DISCLAIMER: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.
UNFULFILLED LOVEBy bishounen lovah a.k.a. touya_mou
Chapter 7: Rika
Rika stood in the middle of a busy street. People walked past her, not bothered by her lack of movements. They passed by her not caring if they were bumping against her.
And Rika just stood there.
Soon it was dark and the crowd had thinned out. She stood in the middle of the light the street lantern emitted. Looking up she saw Sakura and Syaoran walk closer to her. They had their arms around each other. Then Naoko and Yashko appeared too.
They talked for a while before sounds of children's laughter rang across the street. Tomoyo's daughter was playing with Chiharu's twins. They ran around the grown-ups, ignoring their parent's pleas to quiet down. Eriol and Takashi were again telling another amusing story. This made the children stand still, listening aptly at their fathers' story.
And then couple by couple they left, taking the children with them. A second later, she was alone in the deserted street again.
Rika felt a solitary tear run down her cheek.
"Rika-chan."
She heard a deep voice call out her name. She looked around in confusion. The voice was familiar but it was impossible for its owner to be here.
"Rika-chan!" The voice was more urgent now. She tried to follow it but couldn't move her feet. She raised her hands in an appeal for help.
"Rika-chan, wake up!"
~End of Dream Sequence~
She finally opened her eyes. What she saw was a pair of worried brown eyes but in her state of confusion she didn't recognize to whom they belonged. She just stared passively at the eyes with no emotion whatsoever.
"Rika-chan. It's me." The man spoke up again, this time in frustration.
That voice…those eyes…I know them, a small part of her said.
"Yoshi-kun."
The name entered her mind and she whispered it. She felt her hands being squeezed. She looked down and saw that her hands were raised in someone else's grasps.
"Yoshi-kun," she said again, this time in wonder. She fought hard to lift the fog blocking her mind. Closing her eyes and taking deep breaths, she willed her mind to clear up.
When she opened her eyes again, she saw his face more clearly. Pulling one hand from his grasp, she reached out to touch his face to see if he was real. She was afraid that he was just another illusion, something that her lonely mind had conjured up again.
"You're here. You're really here," she said, her voice breaking from lack of use.
"Yes I am darling," he said as he took her hand again. He kissed her palm before pressing it against the side of his face.
Rika let out a soft sigh before tiredly closing her eyes. She felt her body relax as though her muscles had been tensed up for God knows how long. Her lips curled up into a smile as she welcomed the warmth spreading throughout her body.
Later, she fuzzily woke up to the sound of muffled voices. Reluctant to wake up from her relaxing nap, she kept her eyes closed unaware of where she was and what she was doing there.
"She's in a withdrawal state right now. This is a dangerous situation because if we can't help her right now it would be quite impossible to do so later on. The depression would take over her mind as well as her body. You've all seen her zombie-like trance. Don't look so glum though. I believe that things are looking up since she responded to Terada-san's voice and touch."
Rika heard a loud collective sigh. Curious at to what was happening; she opened her eyes and looked around the room. She slowly took in the card-covered walls and the multiple flower vases on top of every flat surface. Her eyes finally settled across the room where her friends were huddled around a white-coated woman.
The woman glanced at her then smilingly walked up to her. "Ah, you're awake."
In an instant, ten people surrounded her. In a counterclockwise direction, she looked at them one by one.
Nearest to her head was the woman whom she now recognized as her psychiatrist. Beside her were Eriol and Tomoyo followed by Sakura and Syaoran, Chiharu and Takashi, and Naoko and Yashko. The person closest to her left was none other than Yoshi-kun.
She watched them look anxiously at her as though she was some kind of bomb ready to explode. She thought they looked so funny but was too tired to even crack a smile. Still confused about her whereabouts, she looked at Dr. Morikawa who was raising the upper end of her bed.
"Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital. You suffered from drug overdose," Dr. Morikawa calmly explained, not at all surprised at her patient's lack of memory. She waited for her to ask another question so as to give Sasaki-chan time to assimilate the information.
"Drug overdose?"
"You had somehow ingested more than eight of the anti-depressant pills that I prescribed. You were only supposed to take two pills a day."
"Gomen nasai. I can't remember. I must have lost count," she said in a small, confused voice.
"It happens," Dr. Morikawa replied in understanding as she checked her pulse. She would have to reprimand her patient when they are alone and when Sasaki-chan is more composed. "You almost scared the life out of your friends though."
Unsure of herself, she looked past the doctor and outside the window.
"What you need now is rest. Your friends can stay for ten minutes. After that, I will only allow Terada-san to stay." The doctor patted the arm connected to the IV before leaving the room.
Rika thought that what the doctor last said was odd but didn't think about it. She was more worried on how to handle her friends now that they knew about her condition. From the corner of her eyes, she saw them nudging each other to speak up.
She looked at Sakura when the bed moved under the pregnant woman's weight. "How are you feeling Rika?"
Confused.
Ashamed.
Depressed.
Sad.
Tired.
God, she felt so tired…emotionally and physically. She didn't want to tell them about her depression let alone how she felt right now. Not wanting to lie and say that she was fine, she just kept quiet and stared back at the window.
She felt the bed move again; this time it was Yoshi-kun who sat down on the other side. He didn't say anything though. He just took her hand in his and squeezed it in encouragement.
She stared at their joined hands for a minute before looking back at the others.
"Gomen nasai. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I just didn't want you to worry about me."
"We're your friends, Rika. We are supposed to share your joy as well as your pain." Chiharu said with a teary voice. She remembered the fright she had when she found her friend unconscious on the floor.
Rika just looked down sadly. Even if I told you, you wouldn't understand, she wanted to shout at them. You wouldn't understand how I felt…how I feel right now. None of you had ever felt the loneliness that I'm feeling right now.
"This is not the time to talk about it, minna," Tomoyo softly said. "Rika will tell us when she's ready."
Rika tried to smile in gratitude at the other woman. Takashi then shoved the cards that were posted on the wall at her. One by one she looked at them and read them. The others were chatting lively telling her amusing stories about the time when their children were making the cards. Sometimes she would force herself to laugh at appropriate moments but all she wanted right now was peace and quiet.
Thankfully a nurse appeared and informed them that the ten minutes were over. There were some more commotion as they said their goodbyes to Rika and Yoshi-kun. The nurse laid out a tray of food on the mobile table. She then ushered the others out of the room, leaving her alone with Yoshi-kun.
Rika let out a sigh of relief when the door closed quietly behind them. She loved her friends but they were too much for her right now.
"Daijoubu?" Yoshi-kun asked as he sat back down beside her.
"Just tired. Their lively attitudes can be tiring sometimes," she smiled lamely.
"Then you'd better eat your dinner so you can rest." He gently moved the table so the tray would be in front of her then lifted the aluminum lid covering the food.
"I'm not really hungry, Yoshi-kun."
"You're going to eat every morsel of food on this tray. I won't take no for an answer," he said in a gentle yet firm tone. Not waiting for her response, he picked up the spoon and bowl of soup. He blew at the spoonful of thick liquid making sure that it wasn't scalding hot before poising it near her mouth.
Rika looked at him then at the spoon then back at him. "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I'm your friend and friends help each other when in need."
"I don't need your help or your pity," she said before turning her head away. For some reason, she got irritated with what he said. And maybe a little irritated at herself too. It seemed like she always ends up as the damsel in distress and for the second time around Yoshi-kun was there to save her.
She heard him sigh before pushing the table away. She felt his hand touch the side of her face to make her look back at him. Reluctantly, she did so.
"I'm here because I care about you. And I won't go away even if you call security. You need someone to listen to your problems and I plan to be that person."
She looked deeply into his eyes and saw the sincerity in them. She knows that however determined he was to help her, he wouldn't press her to talk. He respects her privacy and for that she respects him back. He might even understand how she feels.
She saw him smile with relief when she nodded in agreement. He picked the bowl and spoon again.
"I can eat by myself you know," she said as she smiled her first genuine smile (even if it's just a small one) in weeks.
"I know," he shrugged, grinning back at her. "It just gives me something to do."
"Tell you what…why don't you go downstairs and get your own dinner to go. We'll eat here together." She continued when he was about to protest. "If you're worried about the food getting cold I'm sure the nurses would let us use the microwave in the nurse's pantry."
"I won't eat unless you'll eat with me," she added. She knew she was being childish but couldn't help it. She actually missed those few times that they ate together and was looking forward to relive the experience.
She remembered that the time they spent stuck together in his cabin was one of the happiest moments of her life. And right now what she need is to remember those happy moments to keep her from thinking about her problems.
"All right, but you have to promise me that you'll eat everything. Not a single crumb should be left," he finally succumbed to her threat.
As soon as the door closed behind him, another thought nagged her.
Have you ever thought what you're going to tell him, her subconscious asked. You agreed for him to be your confidante and sooner or later you would have to tell him about what's making you crazy.
He won't force me to tell him, she answered back.
But do you really want to keep it from him? Look at what happened to you. Do you really want your loneliness to eat you up from inside out?
No. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm so tired of feeling sorry for myself.
Then tell him. Do something about it.
"But what if he laughs at me?"
"Who will laugh at you?"
Rika jolted out of her trance and saw that Yoshi-kun was looking at her oddly.
"You're back. That was fast," she blushingly said.
"There's no line at the cafeteria. Who would laugh at you?" He asked again as he positioned the table in between them. Her food was still warm so they didn't have to heat it up.
"No one…Itadakimasu!" She quickly said and reached for her soup. She could feel his worried gaze on her and she prayed that he would leave it be.
Kami-sama was on her side at that moment because Yoshi-kun did not press on. They ate in comfortable silence. Afterwards, they watched some TV.
It didn't take long before Rika felt drowsy again. A relaxing cloud covered her mind. It was a shame that the cloud prevented her from feeling the gentle kiss that grazed her forehead.
To be continued…
bishlov: *slams head against the door again and again*
Rika-chan: Ano…is there any problem, bish-chan?
bishlov: *stops slamming head to look at Rika* Yeah, I've got a problem. This has got to be the worst chapter I've ever written. It's too hohum.
Rika-chan: Gomen nasai. I'm very sorry to hear that.
bishlov: *sweatdrops* don't you ever say anything except 'gomen nasai'? It's getting a bit tiring.
Rika-chan: Sumimasen. I didn't mean to upset you.
bishlov: *sweatdrops some more* I give up!!! You're too polite for your own sake. Just do me a favor and stop whining about your life already.
Rika-chan: Hey don't blame me. You're the one who made me whiny.
bishlov: You're right. *Slams head on door again* bad bishlov…bad bishlov…bad bishlov!
Rika-chan: Ano…
bishlov: What is it now?
Rika-chan: I think someone else is knocking on the door.
bishlov: *opens door* Yukino-chan!!!
Yukino-chan: Hey I've been looking everywhere for you. When the hell are you gonna change me back into Yukito?!
bishlov: Hehehe *sweatdrops*. Ano…I'm kinda busy right now with this fic. I have to fix Rika-chan's problem first before I can fix yours.
Yukino-chan: Nani!!! I can't stand being a girl anymore. Kuso…this pantyhose is itchy *scratches legs*.
Rika-chan and bishlov: *snort snort*
bishlov: I'm sorry, Yukino-chan, but you have to wait your turn *snorts out laughter*. By the way, I like that dress…it's so chic…so you. I'm sure Touya-kun would go gaga over it.
Yukino-chan: Oh go lick a frozen mailbox!!! *Slams door behind her, er, him*
Rika-chan and bishlov: *fall to the ground and laugh their heads off*
bishlov: *rubs tears from eyes* Ja, minna-san and don't forget to review