Chapter Twenty-Five
Joey's Pizza
A/N: Wonders what she did to make people so paranoid. Seriously I promise there are no tricks coming up. But after the review I just read I will admit... I did think about changing this whole ending. Making Vaughn miss his flight or having a plane crash... dude... dang... I so just got another fic idea. I'm just bursting with them lately. But anyway. Just cut and dry cheeze from here on out. Well maybe there is one little angsty bit but hey I think that you need it and it isn't really angst but more along the lines of... hmm heated argument... I really don't consider that angst. But come on. If the argument was not there then it would be slightly unbelievable. Least for me. Thanks for the concern guys. I'm sure everything will work out for the best. And the end of this chapter was where I was going to leave you hanging all weekend. Cause I'm mean like that. And apparently even after all this giving I've been doing lately I'm still evil. What do you want from me?!!!!!!!!!!! STOP CALLING ME EVIL OR I WILL SHOW YOU EVIL. Wow… don't know where that came from. Yikes… Sorry bout that. Suzi got out again. Yeah. So for future reference… Suzi is bitchy Mel. It happens sometimes. Suzi had a heavy influence on the last few chapters…thus the angst. And pain. But yeah. The two chapters after this… Total cheese fest. I mean really sickeningly so. (Suzi's POV on the issue) Mel thinks they are much deserved.
"Syd. You've got to get up." Francie shoved me. "It's two in the afternoon."
She's been staying with me. She gets me out of bed and dressed and out of the house. But sometimes she isn't even enough.
I've never been a quitter. I've never just given up. I don't know why I seem to be doing just that.
"What is the matter Syd? Why won't you tell me?" She's been such a good friend and I do want to tell her about Michael but I'm afraid to. I don't know why I'm afraid to.
My therapist would probably tell me it's because I'm afraid to move on. That if I tell Francie it will make it real and I don't want it to be real.
"Rough night." I answer and roll to face her. I know my eyes are bloodshot and that they lend valuable credence to my claim.
"Nightmares?" Francie asks. I nod. Not so much as before but they were there somewhere in the hazy memory of last night. Mostly though I just lay there and looked at the ceiling.
"Syd. Tell me about Vaughn." Francie demands. I'm shocked because I don't know where she got the name. "You've said it in your sleep a few times." she explains. "I didn't want to pry but..."
It's time. I know it is. But that doesn't make it any easier.
I stare at the ceiling and wonder where to start. There is so much that she still can't know. And our lives were so twisted together in so many ways. Our story isn't simple. It's complicated, it twists and turns and changed daily.
I know that if I start in on it... I need to make it simple. I won't make it through the whole thing if I don't.
"We used to work together at the bank. He's dead." That should have been enough. But I don't leave it at that. "I loved him for years. Just when we were finally ready to admit our mutual feelings he contracted a deadly bug and died. It was sudden. We weren't expecting it." I pause and my eyes fill with tears. "I never told him how I felt." I'm crying now. I don't like crying.
Crying is weakness. I want to stop being so weak. I need to stop it.
Crying is why I didn't want to tell her more. I didn't think that much of the story would bring tears. I thought I was over them. It's so damn frustrating. I just want to be over them.
This isn't me. I don't act all soft and weak and turn into a crying mess over something that happened so long ago. I'm strong damn it.
"Syd. Why didn't you tell us?" Francie pulls my head into her lap and hugs me awkwardly.
The doorbell rings.
I pull away. "It's ok Francie. Get the door."
"I'll send them away."
"Thanks."
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I'm standing on her porch. I don't know what she'll say when she sees me. I only know what the first two words out of my mouth will be.
From there I'm depending entirely on her.
The door opens and it isn't her. I hold my tongue.
"Yes." I assume it's Francie.
"Is Sydney in?" I ask. Nervously shifting from side to side.
"She's not feeling well." Francie is cold and shooting me death like glares. I don't know why but she is.
"I need to see her. It's important." I say and push myself into her home.
I guess the four months without her have really gotten to me. Cause I know I never would have forced my way in before.
"Francie?" Syd's voice calls from the bedroom and I start toward her room. Her voice is so sad. So torn and bent.
"Where do you think you're going?" Francie puts a hand on my chest and stops me. "Look I don't know who you are or how you know Syd but you'd better back off or I'll call the cops."
"Please. Just ask her to see me. Tell her it's someone from the bank." I'm begging. It's not pretty but I need to see her and she's only a room away. And she needs me.
"Wait here." she sends me another look of distrust but she seems to have softened. Like she knows that I care.
I watch her disappear. I hear the muffled voices from the other room and Francie reappears with a sad look on her face.
"I'm sorry but you'll have to leave."
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"Syd there's someone who used to work with you at the bank out there. He won't go away. Insists that you see him." Francie tells me.
"Francie. I just... Not today ok. Tell him I'm sorry but I just can't." I assumed it was Marshall. He called the other day. Asked how I was doing and told me he wanted to visit. It could have been Weiss as well. He calls all the time and checks up on me.
There is something he doesn't want to tell me. I don't know or care to know what it is either.
Everyone knows about Vaughn. Funny everyone but my closest friends. It's no secret at the CIA and people like Marshall from SD-6 who are now employed there know more about Vaughn and I then we did. It's stupid really. And if I had been given the choice they wouldn't know. But people ask questions.
And people are more then willing to talk.
I really don't care anymore. I just don't want another person visiting just to make sure I'm not falling apart.
I don't want their pity. I just want to be left alone.
The door closes behind Francie again and I turn and face the opposite wall with a funny feeling. I turn to call her back but decide against it at the last minute.
Vaughn's dead. He can't be standing in my living room and it will only hurt me to believe that it's possible.
Still I feel... Like maybe it's possible.
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I didn't come halfway across the country to be pushed out of her house before I got to see her.
I am not about to leave without a hello.
Maybe we'd have to start over again. Maybe she'd be angry and tell me to get out of her life forever.
Maybe she'd hate me.
But I have to know. And I know that she has to know the truth.
I hadn't known what they told her happened till Weiss called yesterday. She certainly didn't need to be lied to again. And I'm more then pissed about that as well.
Jack Bristow better run far and fast the next time I see him.
I push Francie aside and head for her door. Francie tries to stop me but I'm not going to be stopped.
The door. I pause there. Suddenly afraid.
What if I'm wrong? What if it's too much for her? Why is she still in bed?
That's not Sydney behavior. Sydney is a fighter. Sydney does not give up.
Whether I'm alive or dead does not matter. It's been four months.
She should be able to get out of bed by now.
"Look I don't know who you are but you're going to have a lot of explaining to do." Francie was fuming.
I turn to her and smile offering a hand.
"Michael Vaughn." I'm surprised by her shocked look. Syd must have told her about me after all.
"But..." Francie stuttered.
"She doesn't know I'm still kicking. Could you do me a favor?" I'm chickening out. I know I am. I can't just barge into her room and demand that she take me back into her life.
Besides she needs to get out of bed.
I need her to get out of bed. I'm not going to see her until she does.
She's not a quitter and I'm angry that she's playing it that way.
I look at the now almost crushed flowers in my arms. Daisies, twelve of them. I smile.
"Give her these and tell her you got another Joey's pizza call." I back away from the door and hand her the flowers. "Don't tell her who I am ok?"
Francie smiles. She understands and seems to accept my plan.
I head for the warehouse.
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"Hey you got flowers." Francie smiles and hands me the flowers.
Now I'm really confused. I have no clue who was in my living room. Not that it matters.
But oddly enough it does. I want to know.
"Did they leave a name?" I ask and Francie smiles.
"No. I asked but they refused to tell me." She answers. Who would make such a big deal about it? Francie sits down on my bed next to me and tugs the flowers out of my hands. "Hey you'll never guess who called earlier today." She continued.
"Who?" I ask still pondering the sender of the flowers.
"Do you remember way back when we kept getting those Joey's pizza calls? Well apparently our Joey's pizza caller has got your number again."
"What?" I'm slightly disoriented. What would the CIA want with me now?
"You know. The ones where some idiot kept asking if we were Joey's Pizza..." Francie tries to explain but I cut her off with a hand gesture.
Weiss better have something important to tell me cause I am not in the mood for his little games. Why the hell couldn't he call me like a normal person?
"Hey put those in water. I got some stuff I've got to do."
I get out of bed and walk over to my closet.
Francie nods and leaves.
Shower or not? I don't care how Weiss sees me and I'm coming straight home afterwards anyway.
I vote on no shower and instead just pull a jacket on over my tank and drawstring pants.
I'm definitely not dressing for this.