Title: Cold November Rain [part 47/?]
Book 1 of "Redirecting Destiny" and prequel to "Romantic Resolutions"
Author: Enigma
Series: Weiss Kreuz
Written: January-March, 2002
Rating: R
Pairings: (Yohji + Ken + Aya) (Omi + Nagi) (Brad + Schu)
Category: Dark! Yaoi Angst Action/Adventure Violence Blood Squick Language Romance Original Characters. AU-OOC.
Archive: fanfiction.net [author: "E-sama the Llama"], Scripta Manent: http://digilander.iol.it/sakaba/Home.html
Spoilers: None, safe for new viewers as well as old.
Warnings: dark! yaoi, heavy angst, action/adventure, graphic violence, large quantities of blood, squick: medical and other, coarse language, agonized and overwrought romance, original characters designed to highlight the true stars, rare touches of sap, cigarettes, destiny, cruel cliffhangers. AU-OOC.
Disclaimer: "Weiss Kreuz" is the property of Takehito Koyasu and Project Weiss. All original characters featured herein (including but not limited to: Calico, Norwegian, Korat, Sokoke, etc.) are © Enigma, 2002, and are not to be used without permission. This unauthorized work of fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.
Notes: When Ken falls in battle, how can the other members of Weiss cope with the guilt and blame that they all seem to share and will he survive in spite of the odds against him?
++ date and time reference within the storyline beginning with the day of the battle ++
{{telepathic speech}}
*****
++ day: 4. time: 1800-2230 hours. ++
*****
Even as the eldest members of Weiss were experiencing a new crisis, the two youngest assassins were trying to enjoy themselves on what would be their last evening together for quite some time but were not having much luck.
After leaving their friends around six in the evening, the pair had stopped by Yohji's roadster only long enough to pick up the clothes that Aya had brought back for them. Granted, they'd forgotten to ask for the keys to the trunk, but Nagi's powers held the most astounding potential for solving mundane problems. Using a highly fine-tuned application of his telekinesis, the sable-haired youth opened the trunk in seconds flat with ease.
Omi had wanted to try to congratulate his boyfriend on the useful trick since he was searching for ways to boost his boyfriend's self-esteem, but there was a sadness in midnight blue eyes that stopped him.
The extra moment of silence granted by collecting the duffel bags gave the cerulean-eyed boy a chance to remember that Nagi had once mentioned a time in his life when he had been trained by Estet to do exactly this for the purpose of planting evidence for blackmail purposes. Despite what some might believe, assassins can have well developed senses of good and evil even if they aren't in a position to exercise that knowledge at all times and their consciences can be as outspoken as anyone else's.
Foregoing the intended supportive comments in favor of simply carrying the bags of clothes the two blocks to the hotel, the elder of the pair forced a moderate smile onto his face hoping that his partner might cheer up a little if he saw the expression. Sadly, it didn't work out that way and instead they returned to Suite 535 with only a little light conversation shared between them.
Once inside their accommodations and taking note that the hotel staff had returned the rooms to their usual spotless conditions as well as refurbishing the various bathroom necessities they'd been gratefully using, the couple went about discovering what clothing Aya had selected.
As he carefully closed up the bag with garments for the elder pair in it, Omi asked, "Nagi-love? Did you find my clothes yet? These are only Yohji-kun's and Aya-kun's, I'm afraid."
An expression of mild confusion crossed dark eyes set in an alabaster complexion and the telekinetic answered, "I think so, Omi-koi, but the stuff on top I don't recognize." He carefully pulled out the ivory button-downed shirt and gray pants that Aya had found in the back of Omi's closet, unfolded them, and said, "I don't believe that I've ever seen you wear these before. Are they new?"
Glancing at the two items, cerulean eyes widened with surprise and chuckling slightly, Omi answered as he started to reach for them, "Um, no, love, they certainly aren't new. I got those for my birthday a year and a half ago and they haven't fit since I had a growth spurt last spring." Taking them into his own hands with the intention of simply folding them up and putting them aside once more, he added, "I guess Aya-kun didn't know that they're too small for me now. I mean, it's usually Ken-kun who does the laundry so how would he know, right?"
"I have no idea," Nagi answered with a shrug and turned back to see what else there was that might be more appropriate for his beloved from the selection in the bag.
With the shirt dangling from both hands, Omi glanced from his boyfriend to the garment and back again before exclaiming delightedly, "Oh, *I* get it!" When Nagi looked over in curiosity, he explained, "I'll bet that Aya-kun *did* remember these were a little small for me, love! Because if they *are* then they might just fit you perfectly!"
"Oh?" Midnight blue eyes blinked for a moment then the first smile in far too long appeared on delicate features as Nagi reached out to wordlessly ask for the garments back and he said, "In that case, I'll have to try them on. I can't very well wear them home tomorrow, so I'd like to wear them tonight if that's the case, koi."
Beaming with a happiness that could only be felt when he saw a smile on his adored partner's face, Omi agreed eagerly, "Sounds like a good idea to me, love! I think some fresh clothes would be nice no matter where we go to eat tonight." He paused for a moment and then asked tentatively, "Where *would* you like to go for dinner, Nagi-love? We've eaten breakfast here at the hotel a couple of times and it's certainly good, but there're plenty of other places nearby. What are you hungry for?"
A dark cloud seemed to descend over the fifteen year old's features as Nagi dropped his eyes and responded in a quiet voice, "I'm not hungry, koi. It doesn't matter to me where we go, I'll probably only get some tea or something."
What little delight had built in Omi's heart was dashed away by these few words. He moved to quickly and firmly embrace his boyfriend, warming them both literally as well as figuratively as he urged quietly, "I know that you're sad and upset about a lot of things, love, but you've *got* to eat!" As his hands slowly stroked the petite teen's back, he added, "I'm sad, too, about a bunch of stuff, Nagi-love, but we've got to stay focused on the good things. Ken-kun is doing better and you'll be able to see Schuldich and Farfarello tomorrow like you wanted to, right? And Norwegian said you'd feel better if you ate more, so, please? Won't you at least *try* to think of something you'd like for dinner, Nagi-love? Please? For me?"
Sighing with a mixture of pleasure from the soothing touches to his back as well as of unhappiness as his mind conjured the image of a pleasant woman who kindly insisted that he eat who was lost to them forever now, Nagi let his head rest briefly against Omi's shoulder. Then, after another sigh, one that was more a result of feeling safe in this boy's arms than anything else, he agreed, saying, "All right, Omi-koi, I'll try." He paused for a moment and mentally reviewed the options he'd automatically noted in the times they'd walked past the block of shops and small eateries between the hotel and the hospital. After some contemplation, he asked tentatively, "Um, do you like curry, koi? I think maybe just some chicken curry and rice would be nice or maybe a bowl of noodles if you like those better?"
Omi considered the suggestion for a moment. It was simple fare that Nagi was suggesting to be sure, but it was hearty and ought to fill them both up nicely. Right before he was about to agree, though, it occurred to him that to comply with the Kritiker physician's recommendations, there might be a slightly better option, so he counter-offered, "I like curry, too, love, but could we get beef instead of chicken? I think it's supposed to have more iron in it."
Realizing he should've thought of this sooner and then internally wondering how he was supposed to have done that since he had no idea how to increase his intake of the necessary mineral, the sable-haired boy answered, "That's fine with me, koi, but could you do me a favor? I'm afraid I haven't had a class on nutrition yet and I kind of doubt Schu knows much about it, so could you tell me more about it while we eat?"
The look of openness in the lovely lapis lazuli eyes that slowly raised to meet cerulean ones was most welcome and even as Omi nodded and heard his voice promising such, his heart sang a bittersweet melody that was as ancient as time yet newer than his next breath. The two teens treasured one another in a fashion few other couples did and knowing that they would soon be parted for an unknown period of time only made him long to hold his beloved close that much more. Never once during the rest of the brief and forgotten conversation about the dinner plans did it occur to either to release their possessive embrace and that, too, was wonderful.
But time moves on and before long, the pair became aware of the fact that they had stood together longer than they had intended to and they stepped apart with matching sighs of regret.
Forcing themselves to focus on getting changed and going back out into the night in search of the small curry shop Nagi had noticed, the two were able to accomplish their tasks and were soon en route to a quaint, homey restaurant operated by a woman and her son. [1]
Midway through their first sips of tea as they awaited the preset dinner of curried beef with seasonal vegetables, rice, and assorted pickles, they were served the traditional bowls of miso soup that this particular proprietress took great pride in.
The familiar scent of the warm broth with green and white rings of thinly sliced scallions floating on its surface caused both of them to immediately think of Sokoke, a young woman whose true legacy had yet to be fully understood. It was all either could do to keep from frowning unhappily knowing that the woman who was watching them carefully hoping for positive reactions would never realize they were thinking of someone close to them who had died tragically the day before.
With his usual smile in place as a façade to protect them both, Omi spoke a traditional Japanese phrase indicating how nice the food was and that he was glad to receive it, then dutifully lifted the bowl and sipped it appreciatively. As he turned to nod and smile at the restaurant owner who was now beaming with satisfaction, he saw the telltale cool neutrality in Nagi's expression, the same look the telekinetic had schooled himself to wear while facing unpleasant situations for Schwarz.
Before Omi could say anything about Nagi not needing to force himself to try the soup since the woman had already turned away, the boy seated across from him lifted his soup bowl, murmured the same phrase and tasted the nutritious broth briefly. After silently adding a prayer to the dead, Nagi raised his eyes and said quietly, "It's not as good as Sokoke's was, but it's certainly better than the instant that I always make at home." Without further comment, he sipped at it again, making himself drink a quarter of the bowl before setting it aside with an air of having consumed it out of duty instead of desire.
The cerulean-eyed teen sighed dispiritedly yet knew there was little he could do to help his boyfriend cope with his feelings. If he could've found a way to tell Nagi that everything would turn out okay in the end, he would have even if he himself wasn't so sure of it. As long as Ken's spinal and kidney injuries remained unhealed, there was still a definite risk that they might be facing another loss of a far more personal and profound nature and this thought chilled him to the bone.
Before any other uncomfortable words could be spoken, their meal was served to them and the blond teen thanked the young man who brought them their food thereby protecting Nagi from trying to find words for a stranger, something he had difficulty with under the best circumstances.
Once they were alone once more, the two teens quietly consumed their warm and filling meal with minimal conversation most of which focused on the nutritional topics that the younger of the two needed to understand better if he was to be able to follow Norwegian's advice. As they covered various items Omi thought would be best suited to increasing his boyfriend's iron, it was revealed with annoying frequency that the basic ingredients were rarely available in the Schwarz penthouse's refrigerator. This disturbed and worried the Weiss archer, yet the telekinetic simply sighed, promised to try to find a way to fix the problem from the inside, and eventually the matter was dropped.
They finished the meal in relative silence, sharing occasional brief words about when Omi thought he might be returning to school and how he might get in touch with Nagi if a true disaster was to strike such as if Ken's condition took an unexpected turn for the worse. After coming up with a few options, they paid their bill with additional expressions of thanks for the food as well as compliments for the cook since the woman continued to beam at the two adorable youths unawares of their recent stress.
On the way back to the Hilton, they stopped at a bookstore and Omi picked up a copy of the latest volume in a newly reprinted classic manga series Ken had been reading about a soccer player and his lover, a famous J-Pop star. With the ongoing drama of Koji Nanjo and his beloved though not always receptive Takuto Izumi carefully gift-wrapped and tucked into a bag beside Omi's own preferred indulgence of a Gundam Wing doujinshi featuring Trowa and Wufei enjoying romance together, they left the shop. [2 & 3] The cerulean-eyed teen had tried to find something about nutrition for his midnight-eyed love in the bookstore, too, yet when his intention became obvious, Nagi had declined the offer since it would be difficult to explain when he returned home the next day with a book in his hand.
Omi had hoped they might find a shop where he might help his boyfriend select the vitamins-with-minerals supplements that Norwegian had recommended, but there wasn't anything even remotely like that available. The blond teen wisely chose not to mention his disappointment since it would have only upset Nagi to hear that he had indirectly brought him more unhappiness. Furthermore, the short walk back to the hotel wasn't even particularly enjoyable, somehow being back out in the "real world" had dampened their lack of inhibitions about public displays of affection so they hadn't even held hands until the elevator doors closed.
After reaching for the slightly smaller boy's hand, Omi smiled shyly before bringing it to his lips for a brief kiss as they ascended to the top floor. He wasn't surprised that Nagi's skin had become cold and was glad to rub it against his own cheek to warm it tenderly with a soft smile on his lips.
Nagi, in turn, blushed slightly then simply sighed and let his eyes slide shut, savoring the moment.
As they walked back into Suite 535, they toed off their shoes, set aside their jackets and the package from the bookstore, then made themselves comfortable on the couch in the living area. Despite their earlier plans for an intimate evening of gentle sexual play in the comfort of an actual bed without fear of interruption or a need to part soon thereafter, it was silently agreed that neither was in any shape emotionally for such an event. Instead, they found a television channel that was running a "Cowboy Bebop" marathon and they cuddled together to watch it, enjoying the occasional fantastic CG-enhanced scenes and the jazzy Yoko Kanno soundtrack.
At one point, mid-yawn, Nagi admitted he was still feeling a little chilly yet he didn't want to miss seeing what happened next to Vicious and Gren, two characters whose obviously star-crossed relationship was foredoomed to disaster. After agreeing on both counts and mentioning that he hated it when the intro sequence to an episode gave away the ending, Omi gladly went to retrieve a blanket from their bed for them both to cuddle beneath. Since they seemed as close to happy as they could probably hope to be at that point, the Weiss archer never once regretted their lost opportunity for a sexual liaison despite the fact that such an occurrence might be a long time in repeating itself.
Predictably, the pair of blue-eyed teens fell asleep curled in one another's arms long before the crew of the Bebop resolved all of its issues on the small screen.
These two young men had faced their own struggles with far more dignity and bravery than any anime hero ever could yet they didn't have the comfort of infallibility that some of the two-dimensional characters they enjoyed watching did. In the course of their evening alone together, neither youth had taken advantage of the opportunity to remind the other verbally of what he felt and why he treasured the boy he held close. By the same token, unlike a certain older couple, there was never any doubt about the depths of what they shared so in the end it probably didn't matter. Their lips might not have spoken of their deep and abiding love for one another yet their hearts heard the words just the same and in their dreams they pledged their devotion to each other throughout eternity.
Perhaps it's just as well that their pledges of undying commitment had remained unvoiced. Fate had a cruel habit of taking what was said aloud and twisting it into unexpectedly horrid new shapes so that even when vows were well intentioned they became hated, miserable creations, a simple fact that certain other assassins would come to learn all too well in the coming months.
*****
To be continued.
Author's Notes:
[1] Recently, I had the opportunity to obtain my first copies of the legendary shonen ai/yaoi "Magazine BexBoy" (also called simply "b-Boy" by some readers), and within one was a particularly precious story about a handsome young seme-type who worked in a curry shop who was the object of an absolutely adorable genki uke-type's affections. Of course the road to true love didn't run smooth therein, but the food looked delicious and this was the inspiration for the little eatery that Nagi suggested. Sadly, I can not give proper credit for this fine work since I don't read the original Japanese, but it's in MBB 10, 2001, and if anyone can tell me what the author's name is, I'd appreciate it! Now that Melpomene and Erato realize what a treasure trove of inspiration this publication is I need to find more copies for them and/or a way to get a subscription someday, they're hooked.
[2] If you don't recognize the manga that Omi selected for Ken, it is none other than the marvelous classic "Bronze: Zetsuai since 1989" by the inimitable Minami Ozaki. Nowhere near as sexually explicit nor as technically beautiful as my current favorite yaoi manga series, "Love Mode" by Yuki Shimizu, this series began in the days when shonen ai and yaoi were first becoming accepted artforms within the mass media of Japan. Despite being perpetually incomplete, this series as well as its prequel, "Zetsuai", provides all those who love yaoi plenty of high-angst with occasional non-graphic lemon and more bloodshed than one might have expected from an artist who very rarely gives her characters guns. As Farfarello can attest, blades truly are a better choice for symbolic self-mutilation after all!
[3] Regarding Omi's choice for reading materials, well, it's been difficult to say the least to include any foreshadowing at all for "Romantic Resolutions" even though this is the prequel for that story. So, when I imagined these two going out together, I assumed it was a good opportunity to send them to a bookstore to buy at least one item mentioned in Book 2 of the "Redirecting Destiny" continuity. Of course, having a chance to buy Kenken a gift at the same time seemed a delightfully "Omi-esque" thing to do and thus it was included!
Full Author's Notes to Run at Conclusion.
Please be advised: Parts 46 & 47 will be posted together.
Strangely enough, this evening's posting run is dedicated to a group of people who will most likely never even see this story in the first place. Yet the following group of women--plus a few bold men who buck the system!--is in part responsible for the way this is being told as well as the fact that the author's sanity is at least somewhat intact during an insane period in his life. Who are these unnamed people? They are the many mangaka who have created the wonderful shonen ai and yaoi publications that I've been reading and enjoying since I started getting seriously involved in seeking out professional "Boys Love" manga beginning last year at Neko-Con in Virginia Beach!
{drops to both knees, places hands before him on the floor, and bows *very* deeply in a show of reverence for these marvelous individuals}
Sadly, it is very nearly impossible for me to offer a list of the names of *all* those creators whose works I admire since, much as what happened with the adorable story that included the curry shop, I can't tell who they are in the first place! I mentioned above two of my favorites but, unfortunately, almost all of the names in the copies of "Magazine BexBoy" that I have are in the original Japanese calligraphic languages and not Romanji. Luckily, the fact that I can't read their names doesn't stop me from understanding and enjoying their work which is marvelously universal in the manner that so-called "comic books" usually are.
{has a dreamy quality to his expression and then he starts telling you what Melpomene and Erato have been gathering inspiration from amongst his tiny yet growing manga collection}
Lately, I've feasted on angst-laden stories of everything from love gone astray to star-crossed lovers whose destinies forbid them to find their joy together, all the way through bittersweet stories of those who recognize too late what they could have had even as it slipped from their lifeless fingertips. But before anyone becomes afraid that this is *all* that I'm finding inspiration from, there's also plenty of sweet romances filled with delightfully sappy lemons up to and including those tales penned by the timid who lead us to a pair of semi-undressed bishounen and slap "owari" on it, thereby leaving the hentai among us wishing for more! To my utter shock and semi-horror, I've even found myself smiling at adorable little schoolboys who never so much as kiss yet they seem to find strength in friendship to face a hostile world together and I assume this is the purest form of "boys' love" possible. Granted, my favorite one of these "almost shota-esque" stories then followed one pair of "kawaii kids" all the way to adulthood and a truly satisfying reunion that spoke of the concept of soulmates as loudly as I tend to do so in my own fiction.
{keeps smiling like the happy manga-addict he's become even though there's a few key things missing from his collection so far, namely a threeway lemon of *any* sort, anything of a bondage nature beyond the handy, lightly tied belt, etc., and much in the way of truly unexpected sex since what he's got is all fairly tame by fanfic standards}
All in all, there's some great stuff out there and even though it isn't free like all of my humble offerings are thanks to the Internet and copyright laws, the original Japanese yaoi and shonen ai manga are well worth seeking out and enjoying! Should you wish to invest in some--or perhaps purchase some to bribe your favorite Llama, a guy who is *always* open to bribery, you know!--may I recommend the single greatest source for information on the topic that I have encountered so far? It's a simply unbelievable site entitled "Manga Bonbons" which includes more information than I can begin to describe yet is an incomparable reference that should be bookmarked by anyone even casually interested in this topic.
Before I give you the URL, let me add that this is a *great* place to look before you bid on manga at eBay or elsewhere! Not too long ago, I spotted an auction that claimed to be selling volumes of "Bronze" which were actually "Zetsuai" and if I hadn't already known the difference, the color cover illustrations at "Manga Bonbons" would've told me otherwise!
Manga Bonbons: http://www.mangabonbons.net/
{smiles a lot since he is looking forward to an Easter gift of *more* shonen ai and yaoi manga arriving soon from someone who already knows how to cheer up an embattled llama most excellently then changes topics briefly}
By the way, thanks to all those of you who sent words of support regarding my on-going dental trials and tribulations. {snorts angrily ala' Heero or Ran} I won't bore you with the details, but in case you wondered, *no*, I did *not* get the much anticipated new crown but I'll survive until May for yet another attempt then. Also, on a brighter note, I passed on the many good wishes to my dancing daughter Amanda and she perked up and gave me a nice smile and a "thanks!" to share with you.
There's plenty of new angst in my life that sprouted up after my last posting run that I could mention, but I don't think I'll go into it right now. Besides, you're here for the fic, not my fairly ordinary and ultimately boring life's story, ne?
{shrugs and keeps this remarkably short for a change}
Here's hoping that soon I can spend some much needed editing time on Part 48 which is a total disaster right now so I can get everything back on track for ending the rough draft ASAP! I'd love to think this Angst Epic was going to be completed before Easter, but I'd also like to wake up tomorrow and find myself a millionaire who looks like Keanu Reeves, something that has a similar statistical probability of happening right about now!
Next time here at the Angst Theatre, there will be more angst and sorrow as well as a much anticipated reunion with some rather misunderstood bishounen elsewhere in Tokyo! Hope to see you then!
Auf Wiedersehen!
~~~E-sama the Llama~~~
(who thinks it's a shame that there isn't enough time for him to drool over yummy shonen ai/yaoi manga AND write fanfics AND raise two lovely kids AND keep his house from falling apart AND spend time reading other people's lovely yaoi fanfics AND edit the fanfics he's already got in progress AND make money to pay for stuff, {pauses and quotes Yul Brynner as the King of Siam} etc., etc., etc., ETC!)
Posted 28 March 2002 ~3:15am