The Rotten Fruits Contest
A/N: Hi, people! This is a pointless little thingwell, maybe not little by your standards, I don't knowand please READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!
Disclaimer: Going to do this in the order they appearI belong to me, George Bush belongs to himself, but he's let me borrow him for this fic*cackles* My Choir teacher belongs to herself, and if she knew I was borrowing her^_^ Harry Potter and all the associated characters and spells belong to Joanne Kathleen Rowling, the lines from Britney Spears' songs belong to Britney Spears(and yes, I'm making fun of her, you think I actually LIKE Britney Spears?? ^_^)Voldie's little speech belongs to me, and so do all the minor characters. Whew. Done.
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Me: Hi! I'm bored.
Disagreeable People: Who cares? Not us.
Me: Shut up!
DP: No!
Me: Yes!
DP: No!
Me: Yes!
DP: No!
Me: Okay, this is turning into one of those boring fights. Let's liven this up a bit! Here comes George! *spotlights come on*
George Bush, President of the United States: *slides out onto the floor, spotlight follows him* Hi, ya'all!
DP: Oh, for God's sake, go away!
Me: Actuallyon second thought, yeah, go away!
George Bush: *goes away looking disappointed*
Me: Okaycan we get anyone more amusing?
My Choir Teacher: Hello, Sophie. What are you doing? This is ridiculous.
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go away, go away, go away, go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My Choir Teacher: Alright, but you're getting an F in Choir. Big drop from an A-.
Me: Oh noWell, if that's the price I have to pay to get you to leave, so be it!
My Choir Teacher: *walks off in a huff*
Me: Let's havea talent show!
Harry Potter: Does defeating the Dark Lord count as a talent?
Me: No.
Harry: DammitHow about flying?
Me: How exactly do you make a show out of that?
Harry: Dammit! No talents!
Sybil Trelawney: How about orb-gazing?
Me: Hmno! You can't prove that you're telling the truth!
Trelawney: Dammit!
Me: Okay, this is NOT working. HmA contest of who can make a very nice audience throw the greatest number of rotten fruits at them!
Ronniekins: That'll work! *jumps onto the stage, and starts doing a Russian dance, falling every other second*
Nice Audience: *gazes at him in pity, doesn't throw a single rotten fruit*
Ronniekins: Dammit! *walks off stage*
Shocked Old Lady From Nice Audience: Such language!
Harry Potter: Okay, ladies and gentlemen
Now No Longer Shocked Old Lady From Nice Audience: What a nice young man!
Harry: Umokay, weirdos and goons(A/N: I'm too nice to say some words I was thinking of)
War Veteran: Get off the stage, you insolent boy! *throws a rotten apple at him* Now we know the reason for the decline of civilization. Kids like you!
Harry: Woo-hoo! That's one! I beat you, Ron!
Ron: *muttering sulkily off stage*
Harry: Okay, weirdos and goons
War Veteran: *sits resigned*
Harry: *muttering* Dammit
Shocked Old Lady: Such language!
Harry: I'm going to see how the Stunning Spell will affect somebody if I have the Imperius Curse on them telling them to stay conscious! Krum?
Krum: *enters from stage left dramatically* Yes, Harry Potter. I vill be glad to help you.
Harry: Good. Imperio! *waits for spell to take effect* Okay, jump up and down yelling, "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!"
Krum: *jumping up and down* I vant my mommy! I vant my mommy!
Harry: Well, that's worked then. The "vant" is just the Bulgarian accent
Old Ladies: But Harry, dear, isn't that cruel?
Harry: Why, yes, of course, my dumb old ladies.
Old Ladies: *throw about five rotten fruits each at him*
Harry: 560! I've got 61 ROTTEN FRUITS, RON!!!!!! I HAVE BEATEN YOU!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! *calms down and continues* Okay, Krum, stay consciousStupefy!
Krum: *rocks back and forth for a minute* Do I stay conscious? Do I get knocked out? Do I stay*unconscious*
Harry: Oh, dammit, Krum, I thought you were tougher than that! At least tough enough to start doing eeny-meenie-minie-moe to stay conscious or not!
Old Lady: *throws a rotten fruit at him for his language*
Harry: 62!!!!!! HAHA, RON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs off stage, dragging Krum with him*
Draco Malfoy: *comes on stage*
(A/N: Making fun of Draco-lovers)
Teenagers in Nice Audience: Oh God, he's so cute!!! *andthey faint*
Dracie-boy: For God's sake, what am I, an idol???
Teenager Who Didn't Faint Yet: Oh, Draco, can I have your autograph?
Dracie-boy: On the other hand, maybe I like being an idolBut I'm getting a really good reception. I need to do something to make them throw rotten fruit at meAha! *starts singing a Backstreet Boys song*
Teenagers: *suddenly wake up from their faint and start throwing rotten fruit at him*
Dracie-boy: *counts* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! 62!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ON MY FIRST TRY, POTTER!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!
Teenager: Oh my god, he's crazy!
All the Other Teenagers: Oh, poor Draco*gaze at him sympathetically*
Dracie-boy: Good God! I am NOT!!!!!!
Teenager: Oh, he's so deluded
Other Teenagers: Poor Draco*gaze at him sympathetically*
Dracie-boy: You're so dumb! You're the dumbest person I've met in my life! *points at Teenager*
Teenager: *throws a rotten fruit at Dracie-boy*
Dracie-boy: HAHA, POTTER!!!! 63! *runs off stage*
Old Homeless Man: *stumbles onto stage* HiI haven't had a bath in about three weeksand I love how I smell!
Audience: *throws rotten fruit at him*
Old Homeless Man: *counts* 25. Continuing onget in a line now to smell me!
Unsuspecting Five Year Old From Nice Audience: *comes up and sniffs him* Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.*throws a rotten fruit and then faints*
Mother in Nice Audience: You made my kid faint! You're gonna pay! *throws rotten fruit*
Old Homeless Man: 40*doesn't know about contest for most rotten fruits and appears to be desperately trying to salvage his reputation* Well, what do people like nowadays? UmI know! *throws on blond wig, transforms his figure to that of Britney Spears, and starts singing* Baby, hit me one more time!
Nice Audience: *screams in horror and "hits him one more time" with a whole bunch of rotten fruit*
Spanish Man: Ay! No me gusta la musica! Even if he does have a remarkably good female voice for an old homeless MAN
Teenager: Understatement of the century. Wait! How did I just understand that simple phrase in Spanish? I'm from a typical Texas high school. I'm supposed to be dumb
Old Homeless Man: 60 fruits
The Devil on His Shoulder: *appears on his shoulder* You're 4 fruits away from winning the contest for the most rotten fruits thrown at a person! Just keep on going!
The Angel on His Shoulder: *appears on his other shoulder* No, don't. You shouldn't be terrorizing these people!
Old Homeless Man: Hmwin a contest, or stopwin a contest, or stop! I'll go ahead and win a contest!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *singing* Oops, I did it again!
Audience: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Molly Weasley: *stands up in audience* He's not an old homeless man or Britney Spears! He's YOU-KNOW-WHO!!!!!!!
Voldemort: *changing back to his usual appearance as Voldemort* Why yes, I am, aren't I? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Molly Weasley: *screams and faints, flinging one last rotten fruit at him*
Voldie: 61C'mon, people, THROW ROTTEN FRUIT AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: *pauses for a moment, confused, then starts flinging rotten fruit at Voldie energetically*
Me: And that's1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 rotten fruits! I think Voldie's won, don't you!
Audience: YES!!!!!!!!
Me: Okay, then. Voldie, you get a trophy in the shape of a rotten apple for your achievement!!!! *hands it to Voldie*
(A/N: Making fun of people accepting awards)
Voldie: Oh, I wasn't expecting this*sobs hysterically for about five minutes*I'd--*sob*--like to thankmy daddywho taught me to beso evilAnd I'd like--*sob*--to thankmy mommywho made me strongand instilled--*sob*--such a great--*sob*--hate of my daddy in me*sob* And I'd like to thank--*sob*--Harry Potter
Audience: *gasp*
Harry: *faints in shock*
Voldie: *goes on, oblivious* Harry Potterbecause he alsotaught me to be really--*sob*--evilAnd lastthe Dark Wizard Grinewaldbecause he inspired me--*sob*--so much--*sob*--with his evilnessThank you, thank you,--*sob*--thank you!!! *rushes off stage with the trophy while sobbing hysterically*
Me: And that's all, folks!
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A/N: Did you like my story???? Hm????? *peers around* No? HOW COULD YOU!!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FAN OF MY STORIES!!!!! Wait, who am I saying that to? I don't have any fansI only have 6 reviews on my chapter fic!
Anyway, even if you didn't like itPLEASE REVIEW!!!! *puppy dog eyes*
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If you squint at those things on the line above, they look like even more like smiley faces, with the parentheses around them!
-Hermione2