Chapter Nineteen
Wasted
A/N: I've decided that when you guys tell me you're getting way to depressed I'll just start sticking jokes in the authors notes. Come on you know half of you just enjoy reading these suckers anyway. It's like Mel's rant for the day. I should start a website and post a new rant every day... oh wait I have a website... oh then I should just get my butt in gear and work on it... then I can do a rant a day. But the joke for this author's note... hmm... ok I got something... Seriously there is this site that will give you an insult everyday.... Which I think is rather funny. So my insult for today was... I hate to be the one to tell you this but you smell like you've been making out with an ugly bucket of vomit... use it my readers it is sure to turn some heads. Yesterday's was something about a tissue and nobody wanting me. Shrugs. Till next time... oh yeah and if you want read this chapter. If not I'll see you in the next Author's note. Oh yeah bout giving credit where it's due... Thanks Kimmy for the egg line and all the other awful pickup lines you sent me. You rock girl.
"I knew you'd be back love," he gloated from behind his desk. So sure of himself. So damn sure.
I hated that he had every right to be. That before this night was over; he'd have reason for his smile.
True it was just my job. But that didn't mean I had to like it.
I had no plans for liking it.
In fact when it was all over I planned on bathing in disinfectant for the next week. Just standing in his office made me want to go shower.
"Shut up McKain." I stormed over to his desk, stopping just in front of him.
"What's the matter love?" he asked, voice filled with innocence. A mocking innocence. One he clearly did not possess.
"I need the vaccine."
"Yes, I know." He continued with that damn smile and it took everything in me not to remove it with my fist.
"We can do this the easy way or the hard way." I threatened.
"How do you like your eggs in the morning?" he propositioned.
"Unfertilized thank you. The vaccine. Or am I going to have to kick your ass?" I was more then ready to. And he more then had it coming. After everything he'd done he was lucky to still be standing.
When I finally did get the vaccine he wouldn't be as lucky.
I had every intention of kicking his ass as soon as it was safely secure in my pocket.
I suppressed the smile that thought gave me. I didn't want him to think I was enjoying this.
When he was writhing on the ground bleeding, then I'd smile. And I'd make sure he saw it. Then I'd make sure it was the last thing he saw for a very long time.
"Sydney I don't see why you do this to yourself. You know what you have to do. Now if I'm that unpleasant to you..." he trailed off. He was infuriating.
"Fuck off."
"I thought you'd never suggest it." Again with that smile. This was getting nowhere fast.
I didn't have time to play around with him. I needed the vaccine now.
"You want me that bad huh?" I tried another route. Slinking to the other side of the desk where he sat. Making sure my hips swayed just the right amount. Making sure my fingers dragged on his desk and played on his paperwork. Keeping my eyes downcast.
Using every trick I could think of.
"It's business love." He stated, my new attitude not fazing him in the least. "And while we sit here negotiating I believe Mr. Vaughn is dying. Which I'm sure you'd love to remedy."
I gave up the act. It obviously was not working with him. Which made sense seeing as how he'd probably had it used on him at least once a day by the dozens of hopefuls I'd seen hanging on his every word last night.
"Why me?" If things had to go the way there were headed, I needed an answer.
"What can I say, I love the chase. You just make it worth it." He stood up and I let him grab me and pull me to him. "Plus I guess I just covet other people's things." he whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine. Unpleasant chills, shatteringly so.
I tried to push away from him but found myself weak, wasted. The virus having run it's course and leaving me disgustingly helpless in it's wake.
This was for Vaughn. I had to remember that. Or I'd have second thoughts.
"Let's move this to the other room then." I offered weakly.
Vaughn. For Vaughn.
His hand on my hips, my back, my arms. Running down my cheek.
I swallowed the bile.
It would be ok. I'd survive. I was just making this a bigger deal then it had to be.
I could always close my eyes and pretend.
It was a weak excuse. But it was all I had. And when this was all over Vaughn could help me forget what I had to do. Vaughn's warmth could take away the chill McKain was sure to leave me with.
I tried to turn in his arms and head toward the other room but he prevented me.
"Not so fast love. Last time you did more damage then good." He reached in a drawer by our hips and produced a velvet case. Opening it to reveal a store of pharmaceuticals. "To help you relax." He explained.
"I'm relaxed." If I had to do this I was not going to be under the influence of any drug. I needed some control. Otherwise it would be too much like... I needed control. If I had control then he was not hurting me.
"Do you want the vaccine or not love?" My hand shook as I started to reach for the box. "I'll take care of you. Don't worry."
No. He would not make me a victim. He would not render me helpless. I would keep control. If that was the one thing that he could not have.
No.
"No." I tried the word out weakly. This went against everything.
Michael Vaughn.
Why hadn't we just followed those damn rules?
McKain wasn't relenting.
Time was running out.
"He will die." McKain added silently. Sealing my fate.
I could not let him die. I could not lose him.
That was the one thing that he couldn't have. I could part with any thing else.
But I could not lose Vaughn, my best friend, my guardian angel, my... The one person in my life I could trust. The one person I loved without question.
McKain could not have Vaughn.
I took a tablet and put it in my mouth. He smiled.
I don't know if it was out of weakness or something else. It doesn't really matter.
The room I never wanted to see was bigger then it appeared to be from the layout and blueprints.
And in contrast to the rest of the floor it was furnished in dark tones.
Blood red, raven black. Mixing.
I wondered how many people he'd hurt in here. I shouldn't have. That was thinking like a victim and I was not a victim and he could not make me one.
Mixing. Scarlet and ebony.
His vast king size bed on the far wall, strikingly sticking out. Clothed in black. Set against a violent backdrop of red. The thick blood carpet, swallowing.
Animal print. Zebra sofa. Leopard pillows.
Pain. Death. Darkness. Everything the rest of the floor avoided. The room seemed to carry and aura of darkness. A feat I'd never experienced from any other room of its kind.
As if McKain housed a dark secret within it's walls, as if it somehow managed to encompass all that was wrong in the world in it's deep blood walls.
He closed the door behind us. His hands found my waist from behind. Cold.
His hands were always so cold.
"I want to see the vaccine." I couldn't believe I hadn't asked earlier. Why hadn't I asked earlier? What was wrong with me? What if he didn't have anymore? I'd just taken something that I was sure would start to kick in anytime soon. What the hell had I been thinking?
"Afterward" he whispered in my ear, I fought the urge to cringe. He was too close.
"Now." His grip tightened, threatening.
He didn't have any more.
"You have nothing left to deal with do you McKain. You gave Vaughn the vaccine this afternoon and you don't have any fucking more." I squirmed in his arms. Fighting against him.
"It doesn't matter. You're staying anyway love. You don't have much choice in it." I continued to fight against his restraining arms.
But I couldn't get away.
Control. Just like that it had been taken from me.
No.
I had willingly given it up.
I'd rushed in. Not thinking. Not caring. Letting my emotions make my decisions.
And now Vaughn would die anyway.
I'd been warned about this. So many times. In so many ways.
But I'd been too stubborn to listen.
Did that make me deserving of this?
I prayed for a miracle.
Dixon didn't know where I was. I'd told him I was going to pack up my things. And he'd left me to do so.
Vaughn was probably already at the CIA safe house and even if he wasn't he was in no shape to come to my rescue here.
There was no one.
No. There was me. And he would not get anything from me.
It didn't take him long to get me to his bed. I struggled. But there was nothing left in me that the drug didn't dull. What the virus hadn't taken care of the drug did. But I still fought. He would not take anything from me that I did not give him.
I kicked... screamed... bit... hit...
And he laughed... kissed... pushed... tore...
And then he stopped laughing.
A/N: Wow I'm evil. Yikes. Poor Syd. What have I got in store for you? shrugs... Hey I think I need a new title... The Queen of Redundancy. Yup. I like. Seems I just keep repeating things like for example... This was stupid... That is really bugging me. Or wait all those times where I say something a million times in different ways... yup... Although according to Kimmy I still get to keep the Marshall title. I like. Seriously what is up with that Mandy Princess thing? Shrugs. I just read it and the reviews for it and laughed. That is mean and horrible and I know it. And if you hate me for it I understand. I guess I'm a mean and awful person but I couldn't help but smile. Shrugs. I guess there has never been any love lost between us. I did write them an email but I got a blank email in return so much for that feedback theory. Which is sad cause I really wanted to hear their thoughts. Shrugs. Know what I would find incredibly great. If they were reading this now. So hey if you are email me cause I'd love to chat. And if you still think this fic sucks I agree... any help would be much loved and welcomed. I love the lameness of that last line.. and then he stopped laughing. Which come on you've got to admit it makes you laugh. I just wonder how many people read this and just laugh their asps off. Wow I don't think I've used asp in that way before... sounds funny... I'm gonna go laugh my asp off somewhere else now. Later.