Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own the characters. C'mon, Square, couldn't you give me Hein at least? I'll be really good to him!

Author's Note: The penultimate chapter of "Salvation…" I have one more left after this. I promise to lock myself in my room all weekend until I finish it, and put it up on Monday. I think. And be warned, you're in for a huge author's note at the end of that chapter. Oh, and, while writing this, I suddenly realized how little I know of court martials. The dictionary I looked it up in helpfully told me the few things I already knew so, if I get any facts wrong, I apologize. Blame anything wrong on David Weber's "Field of Dishonor."

Edit Once again, the song is gone.

SALVATION

Chapter Twelve

"He's lost to me forever."

Hein sat in his darkened kitchen, his shoulders hunched. On the table before him was a knife, its blade gleaming in what little light leaked through the windows. It would be easy, he'd thought, to just run it along my wrists… End this now… But he hadn't been able to. For someone with a death wish, he'd noticed, he seemed to have one hell of a survival instinct.

What would happen if he died? Would he to that Gaia thing Aki and Dr. Sid believed in? Or would he rot in Hell? Or would he just fade away into oblivion?

Any of the three would free Aki, and that was what mattered at the moment. She needed to get on with the life he'd interrupted so many months ago.

If he lived, what would happen? Court martial, for sure. Possibly even execution. Definitely, a life lived with the ghosts of his past. Then there was the return of his memories…

He rested his chin in one hand, gazing at the knife. How long before he became General Hein? How long would he love Aki? Already, there was a simmering rage at the thought of her, of how she'd disrupted his plans… And there was puzzlement as well. Why had she saved him, if she hated him so much? Why had she fallen in love with him?

Or had she? Was this some twisted sort of revenge on her part? What if her sole intention had been to make him have feelings for her, knowing how he'd react once his memories came back?

Hein stopped himself before that thought got any further. Dear God, I'm starting to get paranoid! Is that how I always look at things?

Hein picked up the knife again, the blade hovering over his wrists. Do it, he willed himself.

But try as he might, he just couldn't.

XXX

Leaving Gray behind with a kindly nurse was harder for Aki than she'd expected. Even in the hospital, she'd known he was close by. Now, for the first time in months, she was away from him. It's only for a few hours, Aki admonished herself. And it's for a good cause.

Aki took a seat beside Dr. Sid, grateful to be taking an active part in the proceedings rather than being a bystander, as she'd half feared. Maybe she'd be able to say something in Hein's defense, though, despite her feelings for the general, she couldn't think of a reasonable defense for his extreme actions aboard the Zeus except temporary insanity.

Aki shut her eyes and drew in a choking breath. She could still see General Hein's crazed features as he'd informed her he was going to keep firing the cannon until the Phantoms were all gone. And the image of Gray's spirit, sacrificed because of the general's single-minded actions, still haunted her.

And yet, she'd gotten to know the real Douglas Hein, and had loved him. If there was a chance she could change him back into the man he'd been, she'd take that chance. She doubted the humiliation of a court martial would improve her chances for that change…

Hein entered the chamber then, his scarred face unreadable. He wore the battered leather jacket she'd given him, and he'd slicked his long hair back in a horribly familiar way. There was a sense of purpose to his stride she hadn't seen before. Did he know about the court martial? She hadn't told him, nor had Dr. Sid. But he seemed to be prepared for something.

Then he saw her, and all his resolve seemed to flee him. "Aki," he whispered hoarsely as he took his seat next to her. "What are you doing here?" He licked his lips nervously.

"I had to be here," she murmured, taking his hand in hers, making sure to keep their linked fingers out of sight of the reporters gathered in their reserved seats. Hein squeezed her hand softly, his thumb caressing her skin.

Hein swallowed audibly, then focused his gaze on General Emerson, who had just arrived with his own retinue.

The meeting was called to order. "After deliberating the questions posed at the last meeting, the Council has decided to support Dr. Sid," Councilman Drake announced. "While these terraformed sites are currently of little use except to the scientific community, they are the first step in the restoration of our planet and thus need to be protected."

Beside Aki, Dr. Sid breathed a sigh of relief. "All our hard work wasn't for nothing," he murmured. Aki turned to Hein, who was still staring at Emerson. The other general cast him a hate-filled look, which Hein didn't bother to return. She wished she knew what Hein was thinking…

"That being said," Councilwoman Hee took up where Drake left off, "another matter has been brought to our attention at our last gathering: The fate of General Hein, the man responsible for the deaths aboard the Zeus Cannon, as well as destruction of the Zeus itself. Because of his medical condition, judgment was reserved for a later date. Now that the general has shown he is well enough to acknowledge his rank, he must face the consequences that come with it."

General Emerson smirked, and Hein's face became completely expressionless. Perhaps he didn't know about the court martial today, but he was expecting it, Aki thought.

"We have put together a jury for a court martial." Hee gestured towards a group of military men and women who were solemnly watching the proceedings. "They have reviewed the statements given by Dr. Aki Ross and Dr. Sid after the destruction of the Zeus, as well as information from other relevant sources, and are prepared to pass judgment today. Dr. Sid, do you have anything you wish to add?"

Aki cast Dr. Sid a pleading look. Please help him! she willed.

"My statements from that time still stand. There is nothing else I need to add." Dr. Sid didn't look very happy with his answer, but Aki knew it was nothing less than the truth.

After all, she couldn't think of a good defense either. She doubted saying "I love him," would move them to dismiss the charges. Besides, it was only a court martial. Hein would be disgraced, dishonored, and would never hold a military position again. That didn't mean he couldn't still be with her!

She tried not to think that, for the gravest offenses, the jury could choose execution.

"How about you, Dr. Ross? Is there anything more you would like to say?"

Hein remained staring forward, but his head was cocked in her direction. "Only that I believe that General Hein did what he did because he felt it was the right thing to do," she said. Hein's shoulders slumped.

"General Hein, do you have anything to add?"

Hein tensed, and Aki suddenly realized that this was where everything would go wrong.

XXX

Hein didn't look at Aki as he rose to his feet. Seeing her would destroy his determination. Why did she come? he wondered dully. Why does she have to see this? It's going to be hard enough already…

Hein licked his dry lips as he met the gazes of the Council. Aki must have known about the court martial… Did she want to see me humiliated? No, she's not like that!

"Ladies and gentlemen of the Council," he said, barely keeping a quaver out of his voice. "The charges against me are accurate; I did indeed take extreme actions that resulted in the destruction of the Zeus Cannon, and all those on board, though I was unaware at the time such devastating consequences would be the result." Hein paused, and took a deep breath, summoning his courage for the next part. "I also confess to being responsible…" his voice faltered, "for the fall of New York City."

Sharp gasps filled the chamber, and a low murmuring began in the audience around him. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see General Emerson's stunned face. You wanted to be the one who told them, didn't you?

"How is this possible?" Councilman Drake managed. "We were told the Phantoms developed an immunity to the barrier."

"Yes," Hein said shortly. "I remember what I told you." Aki made a noise beside him, almost like a whimper. He longed to look at her, to see how she was taking it, but he didn't let his gaze waver from the Council. "But the real reason the barrier fell is because I ordered a shutdown of one of the sectors."

The Council members seemed to be speechless, so Hein continued. He peeled off his jacket first, finding himself suddenly uncomfortably hot. "It was my thought that, if the Phantoms invaded a small section of the city, the Council would be frightened into authorizing the firing of the Zeus." Still no one spoke. Everyone was staring at him with expressions of horror, disgust, and loathing. "My men were ready to fight back the Phantoms before too much harm was caused but, due to their surprising natures, they were able to spread through the city in ways no one could have predicted. There was no way to confine them…" Hein choked to a halt, unable to say more. Horrifying images of the few people he could trust dying before his very eyes haunted him. "There's no excuse for what I did," Hein finished.

"I have evidence to back this up," General Emerson said, looking uneasy. He seemed suddenly to realize he could get into serious trouble for withholding the information.

Hein continued to stand, his whole body stiff. Why weren't they saying anything? Where were the condemnations? He deserved execution!

"Members of the Council," a colonel who was on the board of jurors turned from where he'd been conversing with his fellows. "We are completely unprepared to address such a serious charge. We ask that we put General Hein under military arrest until we are ready to try him for this crime."

Hein slumped. Prison… He was going to be locked away with his memories.

"Agreed," Councilwoman Hee finally managed. "Judgment will be reserved for a later date."

It was only after two burly MP officers came to take Hein away that he finally looked at Aki. She was staring at him, a look of pure horror on her face. She shrank from his gaze, turning from him to face Dr. Sid. He noticed that her body was shaking, and the hands that clung to Dr. Sid were white-knuckled.

"I'm sorry, Aki," he whispered, wondering if she'd heard as he was led away. "It's better this way, for both of us."

XXX

I'm sorry… The whole world seemed to be spinning. Everything was a blur as Aki clung to Dr. Sid for stability. I'm sorry, he'd said. As if that would make up for New York… Tears streamed down Aki's face. Hein hadn't just killed Gray and the people aboard the Zeus… Ryan, Jane, and Neil, as well as millions of innocent people had died because of Hein! She'd known the general had been a little crazy, but this…

Under her shaking hands, Dr. Sid was rigid. He didn't even lift a hand to comfort her. He's in shock… I am, too. How could he? How could General Hein do such a thing!

"Dr. Ross? Are you all right?" The Council member's voice sounded distant, muffled. She couldn't even have guessed who had spoken.

Shakily, Aki pushed herself from Dr. Sid and got to her feet. Her knees were weak, and threatened to give out from under her. She staggered, catching herself on the seat that had held Hein only minutes before. Her hands closed on the leather jacket, and she hugged it close to her.

"I have to get out of here," Aki managed. She awkwardly spun around and sprinted towards the doors, blindly shoving her way through the crowd.

There was an ache in her chest at the unaccustomed exertion, and she could feel the stitches in her abdomen threatening to tear, but neither pain came close to the emotional agony she was feeling. It was like a dagger through her heart. How could he have done it? she thought despairingly. I thought I was beginning to understand him!

A vehicle honked its horn as she ran into its path, but she ignored it. She was going to her apartment and locking herself in and never, ever coming out again. In fact, if it weren't for tiny Gray, she doubted she'd be going home at all. She was losing another she had loved, and in the cruelest possible way.

She was almost completely out of breath when she reached her building, and was barely able to order the nurse out before she sealed her door shut and curled into a fetal position on her couch, ignoring the pain in her belly. She cradled the jacket she still held close to her chest, and began to sob into the beaten leather.

XXX

Aki wasn't sure how long she'd been like that before Dr. Sid finally came and knocked on her door, pleading with her to open up. She ignored him and he left. She stayed in her miserable funk until Gray's hungry cries roused her. She almost ignored him, wanting to sink further into the depths of despair, but Gray was insistent.

She had automatically gone through the still-unfamiliar motions of caring for him before suddenly realizing he was all she had left. It wasn't fair! Why was everything going so wrong, when everything should all be going right? What had she done to deserve this agony?

Clutching Gray tightly, she collapsed back onto her couch. She stayed that way for several hours, Gray sleeping in her arms, and she couldn't work up the strength to get up and eat. She just didn't care any more.

Her door suddenly slid open, and Dr. Sid entered. Aki started, and was surprised at how stiff her body felt. How long had she been curled up like this?

"I had Private Williams break in," Dr. Sid said by way of explanation. He sat on the couch next to Aki, gazing at her compassionately. He held a finger to her quivering lips and said, "Shh… Don't say a word. I know it hurts. I'm just here to give you a shoulder to cry on."

Aki accepted the offer, dully wondering how things could ever get better. She felt horribly betrayed. How could she ever trust – or love – anyone ever again?

XXX

The following week was a blur, a barely remembered loop of sleeping, being cared for by a concerned Dr. Sid, and caring for Gray. She only snapped out of her stupor when there was an emergency with Gray, whose premature body still wasn't as fit as a full-term baby. They'd been able to get him to the hospital in time, and Aki's feelings began to reawaken.

It was only after Gray was pronounced fit to leave the hospital again that Aki was finally able to work up the courage to ask about Hein.

Dr. Sid slumped. "The Council is at a total loss," he told her. "They have no idea what to do with him. The jury has agreed to his court martial, but they want nothing to do with New York's fall. As of next week, Hein will no longer be a military man."

"Wait," Aki said, confused. "They're just… letting him go? Can't a jury decide to execute someone?" She was surprised how much the thought hurt her. She'd thought she was over Hein after his shocking revelation. Do I really love him that much?

"Ordinarily, the court martial jury would execute an officer for something so horrendous. But they don't do that anymore. Ever since the population dropped so drastically, the death penalty had been eliminated from court martials as well as from regular courts." Dr. Sid's lips quirked. "Of course, the alternative was little better: Being sent on suicide missions against the Phantoms rather than face a jury. But the end result is that once he's stripped of rank, no one knows what to do with him."

"He'll just rot in prison," Aki whispered.

"Or the Council could actually order his death. After all, the Phantoms are gone, and the population will recover. And," her Dr. Sid hesitated, "it's what Hein's been asking for."

Her eyes widened. "He longs for death?" Aki tapped her fingers thoughtfully. "Maybe he has a soul, after all. That is, if he doesn't see death as an escape from his problems."

Dr. Sid just shrugged. "I honestly don't know, Aki. Personally, I don't give a damn. General Hein has been a thorn in my side for too long." Then Dr. Sid's face fell. "But the last few weeks I've known him…" The elderly doctor looked confused.

"Welcome to my world," Aki whispered.

XXX

She didn't attend his court martial, but it was on television and she forced herself to watch it. A part of her had wanted to go, and a part of her never wanted to see Hein again. Why did he confuse her like this? Why did she have such strong feelings for a… a monster?

She was glad she hadn't gone when she saw the media circus the court martial had become. Aki was already afraid to leave her apartment out of fear of encountering a nosy reporter asking questions she didn't even want to ask herself. The Council chamber, the largest audience chamber in Houston and the best place for the ceremony, was filled with reporters, as well as hose who had lost family and friends because of the general and were crying out for blood.

Hein stood in the midst of it all, his expression stony. Dr. Sid had told her once that he thought that blank face of Hein's was his way of expressing fear. And from the painfully rigid set of his shoulders, Aki knew he wasn't as calm as his expression would lead one to believe.

He looked gaunt, she noticed. The ceremonial uniform, from which the insignia would be ripped free, looked loose on him. Her eyes were caught by his features, paler than she'd ever seen them, framed by the raven hair he had cut to its accustomed length and slicked back. If it hadn't been for the eye patch and white streak in his hair, she'd have thought she was looking at the old General Hein.

The evidence was presented for Hein's various crimes, which Aki ignored. She'd heard it all before. She continued to study Hein, realizing this might be the last time she ever saw him. She wondered if he knew she was watching him, or if he'd looked for her, wanted her there.

It was when Hein stood up before the jury and accepted the dishonor of the court martial that Aki finally burst into tears. He was taking it so well, as if it was what he wanted. But Aki knew that, inwardly, he must be dying. And, despite her earlier misgivings, she wanted to be there to comfort him, to tell him that someone still wanted him.

That's when Aki realized that, despite it all, she still loved him.

XXX

It was almost a month after Hein's pronouncement before Aki worked up the courage to go see him. The Council had had him imprisoned, but had still reached no decision on what to do with him. Several of the New York members had wanted him dead but, according to Dr. Sid, Hee was among those who didn't want to be too hasty in passing judgment. Could Dr. Sid be behind their reluctance?

By the time she decided to go, Gray had grown to the size of a healthy newborn and, while she was still very reluctant to leave her young child for any period of time, she needed to see Hein. She needed to know how he felt about her.

Dr. Sid spoke to the Council, and permission was granted. Hein was being kept in a small, temporary prison, with a cell to himself. As Aki walked alone to the cell, Dr. Sid having chosen to stay behind and wait for her, the psychologist who had been working with Hein stopped her.

"He won't be the man you spoke with last," he said quietly. "He's recovered all his memories, and his personality with it. He's also extremely depressed and very suicidal. Don't expect a fun conversation."

Aki's heart sank. She wondered if there was anything left of the man she'd fallen in love with.

"Thank you for the warning," Aki said quietly. She braced herself for the impending confrontation. "I'm ready."

With that, the guard let her into Hein's cell.

He was standing with his back to her, staring out the window, hands clasped behind him. He wore a pale, shapeless uniform that didn't look right on him. He tilted his head slightly, enough to catch a glimpse of her, then resumed staring out.

"Well, well, Doctor. I wondered when you would come." There was no emotion in his voice. No anger or hatred, longing or love… Nothing.

Aki wasn't sure what to say. "You've been expecting me?"

Hein gave a faint shrug of his shoulders. "You've never been able to leave me alone before."

Aki clenched her teeth. Yes, this was definitely General Hein she was speaking to. "Forgive me for showing a little compassion." She struggled to restrain her anger. She hadn't come to argue with him.

Hein just grunted, then finally turned to face her. "What day is it? How long have I been here?" he demanded.

"It's September 12th."

Hein frowned, a grimmer expression than she remembered. "Not quite a month… Why does that date sound familiar?"

"It's when Gray was supposed to be due." She hoped mentioning her son would soften him up, but there was no change in his expression.

"Oh. How is your child?" he asked absently.

Aki sighed. "Better. He's a more decent size now, and I don't have to watch over his health as closely. Why do you ask?"

"I figured that you'd tell me anyway if I didn't, so I may as well feign interest."

Aki's hands clenched. Did he truly not care? She'd forgotten how cruel this man could be. "At least you're honest," she muttered. Hein's cheek twitched, but he said nothing.

"Why did you come, Doctor? You aren't the gloating type." Hein was staring at her intently.

Aki met his gaze. "You know why," she told him. "I helped you. I cared about you. I couldn't stay away, even if all I've done means nothing to you."

Now Hein looked taken aback. "Yes. You saved my life. So that I could be dishonored before all, and probably publicly executed. Your generosity moves me, Doctor."

"Damn you," she whispered. "It all means nothing to you now, doesn't it? I would have given myself to you, body and soul. You were a great man once, and I could have loved you for that. What happened to you?"

"I recovered my common sense. I remembered there was no place in this world for love, especially not for someone who went to great lengths to ruin my life." Hein gave her a bitter smile.

"Ruin your life? I ruined your life? I didn't kill millions of people! I didn't nearly destroy the planet!" Aki was quivering in fury, but she fought it back when she saw the look on his face. He wants me to get angry!

"Perhaps," Hein said, his face closing up again. "But, would I have done it if you hadn't pushed me?" Before she could reply, he held up his hand. "It doesn't matter now. What's done is done, and I deserve to be executed like the traitor I am."

Aki bit back the impulse to tell him he did indeed deserve it. Is that what he's trying to do? Force me into supporting his execution? It's almost working… She turned to leave, then spun around, suddenly remembering the bag she held in her hand. "Death is too good for you," she hissed. Then she set the bag on his bed and strode over to the door and called for the guard to let her out. "That, by the way, is a gift," she said coldly. "You don't look right without it."

She stormed out of the cell without waiting to see his reaction, and practically ran to Dr. Sid's side.

"How'd it go?" the doctor asked, taking in Aki's miserable expression.

"Oh, Sid," she whispered, pressing her face into his shoulder. "He's lost to me forever."

XXX

He hadn't expected that to hurt. Oh, he'd known he'd developed strong feelings for Dr. Ross when she'd cared for him – he refused to think of it as love – but saying the cruel things he had had hurt him.

I would have given myself to you, body and soul… Hein sat heavily on the narrow bed, leaning his scarred face on the cool stone wall. It wasn't supposed to be that way. She hated him! Or was supposed to hate him. And he hated her. She should have gotten angry at him and screamed at him, telling him how much she hated him for what he'd done, ant that she was going to ask the Council to kill him now.

I could have loved you… No. She couldn't possibly love him! She'd only been using him for her own amusement, getting revenge in a painful way. Now that he was fully aware of who she was, he was no longer susceptible to her pathetic attempts at seduction. I cared about you…

Hein's hands trembled. No, she didn't care! No one could ever love him, and he could never love anyone else, especially not the woman who had destroyed him!

Then… why did it hurt? Why did he feel as if he'd driven a knife into his heart? Why had he felt a little thrill of excitement when he'd seen her enter his cell? Why had the harsh words come so hard to him?

Because I love her… The shocking realization hit him like a ton of bricks. She's the first woman who's actually opened herself to me since Anna died and I… I've been alone too long…

God, of all the people to fall in love with…

He tried to convince himself that he'd only responded to her because he'd been reliving that phase where he was young and stupid and interested in any female that actually looked at him. But there was no denying it. Even now, he wanted to call her back, to get down on his knees and beg her to forgive him for being such a stupid, close-minded bastard.

But he'd blown it. It was for the best, anyway, since he would probably die soon. The depth of his feelings for Aki frightened him, and with death he would no longer have to worry.

His hand brushed the bag she'd left him, and he frowned. His fingers fumbled with it, opening the bag and spilling out the contents.

It was his coat. Not the jacket Aki had bought, but the black leather trenchcoat he'd made part of his uniform. It had been repaired; probably using the other jacket to judge from the shabbiness of the leather in some places.

He held the coat to him, noticing it still lacked military insignia that would now never be replaced. It's funny… My loss of rank doesn't hurt me near as much as the loss of Aki…

It didn't matter… both were forever lost to him.

To Be Concluded!