1 Tears of Pearls
By Tenshi no Nozomi (tenshi_no_nozomi@hotmail.com)
Disclaimer:
I don't own WK or SM, though there a few bishonen that I wouldn't mind having claims on… Anyway, this is only written for entertainment purposes, and no profit is being made off of it. Btw, before I forget, I do not own Savage Garden's 'Tears of Pearls!'
Warnings (not really, just stuff to consider):
Fluff, character OOC-ness, slight angst, Usagi centered, one-shot, song- fic, some crude/explicit language, more mature themes-
In other words:
There are several mentionings of premarital sex, suicide, and maybe a few lime-ish comments, and a mentioning of suicide. If you can't abide these things, then turn back now!!
Major thanks:
Would belong to Sweet Kawaii Angel. Without her support, I probably would never have had the guts to post this.
AN:
As stated above, this is a Usagi centered one-shot. Don't like that kind of stuff? Then kindly press the 'back' button on your browser. For the rest of you, this is going to be fluffy, but also an attempt at angst. I don't do that too often, so it may not go over very well. I apologize for that ahead of time, if that turns out to be the case. Oh, one last thing… I've never seen WK before. So there could be some serious OOCness in this. Please forgive me, if that is the case.
And we stare each other down like victims in the grind,
Probing all the weakness and hurt still left behind.
And we cry the tears of pearls,
We do it, oh we do it.
1.1
Was it really so much that she should ask for commitment from him? She hadn't thought so… but apparently, it was.
And sitting here, crying, she couldn't help but wonder what the hell she'd ever done to deserve this kind of pain- the hurt that he always left after he came to her for a single night.
'I'm tired of being a plaything for you! I'm a person, dammit!' She was livid with her rage at him for their last few rendezveus, that all ended the same way- and now he'd come to say he wanted more.
'You think I don't know that?' He was calm, as though this were nothing- just typical. As though he'd dealt with it a thousand times.
Funny that he should ask that. Yes, that was the way it felt to her sometimes. Like she was some… object for him to use, when he couldn't find anyone else to bed with for the night. It was so horrible.
And it was partly her fault, she knew- if she just would turn him away, maybe she could heal eventually. But the problem was, even if he didn't return the feeling, she loved him. She didn't want for him to disappear out of her life altogether, even if after the encounter she would be hurting inside for days after.
Why? Because even after he brought that kind of grief upon her time and again, she wanted to see him again. How pathetic.
Is love really the tragedy the way you might describe?
Or would a thousand lovers still leave you cold inside?
Make you cry…
These tears of pearls.
The worst thing was, that though he was probably Tokyo's biggest playboy, he was cold inside. There wasn't a single woman in the world that could warm him. And Usagi did not say that without reason.
He was cold, but in a different sense than you would generally think of… Not like one of the men he worked with-- Aya was his name. He's just frozen temporarily, but she was sure- almost completely positive- that eventually he'd thaw over.
But not Kudou Yohji. He'd been as cold as a blizzard since she'd met him, under that façade of his.
'What is it you're afraid of, Yohji?' It wasn't that she was quite concerned, but she was growing weary. Weary of feeling this scramble of emotions- anger, love, pity… and something that she still couldn't identify.
'It's none of your business.' He was cold now, his eyes almost frozen over. He'd never acted this way in front of her before.
'Why isn't it? We're lovers, aren't we?' Usagi was becoming truly concerned now. She didn't understand his mercurial moods tonight; one minute he was ready to make love to her on the spot, the next he was mad at her. Was it possible that he felt the same way as she?
'For the night we were. Now we're through.' And with that, he left her in the hotel room by herself.
Oh yes. Kudou was infamous for being unable to commit to anyone. Who knew for what reason; he'd certainly never tell. And although he was fairly polite and seductive normally, if you dared to dance around that topic, you'd better be ready for a hail storm.
1.1.1 All these mixed emotions
We keep locked away like stolen pearls.
Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world.
Perhaps his inability to commit to anymore than a spontaneous relationship had to do with something that had occurred in his past. She didn't know- she was no psychologist.
She had a feeling that inside, he was broken in one way or another, and just trying to find a way to heal the wound. He was certainly no china doll, but everyone had their breaking points. The thing was, Yohji'd be damned before he let anyone help him.
She shook her head, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She couldn't let him keep hurting her like this- wouldn't. As much as she loved him, there had to be a line drawn somewhere.
'If you don't want this, tenshi, then you shouldn't let me.' He sounded tired now, almost deadened. Perhaps his reputation was catching up with him, and he was getting sick of all of this.
'I won't, Yohji. I've had it with you, with this!' She felt like crying, because on the inside, she felt as though she were repeatedly slamming knives into her belly. She really didn't need the extra pain; he brought her enough on his own…
'… Is that the way you feel?' Even more tired, now, as though he'd aged twenty years in a matter of seconds. Still, behind it, was that purring sound- the sound that told her he was trying to make her stop, trying to persuade her to do something…
'Yes. I want you to leave, and I don't want you to come back-- ever.' She'd said it, and felt like she'd shot herself. On the outside, she seemed fine, if not a bit upset. On the inside, though, her heart was breaking, and she felt like she was going to hurl…
Perhaps it had been cruel, but it had been truthful in a way. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, but he was broken-- and in the process breaking her, too. So that was what she'd had to do.
He'd taken a part of her with him when he'd left, so in a way, she was broken anyway. But perhaps, in time, the damage done to her would be fixable.
In the meanwhile, though, she was going to go dancing. She would dance until she was too exhausted to hold her own weight anymore, and would have to call Haruka to pick her up. That way, she'd be too tired to cry when she came home.
Your kisses are like pearls, so different and so rare.
But anger stole the jewels away, and love has left you bare.
Made you cry…
These tears of pearls.
Yohji watched his tenshi come out of the apartment complex, dressed to paint the town red. Knee high leather boots, a cream colored dress that clung so seductively to her body, acting as a second skin…
He'd worn that exact outfit for him several times. It wasn't his favorite, but it did look wonderful on her.
Why was he here? Because there was no point in being anywhere else. Because he wanted to look after her, even if she has specifically told him not to.
It wasn't the first time he'd followed her to her favorite club. She'd sent him away permanently over three weeks ago, and after the first week or so, he'd trailed her like a pathetic puppy.
It wasn't like him. With any other woman, he'd have managed to get over it by now. And maybe even accepted it to a degree.
He'd known he'd been hurting her, tearing her to pieces inside. It made him feel guilty, and so every time he left, it was with the intention to never bother her again- to let her heal, and go on. But he thirsted for the unconditional love she seemed to have for him despite the hurt he caused her, and couldn't stop himself.
'…Koishiteru, Yohji.' They were lying together, spent after love making. Soon he'd have to leave, and he was itching for a cigarette.
'…No, you don't.' He was surprised; some women said it during sex, but none of them ever said it afterwards. It shook him up, and he snapped back at her in irritation.
'I do.' She sounded so certain…
'…Doushite?' But she was already asleep, and it was time for him to go.
There were two parts to him now, it seemed. One part that said he should leave her and go on. To get attached would be to set himself up for hell. But another part needed her, like a drug. She was addictive…
1.1.2 Well, I could be the tired joker, pour my heart to get you in-
Sacrifice my happiness just so I could win.
Maybe cry…
These tears of pearls.
She was unlike any other woman he'd ever met, in her own special way. Watching her on the dance floor, she was writhing hard to the beat- dancing herself into oblivion and exhaustion.
He'd hurt her, a lot- and he had seen that she hurt herself, too, by allowing him to come back time and again. Because every time he left, he stole something away from her. Something valuable and irreplaceable.
He knew that if he could have stayed, he would have given her something back. He felt that inside. But… he just couldn't stay. She didn't understand that, and needed something more than several spontaneous one- night stands. She needed something solid, from someone she could depend on.
And after what she'd been through in past relationships, he understood why.
'It's just one night… In the morning, it'll all be over.' He was whispering in her ear, trying his hardest to be so persuasive. He was tense, and in need of release- and this girl was, well, she seemed special. He needed her…
'I- I know. Demo…' She seemed so hesitant.
'Demo what?' He massaged her shoulders gently, and kept his mouth pressed close to her ear. If he pressed the right buttons, he could get what he wanted.
'I don't need a one-night stand. After Mamoru, I know enough about them to know I don't like them. I need something… more…' She was quivering in his grip, so afraid. Like her namesake…
'And you can find that, I promise. Just for one night, tenshi… onegai.' His plea was more of a gentle demand, and she finally consented, allowing him to pull her down to the covers before being engulfed in white-hot passion.
He'd been so selfish in their relationship, he saw now. He was ashamed of this… but he still needed her, needed something from her.
All these mixed emotions
We keep locked away like stolen pearls,
Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world.
He'd been with other women during that first week- had tried to forget her. But every time he had a new conquest under him, all he could think of was her writhing and calling to him. He could only satisfy himself by calling her name- which ended up with a lot of confused or angry women.
He didn't understand what was happening to him, lately. He was having trouble sleeping, and he wasn't very hungry anymore- not to mention, she was constantly on his mind. He had to smoke two or three cigarettes to get the satisfaction he used to have from one. He looked pale and sick, as Omi had pointed out to him the other day.
Yohji wasn't a total fool, though. He pretty much knew that we was probably ruined for anyone else now, that no one but Tsukino Usagi would do. He knew he was becoming obsessed, and this would probably be classified as stalking. But he also knew that the world had become a lot bleaker after Usagi had left him.
Usagi was getting tired on the dance floor. He could see it, by the way her body began to slow down, the way her movements became less accentuated.
Why did this thing called 'love' have to be moved over so clumsily? And why the hell had he screwed himself over like this? He couldn't remember…
He made his way to the exit after her, sure of only one thing: this had to end.
We twist and turn where angels burn,
Like fallen soldiers we will learn:
That once forgotten, twice removed-
Love will be the death…
The death of you.
Usagi was so tired. Too tired to call Haruka. She just wanted to walk home. Hell, she would have been comforted to fall in a gutter and fall asleep. She really didn't care anymore.
Even though she'd dance to the point of exhaustion, she had not worked the sadness out. She still seemed to have enough energy for it, tonight, it seemed. Because, leaning against a wall, she began to sob.
She sobbed because she was too tired to get home, and too tired to go back into that place pulsating with light and false happiness. Sobbed because she was all alone, and eventually she would fall asleep on the sidewalk- leaving her open to anything.
Most of all, though, she cried because she was alone. Because she alone, and unloved, and pregnant. Oh yes, that last time with Yohji had done it. Usagi had only slept with Mamoru before Yohji- a mistake of immense proportions- but had slept with no one but Yohji since. Upon visiting the doctor, she had received the news.
But she didn't have the guts to tell anybody. So no one knew, not even the father.
Sobbing harder, she curled into a ball around herself. If it weren't for the life she was carrying inside of her, she would have committed suicide shortly after ending her relationship with Yohji. But she could not kill another life… and certainly not a part of Yohji.
And suddenly, there was a familiar embrace around her. So soft, and yet to reassuring. But it was impossible, because he had left her upon her own orders, and…
"Yohji?" Her voice sounded so soft, so hopeful…
"…Hai, Usagi." And his sounded so terribly pained, but relieved at the same time.
Oh, gods, it really was him. That was his voice, his smell… a part of her celebrated, and she could feel his grip on her tighten, crushing her to his chest, as though he were trying mesh them closer than they already were.
"What are you doing here…?" She was tired, everything was muddled. Everything but for the fact that the man she loved was holding her, crushing her to his chest, nuzzling his face into her hair, almost cuddling her out here in the open for anyone to see, and making her melt inside…
"Taking you home, tenshi." His voice was muffled by her hair, and Usagi could feel his lips against her scalp. She could hear him inhaling her scent, as though they'd been apart a million years, and had missed it so much…
Gods, Yohji had always been seductive. Even now, he was stealing the bones in her body away. This time, though, he was being tender, too… She felt like she was falling, falling into oblivion… and there was only him to catch her at the bottom.
"Really though. I told you to leave me alone." She almost instantly regretted this. His form stiffened, and she could feel his muscles tensed. And then, he relaxed, almost molding himself closer than before.
"I know. I tried… but I missed you."
Usagi's breath caught, and for a moment, she shed her sleepiness. Yohji was never open with the way her really felt- ever. And even less than that, he would never say anything like that in public. So this display of his had been odd, but that confession was beyond anything she'd ever imagined.
She pulled away slightly, and took a look at him- almost wishing that she hadn't. Because… he looked… so… so… ill.
He was so pale, and his face looked thin, as though he hadn't been eating properly. Dark circles hung under his eyes, showing her that he hadn't been sleeping well, either. His eyes looked tired, his hair seemed limp and a bit unkempt. His emerald eyes showed her just how tired he was, almost having lost their luster.
Gently, she ran her fingers over his features, examining them and voicing her concern wordlessly. He sighed and closed his eyes, as though he were in pure ecstasy, and nuzzled his cheek to her hand. He purred softly, and opened his eyes that were twinkling with a familiar light.
"Let me take you home…"
"No." The sudden edge to her voice after the shared moment surprised even her, and she continued. "When I told you that I wasn't going to do that with you anymore, Yohji, I meant it. I'm not going to have sex with you-"
"You think that's what I'm after?" A single eyebrow lifted. He sounded a bit miffed, but amused as well.
"Well… yes, isn't that always what you're after?" Usagi couldn't help but feel wary; Yohji was acting odd, and he looked sick to boot.
He laughed, and picked her up in one swift movement. For someone who looks sick, she noted to herself, he certainly moves quickly…
"I told you before I was going to take you home… and that's exactly what I intend to do- no more, no less." And with that, he was walking down the street at his own quick pace.
And maybe it was just the feeling of safety she got from being in his arms, or perhaps the gentle yet steady rhythm of his steps. Whatever the reason, she soon began to fall asleep, leaning her head against his chest. She was truly lulled off to sleep by the sound of the steady beating of his heart.
Yohji smiled softly as she fell asleep; she had been just as tired as he had thought. He entered the apartment complex fairly easily by punching in the code he had learned from her, and swiping in the card he'd borrowed from her purse once and accidentally failed to return. It really had been an accident, though he had a feeling she wouldn't think so if she found out.
He carried her inside her apartment after fishing out her hidden key from under the door mat. He knew of that from the time they'd come to her place and she hadn't been able to find his key.
Upon entering, everything looked the same as the last time he'd been here: fairly orderly, with some papers and books scattered around, and a pile of dirty clothes on one side of the bed. He smirked just slightly, and sat down on her bed, her sleeping body in his arms.
Her carefully removed her shoes and socks, and undid her hair before tucking her into bed. He then pulled up a chair and watched her sleep. It was soothing, really, and she looked lovely with the moon shining on her face…
He found himself falling asleep, and wondered just before slipping into unconsciousness just how she was going to react to seeing him there in the morning…
Usagi woke up just slightly from her sleep. She had been having another one of those nightmares again- the one where Mamoru was stalking her- and had forced herself to wake up from it.
Upon looking around, she saw an amusing yet shockingly endearing sight. Yohji was there, slumped in an uncomfortable looking position in one of the kitchen hairs. He was snoring ever so softly, and his mouth was slightly agape. His glasses hung sideways on his face, and his hair fell across his closed eyelids.
How cute… you'd never guess him to be a player looking at him now…
She got out of bed, and managed to drag him into her bed. She smiled ever so slightly, and yawned to herself. There were consequences for what she'd just done, but she couldn't just leave the guy sitting there like that… he looked so uncomfortable.
Besides, she had a feeling that perhaps things might get better for the two of them. So maybe… maybe she could trust him this time. She hoped so, and climbed back into the bed and into a warm embrace.
But Yohji, if you ever break my heart again… I'm going to sic my daddy on you, she thought just before she fell asleep in his arms.
1.1.3 All these mixed emotions
We keep locked away like stolen peals
Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world.
Okay… what'd you people think? Hated it, liked it, loved it, loathed it??? I need your input!!! I'm not sure if I quite picked the right song out for this fic… I think it did okay up till like the end, but by that time, I was listening to a different song on the cd. There's just only so many times I can listen to one song on repeat before I lose my mind, folks.
Another important thing: Sweet Kawaii Angel said she wanted me to continue this fic. So, even though it is meant to be a one-shot, I may continue it… based on what you people have to say about that.
So, that's it! Till next time! But to don't forget to review!!!
By Tenshi no Nozomi (tenshi_no_nozomi@hotmail.com)
Disclaimer:
I don't own WK or SM, though there a few bishonen that I wouldn't mind having claims on… Anyway, this is only written for entertainment purposes, and no profit is being made off of it. Btw, before I forget, I do not own Savage Garden's 'Tears of Pearls!'
Warnings (not really, just stuff to consider):
Fluff, character OOC-ness, slight angst, Usagi centered, one-shot, song- fic, some crude/explicit language, more mature themes-
In other words:
There are several mentionings of premarital sex, suicide, and maybe a few lime-ish comments, and a mentioning of suicide. If you can't abide these things, then turn back now!!
Major thanks:
Would belong to Sweet Kawaii Angel. Without her support, I probably would never have had the guts to post this.
AN:
As stated above, this is a Usagi centered one-shot. Don't like that kind of stuff? Then kindly press the 'back' button on your browser. For the rest of you, this is going to be fluffy, but also an attempt at angst. I don't do that too often, so it may not go over very well. I apologize for that ahead of time, if that turns out to be the case. Oh, one last thing… I've never seen WK before. So there could be some serious OOCness in this. Please forgive me, if that is the case.
And we stare each other down like victims in the grind,
Probing all the weakness and hurt still left behind.
And we cry the tears of pearls,
We do it, oh we do it.
1.1
Was it really so much that she should ask for commitment from him? She hadn't thought so… but apparently, it was.
And sitting here, crying, she couldn't help but wonder what the hell she'd ever done to deserve this kind of pain- the hurt that he always left after he came to her for a single night.
'I'm tired of being a plaything for you! I'm a person, dammit!' She was livid with her rage at him for their last few rendezveus, that all ended the same way- and now he'd come to say he wanted more.
'You think I don't know that?' He was calm, as though this were nothing- just typical. As though he'd dealt with it a thousand times.
Funny that he should ask that. Yes, that was the way it felt to her sometimes. Like she was some… object for him to use, when he couldn't find anyone else to bed with for the night. It was so horrible.
And it was partly her fault, she knew- if she just would turn him away, maybe she could heal eventually. But the problem was, even if he didn't return the feeling, she loved him. She didn't want for him to disappear out of her life altogether, even if after the encounter she would be hurting inside for days after.
Why? Because even after he brought that kind of grief upon her time and again, she wanted to see him again. How pathetic.
Is love really the tragedy the way you might describe?
Or would a thousand lovers still leave you cold inside?
Make you cry…
These tears of pearls.
The worst thing was, that though he was probably Tokyo's biggest playboy, he was cold inside. There wasn't a single woman in the world that could warm him. And Usagi did not say that without reason.
He was cold, but in a different sense than you would generally think of… Not like one of the men he worked with-- Aya was his name. He's just frozen temporarily, but she was sure- almost completely positive- that eventually he'd thaw over.
But not Kudou Yohji. He'd been as cold as a blizzard since she'd met him, under that façade of his.
'What is it you're afraid of, Yohji?' It wasn't that she was quite concerned, but she was growing weary. Weary of feeling this scramble of emotions- anger, love, pity… and something that she still couldn't identify.
'It's none of your business.' He was cold now, his eyes almost frozen over. He'd never acted this way in front of her before.
'Why isn't it? We're lovers, aren't we?' Usagi was becoming truly concerned now. She didn't understand his mercurial moods tonight; one minute he was ready to make love to her on the spot, the next he was mad at her. Was it possible that he felt the same way as she?
'For the night we were. Now we're through.' And with that, he left her in the hotel room by herself.
Oh yes. Kudou was infamous for being unable to commit to anyone. Who knew for what reason; he'd certainly never tell. And although he was fairly polite and seductive normally, if you dared to dance around that topic, you'd better be ready for a hail storm.
1.1.1 All these mixed emotions
We keep locked away like stolen pearls.
Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world.
Perhaps his inability to commit to anymore than a spontaneous relationship had to do with something that had occurred in his past. She didn't know- she was no psychologist.
She had a feeling that inside, he was broken in one way or another, and just trying to find a way to heal the wound. He was certainly no china doll, but everyone had their breaking points. The thing was, Yohji'd be damned before he let anyone help him.
She shook her head, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She couldn't let him keep hurting her like this- wouldn't. As much as she loved him, there had to be a line drawn somewhere.
'If you don't want this, tenshi, then you shouldn't let me.' He sounded tired now, almost deadened. Perhaps his reputation was catching up with him, and he was getting sick of all of this.
'I won't, Yohji. I've had it with you, with this!' She felt like crying, because on the inside, she felt as though she were repeatedly slamming knives into her belly. She really didn't need the extra pain; he brought her enough on his own…
'… Is that the way you feel?' Even more tired, now, as though he'd aged twenty years in a matter of seconds. Still, behind it, was that purring sound- the sound that told her he was trying to make her stop, trying to persuade her to do something…
'Yes. I want you to leave, and I don't want you to come back-- ever.' She'd said it, and felt like she'd shot herself. On the outside, she seemed fine, if not a bit upset. On the inside, though, her heart was breaking, and she felt like she was going to hurl…
Perhaps it had been cruel, but it had been truthful in a way. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, but he was broken-- and in the process breaking her, too. So that was what she'd had to do.
He'd taken a part of her with him when he'd left, so in a way, she was broken anyway. But perhaps, in time, the damage done to her would be fixable.
In the meanwhile, though, she was going to go dancing. She would dance until she was too exhausted to hold her own weight anymore, and would have to call Haruka to pick her up. That way, she'd be too tired to cry when she came home.
Your kisses are like pearls, so different and so rare.
But anger stole the jewels away, and love has left you bare.
Made you cry…
These tears of pearls.
Yohji watched his tenshi come out of the apartment complex, dressed to paint the town red. Knee high leather boots, a cream colored dress that clung so seductively to her body, acting as a second skin…
He'd worn that exact outfit for him several times. It wasn't his favorite, but it did look wonderful on her.
Why was he here? Because there was no point in being anywhere else. Because he wanted to look after her, even if she has specifically told him not to.
It wasn't the first time he'd followed her to her favorite club. She'd sent him away permanently over three weeks ago, and after the first week or so, he'd trailed her like a pathetic puppy.
It wasn't like him. With any other woman, he'd have managed to get over it by now. And maybe even accepted it to a degree.
He'd known he'd been hurting her, tearing her to pieces inside. It made him feel guilty, and so every time he left, it was with the intention to never bother her again- to let her heal, and go on. But he thirsted for the unconditional love she seemed to have for him despite the hurt he caused her, and couldn't stop himself.
'…Koishiteru, Yohji.' They were lying together, spent after love making. Soon he'd have to leave, and he was itching for a cigarette.
'…No, you don't.' He was surprised; some women said it during sex, but none of them ever said it afterwards. It shook him up, and he snapped back at her in irritation.
'I do.' She sounded so certain…
'…Doushite?' But she was already asleep, and it was time for him to go.
There were two parts to him now, it seemed. One part that said he should leave her and go on. To get attached would be to set himself up for hell. But another part needed her, like a drug. She was addictive…
1.1.2 Well, I could be the tired joker, pour my heart to get you in-
Sacrifice my happiness just so I could win.
Maybe cry…
These tears of pearls.
She was unlike any other woman he'd ever met, in her own special way. Watching her on the dance floor, she was writhing hard to the beat- dancing herself into oblivion and exhaustion.
He'd hurt her, a lot- and he had seen that she hurt herself, too, by allowing him to come back time and again. Because every time he left, he stole something away from her. Something valuable and irreplaceable.
He knew that if he could have stayed, he would have given her something back. He felt that inside. But… he just couldn't stay. She didn't understand that, and needed something more than several spontaneous one- night stands. She needed something solid, from someone she could depend on.
And after what she'd been through in past relationships, he understood why.
'It's just one night… In the morning, it'll all be over.' He was whispering in her ear, trying his hardest to be so persuasive. He was tense, and in need of release- and this girl was, well, she seemed special. He needed her…
'I- I know. Demo…' She seemed so hesitant.
'Demo what?' He massaged her shoulders gently, and kept his mouth pressed close to her ear. If he pressed the right buttons, he could get what he wanted.
'I don't need a one-night stand. After Mamoru, I know enough about them to know I don't like them. I need something… more…' She was quivering in his grip, so afraid. Like her namesake…
'And you can find that, I promise. Just for one night, tenshi… onegai.' His plea was more of a gentle demand, and she finally consented, allowing him to pull her down to the covers before being engulfed in white-hot passion.
He'd been so selfish in their relationship, he saw now. He was ashamed of this… but he still needed her, needed something from her.
All these mixed emotions
We keep locked away like stolen pearls,
Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world.
He'd been with other women during that first week- had tried to forget her. But every time he had a new conquest under him, all he could think of was her writhing and calling to him. He could only satisfy himself by calling her name- which ended up with a lot of confused or angry women.
He didn't understand what was happening to him, lately. He was having trouble sleeping, and he wasn't very hungry anymore- not to mention, she was constantly on his mind. He had to smoke two or three cigarettes to get the satisfaction he used to have from one. He looked pale and sick, as Omi had pointed out to him the other day.
Yohji wasn't a total fool, though. He pretty much knew that we was probably ruined for anyone else now, that no one but Tsukino Usagi would do. He knew he was becoming obsessed, and this would probably be classified as stalking. But he also knew that the world had become a lot bleaker after Usagi had left him.
Usagi was getting tired on the dance floor. He could see it, by the way her body began to slow down, the way her movements became less accentuated.
Why did this thing called 'love' have to be moved over so clumsily? And why the hell had he screwed himself over like this? He couldn't remember…
He made his way to the exit after her, sure of only one thing: this had to end.
We twist and turn where angels burn,
Like fallen soldiers we will learn:
That once forgotten, twice removed-
Love will be the death…
The death of you.
Usagi was so tired. Too tired to call Haruka. She just wanted to walk home. Hell, she would have been comforted to fall in a gutter and fall asleep. She really didn't care anymore.
Even though she'd dance to the point of exhaustion, she had not worked the sadness out. She still seemed to have enough energy for it, tonight, it seemed. Because, leaning against a wall, she began to sob.
She sobbed because she was too tired to get home, and too tired to go back into that place pulsating with light and false happiness. Sobbed because she was all alone, and eventually she would fall asleep on the sidewalk- leaving her open to anything.
Most of all, though, she cried because she was alone. Because she alone, and unloved, and pregnant. Oh yes, that last time with Yohji had done it. Usagi had only slept with Mamoru before Yohji- a mistake of immense proportions- but had slept with no one but Yohji since. Upon visiting the doctor, she had received the news.
But she didn't have the guts to tell anybody. So no one knew, not even the father.
Sobbing harder, she curled into a ball around herself. If it weren't for the life she was carrying inside of her, she would have committed suicide shortly after ending her relationship with Yohji. But she could not kill another life… and certainly not a part of Yohji.
And suddenly, there was a familiar embrace around her. So soft, and yet to reassuring. But it was impossible, because he had left her upon her own orders, and…
"Yohji?" Her voice sounded so soft, so hopeful…
"…Hai, Usagi." And his sounded so terribly pained, but relieved at the same time.
Oh, gods, it really was him. That was his voice, his smell… a part of her celebrated, and she could feel his grip on her tighten, crushing her to his chest, as though he were trying mesh them closer than they already were.
"What are you doing here…?" She was tired, everything was muddled. Everything but for the fact that the man she loved was holding her, crushing her to his chest, nuzzling his face into her hair, almost cuddling her out here in the open for anyone to see, and making her melt inside…
"Taking you home, tenshi." His voice was muffled by her hair, and Usagi could feel his lips against her scalp. She could hear him inhaling her scent, as though they'd been apart a million years, and had missed it so much…
Gods, Yohji had always been seductive. Even now, he was stealing the bones in her body away. This time, though, he was being tender, too… She felt like she was falling, falling into oblivion… and there was only him to catch her at the bottom.
"Really though. I told you to leave me alone." She almost instantly regretted this. His form stiffened, and she could feel his muscles tensed. And then, he relaxed, almost molding himself closer than before.
"I know. I tried… but I missed you."
Usagi's breath caught, and for a moment, she shed her sleepiness. Yohji was never open with the way her really felt- ever. And even less than that, he would never say anything like that in public. So this display of his had been odd, but that confession was beyond anything she'd ever imagined.
She pulled away slightly, and took a look at him- almost wishing that she hadn't. Because… he looked… so… so… ill.
He was so pale, and his face looked thin, as though he hadn't been eating properly. Dark circles hung under his eyes, showing her that he hadn't been sleeping well, either. His eyes looked tired, his hair seemed limp and a bit unkempt. His emerald eyes showed her just how tired he was, almost having lost their luster.
Gently, she ran her fingers over his features, examining them and voicing her concern wordlessly. He sighed and closed his eyes, as though he were in pure ecstasy, and nuzzled his cheek to her hand. He purred softly, and opened his eyes that were twinkling with a familiar light.
"Let me take you home…"
"No." The sudden edge to her voice after the shared moment surprised even her, and she continued. "When I told you that I wasn't going to do that with you anymore, Yohji, I meant it. I'm not going to have sex with you-"
"You think that's what I'm after?" A single eyebrow lifted. He sounded a bit miffed, but amused as well.
"Well… yes, isn't that always what you're after?" Usagi couldn't help but feel wary; Yohji was acting odd, and he looked sick to boot.
He laughed, and picked her up in one swift movement. For someone who looks sick, she noted to herself, he certainly moves quickly…
"I told you before I was going to take you home… and that's exactly what I intend to do- no more, no less." And with that, he was walking down the street at his own quick pace.
And maybe it was just the feeling of safety she got from being in his arms, or perhaps the gentle yet steady rhythm of his steps. Whatever the reason, she soon began to fall asleep, leaning her head against his chest. She was truly lulled off to sleep by the sound of the steady beating of his heart.
Yohji smiled softly as she fell asleep; she had been just as tired as he had thought. He entered the apartment complex fairly easily by punching in the code he had learned from her, and swiping in the card he'd borrowed from her purse once and accidentally failed to return. It really had been an accident, though he had a feeling she wouldn't think so if she found out.
He carried her inside her apartment after fishing out her hidden key from under the door mat. He knew of that from the time they'd come to her place and she hadn't been able to find his key.
Upon entering, everything looked the same as the last time he'd been here: fairly orderly, with some papers and books scattered around, and a pile of dirty clothes on one side of the bed. He smirked just slightly, and sat down on her bed, her sleeping body in his arms.
Her carefully removed her shoes and socks, and undid her hair before tucking her into bed. He then pulled up a chair and watched her sleep. It was soothing, really, and she looked lovely with the moon shining on her face…
He found himself falling asleep, and wondered just before slipping into unconsciousness just how she was going to react to seeing him there in the morning…
Usagi woke up just slightly from her sleep. She had been having another one of those nightmares again- the one where Mamoru was stalking her- and had forced herself to wake up from it.
Upon looking around, she saw an amusing yet shockingly endearing sight. Yohji was there, slumped in an uncomfortable looking position in one of the kitchen hairs. He was snoring ever so softly, and his mouth was slightly agape. His glasses hung sideways on his face, and his hair fell across his closed eyelids.
How cute… you'd never guess him to be a player looking at him now…
She got out of bed, and managed to drag him into her bed. She smiled ever so slightly, and yawned to herself. There were consequences for what she'd just done, but she couldn't just leave the guy sitting there like that… he looked so uncomfortable.
Besides, she had a feeling that perhaps things might get better for the two of them. So maybe… maybe she could trust him this time. She hoped so, and climbed back into the bed and into a warm embrace.
But Yohji, if you ever break my heart again… I'm going to sic my daddy on you, she thought just before she fell asleep in his arms.
1.1.3 All these mixed emotions
We keep locked away like stolen peals
Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world.
Okay… what'd you people think? Hated it, liked it, loved it, loathed it??? I need your input!!! I'm not sure if I quite picked the right song out for this fic… I think it did okay up till like the end, but by that time, I was listening to a different song on the cd. There's just only so many times I can listen to one song on repeat before I lose my mind, folks.
Another important thing: Sweet Kawaii Angel said she wanted me to continue this fic. So, even though it is meant to be a one-shot, I may continue it… based on what you people have to say about that.
So, that's it! Till next time! But to don't forget to review!!!