A/N: Distinctly McKain like eh? Well I'm taking that as a compliment... although... you know since McKain is entirely my evil creation it's good that I sound like him from time to time don't you think. Shrugs... guess my evil is starting to show. Oh wait you ain't seen nothing yet. You know for a point this takes on the whole total despair thing. I was joking with a friend about this fic, cause I think it's turned into this incredibly unbelievable melodrama... which is an ok thing... don't get me wrong I am in no way dissing this fic... cause hey I'm taking my time and scrutinizing every chapter to fix the melodrama problem... But anyway I was joking about changing the title to: Something had to give: and it did... the plot. What do you guys think? I like it actually. Kinda catchy... though it doesn't work so much now that I've done major plastic surgery on this baby. Still I wonder if it's enough or if people are losing interest. Not that I'd blame them. But still. Ok out of my insecure head. I know this fic is enjoyable to large quantities of people out there so don't get me wrong. I'm not as insecure as I sound....? hmm... or am I? Shrugs don't know. Anyway I gotta go write some Dark Angel stuff before I get stoned for not putting out the next chapter. Balancing a trilogy and this monster of a fic isn't easy you know that's not even counting my monster of an X-Files fic either.
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...See I'm leaving. This warehouse frightens me. Has me tied up in knots. Can't rest for a moment. Soon I'm going. I'm slippin slow away. Hoping to find something better then I've got inside of here. The warehouse slips away. Hey reckless mind. Don't throw away your playful beginnings. You and I will fumble around in the touches. And be sure to. Leave all the lights on. So we can see the black cat changing colors. And we can walk under ladders. And swim as the tide turns you around and around. Hey we have found. Becoming one in million. Slip into the crowd. This question I found in the gap in the sidewalk. Keep all your sights on. Hey the black cat changing colors. And you can walk under ladders. And swim as the tide choose to turn you. And here I sit. Life goes on, end of tunnel, TV set. Spot in the middle. Static fade, statistical bit. And soon I'll fade away. This I admit. Tastes so good, hard to believe an end to it. Smell touch feel. How could this rhythm ever quit. Bags packed on a plane. Hopefully to heaven. Shut up. I'm thinking I had a clue now it's gone forever. Sitting over these bones. You can read in whatever you're needing to. Keep all your sights on. Yeah man, the black cat. Changing colors. When it's not the colors that matter. But that they'll all fade away. This I admit. Seems so good. Hard to believe an end to it. Warehouse is bare. Nothing at all inside of it. Walls and halls have disappeared. They disappear. My love I love to stay here. My love I love to stay here. In a corner was wondering. If a change could be better than this. And then I worry. Maybe things won't be better then they have been. Here in the warehouse. At the warehouse. How I love to stay here. At the warehouse. Every man and woman. Get alive. That's our blood down there. Seems poured from the hands of angels. But trickle into the ground. Leaves the warehouse bare and empty. My heart's numbered beat. Still echo in this empty room. Fear wells in me. But nothing seems enough to defend. So I'm going away…Warehouse-Dave Matthew's Band
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"Welcome back Mr. Vaughn." McKain mocked. His guards had deposited me on a seat in his office and McKain smiled at me from across his desk, mocking me. "Now what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"You know why I'm here." I barely managed to let the growled words out.
"You know, I am not an unreasonable man." He stood up and walked around his desk. Dragging his hand on it's surface and stopping at the edge. Perching himself on the edge of it he continued. "Sydney knows how to stop this."
If I could have moved I would have ripped the smile right off of his face.
"...But I suppose you're right. After all she is no good to me like this. And I hear she's rather stubborn about these things. As I'm sure you know." His smile widened and I prayed for feeling to return to my limbs so I could kill him. I didn't care for his insinuations.
"...And as she is probably currently in no condition to make any decisions right now. I've decided to give you the vaccine. After all I have the blueprints, and besides..." he smiled again and I felt feeling return to my limbs.
He stood up and walked behind his desk again, effectively timing his retreat so that now the desk lay between us again.
"...I only have enough for one anyway." His smile was pure evil.
"Bastard. How many innocent people are going to die because of this? You could have started an epidemic. You don't know how many people she could have inadvertently infected." I let out. My shock at his audacity evident in my voice.
"On the contrary. The virus is relatively unstable. It takes prolonged exposure to a direct source to contract it. One of its little flaws. Once the virus leaves it's host if it's not immediately picked up it dies. Frankly I didn't think you two were as close as you obviously are. It's not really the moneymaker we'd hoped it to be. But it has given us a place to begin." He reflected. "I really couldn't have planned this better you know. When you're gone things will be so much easier."
We'd done this to ourselves. McKain didn't need to manipulate us. We did it ourselves.
I didn't know which was worse.
Rules. I wondered if things would be different had we followed them.
I doubted it. I doubted I'd be able to keep my hands to myself when she was so obviously suffering. I didn't think all the rules we'd broken along the way would have made much of a difference.
When she got sick we seemed to throw the book away completely. Now there were new rules. Ones that we'd written.
I guess we didn't do a very good job with them.
"But I suppose I should get you the vaccine before you can't get it back to her." He headed over to his safe and opened it pulling the vaccine out. "How does it feel to be dying Mr. Vaughn? Better yet how does if feel to know that because of you're attachment to Sydney you're leaving her here alone, with me?"
I swore at him in French.
"Colorfully fluent in many languages I see. You know it's been nice doing business with you. And I think we're about equal." He handed me the vaccine.
"Aren't you afraid of infection?" I bit out and grabbed his hand hoping that I could infect him and take him down with me. It was an ineffective and last ditch effort at revenge. I knew it. But I couldn't find myself caring.
"Mr. Vaughn. Really. You have quite the sense of humor. I'd never touch this stuff without first being inoculated against it. You surprise me with your lack of knowledge."
Of course. That would have been too easy.
His guards helped me out.
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"Syd!" she wasn't talking to him anymore. Dixon informed me as I entered her room.
"She said she was afraid she's contagious."
"She is." I answered sadly and held a hand out for Dixon to stay on his side of the room.
Kneeling by her side I pulled the vaccine out of my pocket and grabbed her hand. Rubbing it between mine I called out to her.
The only time I would ever get to wake her up.
"Syd. Come on. Wake up." I gently prodded earning myself no response. "Damn it Bristow."
Her eyes flew open and I chuckled. She had beautiful eyes. I always thought so. Eyes that haunted every thing I did for seven years. I loved those eyes.
"I'll remember that for next time." I smiled. If there was a next time. She smiled back.
"Hey." she croaked. I wondered if she'd figured it all out yet.
If she knew she was contagious, did she know that I was infected? I knew it wouldn't take her long to figure that out as well. I didn't have much time to disappear.
"I've got something you might be interested in." My head started to spin and I wasted no more time. I had to get out of here before she noticed anything.
"I'll be by later to check on you." I lied and she smiled and slipped back into unconsciousness. Beautiful. She'd always be. I'd cling to her face when she was gone.
So much I would have liked to tell her, but I knew it wouldn't be fair to her. It would be better if she never knew. Never knew how I'd give up anything just to see her smile, or how her smile still effected me in ways I couldn't control.
After seven years we'd done almost everything we could to prevent this from happening. But it was out of our control. That was the first time I realized just how much of our relationship we had control over.
Despite all our steps to stop it from progressing, it had. Despite all the things we'd both done intentionally to distance ourselves, despite the things we'd said intentionally to hurt each other...
It wasn't enough.
Perhaps nothing would have been.
No, I knew that nothing would have been enough, there was no perhaps about it.
Destiny, fate, call it what you like but we were meant for each other. I only hoped that she would be ok when I was gone. I only hoped that she'd know.
I would have done anything for her. I guess I did.
"Take her home." I muttered then turned to go only to fall against the wall trying to steady myself.
Dixon's smile faded.
"He didn't have enough." I offered lamely and turned to face her. "Don't let her know."
That was the one thing she couldn't know.
I knew Sydney Bristow and I knew she'd blame herself. And I couldn't let that happen. It would be easier to think that I'd left. It would be easier on her to think that I had just packed up and left her.
Better for me to break her heart then to let her know the truth.
I'd much rather she hate me then herself. She still had to live with herself.
I turned my eyes back toward her. The rash had already started to fade and she was breathing easier. Peaceful.
"You aren't coming by later are you?" I shook my head no. No. I wouldn't.
"You know, we waited too long. We thought we had forever. We told ourselves that it would kill us to be together and ironically it did." I reflected aloud. "When she finds out... Tell her I'm not sorry." My head was swimming and I barely made it to her bathroom before I lost the contents of my stomach.
Twenty minutes later, with one last look I left them.
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I must have died.
A cold breeze on my cheek told me I hadn't though.
Stretching my full length I turned toward the source of the breeze and opened my eyes to darkness.
"Vaughn?" I called out. Things were finally going to work out. I just knew it.
We had the files. Vaughn had the vaccine. We could go home and finally end this.
And maybe if I was lucky, Vaughn and I could finally figure out what this thing between us was.
"He's not here." Dixon answered and I noticed that Dixon stood to the side of my open window. Moonlight hitting his face. Strangely grave.
"What happened?" I asked warily.
"Come on. We've got a flight in a few hours." And like that my hope was gone.
I guess a part of me always knew that things like that didn't happen for us. That the situation always went from bad to worse and never from bad to good.
Destiny, fate call it what you like but it always seemed bound to screw us over in the end.
I felt stupid for getting my hopes up.
"Where is he?" Screw our flight. I wanted to see him. And Dixon's face was only making the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach grow. "I need to tell him something."
Dixon turned to me and offered a sympathetic smile.
And I knew.
I knew.
I tossed back the sheet and fought of a wave of dizziness as the blood rushed from my head.
"Syd. Don't." He begged me. I ignored him and flew from the room.
Somehow I knew how I'd find him. I knew that the nagging in my stomach was worry for him. And as my bare feet flew over the soft carpeting in the hallway, I knew that this was more serious then I knew.
The thumping of my feet on the floor, the feel of the cold tile on the stairs. Blue and green squares laid out to create patterns. Patterns. Order. I craved it.
The heavy echo of my panting breath beating off the walls in the stairwell. The cool smooth mahogany of the banister. All etched into my mind.
Vaughn was in a heap on his room's bathroom floor. More blue and green tile. More patterns but no order.
"I wanted to save you this," he whispered as I slid to the floor next to him and pulled him into my arms. "You didn't need to see this." True it was the last thing I needed to see. But that didn't mean I would just leave him.
"Don't make my choices for me." I offered stubbornly as I pulled him to his feet and to his bed.
"Sydney just go. An extraction team is on their way for me. If you're here they'll insist you come with them and it will blow your cover." he protested as I helped him into his bed. Always the one looking out for me and never thinking about himself. He truly was my guardian angel.
And it was about time I returned the favor.
"Then I guess my cover is blown."
"Don't do this Syd. We're so close." I silenced him with a finger on his lips. I always wanted to be allowed to do that.
Now an action like that seemed appropriate, even welcomed.
We weren't supposed to touch each other. I don't know if that was one of those technical rules in the official CIA handbook or if it was one of those unwritten mores we'd created for ourselves.
But it didn't really matter. We'd thrown those out a while ago.
"I'm not leaving you alone." I answered stubbornly and traced my fingers across his fevered forehead. Maybe I was being stupid but I didn't care.
He sighed. And let a hand run clumsily down my cheek.
"I'm sorry." his words were weak. So unlike him. I hated seeing him like this.
"Don't Vaughn. McKain came through before. He'll do it again." I could be incredibly naive when I needed to be.
"Syd... " His brow was crinkled again. The perpetual worrier.
"Don't. Michael. I don't want to hear it. Please." Just let me believe.
He nodded and I laid my head on his chest.
I felt him slip into unconsciousness a few minutes later.
Still I didn't move, afraid that if I did that everything would be real. Knowing that if I did all the past would slip through my veiled eyes.
Knowing that if I did I'd never be able to keep myself from doing anything to save him.
McKain knew me better then I thought.
He knew that I would never in a million years agree to his demands to save myself.
But that if he hurt Vaughn...
My job. That's all it was.
Only it wasn't.
Now it was far too personal to be just my job.
Dixon opened the door and informed me that the extraction team was coming.
I had to go. I had to do whatever it took to get more of that vaccine.
And I would.
I was not losing him now that I finally found him.
AN: Well folks. Do you see what I mean when I say melodrama? I tried to fix it to be less... ick but well... It has improved immensely from the first writing I must admit that. I guess this fic is just not my favorite. Shrugs. Oh well. That's life. Anyway. Until the next chapter.