TITLE: Someday, Somehow

DISCLAIMER: boat boy, eglee, not mine, bllah blah woof woof
AUTHORS NOTE:I know this virus conflict wont be easily solved.. and i dont like complicated things... so im nnot solving! im dodgin!
SUMMARY: The virus pulls Max and Logan apart...

As I wake up I feel another presence in the room. Someone here, with me. A wave of shock passes through my body as I glimpse the hunched figure. It's in a chair hidden in the shadows, shoulders shaking, almost as if it's crying. My breath catches as I finally realize who it is, who she is. Max, my dark angel. She hears my gasp and looks up. The look on her face kills me. Her eyes are bright and tear filled; her cheeks are wet from the ones she's already shed. I watch as she takes a deep, shaky breath and my heart breaks at the hurt that's clearly written in her expression.

"Max..." It's barely a whisper but I know she heard it. Her eyes bear into me, stripping me of my body and searching my soul. God, she's really just killing me. If only I could stand, walk to her, hold her in my arms, protect her from the world. If only...

"I'm sorry... But Cindy is with her new girl and Sketchy is with Natalie and Herbal is just not there and I just... I need to be somewhere that knows what I am, to be with someone that knows I'm a monster. I--I-- I shouldn't have come and woken you up. I'm sorry..." Her voice trails away, drowning in emotion. God, what I wouldn't give to make all her troubles go away.

"I'm sorry..." This time her voice is softer and I see the tears overpowering her once more.

We just sit there for a few moments, me on the bed, she in a chair in the corner. Her knees are pulled close to her body and her body wracks once more in silent sobs. My emotions threaten to overbear me but I quickly get them in check. She needs me right now to be strong.

"Max." The firmness surprises me; she looks up with her tear stained face. "Come here," I gently pat the open space next to me, "Please?" I watch her debate the issue and compulsively bite her lip. "No touching, I promise. You lay on that side; I'll lie on this side. Kay?" I observe the battle behind her eyes. "I promise, Max. Please..."

She cautiously takes a step towards the bed, her boots are loud against the hardwood floor. My heart leaps and I fight to keep the smile from showing on my face. I breathe deeply and gesture once more for her to join me. Slowly and hesitantly she walks next to the bed. I scoot over to the far edge of the bed and she lays down on the other. As her scent accosts me, my heart is filled with hundreds of emotions -- strongest among them, love. "There's more to it than having no one to hang out with, isn't it?" I'm lying on my side and her on hers, our faces are a mere foot apart, and my eyes battle with her deep chocolate browns. It takes every ounce of will power in me to not touch her face, wipe away her streaming tears, gather her up in my arms and hold her there till the world goes away.

"I'm... Logan... I'm scared." Her words shock me more than anything else could. "I mean... I've never been so alone, felt so alone..." My heart aches at the hurt that's evident in her voice but I let her continue. She sighs deeply, "When we first escaped I felt so alone, so desolate, you know? But later it came to me that I still had them. They weren't there in front of me, but they were out there somewhere, loving me. It made me feel. . .as if I didn't need anyone else. And I didn't, but then we lost Ben. . ." She pauses and breathes deeply. She's blocking sobs but letting the tears stream down her face. "I had one less person to love, to love me. And then I lost Tinga... She was lying in my arms, and I couldn't do anything - anything - to help her. When I felt her heart stop beating something in me died....

"And... Then... Zack... Oh god, Zack..." This time her emotions are too much to control and she begins to weep. After a few minutes she regains her composure and continues. "And now... I've lost three siblings. For all I know that's all I that could have escaped. But now I'm losing you... That's the worst that could happen, Logan. When we were together you filled something within me that I didn't know was empty... and now I'm just empty all over, again... God, I feel so alone. I don't know how to be alone. Not anymore..." Why didn't I see it? She's been hurting all this time over everything and I've been so wrapped up in my crusade.

"Max..." I don't know what to say. What can I say? How the hell do you respond to something like that? "I'm still here for you max..." She bites her lip a little and I struggle to form what I'm feeling in my heart into words. "I love you. Do you hear me, Max? I love you, I always will. And no matter what I will always try to be here... And this... us... It'll get better. I promise." I don't know if I've helped at all but I hope I did.

"There's something else..." I can tell what it is from the look in her eyes. Please let me be wrong. Please, God, wherever the hell you are. .. "I came to say goodbye. I'm leaving, Logan..." I feel my heart break as she confirms my guess. I stare at her, speechless. "I'll be back. I can't be here, Not now... maybe I'll go, find a cure, come back..." I nod solemnly and watch as she sits up. "I'll see you again, Logan. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the next day. Maybe in a week. ..a month, a million years. But I will, I promise you that. Don't mourn me, don't wait. . .just know. I'll come back someday." She walks to the door and turns to look at me. I memorize her face, taking one last, glorious look at her beauty.

"I love you, Max." No matter how strong I want to sound it comes out weak. Pleading. She looks at me, tears in her eyes and takes a hesitant step away from me.

"I love you, too." It's final, full of broken hearts, shattered promises, ruined worlds. I listen as she lets out a choking sob. "I love you too, Logan." She takes one more step, into the hall, and closes the door.

I know she had to do it, and I'm glad I had the chance to say goodbye. And no matter how long it takes, I will wait for her. I will search every crowd for her face, every voice for hers; I will look out every window hoping to see her. I gave her my heart, and whether she knows it or not, she took it with her.

Now, I sit here. All alone and waiting. I will see her again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I will, someday, somehow.