A/N: Hey, it's an update! Finally! Heh. Sorry it's been so long...but, alas, mid terms + studying colleges + internship + writer's block = a potato who is unable to write. Yes, I have been extremely busy, and I've been stuck for...well, far too long. Do you guys realize that I started this in June of last year, like two weeks after AJBAC? I mean, I had the general idea of what I wanted to do, but I never imagined it would take me this long or get so big, heh. In any case, I think there's about 9 chapters left after this one, 10 or 11 at most. Knowing me I'll probably somehow manage to turn that into another 20...but yeah, I'm gonna quit my rambling now and get on with it.
*******
Immediately, he had canceled their orders and dragged his gaping sister from the diner, ordering that they move out at once. He wasn't an idiot; he knew what the disappearance of the broadcase had to mean, he knew that she must surely still harbor the feelings he had tried so hard to eradicate from her, and he knew that, given the chance, she was likely to fall back into her old habits and try to drag him on a suicide mission. It was to his benefit to get them as far away as possible as quickly as possible, so that when she did finally snap out of her shock and begin to clearly process things even she would realize that it was too late, that there was nothing either of them could do. He could even put on an air of pity and sympathy if it suited the situation, and though he felt guilty from just thinking about emotionally deceiving her like that, at least she'd be alive. At least all that had gone on the past few weeks would not be in vain.
He led her to where the Ninja was hidden and started to climb on, even with a weak protest from her that it was her bike and that, therefore, she should be the one to drive. He told her that she was currently too distracted to handle it, and at her reply and huff of pent-up frustration greatly regretted it.
"How can I NOT be distracted? How can you blame me, after...after all that's happened." She folded her arms protectively across her chest and turned her back to him as she began to pace, haunting images of all manner of horrid things happening to Logan beginning to come in quick flashes as her mind cleared of the fog into which she'd been so recently sent. She felt as if she'd been injured badly enough to incur temporary paralysis, and now that sensation was returning she wished it would go away again so she wouldn't have to experience the excrutiating pain that held captive all of her limbs. She wanted to forget about she'd seen, she wanted to forget Logan altogether...but, concentrate as she might, guilt and fear persisted and this time she had no martyr which to refer to convince herself that they were unfounded because her beloved elder brother was alive. He was alive and he hadn't changed and she couldn't remember why she, herself, had wanted to.
"Something's wrong," she whispered, keeping her back to him. He heard, but barely, and had to step closer to her. "An unstoppable untraceable hack doesn't just randomly cut. We gotta..."
"We gotta what?" he exploded. He was losing her again, he could feel it...sand is fine and sifts through open fingers...he had to cup his palm quickly or he'd be back to square one. "We gotta go back? We gotta save him once again from yet another stupid situation he's gotten himself into?" He moved ever closer, until he was right behind her, so close he could see the nervous rise and fall of her chest and sense the breathing patterns of a conflicted one. He didn't like what this was doing to her; he didn't like what he was having to do, how he always had to get so angry and forceful with her. But she'd thank him someday. He was saving her, from Manticore and from herself. And the only way he knew how to do that was to be hard and soldierly and even a little cruel, so that's how he acted. "We can't do that," he whispered harshly, and then decided to put their new aliases into practice, to strengthen the approach. "We can't do that, KRIS. He is no longer our responsibility."
Something in the way he said her new name made her want to slap him, but she didn't have the strength or the will to move. She opted instead to strike back with her words. "Maybe he's not yours, ZACK, but..."
"It's Jim, remember?" he interrupted quickly, anticipating what she was trying to do. "And I don't wanna hear it, Kris." This time he said it so casually it almost frightened her, and made her arms tighten reflexively around herself. "I don't wanna hear it. We're doing the smart thing by leaving, and he should have done the smart thing for himself and quit his stupid crusade but he didn't. Now he's paying the price for it and it's not my fault or your fault so what I want you to do is let him go."
She opened her mouth to reply, to argue against him, but nothing came out. She couldn't think, she couldn't see. She knew he was wrong but she didn't know why, or maybe she just so desperately wanted to believe that he was right that she convinced herself she was simply being an idiot. Going back meant more fighting and more hiding and more pain. But wouldn't it be like that anywhere? Wouldn't it always be the same? Different people, different places, but always the same sticky situations. They were SPECIAL, she and Zack. They were so fucking special. And when you're that special you're too good to have a normal life and to be free of pain, even for a moment.
She turned abruptly and walked rapidly back to the motorcycle, roughly bumping into his shoulder as she passedhim. Depression was enveloping her, swift and powerful, so from deep within she removed the familiar mask of anger and bad attitude and clasped it firmly around her outer being, taking the reconstruction of her exterior shell, which had begun the moment Renfro had told her Zack was dead, one step closer to completion. She tapped her foot anxiously as she waited for him to join her and take the coveted driver's position, stuffing everything down so hard, cramming it so tightly in the pit of her stomach that she thought she might burst, and finally, right before she climbed on behind him, she did.
"No," she stated firmly. He looked to her with utter surprise; he had sincerely thought he'd won for once. "I can't do this. I can't stand it. I...I have to go back." She attempted to commandeer the bike from him but he shoved back with more force, not enough to upset her balance but more than enough to catch her off guard. He climbed from the bike and stood facing her, arching out his arms slightly to block her path. He had no intention of physically hurting her, that was the last thing he ever wanted to do; yes, they'd fought those few times at the cabin but he was positive he could keep himself in check this time, and all he wanted was to look intimidating.
"Again, Kris? AGAIN?! God dammit, when are you ever gonna learn?" That's it...she really had no idea how much longer she could keep herself from once again kicking his ass.
"My name is Max," she barked acidly, "and I don't know, Zack. Maybe when you learn there's more to life than being a good little steeled-up soldier forever on the run!"
He finally lost his resolve and took to using her real name again, not actually feeling comfortable with their fresh identities, anyway. "I don't deny that, Max...but as long as they're after us, it's the only way we can afford to live." She couldn't believe it, it was possible she didn't want to, but she actually saw genuine fear and sorrow in his eyes. Not like that which he'd displayed at their reunion, for her, but for himself, for want of a better hand than he'd been dealt. Her demeanor softened as realization came to her and she shook her head sadly...he'd always made himself appear to be the strongest, but instead he was weeping. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when the edge of her attitude begged for an eye-roll or anything of the sort with which to brush away the extreme corniness of such a thought, but it wasn't appropriate right now so she tucked it silently away for later use. She may be feeling less angry, but she still had an argument to win and it was possible that Logan's life depended upon it.
"The thing is, they're never gonna stop, Zack. No matter what we do." She was professional, and he was all ears. "And I'm starting to think...no, ya know what? I always known it. There's no point in being free if we don't get to enjoy it every once in a while. Yeah, bad things are always bound to happen...but it's like with Tinga, at least she had that time to be happy. At least she got something more outta life before they took it away." She searched his eyes to gauge his reaction, rushing her little speech when she found him to be hardening again. "Ya see...the deal of it is, we're more. We can be so much more, but...but look at what...I mean...you are what you're supposed to be. And you beat them when you stop that. They..." She paused to take a much needed deep breath, and to close her eyes momentarily. "They wanted us like this. They wanted us always afraid and always doing like they taught us. I...I love you half to death, Zack, but you never became anything than what they raised you as."
He turned and clawed at his own face to give his hands something to do, trying with desperation to quell his violent temper but finding it unbareably difficult. She didn't know what she was talking about, it was that simple. He was right and she was wrong, but the fact that it might actually be the other way around scared him and made him wild with rage.
"I...it's because I...I'm SAFER this way!" He faced her again, his face turning a rather unpleasant shade of tomato. He was mad, but Max straightened her back and spread her feet apart to ready herself should things get out of hand, and remained steady and undaunted. He, meanwhile, grappled for a retort and found himself stumbling over his words.
"You're...you're in trouble CONSTANTLY! For...for your stupid little friends...your...people who don't even really know you! For him! With his stupid arrogant...THING about saving the world! Ya never see me like that, NEVER. Only reason I'm ever in trouble is cuz I have to save your ass so much! And...argh...god, LISTEN TO YOU! Spewing bullshit about love...it's..."
"It's fake, right? It's weak?" Bubbling through her the anger was resurfacing, the remaining semblance of any positive emotion directed toward him telling her that what she was about to say was wrong. Oh, she knew perfectly well that it was wrong...but she had to do what she had to do. It was time, once again, to bring out the soldier and the cruelty. He'd thank her someday. "Well, don't talk to me about being weak. You nearly blew your brains out for me." With that, she moved easily pasthim and climbed on to her baby, leaving him completely crestfallen and bleeding from emotional agony.
*******
A/N: I don't blame you if you're mad at Max, heh...but, considering the way Zack is, I figured striking him like that was the only way to convince him to let her go and to help her out. In any case...I'm excited that I finally got to write that line, because I've been planning it since chapter 1, lol.
*******
Immediately, he had canceled their orders and dragged his gaping sister from the diner, ordering that they move out at once. He wasn't an idiot; he knew what the disappearance of the broadcase had to mean, he knew that she must surely still harbor the feelings he had tried so hard to eradicate from her, and he knew that, given the chance, she was likely to fall back into her old habits and try to drag him on a suicide mission. It was to his benefit to get them as far away as possible as quickly as possible, so that when she did finally snap out of her shock and begin to clearly process things even she would realize that it was too late, that there was nothing either of them could do. He could even put on an air of pity and sympathy if it suited the situation, and though he felt guilty from just thinking about emotionally deceiving her like that, at least she'd be alive. At least all that had gone on the past few weeks would not be in vain.
He led her to where the Ninja was hidden and started to climb on, even with a weak protest from her that it was her bike and that, therefore, she should be the one to drive. He told her that she was currently too distracted to handle it, and at her reply and huff of pent-up frustration greatly regretted it.
"How can I NOT be distracted? How can you blame me, after...after all that's happened." She folded her arms protectively across her chest and turned her back to him as she began to pace, haunting images of all manner of horrid things happening to Logan beginning to come in quick flashes as her mind cleared of the fog into which she'd been so recently sent. She felt as if she'd been injured badly enough to incur temporary paralysis, and now that sensation was returning she wished it would go away again so she wouldn't have to experience the excrutiating pain that held captive all of her limbs. She wanted to forget about she'd seen, she wanted to forget Logan altogether...but, concentrate as she might, guilt and fear persisted and this time she had no martyr which to refer to convince herself that they were unfounded because her beloved elder brother was alive. He was alive and he hadn't changed and she couldn't remember why she, herself, had wanted to.
"Something's wrong," she whispered, keeping her back to him. He heard, but barely, and had to step closer to her. "An unstoppable untraceable hack doesn't just randomly cut. We gotta..."
"We gotta what?" he exploded. He was losing her again, he could feel it...sand is fine and sifts through open fingers...he had to cup his palm quickly or he'd be back to square one. "We gotta go back? We gotta save him once again from yet another stupid situation he's gotten himself into?" He moved ever closer, until he was right behind her, so close he could see the nervous rise and fall of her chest and sense the breathing patterns of a conflicted one. He didn't like what this was doing to her; he didn't like what he was having to do, how he always had to get so angry and forceful with her. But she'd thank him someday. He was saving her, from Manticore and from herself. And the only way he knew how to do that was to be hard and soldierly and even a little cruel, so that's how he acted. "We can't do that," he whispered harshly, and then decided to put their new aliases into practice, to strengthen the approach. "We can't do that, KRIS. He is no longer our responsibility."
Something in the way he said her new name made her want to slap him, but she didn't have the strength or the will to move. She opted instead to strike back with her words. "Maybe he's not yours, ZACK, but..."
"It's Jim, remember?" he interrupted quickly, anticipating what she was trying to do. "And I don't wanna hear it, Kris." This time he said it so casually it almost frightened her, and made her arms tighten reflexively around herself. "I don't wanna hear it. We're doing the smart thing by leaving, and he should have done the smart thing for himself and quit his stupid crusade but he didn't. Now he's paying the price for it and it's not my fault or your fault so what I want you to do is let him go."
She opened her mouth to reply, to argue against him, but nothing came out. She couldn't think, she couldn't see. She knew he was wrong but she didn't know why, or maybe she just so desperately wanted to believe that he was right that she convinced herself she was simply being an idiot. Going back meant more fighting and more hiding and more pain. But wouldn't it be like that anywhere? Wouldn't it always be the same? Different people, different places, but always the same sticky situations. They were SPECIAL, she and Zack. They were so fucking special. And when you're that special you're too good to have a normal life and to be free of pain, even for a moment.
She turned abruptly and walked rapidly back to the motorcycle, roughly bumping into his shoulder as she passedhim. Depression was enveloping her, swift and powerful, so from deep within she removed the familiar mask of anger and bad attitude and clasped it firmly around her outer being, taking the reconstruction of her exterior shell, which had begun the moment Renfro had told her Zack was dead, one step closer to completion. She tapped her foot anxiously as she waited for him to join her and take the coveted driver's position, stuffing everything down so hard, cramming it so tightly in the pit of her stomach that she thought she might burst, and finally, right before she climbed on behind him, she did.
"No," she stated firmly. He looked to her with utter surprise; he had sincerely thought he'd won for once. "I can't do this. I can't stand it. I...I have to go back." She attempted to commandeer the bike from him but he shoved back with more force, not enough to upset her balance but more than enough to catch her off guard. He climbed from the bike and stood facing her, arching out his arms slightly to block her path. He had no intention of physically hurting her, that was the last thing he ever wanted to do; yes, they'd fought those few times at the cabin but he was positive he could keep himself in check this time, and all he wanted was to look intimidating.
"Again, Kris? AGAIN?! God dammit, when are you ever gonna learn?" That's it...she really had no idea how much longer she could keep herself from once again kicking his ass.
"My name is Max," she barked acidly, "and I don't know, Zack. Maybe when you learn there's more to life than being a good little steeled-up soldier forever on the run!"
He finally lost his resolve and took to using her real name again, not actually feeling comfortable with their fresh identities, anyway. "I don't deny that, Max...but as long as they're after us, it's the only way we can afford to live." She couldn't believe it, it was possible she didn't want to, but she actually saw genuine fear and sorrow in his eyes. Not like that which he'd displayed at their reunion, for her, but for himself, for want of a better hand than he'd been dealt. Her demeanor softened as realization came to her and she shook her head sadly...he'd always made himself appear to be the strongest, but instead he was weeping. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when the edge of her attitude begged for an eye-roll or anything of the sort with which to brush away the extreme corniness of such a thought, but it wasn't appropriate right now so she tucked it silently away for later use. She may be feeling less angry, but she still had an argument to win and it was possible that Logan's life depended upon it.
"The thing is, they're never gonna stop, Zack. No matter what we do." She was professional, and he was all ears. "And I'm starting to think...no, ya know what? I always known it. There's no point in being free if we don't get to enjoy it every once in a while. Yeah, bad things are always bound to happen...but it's like with Tinga, at least she had that time to be happy. At least she got something more outta life before they took it away." She searched his eyes to gauge his reaction, rushing her little speech when she found him to be hardening again. "Ya see...the deal of it is, we're more. We can be so much more, but...but look at what...I mean...you are what you're supposed to be. And you beat them when you stop that. They..." She paused to take a much needed deep breath, and to close her eyes momentarily. "They wanted us like this. They wanted us always afraid and always doing like they taught us. I...I love you half to death, Zack, but you never became anything than what they raised you as."
He turned and clawed at his own face to give his hands something to do, trying with desperation to quell his violent temper but finding it unbareably difficult. She didn't know what she was talking about, it was that simple. He was right and she was wrong, but the fact that it might actually be the other way around scared him and made him wild with rage.
"I...it's because I...I'm SAFER this way!" He faced her again, his face turning a rather unpleasant shade of tomato. He was mad, but Max straightened her back and spread her feet apart to ready herself should things get out of hand, and remained steady and undaunted. He, meanwhile, grappled for a retort and found himself stumbling over his words.
"You're...you're in trouble CONSTANTLY! For...for your stupid little friends...your...people who don't even really know you! For him! With his stupid arrogant...THING about saving the world! Ya never see me like that, NEVER. Only reason I'm ever in trouble is cuz I have to save your ass so much! And...argh...god, LISTEN TO YOU! Spewing bullshit about love...it's..."
"It's fake, right? It's weak?" Bubbling through her the anger was resurfacing, the remaining semblance of any positive emotion directed toward him telling her that what she was about to say was wrong. Oh, she knew perfectly well that it was wrong...but she had to do what she had to do. It was time, once again, to bring out the soldier and the cruelty. He'd thank her someday. "Well, don't talk to me about being weak. You nearly blew your brains out for me." With that, she moved easily pasthim and climbed on to her baby, leaving him completely crestfallen and bleeding from emotional agony.
*******
A/N: I don't blame you if you're mad at Max, heh...but, considering the way Zack is, I figured striking him like that was the only way to convince him to let her go and to help her out. In any case...I'm excited that I finally got to write that line, because I've been planning it since chapter 1, lol.