Title: The Meanings of Pain
Author: InkaCajo
A/N : this is my first fic so be gentle. This takes place after "Love Among the Runes". This fic is going to be heavily M/A though I might have to work up to it. I want to keep everybody in character so I have to break down some walls first. I hope ya'll like it . Enjoy!
Chapter 1
The moon was bright enough for even non-transgenics to see by. That didn't help matters. It was hard enough as it is- the fighting. The dying on both sides was traumatic. Sometimes it was difficult for Max to remember that these were just people. Normal, sacred people. But that didn't bring Biggs back to life or any of the others who had fallen to these so-called normal people. That didn't excuse it. Not by a long shot. She had taken the night watch because she just needed some space. Put it into perspective. But Max knew she needed to give that up. The world had gone crazy overnight. What place does reason have in a crazy world? None, on the other hand....survival-
" Hey Max." She jerked and tensed for the split second it took to recognize Alec's voice.
"Alec." She relaxed and sighed wishing he would go away. She really wanted to be alone right then.
" Night watch? Don't you need some rest or something? Somebody else could take post. You don't have to try to do everything yourself." Alec slipped in his observation casually but Max didn't seem to hear the tone.
" Listen Alec, Manticore genes are good for something. I'm not tired at all and if I don't do this then there's really nothing else to do. I don't feel like just waiting around and I don't feel like talking. Satisfied?"
Alec held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, " Fine Max, but while your eyesight is great I know for sure that there's a whole load of transgenics in there with even better. And yeah, I do know how to take a hint. Or whatever you want to call it. So I'll just leave you alone. If you ever want to talk you know where to find me." He turned away, obviously offended then stopped and turned back slowly. " Max" She looked up. His face was still. Not teasing. No fun and games. Serious. " Remember what we learned in Manticore- about pain?"
Max felt as if his question had just pushed her 10 years into the past.
Bald children in fatigues stood watching the drill sergeant as he slowly prowled back and forth , a slender poker in his left hand. The end glowed red. It was hard to look at the man and not the poker. So red. "What is pain for a soldier? You have a job to do. A mission to accomplish. As a soldier all you need to know about pain is this : Is it necessary to the mission?" He swung the poker's red hot tip and stopped just short of one of the children. " Or is it in the way? If it's the latter- it's unnecessary. Leave it behind. Don't let it get in your way." He let the poker touch the bald slight boy. The boy stood very still. Incredibly still. His eyes were watering but he didn't make a sound. " Pain doesn't kill you but mistakes caused by pain will." He dropped the poker. The boy breathed shallow breathes. The drill sergeant took in all the children with his gaze, " Remember that soldiers."
For a moment the flashback was so potent that Max could almost imagine the smell of burning flesh. Then she was back and angry. So angry. " I'm not in Manticore. They were sick to teach us that and you're sick to remind me of it. I love Logan and now he's gone. My whole world is gone. Everyone knows about us and it may never be safe again. I'll never have the hope of being semi-normal again." Her brown eyes flashed with pain, anger and the pure satisfaction at having someone to vent all her frustrations on. Alec stood without a word. " Now will you excuse me while I deal. In the last few days I lost a lot of things. I'm not going to just cover it up with the Manticore- cure-all-soldiers's-duty bandaid."
Some of her satisfaction evaporated when Alec just turned and walked away without another word. Belatedly she realized that he'd been trying to help her. Max pushed away guilt. It was Alec. She doubted her words did anything other than annoy him.
She was wrong.
Author: InkaCajo
A/N : this is my first fic so be gentle. This takes place after "Love Among the Runes". This fic is going to be heavily M/A though I might have to work up to it. I want to keep everybody in character so I have to break down some walls first. I hope ya'll like it . Enjoy!
Chapter 1
The moon was bright enough for even non-transgenics to see by. That didn't help matters. It was hard enough as it is- the fighting. The dying on both sides was traumatic. Sometimes it was difficult for Max to remember that these were just people. Normal, sacred people. But that didn't bring Biggs back to life or any of the others who had fallen to these so-called normal people. That didn't excuse it. Not by a long shot. She had taken the night watch because she just needed some space. Put it into perspective. But Max knew she needed to give that up. The world had gone crazy overnight. What place does reason have in a crazy world? None, on the other hand....survival-
" Hey Max." She jerked and tensed for the split second it took to recognize Alec's voice.
"Alec." She relaxed and sighed wishing he would go away. She really wanted to be alone right then.
" Night watch? Don't you need some rest or something? Somebody else could take post. You don't have to try to do everything yourself." Alec slipped in his observation casually but Max didn't seem to hear the tone.
" Listen Alec, Manticore genes are good for something. I'm not tired at all and if I don't do this then there's really nothing else to do. I don't feel like just waiting around and I don't feel like talking. Satisfied?"
Alec held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, " Fine Max, but while your eyesight is great I know for sure that there's a whole load of transgenics in there with even better. And yeah, I do know how to take a hint. Or whatever you want to call it. So I'll just leave you alone. If you ever want to talk you know where to find me." He turned away, obviously offended then stopped and turned back slowly. " Max" She looked up. His face was still. Not teasing. No fun and games. Serious. " Remember what we learned in Manticore- about pain?"
Max felt as if his question had just pushed her 10 years into the past.
Bald children in fatigues stood watching the drill sergeant as he slowly prowled back and forth , a slender poker in his left hand. The end glowed red. It was hard to look at the man and not the poker. So red. "What is pain for a soldier? You have a job to do. A mission to accomplish. As a soldier all you need to know about pain is this : Is it necessary to the mission?" He swung the poker's red hot tip and stopped just short of one of the children. " Or is it in the way? If it's the latter- it's unnecessary. Leave it behind. Don't let it get in your way." He let the poker touch the bald slight boy. The boy stood very still. Incredibly still. His eyes were watering but he didn't make a sound. " Pain doesn't kill you but mistakes caused by pain will." He dropped the poker. The boy breathed shallow breathes. The drill sergeant took in all the children with his gaze, " Remember that soldiers."
For a moment the flashback was so potent that Max could almost imagine the smell of burning flesh. Then she was back and angry. So angry. " I'm not in Manticore. They were sick to teach us that and you're sick to remind me of it. I love Logan and now he's gone. My whole world is gone. Everyone knows about us and it may never be safe again. I'll never have the hope of being semi-normal again." Her brown eyes flashed with pain, anger and the pure satisfaction at having someone to vent all her frustrations on. Alec stood without a word. " Now will you excuse me while I deal. In the last few days I lost a lot of things. I'm not going to just cover it up with the Manticore- cure-all-soldiers's-duty bandaid."
Some of her satisfaction evaporated when Alec just turned and walked away without another word. Belatedly she realized that he'd been trying to help her. Max pushed away guilt. It was Alec. She doubted her words did anything other than annoy him.
She was wrong.