Chapter Sixteen
Comforting Lies
I didn't have any trouble getting to her. It seemed that McKain wanted me to find her.
The elevator took me up to the third floor and the stairs to the fourth remained unguarded. Nothing blocked the exits, which only served to increase the fear growing in the pit of my stomach.
I found her lying helpless on the floor. Her eyes closed, her hand reaching toward the door I'd come in.
Her com was working again I noted as I heard Dixon's mumbled words over the deafening silence. The outrageously loud lack of noise.
"I'm with her." I mumbled quickly into the diamond earring on her ear, face hovering over hers. I turned the com off.
"Sydney wake up." I shook her lightly as one hand traced her cheek. Nothing.
She slumbered on.
Her face flushed, her skin burning. That was when I noticed the discarded needle, the puncture mark on her arm.
That's when it hit me.
What good is a vaccine without a virus?
Damn.
"Syd come on. Wake up." my voice wobbled. My hands dug into her arms, clinging to her, keeping me from losing it and her.
"Vaughn." her voice was weak and scratchy but it sounded as if heaven had open and angels had spoken. Her hands clung to my arms and she tried to pull herself up.
She couldn't. Her grip relaxed and her hands fell away as a look of absolute terror crossed her face.
"Vaughn I can't move my arms." she whispered weakly. I tried not to panic.
"It's ok. I always wanted to do this." I offered trying to be brave as I scooped her paralyzed form into my arms and tried not to show any signs of struggle as I stood.
"Paralysis is only temporary. However it is the most comfortable symptom. Stage two is not nearly as nice." McKain's voice came over a speaker mounted on the wall behind the desk.
"What did you do to her?" I demanded roughly, fearing that I already knew the answer.
"Ms. Bristow your knight in shinning armor isn't very patient is he? I on the other hand can wait forever. I'm afraid that you, Ms. Bristow, only have a good 48 hours left. Our little virus may not be all that stable, it may not be as fancy as some of the designer label models, but I assure you it does it's job."
I pulled her closer to me, her head rested on my chest and her voice, much stronger then a few minutes previous, spoke.
"He injected me with something." she offered. "I'd like to believe that it's the same thing he used last night but I'm pretty sure it isn't."
"Had enough yet Ms. Bristow? You know how to end this. Now come, lets put this all behind us shall we?"
I'm sure she would have cringed had she been able to.
Regardless her tone answered for her.
"Never." Then to me. "Come on let's get out of here."
"Have it your way then Ms. Bristow. But you know where I am when you're tired of this game. I assure you death is certain if you leave here without my help."
I hesitated. I knew what he wanted from her. And I knew she'd never willingly give it to him.
"I'm fine Vaughn, he's bluffing. I'm feeling better already." she smiled up at me as if to prove her point. It only confirmed my fears. "Let's go Michael."
It wasn't the first time she'd used my first name.
Once before, before France and the SD-6 hit ordered on me, before we'd drifted apart, she'd used it.
She'd just learned some devastating news about her former boyfriend, Noah. Although they'd dated off and on since his return she'd never started a real relationship with him, always managing to keep herself just far enough away.
She didn't trust him she told me. She wanted to but she couldn't. I offered any help and advice that I could though it killed me to do so.
That day she'd found out that her suspicions about him were right. That he was K-Directorate, that he had been assigned to play her in the same way that Laura had played her father.
It tore her apart. And it tore me apart to see her so broken.
"I'm here."
"Michael, why? Why does everything in my life have to be a lie? Why can't I just have one person know everything, be everything? I didn't want to be wrong about him. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Michael I..."
"I'll always be here."
I always wondered what she was going to say before I cut her off. I was afraid of it then. She'd looked in my eyes and for a moment it looked as if I was her whole world.
I've always second-guessed that moment. I can't be sure of anything about it. But I'd like to believe that had I not cut her off she would have said something that, although we'd both regret it, would have been the only words that could cement our floundering relationship.
The words that would have saved us these past five years.
There was no way to change the past. We had no time machine and even if we had I don't think we could have changed the past. Some things just have to happen. Maybe we, what happened to us, the sacrifices we made, maybe it had to happen. Maybe we had to sacrifice so much in order to keep each other safe.
But it doesn't matter why we did what we did. Because as I looked down at her motionless form I knew I'd do it all again if it meant that someday I could be with her.
She used my name on purpose. She knew what it would do to me. And for that I was grateful.
McKain let us leave. Confirming my belief that he wasn't lying. That he knew we'd be back.
As I carried her down the stairs, she smiled up at me. I continued to frown, not because I was still angry with her but because I was worried to death that I might lose her.
"Vaughn, don't be mad. There was nothing that I could do. We needed those disks and you never would have let me go in alone."
It was easier to be mad at her then to worry for her life.
"Syd. I worried for good reason. Look at what happened." She smirked before answering. We'd come to the elevator and as the doors closed she answered.
"Hmm. Ok so I'm alone in an elevator in Michael Vaughn's arms. Sorry but I'm not seeing a down side to this." I tried hard not to smile but to no avail. But my smile faded quickly and I looked away from her, my eyes locking with the metal doors.
"Vaughn I'll be fine. Look I moved my toe. Aren't you proud?" she joked. I looked and it was the first time I noticed she was missing a shoe.
"What happened to your shoe?" I asked changing the subject.
"Well last time I checked it was lodged in some guard's eye." She smiled weakly. I chuckled.
"Only you Syd." I smiled.
"Only me what?"
"Nothing."
He was worried. I'm not blind. I knew this.
I'm was terrified but there is no way on earth he was going to find that out. He didn't need that.
I knew McKain wasn't lying. I knew that this was only going to get worse. Maybe part of me wanted to believe that he was lying, that I'd get over this and that whatever he injected into me would simply wear off.
I wanted so badly to reach out and smooth the wrinkle from his brow, kiss his lips into a smile, and run my hands over his tense muscles.
We can look but we can't touch. Ironic that this situation only went to prove that fact. Of all the side effects, this would have to be one of them.
I did move my toe though, and in fact my finger.
Relief flooded my system momentarily as feeling returned to my limbs. It was replaced quickly by dread however. What was next?
"Hey if you put me down I think I can do the whole standing thing on my own. It will look less suspicious that way." I informed him.
He seemed to consider it a moment.
"You've got like ten seconds before those doors open Vaughn." I put in impatiently. He nodded and reluctantly set my feet on the ground. I wobbled and finally came to rest leaning heavily on his arm. Clinging to his suit jacket.
"You know, you don't always have to put on this tough act. I really wouldn't have minded carrying you to the van." He smiled.
"I know." I smiled back. I hoped that this new development would alleviate his fears. "Hey can you help me with my shoe? It will be easier to walk with no shoes then with only one."
I don't know how I was expecting him to take my shoe off. I was barely stable on two feet clinging to his arm. How on earth I was going to manage balancing on one even for a short amount of time was beyond me.
He answered my question however when he dropped on one knee and grabbed my waist, balancing me then plopping me down on his bent knee. I clung to his neck as he removed my shoe.
"I'd make a Cinderella joke right now but I don't think we need it." I laughed into his ear as the elevator began to spin around me and my stomach lurched.
I didn't fool him. It's like he has this weird radar that picks up on when I'm not feeling well. He's always known when something was bothering me, and now he seemed to have picked up on this new development as well.
Lacing his arm around my waist he crushed me to him and stood.
"You can put me down now." The elevator doors had opened and closed again. So much for leaving with a low profile.
"Funny... If I set you down you'd just go crashing into a wall or something. Tell me when the elevator stops spinning." He whispered into my ear crushing me even closer to him.
If I were taller my feet would be touching the ground, as it was they were only a few inches off of it. His arms were going to get tired eventually if they weren't already.
"Come on Vaughn. As nice as this is I'd rather get back to the hotel." my words betraying how truly awful I was starting to feel.
He set me on my feet and pushed the button to open the elevator door again. He turned back to face me as I clung to the wall. I knew he was waiting for some kind of confirmation. I only nodded weakly and pasted on a smile.
I know I shouldn't have depended on him so much. But I held out a hand anyway, he was right, I was so dizzy that I could barely keep myself on my feet. Walking would have been impossible.
He grabbed my hand and before I knew what had happened I was nestled between his arm and his side. One arm around my back, one hand pressing on my stomach to stabilize me. I leaned more heavily then I'd planned to on him.
"You know we should have done this a long time ago." I tried to joke as he started to lead me out to the van.
"You know I was thinking that we shouldn't ever do this." Vaughn put in. "I mean I'm not all that fond of this threat of death hanging over your head."
"Oh come on, you know you always wanted to be the big protector." I teased. "You always wanted me to need you."
"Not like this Syd." his voice was deathly serious. I wanted to cry. This mission more then any other in a long time... This mission was seriously screwing with my emotions.
She was getting worse by the minute. I wanted to go back up there and find McKain, bash his brains out and get the vaccine. Screw the CIA, screw SD-6 and her cover.
If she didn't need me to help her to the van I would have gone right back up there and killed the bastard. But I knew she wanted me to stay with her, if only so that I didn't do something stupid like run off and get myself killed. If I didn't love her so much...
We didn't talk the rest of the way to the van. And I was almost carrying her as we covered the last ten yards. Still when Dixon threw open the door she pasted on a smile.
Comforting lies. She was trying so hard to give us something to cling to.
She kept her head in my lap the entire way to the boat. As if the constant contact with me would be reassuring... Just who it was suppose to reassure I wasn't sure.
She vomited on the gondola, right over the side. Then turned to me and laughed.
"This is not how I pictured this." She joked weakly. I pulled her into my lap and she rested her head against my chest. Rubbing her back I vowed once more to kill the bastard who did this to her.
His eyes were so full.
The fire of rage, the deep sadness and anguish, the guilt, and even some dim light of love I think. It was torture just looking at him. Concern etched in every wrinkled line on his forehead. This was killing him.
I could only imagine how helpless he must feel.
I considered turning around and doing the unimaginable just so that I could erase those lines from his face. But then I knew that other lines would take their place if I did turn around and do what McKain wanted. I knew that another fire would kindle in his eyes and a new pain fill his heart.
I couldn't hurt him like that. Not ever.
Maybe this was one of those reasons we were never supposed to get this close.
Actually I knew it was.
It was the exact reason we weren't supposed to get so attached.
Our jobs are dangerous. One of us could be killed on any mission. At anytime.
I just never thought it would happen to us.
I never thought I was invincible.
I knew that I could die. I knew that my job was dangerous.
I just thought that we were.
I thought that together we were invincible.
Even after all we'd been through. I always thought that we'd be a constant.
I guess I was wrong.
"I'm going to get the vaccine." I stated to Dixon as we waited for her to come out of the bathroom.
"She isn't going to like it." Dixon answered.
"She isn't going to know. I want you to get her to the CIA safe house. There are doctors there that can hopefully make this easier on her until I get back with the vaccine."
"What about Sloane? We've yet to contact him. He's going to be curious. He may send someone out from a local branch to check up on us." Dixon interrupted not liking where this was going.
"Call her father. He's covered for her before he'll keep Sloane busy." I offered not knowing what else to tell him. "How long has she been in there?"
"Twenty minutes." I hesitated. I wanted to run out the door and back to McKain but I needed to know that she was all right with me leaving.
Just as I was about to go knock on the door and beg for entrance she opened the door and came out.
"You know I think I just puked up my liver." She joked carrying the bucket that the hotel had supplied for trash and walking toward the bed behind where Dixon and I stood.
This was hell, watching her get worse and worse. Seeing the life drain from her eyes. And yet she still tried to calm our fears. I knew she must be terrified herself.
As she brushed by me she grabbed my hand and pulled me along after her. She collapsed on the bed, letting her fingers slip from mine as she landed.
"I'm going to go call her father." Dixon excused himself.
"Syd I'm--" I started out kneeling by the side of her bed, my face inches from hers.
"No Vaughn. Stay here." she cut me off. "Don't do something stupid."
"You're going to be fine. I'm going to make sure of it." I struggled with the words. Her eyes betrayed everything in her. She gave up the act.
"He wasn't lying Vaughn. If I'm going to... I want you here with me." she choked out. I stroked the hair off her face and pressed my lips to her forehead. She was burning up.
I was losing her.
Maybe I should have taken lessons from Jack. Maybe I should never have come back from France. Maybe I should have done a lot of things. None of it really mattered. I can't change the past.
I fought them, the tears that wanted to come so badly. I wasn't going to cry. Not in front of her. Not now. I was going to be the strong one. This was not the end.
This was not the end.
She'd get better.
We'd take the information we got and bring down SD-6.
"Vaughn?" She voiced and I pulled back to look at her face again. "In case I don't get another opportunity, I need to tell you something..."
"Shh." I pressed a finger to her lips to silence her, her amazingly soft lips. I'd miss those. I'd miss they way the corners would turn up, the way they formed words. And even though I'd only gotten the opportunity to try it once, I'd miss the way they kissed.
"Comforting lies." She murmured.
I wasn't the strong one after all.
AN: Sorry bout the wait on this one. I have a severe dislike of this chapter and thus have been trying to fix it but finding it nearly impossible. So you're just gonna have to get it in it's incredibly sucky form. Sorry.