept his eyes on Ken and allowed strength to flow from himself to the younger assassin.
Pleased that the young men in his care seemed to be releasing themselves from some of the self-imposed limitations that were injuring their relationship and thereby hurting one another, Norwegian allowed the silence to reign only as long as he thought it was needed. However, when he sensed it had lost its usefulness he stated simply, "Now that all of that is settled, perhaps we can answer some of Siberian's questions." Getting several nods of agreement, he turned toward Ken and added more warmly, "But we'll try not to talk for too long, you still need plenty of rest, you know."
Nodding tiredly yet not willing to allow the worrisome mystery of his own physical condition to remain unsolved, the chocolate-eyed man answered, "All right, Norwegian. If I get too tired, I'll say so."
"Very well," the portly physician accepted and then proceeded to explain with minimal detail the amount of damage that five bullets had done to the teen's body barely two days prior.
After speaking at length and answering the occasional question Ken chose to ask, Norwegian had covered everything he wanted to and was a little baffled by his patient's seeming lack of distress over the still potentially life-threatening injuries should either the nerve regeneration drug fail or the kidney not heal. With a slight frown he looked at the brunette and asked, "Are you sure you understand all that I've told you, Siberian?" Seeing that Ken was in the middle of yawning and couldn't respond immediately, the doctor added as if an afterthought, "I rather expected more of a reaction than this from you."
Tired and becoming sleepy once more thanks to the constant flow of various drugs into his system through the IVs that fed life-giving fluids to him, Ken nodded his head slightly and answered, "Yeah, Norwegian, I think I got it all." Chocolate eyes drooped a little but he summarized it as best he could to let them all know what he was thinking in the hopes it might alleviate some of Yohji's and Aya's obvious concern for him. "Basically, I took five bullets but stayed alive because my teammates never gave up on me. Now I've got only one screwed-up kidney that may or may not heal, my spine is messed-up but you've got some special stuff for that, my arm and leg are both a wreck, and there's something or other up with my lungs and heart, but it didn't sound too bad." The exhausted teen yawned hugely and fell silent, wishing he could get someone to turn down the lights and bring him a warmer blanket, he was cold.
Blinking in surprise, the physician nodded thoughtfully and admitted, "Well, yes, it would appear that you do indeed understand the situation, Siberian. But tell me, why do you seem to not be concerned about it? Most patients wouldn't be half as relaxed about this prognosis as you seem to be."
Yawning again and not caring about it, the brown-eyed man smiled weakly at his two lovers who shared the expression of confusion the doctor wore and he said simply, "Didn't you hear Aya and Yohji? They said for me to trust them and you, so I am." With a soft snort of exhaustion, he added, "Besides, what good would it do to get upset about it? I'm amazed I got hit five times and lived in the first place. I figure I'm still alive for a reason, and that probably needs me to be healthy somewhere down the road, so why worry now?"
Yohji chuckled softly and felt relieved, Aya, however, remained typically silent even though his heart was filled with gratitude that Ken trusted them so completely.
Finding nothing wrong with his patient's reasoning, the Kritiker doctor laughed quietly and nodded, "That's as good a way to look at it as any, I guess. Is there anything we can do for you now, Siberian?" Watching the injured man yawn tiredly, he added in a warm, fatherly voice, "Or do you just need some more rest, son?"
In a quiet tone filled with previously denied exhaustion, Ken answered, "'m cold 'n sleepy, Norwegian."
"Let me get one of the nurses to get you a blanket, Siberian," The doctor remarked kindly, pleased such a simple thing might grant some comfort. Patting the teen's uninjured shoulder lightly before leaving the room, he added, "Go ahead and rest now, all right? I'll be back later to start adding the injections of KNT-0201 directly into your IV so you won't even need to be awake for that." With his best encouraging smile in place, the doctor left the room, intending to make some notes on Ken's progress as well as to find out who would be replacing Okazaki when the nurse practitioner went off-duty in the early afternoon.
Blinking tired eyes at his two lovers who were still protectively close following the departure of the doctor, Ken asked in a very quiet voice, "c'n you stay while i fall 'sleep, loves?"
"Sure thing, baby," Yohji assured, speaking his first words in what seemed like a long time. Then he moved to stand closer and simply caressed the side of Ken's face lovingly, glad that all the injured man needed now for respiratory aid was a simple oxygen tube that had been installed during Norwegian's comments. With an adoring smile he added, "Get plenty of sleep, Ken-love. We'll take care of whatever comes up."
As Okazaki brought in a warm blanket, smiled shyly in apology for interrupting, spread it over the recovering youth, and departed as silently as he arrived, Aya moved to stand on the other side of Ken's bed and gathered his lover's hand into his own. Stroking his thumbs over the bruised skin warming them both, he quietly promised, "We'll stay as long as you need us to, Ken. Just rest now."
"'kay," Ken agreed softly, eyes sliding closed as he eased back into slumber glad to know the truth about not only his injuries but also that Aya had finally been able to put into words what he himself had suspected for quite awhile. It never occurred to him to inquire if his scarlet-haired lover had made a similar avowal to his blond one since he assumed incorrectly that he had, but at the time it didn't matter. The three of them were together, the mood was loving and peaceful, and they were sharing a feeling of hope that would be needed to carry them through not only the current crisis but several more to come in the not too distant future.
*****
To be continued.
Author's Notes:
[1] What I'm calling the Weiss Chateau is the ski chalet shown in Episode 1 and even though it isn't stated in the series, I assume it's on snowy Hokkaido or located in Northern Honshu and this is what Kenken's dreaming about. Of course, whether or not this is foreshadowing or a Red Herring is a better question to ask, but Melpomene and Erato aren't answering questions like that right now.
Full Author's Notes to Run at Conclusion.
Please be advised: Parts 38 & 39 will be posted together.