"Logan..." Original Cindy sighed. "Look, you said it yo'self...sista girl died in your
arms."
"I know, but...I can't help but have this feeling it's not over yet," Logan insisted, tilting his head back and studying the ceiling. Original Cindy put a hand on his and forced back the impending tears.
"Hey, I want her to be alive, too," she said. "But i' she ain't, she ain't, and
nothins gonna change that."
He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying desperately to make it all go away. He knew what had happened, he'd been there, he'd lived it. But for some strange reason he was having great difficulty making 2 + 2 = 4. Perhaps it was just his need to have her near him that gave him this gnawing hope. Perhaps it was his love for her, the pain of losing her, that was making him run possible scenarios of suvival through his mind over and over again, perhaps this "feeling" of his was completely unfounded and he was just caught in the famous State of Denial. It was there, though, driving him crazy, and he was going to play it out until he absolutely knew for sure.
"We have to consider, though," he began, pulling himself up straight and catching Cindy's eye, "that she went down on Manticore soil. I doubt they'd leave one of their precious X-5's to rot out in the forest, nor would they let them slip away so easily. For all we know, they could have taken her in and patched her back up."
"Or, fools coulda chopped her up for parts," Cindy said so softly it was nearly inaudible, bringing to light the possibilities both desperately feared. Logan swallowed hard.
"Let's just try not to think about that," he whispered, feeling sick to his stomach as images of Max sliced up and devoid of organs began to parade through his mind. He pushed them back and brought to the foreground the memory of their kiss as a means of pacifying himself. That's how he wanted always to remember her, open and happy, not the way she was when she'd "died", in so much pain and despair. He wanted to forget the look she'd had in her eyes but even now it wouldn't go away and his stomach turned again.
"So...now what?" Cindy asked.
"Well...I don't know about you, but...I'm gonna look for her, and if she's alive, I'm gonna find her." Cindy shook her head and breathed another heavy sigh.
"If you wanna be all up chasin some wild hope she's alive, that's fine, but Original Cindy ain't setting herself up for tha disappointment she sure you're gonna find." She began to rise from the table as Logan succumbed to the anger rising within himself.
"Well, that's quite the attitude to have regarding the life of your supposed best friend," he growled, immediately regretting it. He had such a short circuit sometimes...he really needed to work on that before Max came back...IF she came back...
"You saying Original Cindy ain't care 'bout her homegirl?" she cried. "Well, look, I'm hurting as much as you, prolly more, and I wish she wasn't dead but she is! Ain't nobody survive somethin like that, not even a suped-up sista like Max. You goin out tryin to find her ain't gonna bring her back or make things better, it's only gonna make it worse, and Original Cindy not down wit that. Now you have to snap to reality, Logan, and realize what I'm saying or you gonna tear yourself up. I'm out." With that, she stormed from the apartment, leaving Logan feeling alone in every sense of the word.
*******
Max lazily tugged at her restraints and tried to block out the incessant pounding of her heart...no, ZACK'S heart. She cringed at the thought and whimpered softly when she couldn't make it go away. It had been 4 days, 4 painstaking days and she feared insanity. It was like Chinese water torture...being tied down and forced to listen to the beating of her now dead brother's heart. God, he was so stupid! Why would he do something like that?! He knew better than to compromise himself...he knew better, he should have just let her die! The more she thought about it, though, the more she realized that that awful blonde woman was right...he literally loved her more than life. With bitter amusement she chewed over the irony; for all his talk of forsaking "foolish sentimentality" and his insistance that it was all a lie, it was this that had ultimately been his undoing. He had certainly proven that it was, in fact, a weakness...a rotten, horrible shame he'd had to die for her to realize it, though.
For a moment, she almost seriously considered giving up, letting Manticore make her what she was "created to be." But she could never do that to Zack...he'd want her to fight to the death to get out and retain her freedom. Though...he'd also want her to forget Seattle. Forget JamPony. FForget Original Cindy. Forget Logan...how in hell could she ever forget him? If any normal human was perfect...no, it's a lie, it's all a lie. Zack died for feeling that way and if she continued down that path, she'd meet the same fate. If she escaped this place, it meant starting over. Cross the border and never look back.
arms."
"I know, but...I can't help but have this feeling it's not over yet," Logan insisted, tilting his head back and studying the ceiling. Original Cindy put a hand on his and forced back the impending tears.
"Hey, I want her to be alive, too," she said. "But i' she ain't, she ain't, and
nothins gonna change that."
He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying desperately to make it all go away. He knew what had happened, he'd been there, he'd lived it. But for some strange reason he was having great difficulty making 2 + 2 = 4. Perhaps it was just his need to have her near him that gave him this gnawing hope. Perhaps it was his love for her, the pain of losing her, that was making him run possible scenarios of suvival through his mind over and over again, perhaps this "feeling" of his was completely unfounded and he was just caught in the famous State of Denial. It was there, though, driving him crazy, and he was going to play it out until he absolutely knew for sure.
"We have to consider, though," he began, pulling himself up straight and catching Cindy's eye, "that she went down on Manticore soil. I doubt they'd leave one of their precious X-5's to rot out in the forest, nor would they let them slip away so easily. For all we know, they could have taken her in and patched her back up."
"Or, fools coulda chopped her up for parts," Cindy said so softly it was nearly inaudible, bringing to light the possibilities both desperately feared. Logan swallowed hard.
"Let's just try not to think about that," he whispered, feeling sick to his stomach as images of Max sliced up and devoid of organs began to parade through his mind. He pushed them back and brought to the foreground the memory of their kiss as a means of pacifying himself. That's how he wanted always to remember her, open and happy, not the way she was when she'd "died", in so much pain and despair. He wanted to forget the look she'd had in her eyes but even now it wouldn't go away and his stomach turned again.
"So...now what?" Cindy asked.
"Well...I don't know about you, but...I'm gonna look for her, and if she's alive, I'm gonna find her." Cindy shook her head and breathed another heavy sigh.
"If you wanna be all up chasin some wild hope she's alive, that's fine, but Original Cindy ain't setting herself up for tha disappointment she sure you're gonna find." She began to rise from the table as Logan succumbed to the anger rising within himself.
"Well, that's quite the attitude to have regarding the life of your supposed best friend," he growled, immediately regretting it. He had such a short circuit sometimes...he really needed to work on that before Max came back...IF she came back...
"You saying Original Cindy ain't care 'bout her homegirl?" she cried. "Well, look, I'm hurting as much as you, prolly more, and I wish she wasn't dead but she is! Ain't nobody survive somethin like that, not even a suped-up sista like Max. You goin out tryin to find her ain't gonna bring her back or make things better, it's only gonna make it worse, and Original Cindy not down wit that. Now you have to snap to reality, Logan, and realize what I'm saying or you gonna tear yourself up. I'm out." With that, she stormed from the apartment, leaving Logan feeling alone in every sense of the word.
*******
Max lazily tugged at her restraints and tried to block out the incessant pounding of her heart...no, ZACK'S heart. She cringed at the thought and whimpered softly when she couldn't make it go away. It had been 4 days, 4 painstaking days and she feared insanity. It was like Chinese water torture...being tied down and forced to listen to the beating of her now dead brother's heart. God, he was so stupid! Why would he do something like that?! He knew better than to compromise himself...he knew better, he should have just let her die! The more she thought about it, though, the more she realized that that awful blonde woman was right...he literally loved her more than life. With bitter amusement she chewed over the irony; for all his talk of forsaking "foolish sentimentality" and his insistance that it was all a lie, it was this that had ultimately been his undoing. He had certainly proven that it was, in fact, a weakness...a rotten, horrible shame he'd had to die for her to realize it, though.
For a moment, she almost seriously considered giving up, letting Manticore make her what she was "created to be." But she could never do that to Zack...he'd want her to fight to the death to get out and retain her freedom. Though...he'd also want her to forget Seattle. Forget JamPony. FForget Original Cindy. Forget Logan...how in hell could she ever forget him? If any normal human was perfect...no, it's a lie, it's all a lie. Zack died for feeling that way and if she continued down that path, she'd meet the same fate. If she escaped this place, it meant starting over. Cross the border and never look back.