DISCLAIMER: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.
UNFULFILLED LOVEBy bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou
Chapter 6: Yoshiyuki
He woke up in the middle of the night when he heard Rika-chan shout. He jolted up into a sitting position and quickly looked to his side.
Rika-chan was having a nightmare.
She had kicked her quilt off her and her hands were clenching the futon. Her head was moving from side to side with a look of anguish pasted on her face. It was as if she was being tortured by her dream.
"No…please don't…onegai, don't leave me…atashi…atashi…" she kept saying again and again.
Yoshiyuki felt his heart lurch with compassion. Whatever she was dreaming was a sad and unpleasant one. He quickly knelt beside her and laid his hands on the sides of her face, brushing her tears away with his thumbs.
As soon as he did that, Rika-chan's cries halted. She was no longer thrashing around and her hands were unclenched and relaxed.
He smoothed her hair from her face and the frown on her forehead. But as soon as his hands left her face, her frown came back again.
"Iya. Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone," he heard her whisper. She wasn't yelling it out like earlier but still he could hear the desperation in her voice.
"Ssshh, Rika-chan. Don't worry. I'm right here. I won't leave you," he consoled the sleeping woman. His voice, however soothing he made it be, did not comfort her. He saw that her hands were clenched into fists again.
Without second thoughts, he quickly grabbed the hand nearest him and unclenched it, intertwining his fingers with hers.
"Hush now. I won't let go."
Instantly, she relaxed. A soft sigh escaped her lips and a serene look overcoming her face.
Yoshiyuki regarded her with troubled eyes, unconsciously rubbing his thumb against her hand. He had noticed the change in her attitude since early that evening. She tried to hide it behind her smiles and laughter, but her eyes showed him part of the truth.
He saw her sorrow.
And just now he saw her pain.
He thought about asking her earlier but it was obvious that she didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to press her to tell him because he had no right. He was just her former sensei who had just become her new friend.
Tomorrow, she'd be going away. She would be going back to her world, to her friends. She would be going back to that man whom she was afraid would leave her.
His stomach lurched at the thought. Whoever that man was must not know how lucky he was to have Rika-chan. She was perfect in every way. She is perfect in every way.
If I ever find out that he hurt her, I'll…I'll…
You'll what, his subconscious asked him. You're nothing to her. You are just the man who saved her from getting caught in a blizzard.
Yoshiyuki sighed in frustration because his subconscious had a point. He had no right to mess with her life. They just knew each other for less than two days. Technically that was wrong because they knew each other for years but not in the personal level. They just reached that stage last night.
He snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed Rika-chan shivering. He quickly reached for her quilt and covered her body using just one hand. He then dragged his futon next to hers, leaving no space in between. He laid back down over the cot and under his quilt. Moving the latter a bit, he made sure that their joined hands were warmly secure under it.
He said that he won't let go and he planned on keeping his words.
~Three weeks later~
"Argh!" Yoshiyuki tore a page of his notebook crumpled it and threw it forcefully against the wall. It bounced back at him as though taunting him.
His writing had gone to worse. It sucked! Big time!
It's because his inspiration was gone.
He reached over his desk and took the stuffed bear propped against the wall. Rika-chan gave him that bear many years ago. He had forgotten about it until that last day they were together.
She had given him inspiration for his sixth novel. He had dug this teddy bear from the storage room at the back of the cabin while she was sleeping on the couch.
~Flashback~
She fell asleep reading his book. Yoshiyuki found it amusing rather than insulting. He stared at her for a long time before he settled her on her back and covered her with the quilt.
She looked so peaceful…so childlike…so angelic.
Shaking his head to get rid of the romantic ideas, he walked away in search for that bear. After an hour of shifting boxes and sneezing madly, he found what he was looking for under the box of Yukino's clothes.
He didn't lie to Rika-chan then. He had forgotten about those clothes and didn't remember about them until he literally stumbled upon them. What he didn't tell her was that he only stumbled across them when he was searching for Rika-bear.
He took the bear and the clothes to his bedroom. He laid the clothes on the bed then stared at the bear in confusion. He didn't know why he looked for it in the first place.
Ah yes. The inspiration. He realized that his muse was leaving the next day and he needed to have something of hers to keep his inspiration alive.
It was then that he heard the noise coming from the other room. He quickly shoved the bear under his bed and went out to check on Rika-chan. He saw her stumble across the room as though in a drunken state. She leaned against the window and began breathing deeply.
That was when she started acting oddly. And then there was that nightmare.
He woke up that last morning and what he first saw was Rika-chan's beautiful face. Both of them were lying on their sides, facing each other. Their bodies were so close he could feel her breath against his face. The only thing that separated their bodies were their intertwined arms, their hands still clinging to each other.
He had felt his heart melt at the beautiful sight she made but then he hardened it when he realized what day it was.
So he just shrugged off whatever he was feeling and got up. The first thing he did was to tuck Rika-chan's hand under her quilt then he tidied his beddings. After ducking his head under the ice-cold water in the bathroom he went out with Bono to check the power lines. He then switched on his fuse box and activated the heater.
By the time he finished cooking breakfast, Rika-chan was awake.
They spent the rest of the morning in tense silence. Both of them neither knew what to say or do. Both of them reluctant to separate but neither voiced it out.
By midmorning, they were on their way to her cabin. He recalled his initial reaction when he found out where she stayed because it was very far from his. He thought that it was a miracle she reached his cabin in that snowstorm. Other people would have collapsed from exhaustion halfway through.
When they reached their destination, they said goodbye in a passive way. She thanked him again and he responded with a nod and a stiff smile. He didn't realize he was gripping the steering wheel tight until Rika-chan got out and closed the passenger door. He had a hard time releasing the wheel in order to reach for the gear. It was as if his body was moving against his will.
Looking at the rearview mirror as his 4x4 pickup truck moved forward, he saw Rika-chan still standing there looking slightly dejected. Half of him wanted to turn back for her but his other half said no and that his imagination was running wild again. Before he could decide what to do, he was already back at his cabin.
~End of Flashback~
Yoshiyuki squeezed the bear he was holding tight. That was the last time he saw her. But it certainly wasn't the last time he thought of her. Since then, he couldn't get her out of his mind.
He tried to use her memories in writing his book and at first it worked. But as the days passed he found it harder and harder to concentrate. His desire to see her and hear her voice again was overwhelming.
He had said to himself that it would pass but it didn't. It had reached to the point that he wore his black shirt to sleep night after night with Rika-bear by his side. It may seem outrageous to others but he didn't care. He wanted to see her even if it was just in his dreams.
If you missed her so much why don't you go find her, his subconscious finally spoke up.
Weren't you the one who said that I meant nothing to her?
Yes, I did say that. Maybe you are nothing to her. But is she nothing to you?
Yoshiyuki recalled how he loved to gaze at her may she be sleeping or not. How his heart skip a beat when he hears her laugh. How his breathe always gets stuck in his throat whenever she smiled at him. How his stomach churned at the thought of the men in her life. And how he always had this inane desire to take care of her.
If she's nothing to me then how come I'm falling apart like this?
That's because you're in love with her. Haven't you figured that out yet, snorted his subconscious with thick sarcasm.
He suddenly stood up in shock.
"I'm in love with her?" he whispered in wonder. "I am. I do love her. But does she care for me too?"
Why don't you find out?
He propped the bear back on his desk and strode towards the bedroom with long determined strides.
He had to find out. He needs to find out.
~Later~
He had dropped off his overnight bag and Bono at his sister's house. He could see that she was surprised and confused at his unannounced visit but he didn't waste any time to explain his reasons to her. He was in and out of her house in three minutes flat, shouting that he'll be back for dinner.
He then drove to Rika-chan's restaurant. That was when his brain started functioning. He didn't have a game plan. He can't just go in there and shout his undying love and beg her to love him back.
He stared thoughtfully out of his car window and into the restaurant's window. He could see Chiharu Yamazaki weaving in between the tables, talking to the diners. He recalled Rika-chan mention that Yamazaki-chan was her partner. The former handled the kitchen while the latter handled the guests.
Yoshiyuki suddenly thought of his master plan. What he needed was a plausible reason in entering her restaurant. He started his pickup and drove to fetch his 'reason'.
Ten minutes later he went in his publisher's building. He nodded at the secretary before entering Yashko Sagara's office without knocking.
"What the…Yoshiyuki! This is a surprise." Yashko stood up to greet his friend/client.
"How have you been, Yashko?" He shook his hand and sat down, trying to act cool.
"Great! You didn't come to our wedding. Naoko was a bit disappointed. She wanted to see the great Tokiya Matsuda," he teased.
"Gomen nasai. I had other things in my mind back then. I didn't think Naoko-chan would want me to show up with a sour attitude."
"Your book, eh? Still having problems with it?"
"You could say that."
"So Rika-chan told us how you saved her from being licked to death by that huge dog of yours."
Yoshiyuki's eyes lit up when he heard that. So she's been talking about me with her friends. I wonder what else she said, he eagerly thought.
"It was really lucky of her that Bono sensed her." And lucky for me too because I wouldn't have met her again otherwise. This is the cue that I've been waiting for. "So how is she? Maybe we could go to that restaurant of hers and have a late lunch?" he said in one breath.
Yashko looked at him oddly as he sat down in front of the other man. "Of course, you haven't heard."
"Haven't heard what?" Yoshiyuki felt his heart tighten in reaction.
"Rika-chan is confined in the hospital. She's been there for four days now."
Yoshiyuki felt the blood on his face drain.
"Nani?!" He exclaimed as he gripped the arms of the chair in surprise.
"She didn't come to work four days ago. Naturally Chiharu-chan got worried so she went to Rika-chan's apartment. She found her lying on the bathroom floor, unconscious and barely breathing. She called for an ambulance then they brought her to the hospital. Later on we found out that Rika-chan almost died from a drug overdose."
"Drug overdose?" Yoshiyuki whispered, incapable of shaking off the shock.
"Iie, not that kind of OD. They were anti-depressant pills," Yashko shook his head as though in guilt. "None of us noticed that she was suffering from depression let alone taking those damn pills. Anyway, she was in a coma for three days and just woke up yesterday."
"She's in a bad state, Yoshiyuki," he continued after a long pause to let his friend take in the news. "She may be awake but she won't acknowledge anyone or anything. She just stares off in space, refusing to talk or eat."
Yoshiyuki quickly stood up and strode out of the office. He had to go to her. He had to see her.
He ignored Yashko's cries to wait up. He did, however, noted the publisher's shout about what room Rika-chan is in.
He reached her room in no time. He leaned against the wall and fought to catch his breath. He didn't want to wait for that damningly slow elevator so he ran up eight flights of stairs. When he caught his breath he slowly opened the door.
Nothing could have prepared him from the sight he saw.
Rika-chan's sleeping figure looked so frail and pale, her face almost as white as the hospital sheets. She had lost so much weight since the last time he saw her. And dark rings circled her eyes and pale lips.
His heart ached at what he saw.
He slowly walked towards the bed and gently sat down beside her, taking her hand in his. His other hand brushed away her hair from her face, just like he did a couple of times before.
"Rika-chan," he sighed out in pain.
"Terada-sensei."
Yoshiyuki heard someone quietly call out his name from the door. He turned around and saw a pregnant woman standing there holding a large vase of flowers. "Kinomoto-chan."
~BONUS: SAKURA'S POV~
Sakura had been observing him for a couple of minutes before she called out his name. She saw how he gently touched Rika's face and heard the sorrow when he said her name.
She smiled inwardly because she saw how much Terada-sensei cared for her friend. Perhaps he was the solution for their problem with Rika.
"Actually, it's Li now. I'm married to Syaoran Li. Am I interrupting you? Gomen nasai. Perhaps I should come back later," Sakura poised to leave.
"Iie. Please stay."
Sakura laid her flowers besides the numerous others. She looked around and saw how cheerful the room looked. Flowers were scattered all over the room and get-well-soon cards were posted on the walls. Most of them were home made, done by Chiharu and Tomoyo's children. Sakura had made one too, signing her unborn son's name.
Unfortunately no matter how cheerful and gay they made the room it didn't make its occupant snap out of her self-imposed silence.
Terada-sensei held out a chair for her near the bed before returning to his original position besides Rika's sleeping form. Sakura watched Terada-sensei pick up her friend's hand again and stare at her face with unwavering eyes.
Sakura laid a hand on her slightly round womb and thought of something to say.
"We're lucky you know," she began and continued only when she had his full attention. "The doctor said that we would have lost her if Chiharu was ten minutes late in finding her."
He does love her, she thought in satisfaction when she noticed his hands tighten around Rika's as though he didn't want to let it go. It was easy for her to see true love now ever since she found hers in Syaoran.
They spent the next few minutes in silence. Sakura could see that Terada-sensei was having trouble with something. It was as though he was battling with himself.
"I knew something was wrong with her," he finally spoke up, obviously disgusted with himself. "That time when I found her in the blizzard…I knew she was troubled with something but I didn't do anything about it. Some friend I turned out to be."
"At least you noticed something. We, on the other hand, were supposed to know her better and yet we didn't see through her overly cheerful façade."
"But that's the point. I saw it but didn't do anything," he replied back in frustration.
"We shouldn't be troubled with what we didn't do in the past. Kami-sama gave us another chance to right our wrongs by giving us Rika back."
Sakura stood up and walked towards the door, looking back before opening it. "The worst is not over yet, Terada-sensei. Someone has to break down the wall Rika built around herself. All of us tried but failed. Perhaps it is you who can save her from her depression."
~Back to Yoshiyuki's POV~
He heard the door click behind Li-chan. Thinking about what she said, he conceded that she had a point.
There was no use in blaming himself. He had to focus his energy in helping Rika-chan out. He would do everything in his power to bring back the true Rika Sasaki.
How he would do it, he doesn't know but that wouldn't stop him. Nothing would stop him, now that he found the only person who could complete his life.
Hell would freeze over before I let go of her again.
To be continued…