CHAPTER 2

DISCLAIMER: Fox, Boatman, Chickadee... blah blah woof woof...

SPOILERS: mostly for designate this but it can be plopped anywhere in season 2 so far...

AUTHORS NOTE: I just wanna say thanks to Jane fer beta-ing... and ummm.... sorry it took me so long to post this everyone... i had a serious case of dumbness and writers block....tee hee hee... Can u belive this season?! so maddening! ha ha... please R and R.... ive been getting some good reviews so far so readers keep it up and remember... be a responsible reader and review!

I listen to Logan try to keep his composure as he tells me what has happened. "I. . .I finally got her to come over to have dinner with me. But I ruined it. We're ruined. Please, Sebastian, have you found anything? Just. . .anything? I feel like. . .if we don't find a cure soon, it'll be too late..."

We? Have I seen him here on the computer analyzing DNA sequences? No. If he keeps whining and disrupting me I'll never find *anything*. I sit here hour after hour to try to help him. To find the precious cure for him and Max.

"No, Logan. I haven't discovered one little thing." Although I've grown used to my own synthesized voice I still hate it. Logan takes too many things for granted. At least he can talk.

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I pedal away from Jam Pony with the package stuffed into my backpack. It's going to sector nine. It has a home there. A place where it belongs. Damn, lucky package.

I remember when I felt so much below the rest. I felt like I was stuck in a deep, dark hole filled with bogey-men and other monsters . I didn't care that all I could see was the darkness and it didn't matter that if I just tried I could escape it forever. That is, until I met Logan. He saw that I didn't belong in such a scary place, and he made me see it too. I love him for that, and I will always love him for making me see I was worth while... But I just can't stand it anymore. Yesterday I almost left Seattle... forever. But something stopped me. I don't know what it was but I have a feeling that it has to do with seeing those eyes. Those wonderful, green eyes.

Eyes Only. That's all he sees. But that's not the way it is -- he's got a great heart to compliment those eyes. If only I could I would show him that his legs really don't mean a thing. I would take away all of his insecurities and hurt, all of the tears behind his eyes. But if I could do all that, I'd be able to find my family again, and get rid of this damn virus.

I'm scared of becoming close to him again. I'm afraid that if I see him as much as I did before I'll forget about it, that I'll see him and become overwhelmed with love. That I'll hug him, only to kill him. He just doesn't need this. He doesn't need me. He's better off without me. I'm just one huge risk.

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Sebastian has been looking for a cure and I'm just praying that he finds one soon. I feel myself becoming more and more lost. I hate Manticore so much for what they've done to us, how they've ruined us. But... At the same time I love them. I love them because they gave me Max. Without that terrible place of a building I would never have met this beautiful Superwoman. My beautiful Superwoman.

Or at least that's what she used to be, mine. Now she's just the girl that haunts my very existence. She is the person that calls and makes my heart ache at the sound of her voice, that makes me melt at the sight of her. She is the elusive angel that I can never touch.

Every night the same dream torments me. I'm sitting at my computer when Max comes in. She leans on the doorframe the way only she could and her eyes sparkle, making her look even more stunning. She walks towards me and I gaze at the slight sway of her hips. Her footsteps are light, almost inaudible. She approaches my desk and her mouth curls up into a seductive grin. She blinks her russet brown eyes a few times. "Don't look so love struck, it's just me."

Her voice mocks me and her hand playfully messes up my already wayward hair. She smiles at me once more and I watch her walk away. Nothing really happens in my dream but it represents so much. The touch, that touch. God, what I wouldn't do just to have her comfortable just standing near me.

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I see the hurt behind Logan's eyes and I back away. At first sight I fell in love with the man. He seemed so different from the others. Caring. I think that's what set him apart from the rest. Not only does he care about the ones he loves but he also cares about the world. He loses himself helping others and trying to aid in making the world a better place. I only wish that he were mine.

Before I met Max the only thought I had was that this man, this caring man, would be mine. I spent
weeks planning ways to capture his heart. At first it was small, making him see that I was a great person. But later I started plotting ways to steal him from Max, the "love of his life". Before I met her I didn't care who I hurt or how badly, because I wanted him so much. I have gone through so much; I deserve to be with the man of my dreams.

But now I know her. We may not be friends but I see through her tough facade, I see that she has been through things harder than I can imagine. She deserves to be happy and to be with him. I know she doesn't need my permission and neither does he but... I need to know I'm alright with this.

For her I will back off and I hope she notices it. For him I will back off because he doesn't need anymore obstacles between he and Max. For me I will back off because I know I won't be able to deal with the hurt he causes when he rejects me.

POST NOTE: Well im gonna remind u to review again... oh and... tell me whos POV i should try next... im TRYING not to stick to all the same people.., i only kept m and L cause theyre the main people.... and i kept seb. cause everyone said they liked him...... so yea.... suggestions are great! thanks fer reading this far though!