DISCLAIMER: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.
UNFULFILLED LOVEBy bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou
Chapter 4: Yoshiyuki
Yoshiyuki welcomed the ice-cold water like a long lost brother. He didn't mind that the stinging water was making him shiver madly. He needed to get his mind off that distraction that was now sleeping in his living room.
The cold water did successfully banish the heat that he felt in his body but it didn't wash away his thoughts about Sasaki-chan. That was no good since every time he thought about that woman his body temperature seems to rise. He sighed as he placed his hands on the tiled wall in front of him and leaned over to duck his head under the water.
There's no denying it. He was attracted to her. All throughout dinner all he could think about was how beautiful she looked with the light from the candles flickering against her face. Could think nothing but how beautiful she looked every time her eyes light up when she's telling him an amusing story about her friends.
And her voice…
Her voice was like a soft, melodious tune capable of putting an irksome baby to sleep. He didn't tire of hearing that voice even though it was starting to get hoarse from exhaustion. But he didn't stop her from speaking; it was like he was addicted to her voice. Even her laugh could make his heart stop beating from some sort of anticipation.
And when he saw her just a few minutes ago wearing his favorite shirt, it took all of his effort to not gape at her. She looked so sexy even though she was just wearing an old shirt.
But that made the difference for him. She was wearing his shirt. Her skin rosy white against the black cloth and her shiny, dark hair falling over her shoulders. She looked so sweet and innocent.
That had brought him back to reality.
Jeez! What were you thinking? You're a decade older than her, he thought almost angrily. He didn't know what made him angry…that he was attracted to her or that he was too old for her.
He got out of the shower and briskly toweled himself dry before wrapping the towel around his waist. He braced his upper body over the sink with his hands and leaned towards the mirror on the wall.
You're just acting this way because you've been stuck in this cabin for such a long time now. Everything will pass as soon as she leaves when the weather clears.
After that pep talk, he picked up his comb and rapidly combed his wet hair. He tried to ignore the strawberry scent of Sasaki-chan's hair stuck on his comb. He then went out to get dressed.
He had forgotten to close the bedroom door. He could see her sleeping form on the living room floor. She was lying on her side facing the bedroom and could see how peaceful she looked. He softly closed the door as he felt his heart tighten in his chest again.
It took him several minutes before he could go out to the living room again. He forced himself to go directly to his futon without looking at her. He laid down under his quilt and pushed his hands under his head. He tried to focus on the flickering shadows of the fire on the ceiling but his attention was still on the slow rhythmic breathing of the girl beside him.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Sasaki-chan turn over so she was facing him instead of the bedroom. Like metal to magnet, his face turned to her direction and stared at her angelic face.
He noticed that the bandage on her forehead had gotten loose on one end and was hanging down. He got up and kneeled beside her to take a closer look at her wound. It looked dry enough and doesn't need a bandage to cover it. He reached out to gently pull it away from her skin.
After a minute of gazing, he gave in to the temptation and touched the area around her wound with his fingers. Then his fingers went down her cheek in a feathery caress. He stopped when a soft sigh escaped her lips. She moved a bit making the quilt fall off her shoulder towards her waist.
Yoshiyuki held the edge of the quilt and placed it back over her shoulder. This girl really needs someone to take care of her.
Want to apply for the job, his subconscious told him.
Yeah right, he sarcastically answered back. Like she's going to be interested in an old guy like me. A beautiful woman like her must have several young suitors.
He went back to his futon and threw the balled bandage to the trashcan. This time it went in. Feeling good at sinking that shot in, he laid down on his side because he wanted Sasaki-chan's face to be the last image he'll see before falling asleep.
And he slept with a smile on his face.
~Morning came~
Yoshiyuki woke up with a start. He was having the most wonderful dream but he never got to see how it ended because Bono kept on licking his face.
"Cut it out, boy!" The dog barked once and then ran towards the kitchen.
Yoshiyuki worried that Bono would wake up Sasaki-chan. He glanced to his side and saw that he was worried about nothing. Her futon was already rolled up with her pillow and folded quilt on top of it. And from the delicious smell permeating the air, he knew that she was in the kitchen cooking breakfast.
He glanced at his wristwatch before laying the back of his hand on his forehead. He had overslept for the first time in years. And it wasn't because of the cold weather.
He closed his eyes and tried to remember his dream but try as he might it had already hid in the deep recesses of his brain. There are two things he's sure though. That it was a happy dream and that Sasaki-chan was in it.
He can't even stop thinking about her when asleep. He had been attracted to other women before but not one of them plagued his thoughts day and night like she did. Perhaps he was more attracted to her than he's willing to admit.
The question was…what's he going to do about it?
The age gap still stands. But the more he thought about it, the more he believed that ten years weren't such a big gap. After all, both of them are adults now.
But still it feels weird for him to be attracted to a former student of his. Correction. A former grade school student of his. Does this mean he's a cradle snatcher of some sort?
No, it doesn't because he hadn't snatched her yet. And maybe it won't come to that. Maybe she already has a boyfriend. Sasaki-chan had told lots of stories last night but she never told him if she was in a relationship right now. She never was a person who talked about herself.
He knew that he wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her unless he knew for sure. He had to think of a subtle way to ask her.
One thing's for sure though, he said to himself as he stood up, you wouldn't get any answers if you stayed here all day. He tidied his futon, pillow and quilt and placed them beside hers.
He walked in the kitchen a while later and leaned against the wall as he watched her hum while preparing their breakfast.
Her hair was pulled from her face and tied with a piece of rubber band. She was still wearing his shirt in addition to her jeans. She folded the sleeves up so it wouldn't hinder her movements. The edge of the shirt was knotted around her waist showing him patches of skin as she moved.
He got a better view when she reached up to open a cupboard. The shirt hitched up showing a great expanse of her flat stomach. He sucked his breath in surprise before quickly looking away.
When he dazedly looked back at her, she was reaching for something in the cupboard. He sighed. Much as he regrets to not see her creamy skin, he knew that he had to stop the show for his own sanity.
"Do you need any help with that?" Yoshiyuki asked, not bothering to hide his amusement to his logical thinking.
"No. I almost have it." She tiptoed and reached inside, not realizing that the shirt had hitched further up. "Got it!"
Yoshiyuki smiled back at the beaming woman. Her face was flushed from exertion as she clutched a box against her chest. So that's what my sanity is worth…all of that for a box of pancake mix, he laughed at himself.
"Can I help you with that?" He asked as he walked towards her.
"Iie. I'm more than capable enough to make pancakes," she replied as she beat the eggs in the bowl. "Besides, you wouldn't let me help last night."
"It's payback time, huh?"
"Exactly!"
So he just sat on a stool besides the counter and silently watched her make pancakes and omelet. He had to admit she moved fast as well as competently. She probably could have cooked breakfast with her eyes closed.
She must have felt conscious of him because after a while she laughingly spoke up. "Okay, okay. You win. Go set the table."
"Your wish is my command." Yoshiyuki grandly waved an arm and bowed. He winked at her then ducked when she threw a potholder at him.
He whistled as he laid out the plates on the table. He hadn't felt this good for a long time now and he knew it was because of Sasaki-chan.
Few minutes later they were both seated at the table, ready to eat breakfast.
"Mmm. Delicious," he said.
"Oh, come on. That's just coffee," she laughed although she blushed at the compliment.
"Ah, but coffee is an important component to start a wonderful day. I can't imagine breakfast without a cup of delicious coffee." He inhaled deeply, taking in the aroma of the coffee to further prove his point.
He looked at her and saw her eyes twinkle with amusement. She took a sip of her coffee. His eyes were drawn to the movement and settled on her soft lips.
He mentally shook his head before any unwanted thoughts form in his head. He picked up his fork and attacked his food with zest, training his eyes solely on the plate.
"Ano…" Sasaki-chan uttered after a few minutes of silence. "Would you mind if I ask what you did, you know…after we graduated?"
He looked up at that. She was looking down at her plate as though she was trying to avoid his eyes. He found her sudden shyness endearing. He had rarely seen such quality in the women he used to date.
"No, I don't mind," he replied as he leaned back on his chair with his mug in both hands. "Let's see…well, in a nutshell I stayed on at the school for a couple of years then I resigned so I could fulfill my lifelong dream."
"What was your lifelong dream and have you fulfilled it yet?"
"My dream was to become a great novelist," he said, taking another bite of his pancake and deliberately ignored the other question.
"Really?" Sasaki-chan did notice this but didn't press on. "What kind of stories do you write?"
"Oh, a little bit of this…a little bit of that," he shrugged. It was kind of the truth. He wasn't being difficult, at least not that much.
Sasaki-chan sighed. It was like pulling on an aching tooth. But her eyes gleamed with mischief and determination. If there's one thing she can't resist, it's a challenge. She'll get the truth out of him, one way or another.
"How many books have you written over the last decade?"
"Five. I'm working on my sixth."
"Five! That's great," she exclaimed. "You must have copies of those books around here. Perhaps I could read them."
"All five of them? Well, if you're sure you won't fall asleep on them you'll find them on the bookshelf in the living room."
She thought about what he said. She had already seen the books there and the only novels among them were of Tokiya Matsuda. She gasped as it had suddenly hit her.
"You're Tokiya Matsuda?" she asked indignantly. "You're kidding me right?"
Yoshiyuki looked at her steadily although his mouth was cracking a smile. He loved the way she reacted but he didn't want her to think that he was lying to her. He had actually never told anyone what his pen name was. The only people who knew were his publisher and his family.
"I can't believe this," she shook her head in a mixture of delight and disbelief. "You're really him. Oh my god! I love your books!"
She blushed after she said that. She was embarrassed because she thought she acted like some crazed groupie.
"Really? You're not just saying that, are you?" For some reason, her approval was important to him.
"Iie. I really do. I have all of your books and I've already read each one of them at least three times over."
"All five of them?" he joked. He felt lightheaded from her compliments.
"Hai. Demo…how come you've used a pseudonym? And why Tokiya Matsuda?"
"Because I didn't want the publicity. I just wanted to write. And I used Tokiya Matsuda because that's the first name that popped in my head at the time."
"Well, if you ask me I think Yoshiyuki Terada is a much more beautiful name than Tokiya Matsuda." Realizing that she said too much, she bowed her reddening face.
Yoshiyuki felt his heart leap when he heard her say his name. He had heard his name spoken by many people but with Sasaki-chan it sounded different. Clichéd as it may sound, it was like music to his ears.
"Sasaki-chan," he suddenly said, "can I ask you something?"
She nodded in response.
"May I call you Rika?"
He saw her eyes widen with surprise and then she smiled a bright smile. "Only if I can call you Yoshiyuki."
He let out his breath that he was unconsciously holding and grinned back. "It's a deal then. From now on, I'll call you Rika."
"And I'll call you Yoshiyuki."
Yup. It sounds so right, he thought with immense satisfaction.
To be continued…
bishlov's notes: In actuality, Terada is 14 or 15 years older than the CCS gang. I decided to make it 10 to lessen the age gap. Don't flame me for it. And I got the name Tokiya from FoR and Matsuda's a tribute to my half-Japanese friend.