DISCLAIMER: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.
UNFULFILLED LOVEBy bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou
Chapter 5: Rika
The hours had passed more quickly than Rika had anticipated and wanted. After breakfast, they spent the rest of the morning in a companionable silence.
Yoshi-kun (AN: I'm gonna use this nickname from now on because Yoshiyuki is too long) was busy working on his new book so she didn't want to bother him. She curled up in front of the fireplace with Yoshi-kun's first book in her hands and Bono at her side to keep her company. Once in a while she would gaze at Yoshi-kun's figure across the room, thinking how cute he looked when his brows are drawn together in concentration as he wrote furiously in his notebook.
Rika thought about how weird his writing habits were. He told her that he usually writes down the first draft on his notebook then he types it using his typewriter. His final drafts, however, were made using his laptop. When she pointed out that he could have used the computer in the first place to save him all the trouble and paper, he laughed sheepishly and grinned at her making her heart go berserk.
Different mediums give me different ideas, he explained. It may look odd and hard but that's how I work.
She looked back at him for the nth time and smiled when she saw him rubbing the eraser on the whole page. A soft giggle escaped her lips at the absurdity of his actions.
Yoshi-kun must have heard this because he looked up from what he's doing and turned to look at her. Rika quickly buried her face in the book because she didn't want him to know that she was spying on him.
She felt his gaze on her so she hid her face deeper. It was then she noticed that she held the book upside down in her haste. Baka, she reprimanded herself, you're such an idiot. He must be laughing at you now.
She lowered the book a bit so she could see if he's still looking. He wasn't. Nor was he laughing either so he must not have noticed her stupidity either. She let out a sigh of relief.
Rika glanced at the grandfather clock standing on one corner of the living room. It was time to cook their lunch so she placed down the book on the couch and went to the kitchen.
She decided to make a simple yet delicious recipe. Yoshi-kun did not bother her like he did when she was preparing breakfast. In fact, she even had a hard time persuading him to eat lunch.
When he did join her at the table, he still had his pencil and notebook and wrote as they ate lunch. Afterwards, he mumbled his request that Rika wash the dishes and that he'll make it up to her later. With that, he walked back to his desk and wrote the afternoon away.
Rika sighed wistfully as she scrubbed the pan she used. She was a bit disappointed on what just happened but couldn't complain. After all, she was intruding in his life.
She knew that she shouldn't be hurt with his sudden brush-off. All writers are like that when working. She should be lucky because he didn't act irritated when she interrupted him in the middle of his creative zone.
Looking around the spotless kitchen, she knew that she has no other choice but to go back to the living room. She shouldn't be hurt but she was. Just a little bit, she told herself firmly. She sighed again before leaving the room.
Rika's disappointment disappeared slowly as she sat on the couch and watched Yoshi-kun work. Iie, it wasn't personal. Besides, why should you be bothered by it? You're leaving as soon as the storm blows over, aren't you? He's gonna stay here while you go back to your pathetic, miserable life.
Yes, the disappointment was gone. And in its place was sadness.
She had forgotten what drove her to this mountain in the first place. She had forgotten about her depression.
She mentally shook her head in order to push the thought away. She will worry about her problems when she leaves. But now she will try to forget about them and enjoy the company of a new friend.
She glanced at Yoshi-kun and smiled. He may not be a good company right now but he was one last night and early this morning. And if he doesn't come through tonight, I still have Bono, she laughed inwardly as she scratched the dog behind his ears.
So she curled up on the couch and re-read Yoshi-kun's books. She fell asleep on the third one.
When she woke up, she was laying on her back, her head on a pillow and her body covered by a quilt. The book that she was reading was laid on top of the coffee table. She sat up and glanced at the desk across the room and saw that Yoshi-kun wasn't there anymore.
The grandfather clock chimed at that moment. It was seven o' clock. She has to prepare dinner so she quickly stood up, almost toppling over when she had a sudden dizzy bout.
Rika just stood there as though in a trance. She could feel her whole body being swept with overwhelming sorrow. She gasped as pain clutched her heart in a tightening grasp.
This was the effect of her depression. She had been taking anti-depressant pills for a week and a half and her body was now reacting because she hadn't taken those pills for almost two days now.
She staggered across the room, leaning forward to touch her suddenly hot and clammy forehead on the cold window glass. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and did it again and again, almost hyperventilating. When she let out her last deep breath, the hair on her nape stood up.
Her grip on the windowsill tightened as she waited for Yoshi-kun to speak up.
"Rika-chan," he said in a worried tone. He walked up to her and laid a hand on her shoulder.
She tried hard not to flinch from his touch. She wasn't disgusted at his touch. It was more like she was disgusted with herself. She didn't want him to know what she was going through.
She took a quiet deep breath and pasted on a lame smile on her face before slowly turning to face him.
"Daijoubu. I just got dizzy a little while ago. I'm not used to falling asleep in the afternoon," she let out a pathetic laugh that sounded so fake even to her ears.
Please don't ask anymore questions, she thought. Please…
She saw him give her a doubtful look. He was about to open his mouth to protest but she saw it coming.
"I'm fine. Really I am," she quickly interrupted, summoning all her energy to make her smile look realistic.
He looked at her for a whole minute before sighing in resignation. "Okay, if you say so. Come on. Dinner's almost ready."
"I'll be right there. I'm just going to wash up."
He nodded before walking away. Halfway across the room, he looked back at her with a dubious look.
As soon as he disappeared into the kitchen, she let out a sigh of relief. She looked out of the window and stared at the star filled sky.
The blizzard was over.
But her inner turmoil was still raging.
Rika forced herself to move towards the bathroom. Perhaps a cold shower would wash away the sadness, she thought glumly as she picked up a gas lamp on Yoshi-kun's desk.
When she entered the bedroom, she immediately saw the pile of clothes on top of his bed. They were all women's clothing, a bit large but would still fit her. She wondered for a second where he got them before shrugging away the slight twinge of jealousy that she felt. She selected a loose blue jogging pants and gray sweatshirt.
She didn't mind the stinging water. Standing under the freezing downpour, she could actually feel her body relaxing despite the shivers. She scrubbed herself vigorously to keep her body slightly warm. It was only when her teeth were chattering furiously that she rinsed herself.
She rubbed her body with a thick towel for about five minutes. Feeling reasonably warm, she wrapped her body with the towel and washed her underwear.
(AN: *sweatdrop* Well, she's been wearing it for two days now. I had to do something about it.)
With that task done, she poised to put on the borrowed clothes. It was just then that she noticed her reflection on the bathroom mirror. Her skin was slightly red from vigorous rubbing but she could still see that her healthy glow was starting to disappear. She could see the stress dulling the shimmer of her eyes.
I don't want Yoshi-kun to be worried about me. I have to act normal, she thought.
Rika practiced smiling, failing miserably at her first couple of tries. After a while, her cheeks started to feel numb from the cold and from practicing. She made a face then giggled at the image that she projected. Feeling her heart lightening up, she made several more outrageous faces and snorted in laughter afterwards.
"Rika-chan," Yoshi-kun knocked on the bathroom door, "are you all right? You've been in there for quite a long time now."
"Um, yeah. I'll be out in a minute," she yelled through the door, blushing furiously. She wrapped the towel around her more closely, feeling conscious as though he could see her state of nakedness.
"Okay. Hurry up though. The food is getting cold."
"Hai!" She quickly dressed up and combed her wet hair. She slowly opened the door, peeking outside to see if Yoshi-kun was around.
He wasn't so she quickly dragged the chair in the bedroom against the wall and hanged her underwear on its arm. She placed her folded pants and Yoshi-kun's shirt with her own shirt then draped her jacket over the chair so the underwear was hidden from view.
Rika sighed when the task was done then marched to the kitchen.
The room was filled with candles again. She thought it odd because the storm's over and it was no longer dangerous to turn the power on.
As though reading her mind, Yoshi-kun smiled apologetically. "I hope you don't mind going without electricity for one more night. I want to check if the power lines weren't damaged during the blizzard but I can't do that right now because it's too dark outside."
She returned his smile and sat down at the table.
"I'm sorry that you had to take such a cold shower," he continued as he too sat down. "I see that my sister's clothes fit you. They're a bit big but not as big as mine."
"You're sister?"
"Yeah. My youngest sister. There's a picture of the two of us above the fireplace. She used to come up here to keep me company but then she got married. I forgot all about those clothes that she left behind up until this afternoon."
So she's his sister. Rika could feel her heart leap in reaction before taking a nosedive again. Demo surely a man as gorgeous as him would have a girlfriend tucked away somewhere.
Baka! What would it matter to you if there's none? He wouldn't be interested in you. He's just trying to be nice just like when you were a naïve schoolgirl.
"Ano…is something the matter?"
Rika quickly snapped out of her brief argument with herself. "Iya," she said blushingly.
The rest of the meal was pleasant. She sensed that Yoshi-kun was keeping the conversation lively for her sake. He was still worried about her although he doesn't know what was bothering Rika-chan.
They talked about their families, who they were and what they did now. Who's their favorite sibling and who's the most annoying one.
They laughed at the mischievous stuff that Yoshi-kun did as a boy. He teased her because she couldn't tell a single story about her childhood antics. She just shrugged and grinned sheepishly because there was none to tell. She was very obedient and meek as a child.
The only silliest thing she ever did was having that impossible crush on him when she was his student. Of course, she didn't say that to him. Not now and maybe not ever.
In no time at all they finished dinner, fed Bono and washed the dishes. It was time to go to bed again.
Lying on her back and staring at the ceiling, Rika felt a different kind of sadness. Sadness that was not related to her depression.
She was sad because tomorrow she'd be leaving this cabin and its owner. She had to admit that the couple of days that she stayed with him were the happiest she had in a long, long while.
She turned her head to the side and looked at Yoshi-kun. He too had been staring at the ceiling.
"Yoshi-kun," she whispered. She gazed deeply into his eyes before speaking up again. "Arigatou."
"For what?" He said in an equally quiet voice.
"For saving me. For taking care of me." And for giving me my sanity back even if it was just for two days, she silently added to herself.
He turned on his side and reached over to touch her. He gently brushed away a lock of her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.
"You're welcome," he smiled gently at her. "Now go to sleep. Tomorrow I'll drive you back to your cabin.
She smiled her gratitude then also turned on her side, facing Yoshi-kun. She snuggled underneath her quilt and fell asleep almost immediately.
Yoshi-kun gazed at her sleeping figure for a while then went back on his back to stare glumly at the ceiling.
To be continued…