Part 1: Talk of Dreams
All the lights are out now. It's quiet. I can never stand it when it's like this. Months and months of quietness. I sit here. The lamp's broken, so's the mirror..I broke it the night I got home..that night. He was the only one who could keep me from doing things like that..keep me from my own anger. But now he's not here.
I'd give anything to hear a whisper or just to see a silent smile.
It's driving me crazy. My fingertips and the blades dug into the table. Damned cheap acrylics!! Anything is better than my own flesh. I hid the scars before. But this time they are deeper. They cut to the core.
Just a smile!!! I put my hands to my ears and covered them. I didn't want to hear my own crying. I'd had enough of it. I'd lived all these years learning not to cry. Only thing that takes it away is sleep. My head lulled. I had no more tears for tonight. They'd just start again tomorrow. But then I opened myself up to dreams. Or are they memories? Wishful ones, good ones..bad ones. My subconscious doesn't discriminate. David would sit there at the end of my bed..leaning his head against the bedpost and watch me dream. That image always comes into my mind before I dream. I miss you. Can't you lead me to that place?
"Will you take the mission?" The Johnson interlaced his fingers together as he spoke.
Retrieve a data disc. Get in top security, get out, no questions asked. Piece o' cake. 44 Floors. Piece o cake. Though I hadn't had much luck with runs, lately. What the hell? I was in it for the rush. I'm in it for the pain. Maybe I'd meet my match? Hah! Maybe I'd meet death and he'd put me outta my misery? HAH!! I was ready for 'em, and when he finds me, I'll smile and blow him a kiss!
Things went off without a hitch. We got in the building scot-free. But then the lights flickered and went out and the team was left wondering in the dark. It was no problem. Most of us had thermops besides the mage. Poor bastard. Then there was something up ahead. It came from the darkness like the hands of Kami, cold thatchworks in our thermoptics. We're too busy looking when we're all slammed to the floor. Things weren't going as expected. Ah well, this wasn't the first time I'd hit the floor, the feeling of unconsciousness was beginning to become familiar and comfortable. It was a trip away from the real world.
BAM! The real world came back! Always, always like a slap in the face. Like the world got mad and decided to plague me again. I awoke in a cold room, not unlike a meat locker. And there we all were, the pieces of meat. I scanned the room and I could make out the others. Natalie, Neo, Glen, the shaman was gone. We were all strapped to metal tables like dead bodies. A sneering face caught my attention. Only a corporation doctor could sport that type of sadistic grin. My heart jumped when I saw Ghost behind him, hung out and restrained like the rest of us, unconscious, the fragging bastard. If it weren't for the situation I was in now, I would have enjoyed the moment. The doctor welcomed us to his laboratory. It's only when he goes up to Nat that he especially catches my attention. He stood in front of her, leering at her, speaking about her as if she were some new pet of his. The doctor said she was pregnant. Pregnant! My teeth grated together, my fangs ripping the inner tissue of my lips slightly, making me taste my own blood. Fraggin bastard. I screamed out in anger as the doc prattled on about cutting the children out of her. Horns and fangs all beared. The real me. I screamed and it did nothing.
"..there are three counterparts to the project..to creating the perfect soldier. Ghost was our first attempt at creating this soldier. He was a failure, he had emotions. We tried to take care of his little folly by murdering the object of his devotions. But he still remained 'human' to our disapproval…" The doc paused as one of his corporate lackeys dragged a medium sized figure into the room. They hung the man up by his arms and strapped him to a vertical table beside Ghost. The doc's shriveled head bobbed as his sneer turned into a frown of displeasure. "This one has been giving us trouble for quite some time. He is another failure." He lifted the man's face up and then let his head dangle back against his chest. He was so much smaller than Ghost, it would've made me laugh if I wasn't screaming in fury at that time. He was almost frail looking, with Japanese set cheekbones and eyes. A tuft of black spiky hair shot out from the constrains of a dark mask that covered half of his face.
"Ahh..but this is our prize specimen!" The doc motioned to a lumbering behemoth of a man that emerged from a door on the other side of the room. "Redic is the perfect symbiosis of cold calculation, and the deadly skill we require. He is the perfect soldier. Where we failed in the others, we redeemed in him." Redic smiled at us, regarding us like pieces of meat. He was a big black monster licking his lips at the latest menu. Yeah I could see the resemblance between Ghost and him. Both big bastards.
The Father, the Son, and the Holey Ghost…that's for sure.
I was wailing by now. The guards took Nat and pulled her away from us, face full of fright and tears. She looked back, blue cat eyes calling out for help, but the doors closed and she was ripped away from us, from me. I had to do something! Anything!!! But I can't..I couldn't. The table held me stiff. I would not fail her again! I'd failed her before…too many times. I couldn't let her be taken again!! Redic and the doctor left us, the doc making some snide remark about how the cyberware in my body would be most welcome in their laboratories. I was left there alone to boil alive in my own anger. That's when Ghost started to come round.
I screamed at him, "You fragging bastard! You stupid coward! You slag! Can't you do anything??? Get up and fight!!"
Fight because I don't have the strength. Fight because you can save her and I can't. Fight because you love her and not me.
Needless to say, it worked. Ghost tore free from his bindings, almost taking a chunk of the wall with him. And like the knight in shining armor in all the fairy tales no one ever read to me, he rushed off to save his princess, and I was left there alone…alone…just like always.
The lights flickered again, fluttering dark butterflies over my eyelids. The straps loosened and I was free! I looked to where the other man had been, the masked one, and the table was empty. I forgot myself and rushed out of the room and into the hallway. I had to get to Nat before she got hurt. I had to find her. But I didn't know where to go…the hallways spread out like a labyrinth of steel. And suddenly there he was, the ninja. His eyes were pure white moons against his skin, empty eyes.
I wonder if the eyes really are the windows to the soul.
We ran the hallways, and still we couldn't find her. My heart choked with frustration and I babbled like I always do when I couldn't accomplish something.
"We have to find her!! I have to save her!! We have to …"
White-Eyes put his fingers on my lips and shushed me, bringing his fingers up to his own lips hidden beneath the dark mask. Surprisingly, I shut up without a word. How very interesting. Silent types are so very rare nowadays. The others finally caught up. Glen, my poor, poor elf, and Neo, my mage friend. Even with them there, we're surrounded in seconds by monstrous drones. The insectoid things swarmed around us feverishly, unaffected by anything we threw at it, even spells. White-Eyes raised his arms as if he was about to make a prayer, but instead, our world illuminated in sky blue. The metal creatures were held at bay by a thin icing of energy surrounding us. The drones chittered and chattered their metallic, soulless frustrations as they pounded away at the shield. My masked hero seemed to be not doing so well. He began to bow ever so slightly with the shield. Not knowing what else to do, I ran up behind him and whispered words of encouragement into his ear.
"Umm.yeah..you're doin good. Just keep it up.." I placed my hands on his shoulder blades in an effort to keep him calm so he could sustain the spell. He looked back momentarily, replying with silence and a flash of his moon eyes. I withdrew my hands, thinking myself more of a distraction and then backed away. Claustrophobia was setting in, I HAD to get out and get to Nat. I had to or I'd rip myself apart. White-Eyes lowered his arms and turned to us. He waved his hands and we were no longer standing in that hallway, but in another hallway free of enemies. The haze of confusion was broken by the crashes we heard ahead, and the screams. Natalie! We ran towards the commotion, but we were stopped in our tracks by something big.
It was Redic, smiling like before at his tidbits. And like the fool that I am, I rushed in, my thoughts only of Nat, not of how I could take someone four times as big as me. Hand-blades protracted all the way, I ripped and slashed wildly, screaming with my fangs bared and my horns out to reveal my 'inner self'. I always saw myself as my inner demon. It's why I chose these particular implants. Like a demon I fought, wildly and without the sense of losing. Redic caught me by the arms and lifted me off the ground, one tattooed wrist held in each giant hand. I kicked and writhed, but to no avail. The ape pulled on the Aurora doll and my arms tensed with the strain, the dermal ware the only thing keeping me in one piece. I screamed and tossed my head back, then lurched it forward with all the strength I could muster to head-butt him. Cranial crashed with cranial and my vision dimmed as the force of the impact cracked my skull. I heard the sickening scrape of bone and metal when my horns were forced back into my head. Stars danced in my vision. My headware started to fritz, sending colorful pops and fizzles across my vision. I could feel the liquid blood oozing out across my face. That was a bad idea I realized. The troll wannabe pulled harder and I felt my joints sliding, just barely able to hold into their sockets, when he suddenly decided I was no fun anymore and tossed me back into the air. I found a soft landing cushion on top of Glenn.
I scrambled off of him, not giving a shit about my arms, and ran down the hallway towards where I heard the screams. Nat was ahead, she had to be. I ran into another world of chaos. Redic and Ghost had tangled themselves together in a fistfight. How heroic. Ghost landed a punch against the behemoth's jaw, sending him backwards only a few steps. Nat was near, she just had to be!!! I shouted out Ghost's name and he looked up for just a split second at me. Taking advantage of that second, Redic hoisted him with his brute strength and slammed him into the steel wall. Ghost kicked him off with a mighty two-footed lunge and stumbled out of the hole in the wall. He slumped over, a beam impaled haphazardly through his abdomen. I ran past the two.
At least Redic was distracted so I could get to Nat! Ghost could handle himself; he's a big boy.
Finally, I found Nat. There was no sign of the doc, and Nat was all in one piece. Thank Buddha. I hurriedly tried to free her of the surgical restraints. Her crying eyes implored me to go faster. Finally! Finally! She was free and we could get the hell out of there! I pulled on her to hurry when Ghost staggered into the room and collapsed before us. There was blood everywhere and it was coming from him. Funny, I had never seen him with his mask completely off. So he did actually have a normal face, one that happened to be beaten and bleeding at the moment. His raven hair matted against his sweaty brow. Nat ran up to him as I paced around the two nervously. This wasn't what I wanted. Or was it? I was confused. He couldn't really be dying, could he? Could he?!? The sticky blood was everywhere. Even Ghost could bleed. My mind did back flips to a bedroom full of blood and a lonely kitchen knife shining dully red. Not there..not there. I paced even more frantically as Nat uttered words to him. Ghost smiled at her and he softly closed his blue eyes. It was a sweet smile, one I never expected from him. He couldn't be…
I leapt on him like a beast and beat his chest with cupped fists. "You can't be dead!" I beat them down again. There was that damned smile. It was making me angry. Natalie sat back away from us both, stunned, silent, horrified. He just couldn't be!! "You wake up now!! Damn it!" I beat again and again and again. Still no heartbeat. Still no….
Fast forward. I don't like this part.
It was a month or two after the incident. Ghost, everyone's favorite neighborhood genetic behemoth, had gotten over his slight case of death. In that tiny month I lost a good friend, Glenn, in a freak bus accident. He was a ray of humanity in this world. He was another link to it that I lost. For this strange period of time, White-Eyes somehow convinced us to let him stay with us in our apartment. It was big enough for all of us and we just felt like he had no other place to go. He had saved us from the building after-all. I guess we owed him for that. It was odd. He just kinda stayed out of our way, silently watching the activity. Pooky, the shit factory with wings (or a psuedo-dragon if some would call him that), seemed to have a strange affinity for White-Eyes. He'd purch on his shoulder and purr contently. Ghost was out for weeks at a time. Whenever he was around, White-Eyes would somehow disappear. I guess it was for the good of us both. The more Ghost was gone, the more content I could be.
The one time he did happen to be there when Ghost came in the apartment. It was the strangest thing. He was sitting on the couch and I was over in the loveseat glued to the tech channel. The door swang open and he marched in like he always did. Nat ran up to him and jumped to give him a hug. I looked up only momentarily. The TV was more interesting. I glanced over slightly at the couch and surprisingly, White-Eyes was standing up. On his face was a glare of hate that I had seen many times in my own eyes. I got up and waved my hand in front of his face. He pushed past me and started to walk towards Ghost, that menacing glint still in his white eyes.
"Yikes!" I let out a yelp of surprise as I ran after him and started to pull him back, asking him what the hell was wrong with him. He kept going. I looked to Ghost, and my face froze. The little node on his eye was glowing red. That wasn't a good sign. Nat looked from Ghost to White-Eyes and back again, and then we both knew that they meant to kill each other. Nat tried in vain to hold back the nine foot tall Ghost. I had a bit more luck, White-Eyes was small enough for me to heft him over my shoulders and run like hell. I skimmed past Ghost and made it to my Scorpion. I could feel little ninja's muscles tensing as his arms flailed wildly behind my head. I heard the familiar sound of a katana slicing through the air. From out of nowhere he had produced a sword! I revved the bike up as quickly as I could, taking off so fast a scraped one booted foot on the pavement, making it smoke. The tires screeched for an instant.
"Calm down back there! OW!" I yelled when he randomly hit the back of my head with his hand. After a few minutes of riding, he was calm. It started to look awkward to people on the street having a man draped over one shoulder so I pulled over on a side street and put him down.
"You alright now?" I stood arms crossed and stared at him.
He shifted his eyes to me and then to the side and nodded yes. "Uhh…how bout dinner then?"
He nodded again. I sighed and purveyed the alley. Then I realized something. All this time we never even knew his name. "You have a name, don't you?" It was the strangest thing. We never even asked his name, we just seemed to automatically let this stranger into our lives. He waited a few seconds, almost as if he was pondering if he had a name or not.
"It's Phantom."
"Phantom?" I couldn't help but let a big smile cover my face. It almost made me laugh. "Riiight…Phantom it is." I giggled underneath my breath. It sounded like a name straight out of a comic book. Hehhe, and then he was still wearing his mask, had worn it all this time. I passed it off as some silly fetish; I had enough of my own so it was no biggie to see it in others.
"Where'd you get a sword like that anyways?" I asked to keep up conversation as we walked up the gloomy side street, me rolling my motorcycle along. His sword was a fine piece of craftsmanship. It wasn't your standard Street Sammie gimme sword. From the looks of it, it was specially crafted, Government-Issue. I'd give my left ear for it if I could.
"Being grown in a tube gives you access to a lot of things." He replied, almost sounding sarcastic.
"Oh…" I trailed off, not understanding. "Soo, Japanese then?" Another nod. We continued to walk in silence until a group of gangly figures stopped us in our tracks. It was an Orc gang. One of them, who was shorter than the others, walked up to Phantom and stood face to face with him. "Hey Pal," the Orc snorted, "Remember me? I'm going to kick your ass!!"
"Why don't you just leave and mind your own fraggin business? You got a chip loose or something?" I yelled at the stupid Orc, who peered at me, snorted, and returned his attentions to Phantom. The Orc took a swing at him. Phantom stood casually, seemingly bored with the Orc's attempts. He raised his arm up, crosswise with the Orc's arm. As I watched, his moon eyes began to glow softly blue. Phantom whipped his arm back and lifted his hand into the air. The Orc was thrown upwards into space by a powerful invisible force then tossed into the middle of the main street. Horns blared as traffic swirved around him. He collapsed there, dazed and confused. Phantom's eyes slitted as the other Orcs looked to each other and then ran to their fallen friend. I stared at him, slack jawed and wide-eyed.
We continued walking. I stared at him eyes wide. Wow…
We had dinner. The whole time I stared at him trying to notice something I hadn't before. He was just too different. There had to be something I was missing. After dinner, we went to a weapons store that he was a regular at, and then he led me down the street a couple of blocks to an apartment building. He apparently had a room there.
"So you've had a place to live this whole time???" I stared at him, a little angry, a little knowing. He simply nodded yes and motioned with a flick of his chin for me to go up to his place. Against my common sense, I went up. I was interested to see what type of place he had.
It was a nice place. Large and roomy, but with sparse furnishing. He had just enough to suit himself but not much else. Anything else was probably decorative furnishings required by the complex owners. He had a nice kitchen with a wraparound, white-tiled counter and stove. It was astonishingly clean for a guy's apartment. My eyes passed quickly over the bedroom and back to the kitchen. Yes, the kitchen. Even if I couldn't cook, it was nice. I bit my lip and bobbed my head nervously. "Nice place you have…" I tried to play off my nervousness. I put my hand on a crystal lamp to admire it, knocked it over, and fumbled with it till it finally rolled to the floor. "…here" I looked at him and smiled real big, most likely looking like an idiot. He walked past me and towards the other side of the apartment. "Soo.." I fiddled ceaselessly with the fake nails that covered my handblades.
He stood in front of a large window with a beautiful view of the city's millions of lights and lifted his hands to his face. I saw him adjust the sides of his mask and pull it down. His mask was off! I just had to see this!! I quickly strode into the bedroom and watched him as he turned to face me slowly. He had an angular face, almost like an elf's, delicate, graceful, but powerful. He had small, sweeping lips that fit his small chin. Black hair spiked up from his head like an ebony crown. His high cheekbones and slanted eyes were defining in the Japanese way. I'd always found that sexy. I involuntarily lifted an eyebrow and released my breath loudly in a 'phoo' noise. I nodded to myself. Not too shabby. I sat down, realized I was sitting on the bed, and then shot back up to my feet. I stood straight up like a soldier and stared at him like a rat caught in a flashlight.
He approached me leisurely and came close, so close I could feel his soft breath against my lips. I slid away and turned my back on him. This was too much. Too, too much. I clinched my eyes shut and shook my head. He didn't come close as I expected him to do, like others had done. He stood back away from me. The silence I thought seemed to hurt him. Suddenly he broke that silence.
"You've never been with a man before?" He asked innocently, almost childlike in his hurt and his questioning, but so sincere.
I shook my head again no, this time more fervently. THAT definitely wasn't it. "I..I just…" I broke off into a heavy sigh and turned to look at him, my eyes watering. He tilted his head curiously. I shut my eyes to block out the world. I was alone there in self-enforced darkness, till I felt his warm hands close over my own. I kept my eyes closed and waited silently. I felt his lips cover my own briefly then release.
"Open yourself." He talked to me gently. "Open your mind."
He put his forehead against my own, his black hair tickling me. Something inside told me to do it, just to let myself go. Things had been pent up for too long, even from Nat. Now was the time to let it out, free myself. Just an instant, I let him feel every little thing that ever distorted my mind. I let him see into my mind, the fractured color of my soul. The distorted doll that was me. The clipped butterfly that was me. Everything that ever made me want to cry when I couldn't, and the very little things that ever made me happy. I let him see the night I killed David. The blood trail that led from the bedroom to the kitchen, the one I had to clean up with the bathroom sponge. I let him see the broken me, the Little Butterfly that David possessed, who took me and made me his whenever he pleased, who shaped me into what I was, what I am.
He suddenly let go of my hands, the absence of them leaving me cold and trembling. I opened my eyes and watched him as he stared out into the blazing lights of the city.
"You can leave if you want to."
I stared at him, confused. "I don't want to leave." I whispered. My heart was melting. He looked back at me and stared at me with those same empty moon eyes. Then he was gone, and I was alone.
I awoke with a start. The dreaming memories were over. I always woke up at this time of night, for Lucia. She always wants a glass of water around this time. On cue she came in and looked at me with those imploring puppy dog eyes.
"Water mommy?" She tugged on my arm and gave me a hug, her little arms barely able to wrap around my legs. I took her hand and led her into the bathroom and gave her a paper cup of water. She drank it and smiled at me innocently, as if nothing else in the world mattered besides having a cup of water and hugging her mommy. I rubbed her hair affectionately, raven spikey just like her father's. She blinked her dark green eyes and yawned, her tiny mouth small and pouty. I could see that she had lost almost all of her baby teeth. Her little elven ears twitched a couple times as she finished the yawn. She was dressed in one of my old t- shirts that draped down the length of her tiny body and dragged on the floor. She kept growing out of her baby clothes. Within two months, she was already the size of a five-year-old.
"Okay now sweety, back to bed." I led her off automatically. After nights of doing this, it had become routine. She clutched a glove to her chest as if her life depended upon it. It was one of Phantom's, she always chewed on it or carried it around when she was smaller and she still kept it with her. I tucked her into the covers and she fell right back to sleep with the ease of extreme youth, cuddling up with the glove. Like every parent, I saw a reflection of me when I was smaller. It made me think. Did they use you like a doll? Did they make you their killing doll? I watched Lucia for a few more minutes and then fell back to sleep on the couch to the drone of the cybertech channel. I know you're alive. Always in these in-between hours do I hear you. Speak to me…speak to me please.
Speak to me.
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To the Next Part!