Title: Cold November Rain [part 57/62]

Book 1 of "Redirecting Destiny" and prequel to "Romantic Resolutions"

Author: Enigma

Series: Weiss Kreuz

Written: January-April, 2002

Rating: R

Pairings: (Yohji + Ken + Aya) (Omi + Nagi) (Brad + Schu)

Category: Dark! Yaoi Angst Action/Adventure Violence Blood Squick Language Romance Original Characters. AU-OOC.

Archive: fanfiction.net [author: "E-sama the Llama"], Scripta Manent: http://digilander.iol.it/sakaba/Home.html

Spoilers: None, safe for new viewers as well as old.

Warnings: dark! yaoi, heavy angst, action/adventure, graphic violence, large quantities of blood, squick: medical and other, coarse language, agonized and overwrought romance, original characters designed to highlight the true stars, rare touches of sap, cigarettes, destiny, cruel cliffhangers. AU-OOC.

Disclaimer: "Weiss Kreuz" is the property of Takehito Koyasu and Project Weiss. All original characters featured herein (including but not limited to: Calico, Norwegian, Korat, Sokoke, etc.) are © Enigma, 2002, and are not to be used without permission. This unauthorized work of fanfiction is intended for entertainment only; kindly do not sue me.

Notes: When Ken falls in battle, how can the other members of Weiss cope with the guilt and blame that they all seem to share and will he survive in spite of the odds against him?

++ date and time reference within the storyline beginning with the day of the battle ++

{{telepathic speech}}

*****

++ day: 6. time: 1630-2350 hours. ++

*****

Running a hand through flame red hair that was now a displeasing six centimeters shorter than normal, Schuldich was scowling disconsolately at a cookbook and wondering what to try in his current guise as chef for the Schwarz penthouse when the doorbell rang.

Surprised since they very rarely received guests, the German rose gracefully from where he had been resting on the couch and sauntered towards the front door, silently calling out to two of his teammates, {{I've got it!}}

Ordinarily, the nonverbal alert would've included their Irish friend as well, but after the prior day's pleasant turn of events as Nagi rejoined them, the madness that occasionally tore at the edges of his sanity returned and Farfarello was currently in his room, restrained and heavily sedated. Narrowing his broadcast so that only his lover would receive his words, the redhead added tentatively, {{Um, Brad? Did you order delivery for dinner?}}

Luckily, there wasn't any tension lingering in the air between the Schwarz couple since the telepath had followed the entire painful conversation between Nagi and Crawford the day before and he knew that the American had done the best he could at the time. In fact, he felt sorry for his lover to a certain extent. The emerald-eyed man alone knew how hellish it had been for the raven-haired one who was trying to be a disciplinarian even as his heart sang out with a desire to merely embrace the boy that had been away from them so long earlier in the week. [1]

The precog's mental voice, soft with sleepiness since he'd needed a lengthy nap after receiving a painful premonition earlier in the afternoon which he refused to discuss with anyone, answered, {{No, it wasn't me, Schu. I feel too sick to eat anyway.}} With a sigh that was both mental and physical he added with uncharacteristic weakness, {{Could you please take care of it? I feel like shit right now and would rather just stay here in our room in the dark.}}

Wishing he knew what his partner was hiding from him despite their intensely close relationship, the redhead agreed and responded, {{Well, all right, baby, I will this time. But I swear on a stack of Bibles that the next time you start puking your guts up after a vision and won't tell me what you saw, I intend to go into that pretty little head of yours and yank it out!}} The lightness of the tone and the sweetness of the words were a reflection of his deep and abiding concern as well as how serious he was about this promise in the guise of a threat. Schuldich's broad-shouldered American lover was rarely anything but strong and steadfast which meant that sensing that he was truly miserable after the undisclosed vision of the future frightened the telepath.

Crawford wished he could suppress the desire to chuckle since it only caused his stomach to turn cartwheels, then answered, {{You aren't Christian, Schu. Why should you swearing on one of their Bibles mean anything to me?}}

The German snorted softly even as he approached the door and commented playfully, {{Well, maybe I feel Jewish right now. I dunno. Let me see who it is that is keeping me from finding an amazing recipe or two for tonight, all right?}} Adding a soft, mental kiss he said gently, {{And you can go ahead and go back to sleep, Brad. Whoever it is can't be much of a match for me, you know.}}

{{Of course not, Schu.}} Brad sent back and allowed himself to start to sink back into blissfully painless sleep then added quietly, {{But if you decide to kill whoever the hell it is, could you please see to it that they bleed to death in the hallway this time? After getting the smoky smell out of everything in here this afternoon, I'd hate to have to get it cleaned again.}}

{{Nag, nag, nag!}} Schuldich sent back playfully along with a deeper plea that the one he loved get some more rest. Then he refocused his powers and opened his mind to the unknown as he peered out the peephole. Instead of finding someone overtly threatening, however, all the redhead saw outside the door was a young delivery girl, apathetically chewing gum with her mind wrapped around one of the singularly most annoying songs of all time.

As the strains of a hit song from the late 1990's rang through his unwilling mind, Schuldich groaned aloud and opened the door demanding through his sudden pain, "What the *hell* do you want?!?" The German would've terminated his connection to her thoughts if he was certain she was truly harmless, yet the desire to protect his teammates overrode his own need for comfort and he allowed the annoying tune to continue to harass him because of it.

The girl raised an eyebrow as the redhead growled at her. Realizing he was the telepath Omi had been worried about and deciding it was fun to annoy him, she increased the volume and intensity of her counterattack sending straight towards him, {{La la la la la! All around the world! Sing la la la la la!! All the boys and girls!!}}

In between annoying repetitions of the horrifically redundant chorus of the song, Lorlor asked with apparent disinterest, "Is Nagi home? I've got something for him."

Wishing that the girl would stop repeating the mindless drivel that was rapidly turning his mind to mush, Schuldich snarled angrily, "He can't come to the door right now." He firmly controlled his words and avoided adding an insult to the amazingly polite sentence considering the circumstances then snarled, "May *I* help you?"

Surreptitiously gazing past the admittedly handsome redhead to spot a shy sable-haired boy whom she rightfully assumed was her target, Lorlor shrugged and answered, "Afraid not, gramps. I've got a delivery for Nagi and no one else." Mischief lit her blue-gray eyes as she added threateningly, "Of course, I'm more than happy to stay here until he *is* able to come to the door if that's the way you want to be about it."

Mentally screaming as the chorus to the mind-numbing song washed over him yet again, Schuldich submitted to the pressure and sent in desperation, {{Nagi? Could you please come out here and shut this little bitch *up*?! I have no idea who sent her here to torture me, but right now, I can't cope!}} Despite Crawford's earlier permission to use deadly force if necessary, the telepath had a standing rule not to kill children if he could avoid it and since the brunette facing him didn't seem like a true enemy he preferred to let her complete her business and go away unharmed. Then again, if the song didn't stop circling in his brain like a vulture over three-day old roadkill soon, he might change his mind entirely!

Curious to see who or what could distract Schuldich enough to make him lose his cool so completely, Nagi eased himself from his semi-hidden place in the doorframe to his bedroom and muttered silently, {{I'm on my way, Schu. What's the problem?}}

Groaning and sending a snippet of the chorus that was driving him insane to his friend, the telepath nearly begged, {{Just get rid of her and help me find a way to get this crap out of my head, okay, Nagi?}} There was a quiet psychic moan and he grumbled almost to himself, {{Why do pop music writers have to come up with shit like this to torture adults?}}

Nagi understandably found this both humorous and serious since he didn't like to see his dear friend made miserable by anyone yet Schuldich's lack of control was amusing. Stepping up to the door with his arms crossed over his chest, he glared at the strange girl and commented archly, "I'm Nagi. Why are you looking for me?"

Immediately switching from her spoiled teen persona to that of a girl on a secret mission with hints of romance, Lorlor smiled delightedly and held the unlabeled box out in both hands as she said sweetly, "I have a delivery for you."

Eyeing the box distrustfully, the midnight blue-eyed boy asked, "What is it and who is it from?" There was nothing intrinsically odd about the telekinetic receiving a package, of course. Various computer components arrived on a semi-regular basis, but they'd always been delivered by men and women substantially older than Momoe's grandniece and they were usually in uniform instead of the latest in young teen casualwear.

Rolling her blue-gray eyes slightly since she had expected him to simply accept the package without giving her too much trouble, the thirteen year old said, "You'll have to open it yourself to find out what's inside." Then a sparkle entered her eyes and she added with a wink, "But I'll tell you this much, it's from someone *special*!"

Realizing there was only one person who lived beyond the walls of the Schwarz penthouse that he considered truly "special", the telekinetic's expression became less wary as he began to wonder if his boyfriend could have something to do with the current strange situation. Allowing himself to hope that he might be right, he asked hesitantly, "Um, would that be someone 'special' to you or to me?"

"Both." The girl smiled and shoved the package forward a bit as she asked, "Aren't you going to take it? I promise you'll like it and I *really* need to get going. There's an ice cream parfait waiting for me!"

Reaching for the mysterious box anxiously now that he was almost certain this was Omi's doing, Nagi asked knowingly, "Would that be a chocolate one with extra Pocky on the side by any chance?"

Lorlor beamed at him since she was pleased that he finally understood her hidden message and answered, "You bet! But I want to get it before dark, so I need to get going." Noticing that Schuldich was glaring at her from across the room, she snickered mentally and reiterated the annoying song in her mind on the off-chance he was foolish enough to still be listening to her thoughts. Her careful avoidance of any mental images of Omi or the Koneko had paid off nicely, though, and all the German knew was that she was hungry for ice cream as she handed him the package.

Cradling the delivery box against himself as the girl walked away, Nagi called out politely, "Thank you, miss." As she vanished around the turn in the hallway that led to the elevator, he reached out with his powers and closed the door firmly wishing that doing so alone might alleviate some of the telepath's obvious discomfort.

"I'm glad *that's* over!" Schuldich harrumphed angrily then sauntered towards where Nagi had placed the box on the coffee table and was carefully prying open the top hoping against hope he wasn't making a terrible mistake.

The Japanese psychic knew that if he took what he presumed was a gift from his boyfriend straight to his room and tried to hide it from the emerald-eyed man, Schuldich would only become even more curious as to what had been delivered. If, however, he opened it there where the German could see for himself what was inside, perhaps his curiosity would be sated and he'd not harass Nagi about the source of the gift.

Peering into the newly opened box, Nagi's first impression of the contents came from the sudden release of the rich floral fragrances which had been trapped inside during the trip from the Koneko to the Schwarz penthouse. With a happy sigh that he couldn't have suppressed if he'd wanted to, he reached in and carefully withdrew the bouquet and set it down on the coffee table with a small smile of delight. The elegant black vase was the perfect counterpoint for the delicate profusion of meaningful blossoms it held and it was all he could do to keep joyful tears from forming as he took stock of his marvelous gift.

Velvety, deep blue Peruvian irises that were almost black in their richness were the main focus of the arrangement yet their opulence was only enhanced by the presence of the numerous pastel shades of the blossoms surrounding them. Soft baby-blue gentians danced throughout the bouquet while pale shell pink roses and lavender cattleyas more sedately unfurled themselves in carefully selected spots that seemed to return the focus of the eye to the main feature of the arrangement.

The crowning glory of the bouquet were the creamy white freesias which had been carefully intertwined with the stems of the irises to create an image of dark blackish-blue embraced by white that brought a hint of color to alabaster cheeks as Nagi recalled his lessons in "Koneko code". Sprigs of greenery and baby's breath provided subtle highlighting and emphasis for the overall effect and the sable-haired telekinetic knew that this floral masterpiece could only have been created by the one he adored more than anyone else in the world.

The slogan "Say it With Flowers" may have been coined for an American horticulture business, yet the florists of the Koneko no Sumu Ie had taken it to a whole new level and this arrangement practically sang with meaning. The meaning of blossoms representing Omi being wrapped around ones which stood for himself was clear and exceptionally reassuring to the sable-haired boy. The presence of the varieties that represented the other three members of Weiss reminded Nagi that they loved and cared for him, too. Even though none of them could imagine a day that the members of Kritiker's assassin group actually set foot into the Schwarz penthouse, for the fifteen year old who gazed at the arrangement adoringly it was as if his four friends were there with him in spirit all the same.

Having sidled up beside his friend as the teen was lost in a happy haze of appreciation for the fragrant bouquet, Schuldich tilted his head from side to side and then asked in confusion, "Who's sending *you* flowers, chibi?" Then his voice gained a touch of unanticipated emotion as he asked pointedly, "And *why*?"

Disregarding the use of the nickname he strongly disliked, Nagi smiled secretively and said as nonchalantly as possible, "They're from a friend, Schu. It's no big deal."

The telepath snorted in disbelief and commented, "Well, it's been *my* experience that people don't send flowers without good reason, Nagi!" Sudden realization hit him, though, and he smirked as he asked pointedly, "I'll bet they're from your girlfriend, aren't they?"

"My *what*?!" Nagi spluttered, the shock of the question shattering his usual mask of cool entirely as he demanded, "What makes you think I have a girlfriend, Schu?"

Chortling confidently, the German congratulated himself on solving the mystery and he pretended to lose interest as he sat back down and started searching through the cookbook halfheartedly. Sensing Nagi's frustration even though the sable-haired youth hadn't opened his mental shields in the least to expose his true feelings, emerald eyes glanced over at him playfully and he explained, "Well, if they aren't from that girl you chat with online all the time, who *are* they from?"

Midnight blue eyes went wide and blinked briefly then Nagi realized that Schuldich had mistakenly assumed he had on online girlfriend whom he'd rushed to email the day before and he sighed in relief and answered, "All right, you caught me. They're from my friend, but 'Robin' is *not* my girlfriend, Schu! Far from it!" He'd made it a point to never mention Omi's screen-name in the past, but since he was in a hurry to sidetrack the redheaded man from the truth, he simply used the part that came to mind first without really thinking it through.

"Yeah, yeah, you tell yourself that if it makes you feel better, chibi," Schuldich remarked sarcastically.

Glad that the telepath couldn't read his heavily shielded mind and see the truth for what it was, Nagi acted insulted and refused to comment. Then he picked up his bouquet and wordlessly headed for the sanctity of his bedroom where he intended to simply sit and stare at his flowers in peace and quiet enjoying the feeling of being loved and appreciated from a distance.

But even as he walked away, the redhead silently taunted him in a schoolyard tone, {{Nagi and Robin sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!}} His mental jab ended with a laugh and the equivalent of a friendly caress as he added quietly, {{Way to go, kid. If you can get 'em to send you flowers when you're only fifteen, you're doing better than *I* ever did!}}

Unable to stay angry with someone he cared so much about, Nagi sent back, {{Thanks, Schu. Let me know if you need any help with dinner, okay? I know Farf would want to help if he was rational right at the moment, but maybe my assistance would be better than none?}}

{{Yeah, sure, that'd be great,}} his friend responded and then allowed their conversation to end since his thoughts past this point were quite private.

Blissfully unaware of the German's distraction, Nagi went into his room enjoying the sensation of basking in the glow of love that the bouquet gave him. He rearranged some things on a small table near his bed with his powers and then settled the black lacquer vase into the center of it turning it from side to side until he was pleased with its appearance in a shaft of late afternoon sunlight. Happily, he would be left out of the dramatic shift that was to take place in the Schwarz penthouse and despite never understanding what was about to occur, he would certainly not be unaffected by it eventually.

*****

As the diminutive telekinetic was carefully creating a small miniature shrine for his lovely and deeply meaningful bouquet, the German psychic was lost in thoughts that ranged far and wide.

Schuldich had been surprised by the brief flood of jealousy he'd felt when he saw that his youngest teammate had received flowers from an admirer, something that he himself couldn't claim despite his earlier statement that implied otherwise. Bradley Crawford wasn't a very romantic man in certain regards and had simply never even considered performing such a gesture, but the emerald-eyed man had had other lovers in the past who could easily have done so yet never did. He wondered if there was something fundamentally different about himself and his relationships from that of Nagi and whoever he had found favor with, but the concept of true love and a fated soulmate would never have occurred to him to be the explanation.

With a sigh as he tried to forget that topic as well as turning to the section on one-dish meals since he was getting tired of thinking of whether or not certain recipes would taste good together, his mind wandered to another topic.

Even though Nagi had only been home a little more than a day, Schuldich had already noticed a marked improvement in not only the boy's energy levels and also his overall appearance. The German had been worried about whether or not the youth was showing any negative effects of whatever adventures he might have encountered during his time away from home and had been observing him more closely than normal. To the emerald-eyed man's surprise, the midnight-eyed boy's complexion seemed warmer, less wan, and after he accidentally walked in on Nagi while he was brushing his teeth after a shower, he realized he was also somewhat less bony looking than usual. Being the one who helped him when he passed out after overuse of his powers, Schuldich had had plenty of opportunities to observe his young friend's physique in the past. Even though he never thought that the excessive slenderness he'd noted was a problem since he, too, had tended towards waif-like thinness as far back as he could remember, he'd be the first to admit the telekinetic looked better now, sleeker and more healthy.

Not certain if his observations were important or not, the redhead continued to look for a recipe yet paused and smiled as he encountered an illustration of the one he'd made the night before and had a small epiphany.

The previous evening Schwarz had gathered together at the dining table for the first of what Schuldich hoped might be any number of new "family style" meals that he hoped might bring them together as friends as well as teammates more so than their past routines. The telepath had proudly unveiled his first attempt at classic lasagna, an Italian specialty he'd enjoyed at any number of good restaurants and it was received well. One of the things that had made the meal such a rousing success he realized in retrospect was that Nagi had actually asked for a second helping, something he couldn't recall usually happening. Granted, he usually didn't even eat dinner with the boy often in the past, but it was still noteworthy.

The other thing about the meal that came to mind was a rather odd discussion about vitamins that crept in thanks to Farfarello making an off-the-wall comment about nutrition based on some program he'd been watching about menu-planning. In the midst of a discussion of how expensive certain nutrient-rich foods were, Nagi had slipped in a comment that daily multivitamins were a good idea for teenagers and before anyone knew it, there was an agreement from Crawford to pick some up for the two youngest members of Schwarz. At the time, Schuldich had felt rather surprised and pleased with his lover's unexpectedly generous and almost paternal response, but when he silently congratulated him on it, the American seemed distracted and simply acted like it was a non-issue.

After correctly assuming that the raven-haired man was still preoccupied with the way he'd handled Nagi's homecoming, Schuldich tried to put the whole situation out of his mind in favor of focusing on dinner plans. However, as soon as he tried to recall if they had what he'd need to prepare a particular dish or not, he perceived a silent wave of pain from his lover and he set the cookbook aside to go see what was wrong.

Peering into the darkened bedroom, emerald eyes as bright as those of a cat noted that Crawford was laying on their bed in a rumpled pair of pajamas and staring at the ceiling sightlessly since his glasses lay on the nightstand.

Frowning slightly since it wasn't obvious what had caused the American's distress, the slender man slipped farther into the room and called wordlessly, {{Brad? Are you all right, baby?}}

The heart wrenching response was a quiet moan and then dark brown eyes turned towards where he stood backlit by the light from the hallway and his lover reached out one atypically weak hand and asked simply, {{Would you come in and sit with me for a few minutes, Schu?}}

Concerned frown deepening considerably, the redhead closed the door behind himself and lessened any pain the light was causing and then carefully arranged himself beside the man he loved letting his body language tell Crawford that he was there and that he was worried. After tenderly reaching to massage one pained-looking temple with gentle fingertips, he asked, {{What's going on, Brad? I can't recall the last time a vision hit you this hard and, frankly, baby, this is starting to scare me.}}

Sighing as the careful, circular motions began to ease some of the tension from his facial muscles, the precog answered, {{It wasn't the initial vision that did this to me, Schu, it's been the ones after it.}} The slight relaxation he was feeling fled him, though, and he sighed more deeply and admitted, {{They've been like aftershocks following an earthquake. One after another in a seemingly endless array, I've been shown various possible futures some of which I could change and some of which I could not.}}

Frustrated by his lack of ability to aid the man he cared for who was clearly in distress, Schuldich nearly begged, {{How bad are these 'possible futures', baby? I know you don't want to tell me what you saw earlier that sent you off the deep end, but can't you at least give me a hint here? I want to help but I can't if I don't know what we're facing!}} He felt badly for possibly adding to his partner's distress but it was true that at the moment all he could do was offer relief for the symptoms without understanding their cause and the redhead wanted to do much more than that.

Unwilling to shut out the only person who could fully understand the burden of knowing the future yet being unwilling to share what had been a shattering revelation, Crawford asked, {{How would you feel if you knew everything you cared about was going to change and not for the better yet there was nothing you could do about it?}}

Horrified, Schuldich stopped his ministrations and cursed silently then responded, {{I'd hate it, baby, but what do you *mean*?}} Getting only silence for a micro-second too long, he added desperately, {{Is one of us going to die?}} The silent inquiry carried with it an implication that by "us" the telepath meant the assassins of Schwarz not just himself and its leader, but Crawford had assumed that already. After all, they both knew it was impossible to see past one's own death and he had definitely seen past the crisis they were discussing in a round about manner.

Without answering immediately, the American let his eyes slip shut and he sighed deeply once more, the pain welling back up and flooding over him as he admitted his ignorance, {{I'm not sure. Maybe.}} His heart was in his throat as he explained, {{I keep having new and conflicting visions, love, and yet over and over, I see an emptiness forming within Schwarz that I simply can't explain for fear I'll only make it worse!}}

{{No!! That can't be right!}} The German insisted not because it was impossible only that it was wholeheartedly unwanted. Shaking his head and causing his recently shortened hair to wave back and forth in the near darkness, he added pleadingly, {{But you said the visions are conflicting, right? So maybe they're wrong and you're misinterpreting it, right?}}

In a tone as empty and sad as any he'd ever heard from his lover before, Schuldich couldn't have been more terrified when Crawford answered, {{Not unless something drastic happens due to a force that is beyond my vision's ability to foresee, Schu.}}

Failing to pick up on the thin shred of hope that was available in that statement, the German rushed to ask fearfully, {{By 'emptiness', do you mean one of us dies or not, Brad?! And who *is* it?! *Who* is facing this horrible future you can't change, damn it?!}} The sense of panic that had started to take root in the telepath's mind had suddenly gone into full flower and his demands only caused the other man's pain to redouble.

In sheer, unrelenting hell, the American admitted his ultimate sorrow by spelling his answer out slowly and distinctly, saying aloud, "I. Do. Not. *Know*!" Agonized brown eyes flew open as he clenched his hands in his hair in frustration and fear as he cried out, "I have no idea and it could be you or Nagi or Farfarello or it could be *all* of you! And there isn't a goddamned thing in the world that I can *do* about it!!"

Shaking his head in negation, Schuldich whispered in a terrified voice, "no, oh no. this can't be happening, not to us! we've all beaten fate in the past! it can't be true!"

Tears of anger, frustration, and disappointment in himself welled up in Crawford's eyes and he looked away in shame. He had wrestled alone all afternoon with the images of the future he'd been accosted by and despite the fact that they held a flavor of the moderately distant future as opposed to the immediate one, the precog knew this was inescapable to some extent.

A fragment of the most commonly recurring vision came to mind, and Crawford found himself hit by a tsunami of nausea as he clearly saw one of the leaders of Estet pressing a fully loaded assault rifle into his hands and being commanded to kill one of his dearest friends. Pitching himself to one side, the usually resilient leader of Schwarz experienced the throat burning stomach acids of a classic case of the dry heaves, gasping and choking as his mind cruelly replayed over and over his own emotionless acceptance of the weapon.

None of what he was foreseeing was making any sense and the drug-like quality of the images and the reality behind them caused the precog to mentally stumble enough to drop almost all of his mental barriers and cry out for help.

Terrified, lost, and confused himself by what was occurring along with the open torrent of thoughts and feelings from his partner, Schuldich had only a fraction of a second to make a decision as to how best to aid the one he loved. Grabbing for his shoulders and keeping him from possibly suffocating in his own bodily fluids, he yanked the man back towards himself physically even as he reached in mentally and swiftly disconnected the mind from the body so that oblivion could claim him.

As blessed darkness swallowed Crawford's partially shattered mind, his lover screamed inside the confines of his own mind and barely suppressed a desire to cry out for Nagi to come to him to help. The one thought that stopped him from doing so was that if questioned, he didn't understand the visions either and he understood all too well the danger of releasing information that could change an already bad future and possibly make it worse.

As he cradled his now silent partner against him and rocked back and forth like a small child attempting to comfort himself, Schuldich cursed the forces of fate that were conspiring against all of them yet again. Wasn't it bad enough that each of the members of Schwarz had lost their original families through various tragedies? Why should they now also face the probable loss of at least one if not more of those they considered brothers?

Scorching hot tears trailed from emerald eyes as the German telepath sat in the near darkness not alone and yet terribly lonely as he waited, watched, and wondered what would become of them all. Sadly, he would be denied an answer and his beloved partner would remain apart from him for all intents and purposes until nearly midnight.

By the time he reawakened, Bradley Crawford would be relieved of many of the worst images as his mind carefully concealed that which would destroy it. Despite his partner's fearful questions and continued concerns, the dark images would fade further and it wouldn't be until after the cherry blossoms had bloomed and faded before even a small fraction of the truth about the visions was revealed.

*****

To be continued.

Author's Notes:

[1] The details of the discussion between the American and Japanese members of Schwarz with silent kibitzing by the German one will be presented later in a side-story entitled "Crawford's Dilemma" since so many readers wanted to know what happened at the end of Part 51. I hope this is welcome news for some of you since it also means you won't have to wait until "Power Failure" for another major Schwarz scene.

Full Author's Notes to Run at Conclusion.

Please be advised: Parts 56 & 57 will be posted together.

As a continuation of last night's theme, this posting run is *also* dedicated to all those who welcomed the world of "Cold November Rain" back into their lives after Parts 52 and 53 appeared.

{repeats his weird circular dance since he's *still* chained to his computer}

Last night I saluted my fanfiction.net reviewers in detail and tonight I wished to do the same for the wonderful people who contacted me directly at SFSDincher@aol.com so I would know that they were enjoying the show, too! *But* it took me three times longer to edit these exceptionally long Parts than I thought it would and I'm too tired to do all those wonderful people justice *and* deal with that important issue I promised you earlier. Since peace of mind begins with knowledge, I decided to go with talking about death tonight and will plan to spend time tomorrow chatting about more wonderful friends who encourage me via email and I hope this is an acceptable solution for everyone.

{smiles warmly, gets out a Soap Box and instead of standing on it, he sits on the edge and proceeds to make promises that he intends to keep and gives a few warnings along the way all in the hopes of making his readers happy}

Last night, I got a heartfelt note from Issini who was extremely concerned about a few foreshadowing events and her words echoed some I'd heard before and I decided it was time to set the record straight on my policy regarding unlabeled deathfics and/or arcs that include character death. I'm especially glad that I'm covering this now, though, since the ending of Part 57 might otherwise rip a few people's hearts out so badly they might give up on the story entirely without hearing this.

Before I start ranting, please let me explain that I do indeed believe there is a place for the use of the death of a series character in fanfiction as exemplified by any number of excellent deathfics. The loss of life can be transformative not only for the soul that has left one reality for another unknown one, but actually much more so for those who are left behind. However, I consider it the writer's responsibility to warn their readers of this *before* they start releasing the story to the public. Real Life is angsty enough as it is and many people myself included only rarely have the stomach for an all-out deathfic. Therefore, I feel there's no need to get emotionally invested in a story just to have a character suddenly killed simply for the shock value of it. I apologize if I step on anyone's toes for saying this, but the excuse that the writer either [a] "didn't know where the plot would go so it's as much of a surprise to them as it is to the readers" OR [b] "it was supposed to be a surprise" do *not* grant them amnesty from this rule.

{stops preaching then says what he plans to do}

Let me restate the key question as it applies to "Cold November Rain" and its side-stories and epilogues: Does anyone from the series die in this story or not? The answer is easy: Absolutely not! Not in this story and not in any of the future ones in this continuity, I hereby give you my word.

{holds hand up as if giving an oath before a judge and means it as seriously as if this was a courtroom}

The entire "Redirecting Destiny" continuity can be considered a "deathfic free zone" as far as the series characters are concerned and it was planned to be this way from the very beginning since this is the way I like to write and my readers seem to enjoy as well. As stated above, I believe that death has its place in fanfiction but I do not allow it to take anyone for long in any of my arcs unless absolutely unavoidable and then there would be a warning from the start of the fic in which it occurred. The first time I was planning on including this was in "The Gifts Arc" for GW which was to eventually include the death of a certain OZ leader, but that's another set of issues and that story was never even written anyway.

I do, however, allow brief "clinical" deaths as you have already seen and may very well see again. Technically, Ken died during surgery if you recall and that is as far as I allow it to go in an arc like this one. In 2000, I wrote a series of six lengthy for the time GW stories called "The Secrets Arc" where several characters died briefly yet in the end, the series characters were all alive, fairly healthy for the most part, and extremely happy. Since then, that series is what I hear over and over is one of my fans' favorite stories and so I stick to that approach.

However, this raises another matter, that of the handling of original characters.

I became disturbed over whether or not CNR was a "deathfic" when I killed Sokoke, but after polling a significant number of outstanding fanfiction writers, we agreed that label only applied if a *series* character was killed, *not* an original one which I as copyright holder have total control over. Yes, this means all my OC's are technically at risk throughout the continuity and this may become a serious problem someday, but I shall always think it through carefully before deciding to send one them to the great beyond and I hope that if it happens again you will mourn with me for them.

{scowls, realizes there's an exception to that last request and comments}

Um, but no mourning for Calico when he finally dies at the end of Aya's katana in the "Untitled Armageddon Confrontation Book", though. No, when *that* little bastard dies, we will *all* celebrate wildly since I know for a fact quite a few of the characters in the story will be in no condition to do so. But that's a digression as well as a promise, let me get back on topic.

Allow me to reiterate: I absolutely promise not to kill *any* characters from the original series. None of the Weiss kittens will die. None of the Schwarz psychics will die. None of the very few remaining series characters that I'm using will die, not even Ouka or Momoe, for that matter will die! After all, even if any of them *did* die in the series, something I won't mention due to my no spoilers policy, they're going to survive here one way or another!

{smiles hopefully and then shows examples of what he *does* plan to do and how he's done things like this in the past}

I will be maiming one of the series characters much later in the continuity and seriously wounding as well as radically changing another very soon, but *none* of them will die. They might *wish* I let them die at a few points, but they'll recover to one extent or another over time. For example, in "The Secrets Arc" by the time the dust had settled, one of the G-Boys had to have a heart transplant, another lost an eye, while a third was the victim of a gang rape. However, paradoxical as it sounds, they were all totally content with their fates and these challenges simply reminded them that truth and life were precious as was the love of both friends and romantic partners.

One detail about me that this brings forth that I might as well mention now that I've sermonized about it *and* it seems that I share this trait with many of my readers: I happen to believe in ultimately happy endings. Usually, this means plenty of angst, tears, blood, and sorrow followed by my characters being older, wiser, and physically scarred yet quite happy to be alive all the same. I prefer to read stories that end with at least contentment if at all possible and rarely write anything less unless it's a fic I wrote to recover from my own pain and if so, it will be heavily warned and strongly rated. A good example of this is "ResCUe mE!" which is one of my darkest, most heart-wrenching pieces yet it's clearly labeled and readers are strongly cautioned before facing it. Come to think of it, though, that one *too* has a happy ending of sorts so I guess I'm more consistent than I thought.

{tries to tie up a few loose ends and close this. it's late, this is too long, and the llama needs to take Lauren to the dentist for an 8am appointment in a couple of hours. sigh. see where the kid who got balloons came from? the llama hopes *he's* as lucky as that mom was in the fic!}

Now, you all may be starting to wonder why all the dark scary foreshadowing is included if I'm promising not to kill anyone. Well, as I mentioned above, there are times when a person may believe that what he or she is facing is a "fate worse than death" *and* there's the simple fact that the characters have no idea they aren't going to die. In other words, much as Yohji was afraid that he meant nothing more to Aya than a distraction even though we all know that isn't the case, Crawford and Schuldich certainly haven't got a clue that the "hole" Brad's vision showed him forming in Schwarz is *not* someone's death. Granted, I'm not telling who may be leaving, how they depart, in what medical condition, or why they are gone, right now, but that entire scene was based on snapshots from the upcoming "Power Failure".

{pauses to take a bow for his titles since at least one kind friend mentioned liking them! believe it or not, the llama thinks up these things all by his lonesome so it's nice to know they're enjoyed}

Now that I have rambled way too long and feel as if I've been attending the Mojo Jojo™ School of Redundancy for repeating myself so much just to be sure it's crystal clear, may I ask for a favor? Could you please let me know if this put your mind to rest or if you're annoyed that I just cut a main angst-element out entirely that you preferred to think might hit later? Just a line or two at fanfiction.net or sent directly would be great unless of course I just made you *really* angry and the urge to flame has claimed you. *Those* I'd rather not see, but since everyone reading this is so nice already, I'm not too worried about it at this point.

Special thanks again to Issini [issini@hotmail.com] for helping me to stop and go into this in detail. I promise to keep my detailed warnings lists and flags available for the entire continuity as well as *all* my fanfiction the way I have since the very beginning! In the meantime, I hope that those of you who enjoy watching bishounen suffer even if they will survive their ordeals eventually will stick with me whenever Angst Theatre opens its doors with more of the "Redirecting Destiny" continuity!

Good Night!

~~~E-sama the Llama~~~

(who mentions that he was *thrilled* to see there's already interest in Gelb and feels yet again that he is terribly lucky to have such faithful readers who are accepting of still more OC's since Persia never did bother to establish more than one team in the series, {sighs and wonders if there wasn't a Calico-like character running around behind the scenes in the show making the bearded man a bit hard to work with there, too, then vanishes into the night… er, uh, morning?})

Posted 24 April 2002, ~5:00am