Disclaimer: Don't own them.Which is probably a good thing, because I don't
write action scenes well at all, and they're kinda central. Total parody
thing ahead, people.
A short woman staggers down the hall, carrying a pumpkin almost as wide as
she is tall. At each door, she stops, groaning, to peek through the window.
Finding nothing, she hefts the pumpkin again and continues on her way.
Em: *muttermutter*why'd I have to bring a pumpkin instead of a lettuce or
something like that *assorted obscenities* where the hell is the damn
meeting room?
Her view obstructed by the enormous fruit, she crashes headlong into a wall
and almost drops the pumpkin on her foot, saving it at the last second from
the terrible pumpkin-bomb fate that awaited it. She cranes her head around
the pumpkin to look at the wall.
Sign: Fruit and Vegetable Lovers meeting here, 1pm -----
Very carefully, she kicks the door open and staggers in. She places the
pumpkin on the ground next to a chair, revealing her nametag, which
proclaims: 'Hi, my name is Em (chapter president)!' She takes a seat and
looks around.
Em: Who'd like to start today? Wufei? How about you?
Wufei (sitting with a gnarled rooty thing in his lap): I brought ginseng.
It's actually medicinal, and is a traditional Chinese healing agent. In the
fifth year of the Quin dynasty, there was a scandal which imperilled the
honour of the Emporor... *rambles on about the history of ginseng and how it
relates to Chinese honour for a half-hour*
(Rashid, meanwhile, has come quietly in through the door and has sat down,
dwarfing everybody else in the room.)
Em (jerking awake): Well... that was very informative, Wufei. Duo, how about
you?
Duo: I brought an eggplant!
Wufei: It's an aubergine, Maxwell.
Duo(sticking his tongue out): I know THAT, Chang. I call it an eggplant!
It's cool cus it's all dark purple and I can't get anyone to eat it, so I'm
wondering if maybe it's poison or something, and isn't it awesome?
(Rashid is looking more and more confused)
Em (grinning cus Duo's so cute when he gets excited): Yup. Way cool, Duo.
Who's next?
Quatre (with a sappy smile on his face): I brought a cucumber. It's green...
like Trowa's eyes... *reverts to staring adoringly at Trowa.*
Trowa, holding up an ear of corn: ...
Em: Pardon?
Trowa (pointing at Quatre's hair): Yellow.
(Rashid is looking a bit relieved)
Em (furiously brushing her teeth to avoid getting cavities from all the
sugary sweetness): Mmmf-mmf-mmf, mffmff?
All: blank look
Em points at Heero.
Heero: I brought a sweet potato. It's a complete food and stays edible for a
long time. Very practical.
Em (one eyebrow raises): That all?
Heero (using patented Glare 'O Death): Yes.
Em (Sweatdropping and edging her chair away slightly): I see we have a
newcomer. Rashid, what have you brought?
Rashid (displaying something small and red): A radish. I love radishes -they
taste so sweet.
Duo: Really? Mine are always bitter. How do you make them sweet?
Quatre: Do you hoe them more than usual, or talk to them?
Em: Is it the kind of soil you have them planted in?
Wufei: Or do you use a special kind of fertiliser, or mulch?
Trowa: ...
Heero: Compost? I have to know. It could be important.
Rashid (paling): Allah! This is a gardening group? Master Quatre, forgive
me! (He flees in shame)
All: Um
A short woman staggers down the hall, carrying a pumpkin almost as wide as
she is tall. At each door, she stops, groaning, to peek through the window.
Finding nothing, she hefts the pumpkin again and continues on her way.
Em: *muttermutter*why'd I have to bring a pumpkin instead of a lettuce or
something like that *assorted obscenities* where the hell is the damn
meeting room?
Her view obstructed by the enormous fruit, she crashes headlong into a wall
and almost drops the pumpkin on her foot, saving it at the last second from
the terrible pumpkin-bomb fate that awaited it. She cranes her head around
the pumpkin to look at the wall.
Sign: Fruit and Vegetable Lovers meeting here, 1pm -----
Very carefully, she kicks the door open and staggers in. She places the
pumpkin on the ground next to a chair, revealing her nametag, which
proclaims: 'Hi, my name is Em (chapter president)!' She takes a seat and
looks around.
Em: Who'd like to start today? Wufei? How about you?
Wufei (sitting with a gnarled rooty thing in his lap): I brought ginseng.
It's actually medicinal, and is a traditional Chinese healing agent. In the
fifth year of the Quin dynasty, there was a scandal which imperilled the
honour of the Emporor... *rambles on about the history of ginseng and how it
relates to Chinese honour for a half-hour*
(Rashid, meanwhile, has come quietly in through the door and has sat down,
dwarfing everybody else in the room.)
Em (jerking awake): Well... that was very informative, Wufei. Duo, how about
you?
Duo: I brought an eggplant!
Wufei: It's an aubergine, Maxwell.
Duo(sticking his tongue out): I know THAT, Chang. I call it an eggplant!
It's cool cus it's all dark purple and I can't get anyone to eat it, so I'm
wondering if maybe it's poison or something, and isn't it awesome?
(Rashid is looking more and more confused)
Em (grinning cus Duo's so cute when he gets excited): Yup. Way cool, Duo.
Who's next?
Quatre (with a sappy smile on his face): I brought a cucumber. It's green...
like Trowa's eyes... *reverts to staring adoringly at Trowa.*
Trowa, holding up an ear of corn: ...
Em: Pardon?
Trowa (pointing at Quatre's hair): Yellow.
(Rashid is looking a bit relieved)
Em (furiously brushing her teeth to avoid getting cavities from all the
sugary sweetness): Mmmf-mmf-mmf, mffmff?
All: blank look
Em points at Heero.
Heero: I brought a sweet potato. It's a complete food and stays edible for a
long time. Very practical.
Em (one eyebrow raises): That all?
Heero (using patented Glare 'O Death): Yes.
Em (Sweatdropping and edging her chair away slightly): I see we have a
newcomer. Rashid, what have you brought?
Rashid (displaying something small and red): A radish. I love radishes -they
taste so sweet.
Duo: Really? Mine are always bitter. How do you make them sweet?
Quatre: Do you hoe them more than usual, or talk to them?
Em: Is it the kind of soil you have them planted in?
Wufei: Or do you use a special kind of fertiliser, or mulch?
Trowa: ...
Heero: Compost? I have to know. It could be important.
Rashid (paling): Allah! This is a gardening group? Master Quatre, forgive
me! (He flees in shame)
All: Um