Doesn't Anyone Stay Dead Around Here?
Chapter 17
Xander grunted as he tripped over a low headstone. The stumble caused him to lose his grip and the dusty, black boot-covered heels in his hands slipped lose. Spike's feet hit the ground and Buffy looked up from where she had a grip on his shoulders.
"I'm starting to think you keep dropping him on purpose, Xander. I could just carry him myself," she said.
"No, I got it." The construction-worker-by-day, sometimes demon- hunter-by-night had insisted on helping to carry the unconscious vampire when Buffy had first picked him up in a fireman's hold and started to carry him over her shoulder. While the slayer was undoubtedly strong enough to support his weight alone, a nearly endless string of scenarios had flashed through Xander's mind. All of them ended in the vampire waking up and sinking his teeth into Buffy. Xander wasn't sure that the chip would still work since the Master was in charge of Spike's body, but he wasn't willing to take any chances. When Xander explained his sudden urge to help, Buffy had neglected to mention how justified his concern was since the chip no longer worked on her.
"You guys okay?" Willow paused and called out from a few feet behind them. She and the others were following the trio through the graveyard to Spike's crypt. Willow lifted the tranquilizer gun in case it was needed.
"Yeah, just taking a break, Will," Xander said, reaching down to pick up his end of the vampire again. Adjusting his grip, he mumbled under his breath, "Although I don't know why we had to cart him all the way here."
Buffy threw him an irritated glance. After Father Mike had briefly described the process, they had agreed that Spike's crypt would be the best place to try the exorcism for a number of reasons. First, they didn't know how long it would take. Father Mike said sometimes exorcisms took five minutes, sometimes hours. Knowing how strong and stubborn both Spike and the Master were, Buffy suspected the latter was more likely to occur. They could have used the training room at the shop, but its nice, big windows would have caused the process to be interrupted when day came. Dawn had suggested the Summer's basement, but Buffy quickly vetoed it, loath to cause more costly damage to the house.
Willow had motioned for Xander to distract Father Mike and had then quietly pointed out to Buffy that they knew for a fact Spike had chains strong enough to hold a slayer at his crypt. Only Tara had noticed Buffy's startled glance before Dawn added, "Oh yeah, from when he chained you and Drusilla up."
Also, Father Mike had said it was best if they could perform the ritual somewhere that had a connection to the victim. His home seemed the best bet, even if it was a crypt. The sarcastic voice in the back of Buffy's mind had suggested a certain abandoned house that was now condemned after mysteriously collapsing in upon itself one night, but she studiously ignored it.
When they arrived at the crypt, Tara hurried ahead to hold the door open for Buffy and Xander. She noticed Father Mike take a deep breath and cross himself before he entered.
"Don't worry," the witch said softly, "you're safer with this group in a vampire's crypt in the middle of the night than alone in town at high noon."
The priest favored her with a small smile, but he still jumped slightly when the door shut behind them with a resounding thud and almost all of the light left the room.
"Hmm. Guess we didn't think this through very well," Buffy remarked dryly. "Tara?"
Father Mike heard Tara whisper a few words in a language that sounded similar to Latin, and suddenly a glowing sphere of light about the size of a softball appeared, hovering over her cupped hands, softly illuminating the crypt.
The priest stared in amazement, partly at the magick he had just witnessed, but mostly at the fact that the others reacted as if someone had simply flipped a light switch. Buffy and Xander had slung Spike's body crossways over a stone sarcophagus in the middle of the room. The blonde slayer was in the process of searching his jeans pockets.
"Uh, Buff?" Xander asked cautiously. "Whatcha doing?
"Looking for his lighter."
Dawn, who had taken a seat in the easy chair in front of the TV, pulled at the long leather coat lying over the chair's back and began riffling through its pockets. *Easy chair? TV?* Father Mike wondered.
"Found it!" The young girl held the silver Zippo up triumphantly. Willow took it from her and began walking around, lighting the many candles.
"Um, shouldn't we put him in the, um, coffin?" the priest asked, gesturing to the stone bier.
"Huh?" Buffy looked truly confused by the question.
"Well, usually a victim's bed is a good place. It provides a sense of, of comfort and familiarity," he explained. "For a vampire, I assume his coffin would provide the same."
Dawn began to laugh, but quickly recovered. "Sorry, Father," she said, sheepishly.
"Let me guess," he answered. "That's another one of those stereotypes that's not true?"
The younger Summers nodded, still smiling at his expense.
"Take it from me," Buffy said. "Waking up in a coffin's not all it's cracked up to be."
Willow, Xander, Anya, and Tara immediately looked guilty. Seeing their reactions, Buffy quickly said, "Joking! Joking! I'm not allowed to joke about it?"
The others didn't respond, although the tension in the air dissipated slightly.
"Actually," Xander said, desperate to change the subject, "unbelievable as it seems, Evil Undead has a bed. Hey! I'm a poet and don't know it!"
"Yeah," a slight smile crossed Buffy's face. She knew that Xander's lame quip was designed to divert the remaining tension. She turned to Father Mike, "We're going to take him downstairs."
She crossed the room and pulled open a trapdoor. Willow tossed her the lighter and she began to climb down the ladder. Just before disappearing, she said, "I'll light some candles, and then Xander, you can, um, lower him down to me, and we'll get all set up, okay?"
The others nodded in agreement as her head moved out of sight.
***
A short while later, Buffy's voice floated up through the opening. "Okay guys, come on down."
Dawn, Tara, Willow, and Anya climbed down the ladder. Xander gestured for Father Mike to go on ahead, but the priest came over and helped him lift the vampire.
"Why are you helping?" he asked. "It doesn't sound like there's any love lost between you and him."
Xander nodded. "I don't like him. I really don't. He's tried to kill us more than once. He's rude and arrogant and I don't trust him. The only reason he helps is because he thinks he's in love with Buffy. Last time we had a vampire hanging around, it ended badly. Very badly." The young man paused, and brushed a hand through his hair.
"But at the end of the day, they're my friends. I would follow Buffy to the ends of the Earth and into Hell itself. She was chosen to fight the good fight. The rest of us just come along for the ride. But I . . . we . . . you can't take it out of any of us. We lost her once. It, it didn't even occur to us to stop fighting. That would have been beyond unthinkable. We may not have superpowers, but it's just as much our calling now as it is hers. We're family, and family sticks together."
"I see."
"No, I don't think you do," Buffy said as she joined them. Neither had heard her return to the upper level and approach. "He's my heart. Noble, brave, and true."
She favored Xander with one of her truly brilliant smiles when she spoke. It nearly broke Xander's heart that he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her smile like that.
"I know you don't like him, Xan," she continued. "And you're justified in that. But you're here anyway. And I . . . Thank you. Now, let's get the Bleached Wonder downstairs before sleepy time's over."
She helped Xander and Father Mike carry Spike to the trapdoor. Buffy climbed down and the two men slowly lowered the vampire into the Slayer's waiting arms. Just before descending the ladder, Xander spoke again.
"I am here because we are family. But I've also got to prove to my fiancé that I'm not totally anti-demon." With that, he climbed down to the floor below.
***
When Father Mike reached the bottom of the ladder and looked around, he was surprised. He'd had no idea what he expected, but it certainly hadn't been this. The lower chamber contained more furniture than the upper area. The floors were covered by fancy rugs and a large, very non- coffin like bed stood off to one side, neatly made up. There were bookshelves and trunks along the walls. And a couple of wooden coffins acting as coffee tables. In fact, if it hadn't been for the cave-like atmosphere and slightly macabre decor, he would never have known he was underneath a crypt in one of Sunnydale's larger cemeteries.
Ironically, the largest incongruity in the scene was the vampire hanging limply in chains on one wall. Buffy had unchained him and secured him into the wrist shackles that hung from the stone. She left his feet fettered together and had run a chain from each ankle back up to the hand manacles. This meant that the vampire would be able to stand on his own once he regained consciousness, but he would have trouble moving his legs far enough to kick or even trip anyone in front of him.
"Hey, Buff," Xander said, gesturing at the restraints, "smart thinking."
"Yeah, well, I thought 'What if I was chained there and being attacked by someone's insane, jealous, ho of an ex-girlfriend? How would I have defended myself and how can I keep him from doing the same?'" she responded dryly.
"I'm liking the irony," Willow commented.
"So, what-" Dawn paused, yawning, "happens next?"
"You, missy, are going to bed," her older sister replied.
"But-"
"No, buts!" Buffy responded adamantly. Then her voice softened. "This could take hours, Dawnie. We'll wake you up when something important happens. I promise."
"Fine!" Dawn crossed her arms over her chest. "But I'm not leaving!" She walked over to Spike's bed and sat down on it. "I'm staying right here!"
"Ah, it would probably be best if only the exorcism team were down here while we perform the ritual," the priest said, both because it was the truth and because he didn't believe that an exorcism, especially an unorthodox one, was any place for a young girl to be.
"Team?" Buffy asked, as all the Scoobies turned and looked at Father Mike.
"Yes," he said. "I will lead the exorcism, but it usually works best to have a back-up team lending both me and the victim strength and support. Normally, I would have another member of the clergy, as well as one of the victim's family and his physician. In this case, however . . ."
"I'll do it!" Dawn immediately said.
"No, you won't," her sister countered.
"I'm as close as he has to family these days!" the indignant teen cried. "You all put up with him, but none of you really like him. So unless you're going to call Angel and ask him to be the family member, I'm doing it."
"A world of no, Dawn. We'll just have to substitute family member for mortal enemy."
"I'm afraid I must agree with your sister on this," Father Mike said firmly to Dawn. "About your participation, not the, er, mortal enemy part."
Seeing that everyone was against her, Dawn glared and flopped back on the bed.
"I'll do it." Willow volunteered.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Tara said softly. "It's too much like magick, Will."
"I'm going to have to agree with Tara on this," Buffy said. "Plus, you may inadvertently help the Master. You were one of the ones close to him when he died. And they did kidnap you when they tried to raise him. We can't risk it. And we won't risk you."
The red head nodded assent, swallowing her protests. She went over to the bed and laid her hand on Dawn's shoulder. "Come on, Dawnie. Let's go see if Spike has anything upstairs to eat besides blood and beer."
Dawn pulled sharply away from the ex-witch's touch, but went to the ladder and ascended nonetheless.
Tara spoke up as Willow climbed out of view. "I'll do it. I'm not nearly as strong as Willow, but it is like magick."
"Okay, that's two," Buffy said, nodding. She looked between Xander and Anya questioningly.
"Alright," Xander began, sighing dramatically.
"I want to help," Anya said before he could finish. "I'm old and I'm strong. I've caused an exorcism or two in my day." Turning to her fiancé, she continued, "You don't even like him. Besides, those of us who were once evil demons must to stick together. There's not many of us, and our needs go unrepresented. It's un-American!"
She nodded decisively and moved to stand beside Buffy and Tara.
The blonde witch's mouth pulled up at the corners and a giggle escaped. When the others looked at her, she quickly explained. "I can see it now. The 'Ex-Big Bads' Union.'"
Xander sighed, knowing that he was not going to win this argument. "Good luck. We'll take Dawn home. I'll come by in the morning with food."
"Let her stay," Buffy said. "I know you guys want to and she does too. She can sleep on the couch. There's blankets in the trunk next to the fridge. We can't keep her out of everything."
Xander nodded and climbed the ladder. Buffy turned to Father Mike.
"Where do we start?"
tbc
Chapter 17
Xander grunted as he tripped over a low headstone. The stumble caused him to lose his grip and the dusty, black boot-covered heels in his hands slipped lose. Spike's feet hit the ground and Buffy looked up from where she had a grip on his shoulders.
"I'm starting to think you keep dropping him on purpose, Xander. I could just carry him myself," she said.
"No, I got it." The construction-worker-by-day, sometimes demon- hunter-by-night had insisted on helping to carry the unconscious vampire when Buffy had first picked him up in a fireman's hold and started to carry him over her shoulder. While the slayer was undoubtedly strong enough to support his weight alone, a nearly endless string of scenarios had flashed through Xander's mind. All of them ended in the vampire waking up and sinking his teeth into Buffy. Xander wasn't sure that the chip would still work since the Master was in charge of Spike's body, but he wasn't willing to take any chances. When Xander explained his sudden urge to help, Buffy had neglected to mention how justified his concern was since the chip no longer worked on her.
"You guys okay?" Willow paused and called out from a few feet behind them. She and the others were following the trio through the graveyard to Spike's crypt. Willow lifted the tranquilizer gun in case it was needed.
"Yeah, just taking a break, Will," Xander said, reaching down to pick up his end of the vampire again. Adjusting his grip, he mumbled under his breath, "Although I don't know why we had to cart him all the way here."
Buffy threw him an irritated glance. After Father Mike had briefly described the process, they had agreed that Spike's crypt would be the best place to try the exorcism for a number of reasons. First, they didn't know how long it would take. Father Mike said sometimes exorcisms took five minutes, sometimes hours. Knowing how strong and stubborn both Spike and the Master were, Buffy suspected the latter was more likely to occur. They could have used the training room at the shop, but its nice, big windows would have caused the process to be interrupted when day came. Dawn had suggested the Summer's basement, but Buffy quickly vetoed it, loath to cause more costly damage to the house.
Willow had motioned for Xander to distract Father Mike and had then quietly pointed out to Buffy that they knew for a fact Spike had chains strong enough to hold a slayer at his crypt. Only Tara had noticed Buffy's startled glance before Dawn added, "Oh yeah, from when he chained you and Drusilla up."
Also, Father Mike had said it was best if they could perform the ritual somewhere that had a connection to the victim. His home seemed the best bet, even if it was a crypt. The sarcastic voice in the back of Buffy's mind had suggested a certain abandoned house that was now condemned after mysteriously collapsing in upon itself one night, but she studiously ignored it.
When they arrived at the crypt, Tara hurried ahead to hold the door open for Buffy and Xander. She noticed Father Mike take a deep breath and cross himself before he entered.
"Don't worry," the witch said softly, "you're safer with this group in a vampire's crypt in the middle of the night than alone in town at high noon."
The priest favored her with a small smile, but he still jumped slightly when the door shut behind them with a resounding thud and almost all of the light left the room.
"Hmm. Guess we didn't think this through very well," Buffy remarked dryly. "Tara?"
Father Mike heard Tara whisper a few words in a language that sounded similar to Latin, and suddenly a glowing sphere of light about the size of a softball appeared, hovering over her cupped hands, softly illuminating the crypt.
The priest stared in amazement, partly at the magick he had just witnessed, but mostly at the fact that the others reacted as if someone had simply flipped a light switch. Buffy and Xander had slung Spike's body crossways over a stone sarcophagus in the middle of the room. The blonde slayer was in the process of searching his jeans pockets.
"Uh, Buff?" Xander asked cautiously. "Whatcha doing?
"Looking for his lighter."
Dawn, who had taken a seat in the easy chair in front of the TV, pulled at the long leather coat lying over the chair's back and began riffling through its pockets. *Easy chair? TV?* Father Mike wondered.
"Found it!" The young girl held the silver Zippo up triumphantly. Willow took it from her and began walking around, lighting the many candles.
"Um, shouldn't we put him in the, um, coffin?" the priest asked, gesturing to the stone bier.
"Huh?" Buffy looked truly confused by the question.
"Well, usually a victim's bed is a good place. It provides a sense of, of comfort and familiarity," he explained. "For a vampire, I assume his coffin would provide the same."
Dawn began to laugh, but quickly recovered. "Sorry, Father," she said, sheepishly.
"Let me guess," he answered. "That's another one of those stereotypes that's not true?"
The younger Summers nodded, still smiling at his expense.
"Take it from me," Buffy said. "Waking up in a coffin's not all it's cracked up to be."
Willow, Xander, Anya, and Tara immediately looked guilty. Seeing their reactions, Buffy quickly said, "Joking! Joking! I'm not allowed to joke about it?"
The others didn't respond, although the tension in the air dissipated slightly.
"Actually," Xander said, desperate to change the subject, "unbelievable as it seems, Evil Undead has a bed. Hey! I'm a poet and don't know it!"
"Yeah," a slight smile crossed Buffy's face. She knew that Xander's lame quip was designed to divert the remaining tension. She turned to Father Mike, "We're going to take him downstairs."
She crossed the room and pulled open a trapdoor. Willow tossed her the lighter and she began to climb down the ladder. Just before disappearing, she said, "I'll light some candles, and then Xander, you can, um, lower him down to me, and we'll get all set up, okay?"
The others nodded in agreement as her head moved out of sight.
***
A short while later, Buffy's voice floated up through the opening. "Okay guys, come on down."
Dawn, Tara, Willow, and Anya climbed down the ladder. Xander gestured for Father Mike to go on ahead, but the priest came over and helped him lift the vampire.
"Why are you helping?" he asked. "It doesn't sound like there's any love lost between you and him."
Xander nodded. "I don't like him. I really don't. He's tried to kill us more than once. He's rude and arrogant and I don't trust him. The only reason he helps is because he thinks he's in love with Buffy. Last time we had a vampire hanging around, it ended badly. Very badly." The young man paused, and brushed a hand through his hair.
"But at the end of the day, they're my friends. I would follow Buffy to the ends of the Earth and into Hell itself. She was chosen to fight the good fight. The rest of us just come along for the ride. But I . . . we . . . you can't take it out of any of us. We lost her once. It, it didn't even occur to us to stop fighting. That would have been beyond unthinkable. We may not have superpowers, but it's just as much our calling now as it is hers. We're family, and family sticks together."
"I see."
"No, I don't think you do," Buffy said as she joined them. Neither had heard her return to the upper level and approach. "He's my heart. Noble, brave, and true."
She favored Xander with one of her truly brilliant smiles when she spoke. It nearly broke Xander's heart that he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her smile like that.
"I know you don't like him, Xan," she continued. "And you're justified in that. But you're here anyway. And I . . . Thank you. Now, let's get the Bleached Wonder downstairs before sleepy time's over."
She helped Xander and Father Mike carry Spike to the trapdoor. Buffy climbed down and the two men slowly lowered the vampire into the Slayer's waiting arms. Just before descending the ladder, Xander spoke again.
"I am here because we are family. But I've also got to prove to my fiancé that I'm not totally anti-demon." With that, he climbed down to the floor below.
***
When Father Mike reached the bottom of the ladder and looked around, he was surprised. He'd had no idea what he expected, but it certainly hadn't been this. The lower chamber contained more furniture than the upper area. The floors were covered by fancy rugs and a large, very non- coffin like bed stood off to one side, neatly made up. There were bookshelves and trunks along the walls. And a couple of wooden coffins acting as coffee tables. In fact, if it hadn't been for the cave-like atmosphere and slightly macabre decor, he would never have known he was underneath a crypt in one of Sunnydale's larger cemeteries.
Ironically, the largest incongruity in the scene was the vampire hanging limply in chains on one wall. Buffy had unchained him and secured him into the wrist shackles that hung from the stone. She left his feet fettered together and had run a chain from each ankle back up to the hand manacles. This meant that the vampire would be able to stand on his own once he regained consciousness, but he would have trouble moving his legs far enough to kick or even trip anyone in front of him.
"Hey, Buff," Xander said, gesturing at the restraints, "smart thinking."
"Yeah, well, I thought 'What if I was chained there and being attacked by someone's insane, jealous, ho of an ex-girlfriend? How would I have defended myself and how can I keep him from doing the same?'" she responded dryly.
"I'm liking the irony," Willow commented.
"So, what-" Dawn paused, yawning, "happens next?"
"You, missy, are going to bed," her older sister replied.
"But-"
"No, buts!" Buffy responded adamantly. Then her voice softened. "This could take hours, Dawnie. We'll wake you up when something important happens. I promise."
"Fine!" Dawn crossed her arms over her chest. "But I'm not leaving!" She walked over to Spike's bed and sat down on it. "I'm staying right here!"
"Ah, it would probably be best if only the exorcism team were down here while we perform the ritual," the priest said, both because it was the truth and because he didn't believe that an exorcism, especially an unorthodox one, was any place for a young girl to be.
"Team?" Buffy asked, as all the Scoobies turned and looked at Father Mike.
"Yes," he said. "I will lead the exorcism, but it usually works best to have a back-up team lending both me and the victim strength and support. Normally, I would have another member of the clergy, as well as one of the victim's family and his physician. In this case, however . . ."
"I'll do it!" Dawn immediately said.
"No, you won't," her sister countered.
"I'm as close as he has to family these days!" the indignant teen cried. "You all put up with him, but none of you really like him. So unless you're going to call Angel and ask him to be the family member, I'm doing it."
"A world of no, Dawn. We'll just have to substitute family member for mortal enemy."
"I'm afraid I must agree with your sister on this," Father Mike said firmly to Dawn. "About your participation, not the, er, mortal enemy part."
Seeing that everyone was against her, Dawn glared and flopped back on the bed.
"I'll do it." Willow volunteered.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Tara said softly. "It's too much like magick, Will."
"I'm going to have to agree with Tara on this," Buffy said. "Plus, you may inadvertently help the Master. You were one of the ones close to him when he died. And they did kidnap you when they tried to raise him. We can't risk it. And we won't risk you."
The red head nodded assent, swallowing her protests. She went over to the bed and laid her hand on Dawn's shoulder. "Come on, Dawnie. Let's go see if Spike has anything upstairs to eat besides blood and beer."
Dawn pulled sharply away from the ex-witch's touch, but went to the ladder and ascended nonetheless.
Tara spoke up as Willow climbed out of view. "I'll do it. I'm not nearly as strong as Willow, but it is like magick."
"Okay, that's two," Buffy said, nodding. She looked between Xander and Anya questioningly.
"Alright," Xander began, sighing dramatically.
"I want to help," Anya said before he could finish. "I'm old and I'm strong. I've caused an exorcism or two in my day." Turning to her fiancé, she continued, "You don't even like him. Besides, those of us who were once evil demons must to stick together. There's not many of us, and our needs go unrepresented. It's un-American!"
She nodded decisively and moved to stand beside Buffy and Tara.
The blonde witch's mouth pulled up at the corners and a giggle escaped. When the others looked at her, she quickly explained. "I can see it now. The 'Ex-Big Bads' Union.'"
Xander sighed, knowing that he was not going to win this argument. "Good luck. We'll take Dawn home. I'll come by in the morning with food."
"Let her stay," Buffy said. "I know you guys want to and she does too. She can sleep on the couch. There's blankets in the trunk next to the fridge. We can't keep her out of everything."
Xander nodded and climbed the ladder. Buffy turned to Father Mike.
"Where do we start?"
tbc